Chương 23: Ch 15b - Alone

The silence of her room has been screaming in her ears for hours. For what may have been hours, she has no way of knowing. With the door shut she heard nothing of the exchange between Draig and Wyndeer. Initially she had stood statue still, staring at the door in anticipation of Wyndeer storming in and marching her back for another audience with Vheece. Eventually her muscles had tired of the constant alert state, and she had found herself sinking into a more relaxed vigil sat propped against the far wall.

Here she has remained, staring at the locked door. Her thumbnail picks absently at the dry skin on her finger, catching at the white ridges and easing them away from her flesh with each tug. The skin on her thumb tip, where the top of her thumb print should be, is a tender pink film. Though staring at the door her attention is consumed by the remembrance wall dividing her thoughts. The wall has a large, jagged crack scoured across its surface.

A few of the memory bricks have fallen to the ground and lay broken at the foot of the wall, many others are jutting out inviting an easy release like in a game of Jenga. The shattered bricks contained surprisingly mundane memories that now force themselves into her thoughts like paper cuts. She hasn't posted Jenny's birthday card; it is still in her bag.

She'd spent most of her lunch break on Friday trawling through the card display, having decided that this year she was going to make more effort than a WhatsApp message with a cake emoji. The realisation that it is too late, that Jenny's birthday must have been and gone, drags her mood downwards. What would she write if she could? Sorry, I got held up in another solar system, happy belated birthday! Hope you had a good one, see you soon! xxx Tears collate at the back of her eyes. See you soon?

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. No. Her nostrils flare as her vision starts to blur. No. She is not going to fall back into that pit. Standing up abruptly, spinning on her toes slowly, she scans the room for a distraction. White walls, a bed, two tall cabinets behind the bed (locked), a table scattered with her rejected food and half empty flask of water. Nothing. When will I see you? She digs her nails into her arms.

Curling her fingers to gouge deeper into the skin. Pressing harder and harder, breathing into the discomfort. Her fingers curl and scrape and dig. Half-moons and scours of angry red scatter across the burning skin. She usually keeps her fingernails trimmed short, but their white tips now extend beyond her fingertips. How long has she been here? How fast do nails grow? She looks across at the table for her phone. Idiot, she mutters to herself. No phone, just the cuff on her left arm.

"Hey Siri," she says to the cuff, forcing a laugh at her joke.

"How fast do human nails grow?" The laugh catches in her throat and morphs into a sob. No. She clamps her mouth closed to quell the tremble in her lips. No pity party. Her fingernails drag claw marks against her forearm before finding the cuff. Skipping and skimming across the cuff, her nails find no purchase as they try to force a gap between the metal and her skin. With a howl of frustration, she slams her wrist against the wall, hearing the clunk of the metal as it strikes the hard surface.

Again and again she swings, stopping only when her elbow spasms in a protest of pain. She cradles her arm to her chest as cracks break violently across the remembrance wall, shaking loose another brick. The released memories slices eagerly into her thoughts. Jenny had made her hold her arm over the kitchen sink as she'd dabbed at Cara's grazed elbow with wads of wet paper towel. She had fallen off her bike. Jenny had promised her ice cream if she stopped crying before Mum and Gran came home.

Mum and Gran had gone to the hospital again. They were there a lot that summer. Cara didn't mind, it meant Jenny had to play with her and take her out on bike rides and walk her to the shop to get sweets. Cara lets out another sob. See you again? A large tear slides from her cheek, dropping over the brassy cuff to drip down onto her charcoal grey jumper. She sinks to her knees, letting the tears flow.