Chương 292: Bonus Chapter + Book 3 Launch

Of all the myriad problems Vell had to deal with on a daily basis, the fights were probably his least favorite. In spite of his vaunted skill at shooting, he didn't actually like doing it that much. It was especially bad with the hordes of ravenous zombies or dolphin-men or rabid hamsters they occasionally had to deal with. While Vell was capable of pulling the trigger several hundred times a minute, all that repetitive motion made his trigger fingers sore.

If it weren't for the time loops resetting his body he'd probably have a repetitive stress injury by now. The annoyance he felt right now was especially exacerbated by all his shooting not really having a meaningful effect.

The apocalypse du jour was a swarm of malevolent balls (only the sporting variety, at least: the alternative would have been far worse) controlled by some as-yet unknown force and intent on hurting humans, probably as revenge for the various basketballs and soccer balls being kicked and dribbled and thrown and otherwise abused. Every time Vell shot one of the balls that made up the ball golems, it simply deflated and was replaced by another.

"You look like you're having a bad time, Vell," Alex said.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Good job being conscientious, but no," Vell said.

"I'm just getting real tired of shooting all these footballs." He peppered another one of the ball-constructs with bullets, and managed to deflate every single piece of sporting equipment that made up its body. Another swarm was there in seconds.

"Why are there even this many balls on campus?" Alex asked.

"Our athletic teams are not that well funded."

"I don't even question it anymore," Vell said.

"There's just a million balls, and we have to-" Vell stopped shooting long enough to sigh, and then got back to it. The delay was brief, but long enough for Alex to notice.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just feels kind of weird to be saying 'balls' this often and not have Harley here to joke about it," Vell said.

"That seems like it would be very disruptive."

"Oh it was," Vell said, as he continued shooting.

"But I kind of appreciated the disruption, you know? Harley's jokes always kept us from getting too stuck in our own heads. Sometimes you just need something to shake you up and-""Fear not, students!" The booming voice that echoed over the battlefield and the campus as a whole put a temporary pause on the conversation and the combat. Even the ball golems stopped to look up at the sky as a humanoid figure soared overhead.

"Is that one of ours?" Alex asked.

"Nope." The flying man crashed down to earth, crushing one of the ball golems as he did so. The thunderous impact kicked up a cloud of dust, and Vell covered his face.

"Fear not!"

"You already said that," Alex said.

"Help has arrived," the mystery man continued, heedless of Alex's criticism.

"These mysterious monstrosities will tremble before the power of…" The dust cloud cleared, revealing a man in skintight spandex, a cape, and a rubber horse mask.

"-SpaceHorse!" The so-called SpaceHorse struck a pose, and then delivered a powerful kick to one of the nearby ball-golems. Vell's trigger fingers got a rest as he stopped and stared at SpaceHorse's rampage. While he clearly had impressive strength, judging from the way he crushed the ball-golems in a single blow, SpaceHorse's fighting style could best be described as "amateurish flailing". He also made "Hi-ya" and "Wa-cha" noises as he punched and kicked, which was never a good look.

"I don't think this is-" Vell looked sideways and saw that Alex had clenched her jaw and was red in the face.

"Alex, are you alright?"

"I am trying very hard," she said, through clenched teeth.

"To not say something rude."

"Oh." Vell turned back to SpaceHorse and watched him kick through another ball-golem. His cape came untied and flopped to the ground as he kicked, and SpaceHorse made an awkward attempt to retrieve it before remembering he was in the middle of a fight and leaving his cape on the ground.

"No, it's fine, you're, uh... you're allowed to be rude about this."

"No, no, I'm in control, I have self control, I- your spandex ripped you fucking idiot!" SpaceHorse delivered a single powerful kick and split his spandex costume right across the ass. His boxers also had horses on them.

"What? Shit, one second." SpaceHorse delivered one more punch, then flew over to where his trampled cape was. He grabbed it and started tying it back on.

"Just get this with a little tighter knot, should cover everything," SpaceHorse mumbled.

"Not a problem-" While the cape did technically solve one problem, it created another. One of the ball-golems grabbed the cape in a hand formed from golf balls and then swung. This time SpaceHorse's knot held up, and the golem swung him from side to side, slamming him right into the waiting fists of another ball-golem.

"Oh, god," Vell said.

"Hold on!" Despite his better instincts, Vell felt compelled to help the not-so-super superhero. The swinging of the ball-golem, and SpaceHorse's own panicked flailing, made a clean shot almost impossible, necessitating a hands on approach. Vell got in close and managed to get his hands on the cape.

"Okay, hold still." SpaceHorse did not hold still, and in his panicked flailing, he swatted Vell in the chest. His apparently enhanced strength was enough to send Vell flying, right into the waiting arms of another ball-golem.

"Yeah, sure, why n-""I thought you might appreciate the fact I died choking on balls," Vell said.

"As funny as the world 'balls' is, I don't find you dying funny, Vell," Harley said.

"You used to laugh at me dying all the time," Vell said.

"When I was there to appreciate the physical comedy," Harley said.

"Someone getting sliced in half by a bananarang is funny no matter who it happens to. Hearing about you getting choked to death isn't funny."

"Sure, I guess. Anything interesting happening at Me Industries?"

"Me and Kanya worked out some improvements to our manufacturing robots," Harley said.

"We think we can license the designs and make a little extra money."

"Exciting."

"Yeah, it's just nonstop thrills out here in the real world," Harley said.

"But we're doing good work, I got my friends, it's all good."

"Enjoy it while it lasts, only about two months before I start working and fuck it all up."

"Vell, we are counting down the days until you get here," Harley said.

"But we aren't cleaning out your office, you'll have to do that yourself."

"I'll survive," Vell said.

"Talk to you later, Harley, I have to go deal with a lot of balls and a horse-themed superhero wannabe."

"Have fun playing with balls." Vell hung up and headed into the lair, where his friends were already poring over a magical ritual.

"Anything interesting happen while I was dead?"

"Well, the horse guy died," Alex said.

"Not surprising."

"Wait, the horse guy was real?"

"Yes?" Alex said.

"Did you not believe me?"

"I assumed it was like a joke, or you were covering for Vell dying in an embarrassing way," Samson said.

"There's actually a horse-themed superhero guy running around?"

"Does that surprise you?" Kim said.

"We've dealt with weirder shit."

"Yeah, but it's usually one at a time," Samson said.

"It doubles up now and then," Vell said.

"First priority is the ball-golems, we get anything on those?"

"Me and Hawke found the source, some sophomore on the ballball team was trying to enchant the game balls to cheat," Kim said.

"We've got him tracked, so we can shut him down easy."

"I'm preparing a negation ritual as a backup," Alex said.

"Good prepwork. How are you feeling on magic, by the way?"

"Fairly confident," Alex said.

"Why?"

"Because I think later today we're going to make some fake ball-golems," Vell said.

"Whatever the fuck is going on with his SpaceHorse, I want to deal with it before he gets me killed again."

"So we exploit rule two of looping," Alex said.

"Make sure the events of the first loop repeat themselves on the second to draw him out."

"Precisely."

"Then what's our next move?" Samson asked.

"After that, we'll play it by ear," Vell said.

"Whoever he was, he seemed like he was trying to help, they were just really bad at it. Maybe we can help him out."

"What, are we adopting another problem child?" Samson said.

"We're not even done with Alex yet!"

"They're not even done with you yet," Alex said. Then she hesitated and raised her hand.

"I'm sorry, was that too rude?"

"Samson?"

"Eh," he said, with a noncommittal wave of his hand.

"You're within acceptable thresholds for banter," Vell said.

"But watch yourself." Alex nodded firmly and got back to her ritual.

"Back to the question," Vell said.

"You think you can manage animating a little sports equipment?"

"I should be able to handle it," Alex said.

"But let's see how the actual ball-golem problem turns out first. Something always goes wrong." Something did go wrong. However, in a rare occurrence, things went wrong for someone other than them.

"Hold still," Vell said.

"Don't lie back, dude, don't want any blood going into your throat," Samson said, speaking from experience. The student behind the ball-golem had been so startled by their sudden intervention that he'd tripped over a ball and broken his nose. Samson, who had a little experience with a broken nose, was helping talk him through the injury. Vell produced an icepack from his bookbag and gave it to Samson, who gingerly pressed it against the bridge of the unfortunate student's nose.

After a little more medical care, and a few more apologies, the school's medical team arrived to haul the student off and get his nose treated properly.

"Poor guy," Vell said.

"Sure saves us some trouble, though," Samson said.

"We got all the balls right here and everything."

"Some of these have blood on them," Alex noted.

"We can clean them," Samson said.

"Vell keeps some stuff in his bag." Vell removed said stuff from his bag and removed the blood from the balls.

"Good to go," Vell said.

"I'm going to back off and start monitoring things, make sure we know where SpaceHorse comes from and where he's going. You two good to go?" They both gave a quick thumbs up, and Vell left them to their work.

"Ready to play the victim card, Samson?"

"Always." Alex held her hands out, and flickers of green and gray started to dance along her fingertips. The sparking magic danced across the collection of sporting equipment, and the balls started to bounce and roll of their own accord. Sweat started to bead on Alex's forehead as the false ball-golems took shape.

"You good?"

"I'm fine," Alex said.

"Maybe keep it to a simple chase, though."

"I've gotten pretty good at running from things," Samson said.

"Let's do it." The various balls formed into three humanoid figures, slightly smaller than the original ball-golems. Alex tested their limbs a few times to be sure she wouldn't overwhelm herself, and then gave Samson the thumbs up. He took off running, and the three ball-golems chased after him, always on his heels without ever actually catching up. As he sprinted across campus, Samson actually started to get a little offended at how few people got scared.

Some people backed up or walked the other way just out of annoyance, but no one seemed the slightest bit surprised or alarmed by Samson's chase. Anybody who seemed even a little concerned lost all interest as soon as they realized Samson was the one being chased. Apparently he had a reputation. While the students of the Einstein-Odinson College had gotten used to seeing Samson do weird shit, they had not gotten used to seeing a spandex-clad student in a horse mask flying around.

The sudden appearance of SpaceHorse drew a lot more attention than Samson's own sprint did.

"Fear not, students! These mysterious monstrosities will tremble before the power of… SpaceHorse!" SpaceHorse descended from above and landed between Samson and the ball-golems, striking a pose as he did so. After doing his apparently mandatory posing, SpaceHorse dashed forward and delivered a powerful kick to the nearest ball-golem. It immediately fell apart, but mostly due to Alex giving up on maintaining it. She likewise allowed the other two to collapse as SpaceHorse unleashed his amateurish kung fu on them.

Once the last of the ball-golems had fallen, SpaceHorse posed again, dramatically planting his fists against his hips and throwing his chest forward. All spectators immediately lost interest. Some of the more curious among them snapped a picture before walking away. SpaceHorse visibly deflated as people stopped paying attention to him.

"Your spandex is ripped," someone shouted, before walking away. SpaceHorse checked his back and then sheepishly swung his cape to cover the tear.

"Nice moves, man," Samson lied.

"What's your deal?"

"Oh, uh, my 'deal' is none of your concern, citizen," SpaceHorse said, awkwardly striking a pose once again as Samson approached him.

"I am just a humble defender of the people, here to serve and protect this campus." SpaceHorse took off once again, and Samson looked for any visible technological or magical gear that would give him the power of flight, but didn't spot any. Apparently SpaceHorse was actually doing that on his own. He had genuine superpowers.

"Wherever students are endangered, SpaceHorse will be there! Up, up, and a-neigh!" SpaceHorse took off and flew across campus at blinding speeds, vanishing from sight in an instant. Samson shouted after the rapidly vanishing hero.

"Your catchphrase needs work!" After vanishing from sight and making a quick outfit change, mild-mannered Parker Potters snuck back in through his dorm room window and stashed the SpaceHorse costume under his couch, out of sight. He did a quick check to make sure no one had spotted him, and breathed a sigh of relief when he found the coast was clear. Then someone knocked at his door.

"Uh, one second, in the middle of something," Parker said. He was already in civilian clothes, but he threw on a jacket anyway in an attempt to look even more casual. He answered the door and found Vell and Skye leaning on either side of the doorframe, waiting for him.

"Hi. Parker Potters?"

"Yes, hi, what can I do for you?"

"You could explain why you're flying around in a horse mask, for starters," Vell said. Parker let out a long, defeated groan.

"Ugh, I knew I shouldn't have tried to have a secret identity on a campus full of supergeniuses," Parker said.

"What gave me away? Motion tracking? DNA identification?"

"No, Parker, two days ago you walked into the genetic engineering lab and asked what the 'hypothetical' side effects of exposure to cosmic horse DNA 'might' be," Skye said. As soon as Vell had mentioned he was looking into a horse-themed superhero, Skye had connected the dots.

"Doesn't take a supergenius to figure that out."

"Well it would've been more suspicious if I'd worn the mask then," Parker said.

"Look, you're not in trouble," Vell said.

"At least not from us. I don't know if the Dean has any rules against superheroes on campus."

"Why would he?"

"I don't know, there's a lot of weird ruled and I'm not really clear on any of them, I can't read manuals," Vell said.

"Long story. Can we come in and talk?"

"Fine. But only if you swear to keep my identity secret," Parker said.

"Parker, bud, there were like seventy people in that lab the other day," Skye said.

"You've got maybe ten minutes of secret identity left, tops."

"Hey, Parker!"

"Apparently less than that," Vell said.

"Let's talk." They invited themselves inside, though Parker stood in the doorway and held it open for a few seconds longer as he saw people coming his way. Vell grabbed him by the collar and yanked him inside anyway, as Skye slammed the door shut and locked it behind them.

"Hey, this is my dorm," Parker said.

"And it's our campus," Vell said.

"We have a vested interest in how and why there's a man with horsepowers flying around kicking stuff."

"Why would there not be? I've heard the stories about you, Vell, you know what kind of shit happens on this campus," Parker said. He was only a freshman, but Parker had seen and heard about enough of the shenanigans on the island to think that a superhero might be necessary.

"Yes, there have been problems, but they have all been getting resolved in a decidedly non horse-themed way," Vell said.

"Well, most of them."

"Why are you even worried about? You're the guy who got kidnapped way back in your first year," Parker said.

"Don't you wish there'd been a superhero there to help?"

"Parker, I got helped by a literal God," Vell said.

"I do not think a horse kick would've affected the outcome of that situation."

"Well not everybody has the Goddess of life in their pocket," Parker snapped.

"I'm here for the little guy, not whatever the fuck you are with your fancy gunslinging and pocket Goddess." Vell rubbed his brows in frustration. Parker had no idea his fumbling attempts at heroism had gotten both of them killed last loop, and Vell had no way of telling him. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, "SpaceHorse" had a perfect heroic record.

"I think we've started this conversation on the wrong foot here," Skye interjected.

"We're not trying to tell you you're doing anything wrong, or that you should stop, we just want to get an idea of how and why this is all happening. I mean, Vell's kind of a superhero, consider this a crossover event. You can share origin stories." The idea of Vell being a superhero seemed to upset Parker, but Skye ultimately persuaded him.

"Fine. Alright. This is going to sound hard to believe, but three days ago, I was visited by a cosmic horse-""Ansilax or Shevdron?"

"What?"

"Was the space horse named Ansilax or Shevdron?" Vell said. Parker stared at him for a second.

"Ansilax."

"Oh, yeah, that tracks," Vell said.

"Uh, we've met."

"You've met?"

"It's a long story," Vell said.

"Keep going, I'll try not to interrupt."

"Okay, three days ago I was visited by Ansilax, the cosmic horse, who you apparently know," Parker hissed.

"He told me that I had entered into a nexus of danger of cosmic proportions, and that I had been judged worthy of receiving his almighty powers to act as a defender of the realm. He infused me with his DNA and bestowed upon me all the powers of a cosmic horse, including flight, super strength, super speed, and nuclear eye lasers."

"You have nuclear eye lasers?"

"Yes."

"I'm surprised you didn't bust those out," Vell said.

"Well, he didn't specify whether I'd be immune to radiation," Parker said.

"I still got my old human body, and all the potential cancers thereof."

"Understandable, I know a guy who can test you for radiation immunity later," Vell said.

"Cool. So then the cosmic horse gives me the costume and tells me to protect the innocent," Parker said.

"And that's that."

"Oh, I was wondering about the costume," Skye said.

"It's kind of..."

"Yeah, it wouldn't exactly be my first choice either," Parker said.

"But when a cosmic horse shows up and gives you superpowers, you don't question his taste in fashion."

"Totally understandable," Vell said.

"So, is that the whole story?"

"Yep. Why would it not be?"

"None of your family died, for starters," Skye said.

"No tragic history there?"

"Nope. Parents are alive, retired in Naples. I do have a dead uncle, but I didn't know him that well."

"Well, I'm glad all your loved ones are alive, but it feels a bit off as an origin story," Skye said.

"Sometimes people are just heroes," Parker said.

"We don't all need to get sliced in half to be nice."

"I like to think I was nice before the slice," Vell said.

"I mean, I was twelve, so not a lot to go on, but I was a good kid. I even shared some candy with a stranger right before I died."

"Fantastic, I saved a guy from evil basketballs earlier," Parker snapped.

"It's not a contest," Skye snapped back.

"Hey, easy," Vell said. He extended an open hand towards Parker.

"Look, we're both trying to do the same thing here. I'll get out of your hair for now, but you feel free to call whenever you need help." After a moment of contemplation that dragged on much too long, Parker grabbed Vell's hand and shook it.

"Sure. Everybody needs some backup now and then."

"Great," Vell said. He quickly exchanged numbers and headed for the door.

"We'll talk later. For now-" Vell opened the door and was immediately faced with a crowd of a few dozen people. Vell cringed as everyone who'd been waiting suddenly turned their attention to him, but Parker stepped up to bask in the attention.

"I'm getting out of here," Vell said. He grabbed Skye by the hand and dove through the crowd, using the expert evasive techniques developed over years of looping. Parker was all too happy to see him go and very, very angry to see him take almost all of the crowd with him. A few people shouted questions about Quenay, but most simply left as soon as Vell was no longer around. One of the few people who did stick around regarded Parker with visible disinterest.

"So you're the guy in the horse mask?"

"I suppose you've figured me out," Parker said, with feigned reluctance.

"I'm-""Did Quenay give you superpowers too?"

"What do you mean 'too', Vell doesn't have any superpowers," Parker said.

"I have superpowers, I'm the superhero, I got my powers from a cosmic horse-" This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. As soon as it was confirmed Quenay had no connection to Parker's sudden superpowers, all but one person left. Parker grit his teeth and turned to the last spectator.

"So what do you want?"

"Do the powers come from the mask, and if so, can I try it on?"

"No, and even if they did, no?"

"Okay, fine, don't have to be a jackass about it." The last student left, leaving Parker with nothing but a wounded ego and a rapidly-developing rash from the spandex. Vell held his phone to his ear and waited until he got an answering machine. He sighed and put his phone back down.

"No answer."

"Seriously? Not like he has anything better to do."

"Who knows, maybe he's off fucking up another- hold on," Vell said. His phone was starting to buzz, and he picked it up to look at the caller ID.

"Seriously?" Vell answered it, looking frustrated as he did so. He heard an echoing, ethereal whinny from the other side of the line as Ansilax the Cosmic Horse answered the phone.

"Hey, Vell, what's up?"

"Are you in the middle of something? Why'd you not answer my call?"

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to use a smart phone with hooves, Vell?"

"Understandable," Vell said.

"Anyway, apparently you gave a guy at my campus superpowers lately?"

"Yep."

"Why'd you do that?"

"I don't know, seemed funny," Ansilax said.

"It seemed funny?"

"Well everybody else is swinging by to mess with things," Ansilax said.

"Death, Cupid, Bicklebong... excuse me for not wanting to be left out!"

"Ugh. Typical," Vell said.

"So did you pick Parker for a reason or was it totally at random?"

"No, it wasn't random, it was a very well-thought out and methodically researched decision," Ansilax said.

"Based on what?"

"He looked gullible." Vell grit his teeth for exactly two seconds, and then hung up without saying goodbye.

"Alright, so as some of us expected, Ansilax was just being a bastard," Vell said. Samson handed Kim ten dollars.

"And that leaves us to clean up the mess," Vell continued.

"Typical." The cosmic horses were not known for their sense of responsibility or morality, so trying to argue with Ansilax at this point would be more trouble than it was worth. That left them to solve the problem the mundane way.

"Isn't Skye an expert in genetic manipulation?" Alex said.

"Surely she could just find some way to un-splice the cosmic horse DNA."

"Oh, for sure, it was one of the first things she mentioned," Vell said. They had un-mutated lots of people, even before they'd known Skye, so that option had always been on the table.

"But I think we save the nuclear option for last."

"I would appreciate going nuclear right away, actually," Kim said.

"Don't we have enough going on without some rando with horse powers fucking everything up?"

"We don't have that much to deal with," Vell said. His phone rang again, right on cue. Kim gestured for him to answer it.

"Yeah, Lee, hi, what's up," Vell said.

"Well dear, we're in the process of getting a rune workshop set up on site and I just wanted to refresh my memory on something," Lee said.

"You mentioned Andesian basalt for the materials, right?"

"What? Yes, I mean, uh, no, I mentioned that as something to avoid," Vell said.

"Did you order Andesian basalt?"

"No, Vell."

"Oh thank god, that stuff is shit," Vell said.

"Crumbles like a graham cracker. You want to order from those regions where it breaks off into nice hexagonal columns, Scotland, Iceland, places like that."

"Noted, writing it down this time," Lee said.

"Do you have time to talk specifics? As much as we'd like to give you the best of the best, darling, we do have a budget to work with."

"I could-" Two eyes appeared on Kim's face screen to glare at Vell.

"Right, first loop," Vell said.

"I'll text you details next loop. Go party with Harley or something."

"Oh, and me without any snacks," Lee said.

"Talk to you in another timeline, Vell." Lee hung up and went to kill time, since she wouldn't remember anything anyway.

"Okay, I have one thing to deal with," Vell said.

"One thing? Vell, you're in the dozens, easily," Kim said.

"I don't think there's anyone on Earth who has more ongoing problems than you."

"I don't know, world leaders, probably," Vell said.

"Even that's dubious," Kim said.

"All else aside, Vell, I don't think this Parker guy has the right temperament to be a superhero. You can't panic and start kicking randomly, especially when you have bullshit horse kicks that can kill people."

"See, I panic, but I always cower or run away when I do," Hawke said.

"Keeps other people out of danger."

"And your cowering is way more heroic than whatever the horse guy is doing," Kim said.

"I just don't feel like jumping right to something so drastic," Vell said.

"He seems like he wants to help, let's at least give him a chance. Besides, he's a superhero wannabe, so he's not going to jump in for shit like plagues or malfunctioning food generators. We don't get into fights that often."

"You're just going to stand there and jinx us like that, huh?"

"I'm taking my chances."

"Hey, see, look at that, entirely nonviolent," Vell said.

"Technically."

"It melted Samson!"

"Passively," Vell said. He gestured down to the rapidly expanding puddle of acid dissolving all organic matter.

"It's just a puddle. There's nothing here to fight."

"Fear not, students!" Vell sat atop the roof and watched as SpaceHorse flew by, plunging fistfirst towards the acid, a heroic dive that resulted in him being immediately dissolved by the acid.

"Cool." Vell gently grabbed one of the students by the shoulder and led them away from the industrial grade acid.

"So, I think you're on to something with cleaning organic matter off recyclable food products," Vell said.

"But I think you need to rein in just how much acid you're using."

"Did somebody say rein?" The hapless student ducked for cover as SpaceHorse crashed through a window and struck a dramatic pose upon landing. The shattered glass made a crunching noise as he stood up and looked to the acid.

"Something this dangerous should be kept somewhere safe!"

"We're literally in the hazardous materials lab," the student said.

"This is where the dangerous things are supposed to be." They didn't have the best track record on actually keeping things safe without the intervention of the loopers, but it was where things like acid belonged.

"Wait, isn't this the biology lab?"

"Nope," Vell said. He pointed out the window SpaceHorse had just crashed through, at the building across the quad.

"Over there." SpaceHorse did a quick double-tale, causing the long snout of his rubber mask to wobble back and forth.

"Well it's hard enough to navigate this campus on the ground, much less from above," SpaceHorse snapped. Vell nodded in understanding. After four years on campus, he still got the feeling that buildings were subtly shifting whenever he wasn't looking.

"Try to focus on the clocktower," Vell advised. Everything stayed mostly consistent in relation to that one central landmark.

"I'll figure it out just fine, thanks," SpaceHorse said. He flew out the same window he'd flown through, tearing his spandex costume on shards of broken glass as he did so. Vell could hear the "hero" swearing with frustration as he flew into the distance.

"So is he going to fix the window now, or what?"

"Probably not," Vell admitted.

"You got a broom lying around? I can sweep up, at least."

"We don't have a broom."

"You're the hazardous materials lab and you don't have a broom?"

"If something in here spills we either need specialized equipment or we're all dead," the student replied.

"So no, we don't have a broom."

"Understandable, I'll go get one." As a new day and a new loop dawned, the morning started on a bad note. Vell got a call from Kim and Lee at the same time, and had to ignore Lee. It was the first loop, at least, and she would not remember the slight. Vell would apologize for it later anyway.

"Vell, I'm calling in a team meeting," Kim said.

"About Parker?"

"No, I want everyone to pitch in for a new coffee machine," Kim said.

"Of course about Parker!"

"Fine, fine," Vell said.

"Can it wait a bit, though? I have a lecture I want to attend, I've got finals coming up-""Of course it can wait, Vell, I care about the success of your academic career," Kim said.

"Call when you're good to go." Vell went to class, listened to Professor Nguyen's lecture, and jotted down notes to help himself remember, just in case he had to skip this lecture on the next loop. With that perfectly mundane moment of studious responsibility behind him, Vell switched gears back into nonsensical bullshit mode and headed for the meeting about the spandex-clad superhorseman.

"I don't want to do this routine again, Vell," Kim said, only seconds after Vell sat down.

"I'm calling rule of threes. If Parker isn't on his best behavior today, we're calling it."

"We really haven't even tried-""Then we spend today trying," Kim snapped.

"I'll do some coaching with him, he'll probably jump at the chance to fight a robot. And while I'm doing that, you grab something to get the cosmic horse DNA out of Parker, got it?"

"I already have some, actually," Vell said. He withdrew a small but sturdy-looking syringe from his bookbag.

"Skye gave it to me like an hour after we talked to him. Apparently she saw the writing on the wall."

"God, you better marry that girl, Harlan," Kim said.

"Fine then, we can do this together. You're better at being patient, and when he fails-""If."

"When he fails, I can put him in a headlock while you jab him with the de-mutationizer thingy," Kim said.

"Sure, whatever, just give him some time," Vell said.

"I'd like to come as well, if you don't mind," Alex said.

"Maybe I can be a good example. And maybe I can also diffuse the stress of having to deal with him a bit."

"Having someone else for him to be stupid at might help," Kim said.

"Welcome aboard." Kim stepped out of the lair and into the center of the quad, looking up at the sky. SpaceHorse was already zipping about in the sky, presumably familiarizing himself with the campus after yesterday's navigational mishap.

"Wonder how many birds he's run into up there," Kim said.

"Come on, that's unlikely," Vell said.

"The birds would dodge him, at least."

"I did see a lot of feathers on the ground on my way to the lair," Alex added.

"That could be a coincidence."

"Hey, Parker," Kim said, turning her voice up to the maximum volume. Vell and Alex covered their ears.

"Get your horse's ass down here."

"I have his phone number," Vell said, as Parker rocketed down.

"I could've just called."

"And I have super-hearing, you metal dumbass," Parker said.

"Cool," Kim said, still at max volume. Parker grabbed at the parts of his horse mask that covered his ears.

"Sorry, forgot to switch my volume setting." Everyone in the conversation knew that was a lie, but they didn't bother addressing it.

"What do you people want, anyway?"

"I want to spar," Kim said.

"I don't get to fight superpowered people much." Also a lie, but SpaceHorse didn't know that.

"And I figure you've probably never fought a robot before," Kim said.

"We could both use the practice."

"Hmm. I haven't had a proper test of my strength yet," SpaceHorse said.

"It'll be nice to finally cut loose and not hold back."

"You could hold back a little," Vell suggested.

"Nah, I can take it." She could take it, and she did take it. Without warning, SpaceHorse punched Kim in the face hard enough to send her flying across campus. She left a Kim-shaped crater in the wall she impacted, and then fell to the ground.

"Whoof, you hit almost as hard as Leanne," Kim said.

"A little warning is usually considered polite," Vell said.

"Fighting was her idea," SpaceHorse said.

"I assumed she was ready."

"There's still rules to sparring, asshole," Kim shouted, as she walked back across the quad.

"The first rule usually being 'don't do it with innocent bystanders around'," Alex stammered. Luckily most of their fellow students were currently in class, but a few people crossing the quad had nearly lost their heads as Kim sailed over, and the building she'd hit was currently being evacuated.

"What, are we supposed to just stand around boxing, like a couple of idiots?" SpaceHorse asked.

"Besides, I need the room. After all, unlike you losers-" SpaceHorse kicked off the ground and started soaring at Kim.

"I can fly!" SpaceHorse rocketed right at Kim, fist forward. She planted her feet, clasped his fists together, and right as the flying horse-man was about to make impact, swung her hands up and then right back down. SpaceHorse's momentum carried him right into the dirt, shredding his rubber mask and leaving a long trench through the soil.

"The better part of strength is leverage, bucko," Kim said.

"Flying is only good for mobility." SpaceHorse pried himself out of the dirt, punched the ground and tore off the tattered remnants of his mask as he stood up.

"That wasn't fair!"

"You sucker punched me, Parker, we're officially in 'no holds barred' territory," Kim said.

"If you want everything fair, then we can stand around boxing like a couple of idiots." With a quick grunt of frustration, Parker went for another punch, and Kim easily dodged.

"Can't sucker punch the same bitch twice," Kim said.

"Well, maybe if they're stupid, but I'm not." Parker grunted again and went for another punch, and Kim stepped back to evade it.

"The grunts also give away your punches." With that advice in mind, Parker consciously restrained a grunt as he jumped off the ground and went for a spinning kick. Kim caught him by the ankle and swung him back down onto the ground. She had briefly considered slamming him into the dirt, but decided that was a bit much.

"We're back on leverage," Kim said.

"Spinning kicks are impractical, and especially jumping spinning kicks." Parker took off and hovered in the air just in front of Kim. His face was beet-red from anger already.

"Are you trying to make me look like an idiot?"

"You're not an idiot, you're just an amateur," Kim said.

"You've had superpowers for three days, I've had a kickass robot body for going on two years now. You'll get there."

"Developing takes time, and constant effort," Alex added.

"Even superpowers can't give you a shortcut."

"But they help," Parker said.

"Observe." Parker's eyes glowed sickly green, and they shot out brilliant beams of bluish-green radiation. The twin bolts slammed into Kim's stomach and knocked her back. Parker sustained the blast for a few seconds, and when he finally relented, Kim's abdomen was half melted, and what remained was glowing white hot.

"Parker, you asshole," Kim said. What little of her structural integrity remained broke down, and her body sloughed in half.

"You're lucky I don't need any of that to live!" She propped herself up on her hands and shambled over to join Alex and Vell, then set her stump down to cross her arms angrily.

"You're a robot, you'll be fine," Parker said. Kim turned and looked at Vell.

"Vell."

"Yeah, I got it," Vell sighed.

"So, I see you called my friend about your radiation immunity."

"That I did," Parker said.

"I am one hundred percent immune."

"Right, right, noted," Vell said.

"So, in addition to the fact you melted Kim, I do have one other concern. I'm going to let Alex explain, one second." Vell whispered something in her ear, and she nodded in understanding.

"We're not immune to radiation, dipshit," Alex shouted. She was better at yelling angrily.

"You blasted someone in what was supposed to be a sparring match, you nearly killed Kim, and you irradiated innocent bystanders!" Parker didn't seem bothered at all.

"Do you see what you did wrong?"

"You'll be fine," Parker said.

"It's probably not much more than an x-ray." Vell took a geiger counter out of his bookbag, and it let out a single continuous whine, without a single click.

"See, fine," Parker said. Vell turned the geiger counter around, to show that it wasn't clicking because it was stuck at the highest possible setting.

"Is that... bad?"

"Do you know how geiger counters work?"

"I'm in the botany department, why would I know that?"

"Because you have nuclear eye lasers and- oh, fuck it, I'm not arguing with you about this," Kim said. She got up on her hands again and waddled away. Parker snorted derisively at her retreat and then flew away. Alex watched them both speed away and then looked to Vell.

"Now what?"

"Well we're probably going to die of acute radiation poisoning in a few hours, so I guess we kick back and wait for that to kill us," Vell said.

"I'll get the beer."

"I know I'm trying to loosen up, Vell, but I'd still rather avoid recreational drinking," Alex mumbled.

"Oh it's not recreational, being drunk is a very good way to not notice your organs failing," Vell said.

"This is practical drinking."

"All the same, I think I'll tough it out," Alex said.

"Suit yourself," Vell said.

"I should not have toughed it out," Alex said, as she stumbled into the lair.

"That was bad. That was so, so bad."

"Sorry, I probably should've done a little more work to convince you," Vell said.

"No, that was my pride talking," Alex said. She rubbed her stomach, trying to ease the phantom pains of her kidneys collapsing.

"I really should've popped some kind of painkillers."

"Aspirin won't cut it, you've got to really dull the higher brain functions," Samson said.

"That's drugs or alcohol territory."

"You can do magic or some kind of mind-numbing neurological stuff, but that's a lot of effort," Hawke added.

"You've all done this before, haven't you?"

"Several times, yes," Samson said with a nod.

"I'm honestly a little surprised radiation hasn't come up sooner." Alex set herself a reminder to look up some mind-numbing spells for later. As she finished that up, Vell stumbled through the door, phone held to his ear, and finished up a conversation.

"Yeah, thanks, I'll finish up things on my end," Vell said.

"Just let me know if he calls you. I'll -I don't know, I'll think about it." Vell hung up and took his seat at the head of the table, though he kept his body pointed at the door.

"Okay, that was Johann, the guy in the radiology department," Vell said.

"Since Parker is going to call him about radiation resistance today, I convinced him to tell Parker not only is he not immune, the cosmic horse DNA is fucking with his body."

"Which will hopefully convince him he needs to have his powers removed," Alex said.

"Clever."

"So you're going to be right there with the vial of power remover stuff, right?"

"Nah, considering his attitude it's probably better if I'm hands off," Vell said.

"He might get suspicious if I'm just standing around with a convenient syringe of demutation goo."

"True. Let's just stay away and see what happens." What happened was close to what they expected, up to a point. Parker called Johann, Johann performed some fake tests, and prepared some fake results.

"The DNA splice isn't going well," Johann said.

"Radiation aside, you're looking at some pre-cancerous growths. I'd recommend finding a way to undo this mutation as soon as possible, if I were you." That was the point where things stopped going as expected.

"Right, sure," Parker said.

"I figured you'd say that."

"You what?"

"Vell Harlan told you to say that, right?"

"Uh…"

"I knew he was jealous," Parker said.

"Somebody else finally gets some attention and he shows up right away to make sure it's all about him."

"I don't think that's-" Parker got off the testing bench and flew right past Johann. He slammed the door open and started hovering down the halls, to the lab's exit. Someone was waiting for him there.

"Mr. Potters," Helena said.

"Oh, you. You're that girl Vell tricked, right?"

"Something like that," Helena said through gritted teeth.

"The important part is that you and I have a common enemy-""Not for long," Parker said. He kept floating down the hallway.

"I'm going to go kill Vell." Helena stood dumbstruck for a second as Parker flew away. She'd only wanted to ask him to keep annoying Vell. Killing him seemed extreme, something that worried her for exactly one second. There was no way in hell the horsepowered idiot would actually manage to kill Vell. The fight would probably be funny to watch, though.

"I can't say how good they are at shipping bulk orders, but they've always been good for me on smaller ones," Vell said.

"I'd go with them if possible."

"Well, we'll see if I can negotiate in the next few hours," Lee said.

"I need to have this wrapped by the end of the day, ideally."

"We can talk later, if you want."

"No, I have a few more things I need to ask, dear," Lee said.

"Now, for starters-" The thudding sound on Vell's wall was loud enough that Lee heard it through the phone.

"I thought you said this was the second loop."

"It is," Vell said.

"Let me call you back." Vell hung up, saw a missed call from Johann on his phone, and went to open his window. Parker Potters, in full SpaceHorse costume, was lying in a crater a few feet away from his dorm building.

"Parker, what the fuck are you doing?" Parker dug himself out of a crater and shook dirt out of his rubber mask.

"I... need to talk to you," Parker said. Vell looked at the wall near his window. The runes he'd placed on his walls to create a protective forcefield had clearly been activated recently.

"Parker, did you try to punch through my wall?"

"No." Vell looked at the activated runes again, then back down at Parker, still standing in a crater of his own making.

"So you said you want to talk?"

"Yeah, it's important," Parker said.

"Sure, be right down," Vell said. He then turned around and pulled out his phone again.

"Kim, Parker's here and he's definitely trying to murder me. I've got the anti-mutagen, but I'm probably going to need your help holding him down."

"Already on my way," Kim said.

"Just spring into action when you hear the first punch." Vell got the anti-mutagen ready, along with his guns and a set of useful protective runes -radiation shielding chief among them. Once he was kitted out, Vell headed for the exit and waited by the door until he heard the first punch -and felt it too. Kim's first impact made the whole building shake. By the time Vell even walked through the exit, there was already a second crater in the quad, and Kim had SpaceHorse on the ground.

She had herself attached to a much bulkier body than usual, with thick, radiation-resistant armor plating.

"Hey Vell," she said, as she stopped slapping the shit out of SpaceHorse. She pressed one armored hand firmly over his eyes and pinned Parker down with the other.

"Good to go. Let's unhorse this horse's ass."

"Fine. Just hold still, Parker, this is for your own good," Vell said.

"Don't you dare touch me," Parker shouted.

"Sorry Parker, but we dare," Vell said. He grabbed the pinner Parker by the shoulder and tried to tear the spandex of his costume.

"Hold still, I need to get a vein."

"Just jab him, Vell," Kim snapped. She adjusted her chokehold on Parker and pushed him further into the dirt.

"Bastard is squirming."

"Yes, which is why I want a solid injection," Vell said. He failed to tear the ludicrously stretchy fabric once again and sighed in disappointment.

"Whatever, hope this works." Vell gave up, tightened his grip on the syringe, and plunged it downwards. At the same instant, Parker's squirming paid off. He managed to get just enough leverage on Kim to shove her arm between himself and Vell, and when the syringe came down, it met her metal shell and snapped.

"Oh, you fucking-" Kim stopped talking when Parker slammed an elbow into her side and wrenched free of her grip. She rolled back to her feet while Parker took to the air.

"Why are you only competent when you're hurting us?" Parker's only response was a howl that was probably intended to sound threatening, but came out sounding a lot like a neigh. After delivering his equine battle cry, Parker bolted forward like a bullet -and Kim smacked him into the ground, exactly like she had last loop. This time she didn't give Parker the speech about leverage. She wanted to kick his ass, not teach him a lesson.

"Vell, please tell me you've got a backup vial."

"I don't, but Skye always has a few," Vell said.

"Just messaged her, she should be here soon." Vell had a button on his phone's home screen for situations just like this, that simply sent an exclamation point to a chosen contact. Most of his friends were well-acquainted enough with Vell's daily cycle of bullshit to know what it meant. While they waited for reinforcements, Kim tried to make sure Parker stayed down.

A curb stomp to the head kept him in the dirt for a second, but Parker responded with a flailing kick to the gut that managed to send Kim's heavy-duty frame flying. Vell summoned his guns and got ready to buy time.

"Hey Parker, you want to replace your mask before we get into this? You should go to battle in full costume, right?"

"Nice try, but-" While he attempted to refute the decoy plan, Parker stumbled right into Vell's actual plan. While the would-be superhero was busy yapping, Vell aimed and fired a bullet right into his open mouth. SpaceHorse's were bulletproof inside and out, but having a bullet ricochet around his mouth still disoriented Parker. The hot lead bounced between his teeth for a few seconds before Parker managed to spit it out.

"That was a pathetic tri-" Parker got another bullet in the mouth. This time Parker managed to catch the bullet with his tongue and spit it out much faster.

"Are you going to do that-" Vell did that. The third time, the bullet bounced down Parker's throat. He fell to the ground and started coughing and choking for air. Once he finally spat out the third bullet, Parker put a hand over his mouth and glared up at Vell.

"You're being a real dick about this, you know?"

"You're trying to murder me," Vell protested.

"And on that note!" Kim reentered the fray in true Kim fashion with a heavy metal nutshot. The turbo-powered dick kick was not quite as effective as she would've hoped, but it still sent SpaceHorse reeling, and bought them a few seconds of relief from his radioactive superpowers. Vell kept up the pressure by aiming for Parker's eyes, hoping it would stop him from using any nuclear eyebeams.

Recent events had made Parker very protective of his face, and his attempts to keep his mouth shielded also precluded the use of any eyebeams. Even as he kept his face covered with his hands, the "hero" known as SpaceHorse started to fly into the air.

"Oh fuck, he's going to do a blind divebomb, isn't he," Kim said, just as Parker started to rocket down. She barely had to sidestep as Parker blindly slammed into the dirt like a meteor, crater and all.

"Dude, this school's already strapped for cash, don't fuck up the landscaping." Since there was already a hole in the ground, though, Kim decided she couldn't do any more harm. While Parker was still in the dirt, she grabbed him by the ankle and swung him into the air, then slammed him back down into the same patch of ground over and over until there was a Parker-shaped dent in the dirt.

After getting bodyslammed for the fourteenth time, Parker got thr bright idea to use his powers of flight and took off, with Kim still holding tight to his ankle. Vell lowered his guns and watched as Kim pulled her way up his legs and started punching him through the skies. As Kim started going for an aerial elbow drop, Skye walked up to Vell, syringe in hand.

"I see things are going well with Parker."

"I'm pretty sure Kim's having fun, at least," Vell said. It had been a while since she'd gotten to punch someone in midair.

"I just want to get this over with. Is that the de-mutagen, or an unrelated syringe?"

"Unrelated," Skye said, as she put it back in her purse and fetched the right one.

"I also have a backup in case he breaks this one."

"Better get it ready, I think they're coming down," Vell said. They started to cross the quad, as SpaceHorse started to careen down on the far side of the dorms. Despite his namesake, SpaceHorse didn't enjoy being ridden around the skies. Parker Potters crashed back down to earth, landing Kim-first in an attempt to crush her. Due to Kim's durability, all he did was put a lump of very hard metal between him and the (relatively) soft dirt.

"Ow. My back." The pain got worse as Kim reached up from the crater and grabbed Parker in a chokehold. She tried his best to hold him down, but the SpaceHorse super strength was difficult to contain even for her. He almost managed to take off before a heavy wooden rod smacked Parker in the head, just before a bubble of magic enclosed him entirely. His haphazard crash course had taken him right towards Hawke and Alex as they'd run to reinforce Kim.

"I got him," Alex said. Kim kept her chokehold up anyway, both to better secure Parker and because she enjoyed beating him up. The thrashing "superhero" couldn't escape the dome or her grip, but his flailing kept pounding Kim into the dirt anyway.

"Somebody please tell me we've got that de-mutation whatever close?"

"Incoming," Hawke said. From her place in the ground, Kim couldn't see much, but she could hear Alex's magical dome reshape, feel Parker struggling and hear him cursing at people trying to inject him with something. Then she heard a muffled crack. Her first thought was resigned frustration that another syringe had broken, but that had not been the sharp crack of a small piece of plastic. That had been something much bigger.

Kim adjusted her grip, craned her neck, and looked up to see Skye still clutching an intact syringe with a non-intact arm. Her forearm was bent at an odd angle, and tears welled up in Skye's eyes as she clearly struggled not to cry out in pain. Kim shifted her gaze towards Vell, who was staring down at the broken arm in shock.

"You hurt her." Kim let go of Parker, scrambled out of the crater, then grabbed Hawke and Alex by the collars and hauled ass around the corner. Parker took her retreat as a sign she was terrified of him, and he was half right. It wasn't him she was terrified of right now.

"Your hurt Skye," Vell said, breathlessly, as if he couldn't believe it. He had, of course, seen Skye get hurt and even killed in hundreds of different ways by now, but that had always been inside the loops. Always the result of either carelessness or a casualty of some unrelated evil scheme. Most importantly, it had always been temporary. This broken arm was permanent, intentional, and personal.

"Yeah," Parker said, unaware of the new frontier he had just broken wide open.

"I'll hurt anyone who tries to stop -hurk." His almost-supervillainous monologue was stopped in its tracks by a rope around the neck. Vell had snatched a lasso out of his bag and sent it swinging around Parker's neck mid-sentence. With a quick tug, Parker's ominous hovering ended and he went right back into the dirt. He had, admittedly, been caught off guard by the rope. Superheroing very rarely involved lassos.

"What do you think a rope is going to do?" Parker's taunt was punctuated by a shoe to the mouth. Vell put his foot down both to shut Parker up and to get more leverage.

"It's not just a rope," Vell clarified.

"It's a lasso." The heel of his shoe pressed down hard as Vell started to pull. It didn't hurt Parker in the slightest, but something in his chest rattled all the same, and that rattle intensified until he could feel it in his bones. Parker had accomplished something very few people in the history of the loops had managed: he had made Vell mad. Very, very mad. Mad enough to put the guns away and remind the universe that he was not just a gunslinger, he was a cowboy. And a SpaceHorse was still just a kind of horse.

Vell lifted his heel just to slam it down again, and pulled on the lasso once more. With a shout of confusion that gradually turned into a whinnying neigh, the lasso slipped free. The rope dangled for a second, wrapped around the neck of a cosmic foal. Vell grabbed the knot and loosened it a little, and the stellar stallion neighed once more before running upward into the sky. Kim, Alex, and Hawke poked their heads out of their hiding place to watch the nascent Cosmic Horse venture up into the stars.

"Did Vell just lasso the Cosmic Horse DNA out of Parker?"

"I guess," Hawke said.

"Is that... normal? Can he do that?"

"No," Kim said. Even by Vell's standards of yeehaw bullshit, that was completely out of line. They didn't have too much time to think about it, though. There were other, more pressing matters to attend to. Like the fact that Parker was now mortal once more. The foot still planted squarely on his jaw was starting to hurt, driving the point home for Parker as well. Vell kept the pressure on for a second before relocating the shoe from his mouth to his chest.

"So. No more superpowers, Parker."

"Right, uh... thank god," Parker gasped.

"Man, that horse DNA had me all out of whack, driving me crazy, that was... thanks for saving me, sorry about that, I-""Not how that works," Vell said, as he put the pressure on again. He might've accepted an apology, but there would be no excuses.

"You broke my girlfriend's arm."

"That was self-defense."

"You were trying to kill me."

"I only wanted to-" Vell leaned on Parker's chest enough that he felt one of the ribs start to strain, then eased up. He stepped aside and let Parker start to sit up and dig himself out of the crater his flying antics had dug. He got up out of the hole, brushed some dirt off his spandex, and then took off running across the quad. He made it exactly seven steps before the lasso got him around the ankle.

"Not done with you yet," Vell snapped. He pulled on the rope and dragged Parker back, then slapped a few runes onto his chest. The carved stone tablets glowed for a second, and then vanished.

"Alright, now I'm done with you." Parker ran his hands across his chest, took a few deep breaths, but could feel nothing.

"What the fuck did you do to me?"

"I'm not spoiling the surprise," Vell said.

"Now get the fuck out of my sight." Parker no longer had superspeed, but the rate at which he hauled ass could've fooled anyone watching. Vell didn't even watch him run. He had a girlfriend to look after.

"I'll be better soon," Skye said.

"Good thing we have all that fancy medical technology."

"And Penicillo the Healing Wizard," Vell said.

"Yes, obviously thanks to Penicillo too," Skye said. She tensed her arm and felt only a dull ache in her fractured forearm. Science and magic combined made fixing a broken arm fairly easy. She would only need a brace for a few days before she was fully back to normal.

"I'm glad to hear that everything's ended well," Dean Lichman said.

"You'll be happy to know that Parker's temporary suspension has turned into a full expulsion." Vell and Kim had also been placed under review for the brawl they'd had on school grounds, but considering the weight of evidence that Parker had been the aggressor, the investigation had been brief. There was one detail yet to be resolved however.

"Before we fully wrap things up, Vell, I must ask," Dean Lichman continued.

"Parker claims you placed a curse on him, and security footage does show you placing runes on his chest. However, we didn't find any evidence of a curse upon him."

"Oh yeah, that," Vell said.

"No worries. I didn't actually curse him, just put some runes on his chest to spook him. The paranoia will be worse than any actual curse I could've put on him."

"Well, that's... cerebral," Dean Lichman said.

"Not technically punishable, however, I think."

"I could've put an actual curse on him," Vell grunted.

"He broke Skye's arm." Dean Lichman nodded in agreement. All things considered, a little psychological torment was a light punishment for Parker Potters. The Dean excused himself and got back to his paperwork while Vell shouldered Skye's bookbag alongside his own and continued walking her to class.

"I could've gone for an actual curse, you know," Skye said. Even with the quick healing, getting her arm broken hurt a lot.

"Well. About that." ELSEWHERE: Dim halogen lights buzzed in the backroom of an office building as Parker Potters sat down for his first interview.

"Well, even if my tenure did end early, the lessons I learned at the Einstein-Odinson are still miles beyond what students from other schools would get," Parker explained.

"I'm probably -ahem, excuse me." Parker covered his mouth, coughed once, and then punched himself in the face so hard he went flying out of his seat. As his resume went flying and paperwork fell all around him, Parker felt a mild burning sensation in his chest.

"Uh oh."