Chương 93: 91: Free Delivery

I know, I know, here I was, attacking poor Bryce again and what had he ever done to me? Besides remind me of my ex-husband, that was. David was the first to respond.

"Bryce? But…" He looked at Missy.

"Do you guys still want to go to Spruce Gap with him?" Jack asked.

"If you stayed home, you could probably help out the neighbors. Fresh water, at the very least. Or you could come to the enclave with us." Missy's voice was quiet, as she said, "Megan is set on going to Spruce Gap with Bryce, and we're not letting her go alone. Not if she's willing to let us join them." She looked at David. There wasn't much light, but their exchange of glances was an entire parental conversation in two seconds.

They'd obviously resolved their argument when they were inside getting their makeshift weapons earlier.

"I'd love it if you came with us, too, Jack, but we're not going to try to stop you from joining an enclave with your friends." Missy's lips quirked into a tiny smile.

"You and the dogs will make sure Jack eats, right, Olivia?"

"Yep," I said, keeping it brief. I shouldn't make promises, of course. Who knew what tomorrow's apocalypse would bring? But I did feel like my chances were pretty good.

"We trust you," David said. The subtext wasn't hidden: they didn't feel the same way about Bryce, and David wasn't going to leave their daughter alone with him as the world they'd known ended.

"I think we can go with you to Spruce Gap, though," Jack said, shooting me a look.

"Yeah? Not to stay, just to make sure you get there okay, and don't run into anything too messed up on the road." I nodded.

"Yep, we can definitely do that."

"And I think it's a fine idea to keep our levels to ourselves," Missy said.

"Discretion advised, I remember." She had good timing, because we'd just about reached the front porch and the door swung open.

"I've been so worried," Megan said.

"Where have you been? You've been gone for hours."

"Killing rats," Missy said, stepping onto the porch, "and I am so ready—" Megan recoiled.

"What is that smell?"

"—for a shower," Missy finished with a sigh.

"Is the water still working?" An hour later, we were all in the house, all cleaned up, and smelling, if not fresh, at least better. I was wearing a pair of Jack's jeans, rolled up about eight times, but comfortable around the waist, and a t-shirt of Megan's. I would have vastly preferred to go home for the night. A quick jaunt back to a gate, home to my own bed, clean clothes of my own, return in the morning for the trip to Spruce Gap. But I would have had to explain my form of transportation and…

I just didn't want to. I was sitting on the couch, sorting through the miscellaneous crap in my pockets and pouch while around me almost everyone else packed, planned, and strategized. Well, the dogs were all napping, but Jack and his dad were in the garage, discussing tools that might be needed on the drive or at the destination. Missy was in the pantry, putting everything usable into grocery bags and cardboard boxes. Megan was upstairs, organizing clothing.

And Bryce was sitting on the armchair across from me, watching me. The walnut was still just a walnut. Edible, I supposed, but I hoped I would never be hungry enough to crack open a walnut that Jack had found on a dead rat. I set it on the table. The watch was also still just a watch, but it was old. I twisted the little dial on the side and held it to my ear. It was ticking. On the wrong time, but ticking. Did I need to know what time it was? Probably not, but I slipped the watch back into my jacket pocket.

"So, Olivia," Bryce said abruptly. I looked up from the keyring, glancing at him inquiringly.

"What do you do?" he asked. I didn't answer right away. I could say, "Kill monsters, mostly." That was valid. I picked up the keyring, eyed the words on the tag. Or maybe, "Why the hell do you care?" That would be as honest as any other response. I put the keyring in the same pocket as the watch, and finally said, "I'm a graphic designer." I had a sudden pang of missing Jules; I could imagine her scathing assessment of Bryce's conversational overtures.

She'd still smile and be charming in response, but I'd be able to see the inward rolling of eyes.

"And you?" I added politely. The basic rule of sustaining conversation with strangers apparently still applied in the apocalypse; get them to talk about themselves and you can nod, hmm, and basically ignore them while the conversation continues unimpeded by little shit like your own opinions, experiences, and point of view. The twine went into the pocket, and so did the compass and sewing kit. The plastic dinosaur, the three buttons, and the pretty rock landed on the table. New socks, pocket.

The Kid's Meal Box graduated to my companion pouch, although first I opened it and passed out the available chicken strips to the dogs, still murmuring every time Bryce paused. The Meal Box added a new meal every ten hours, but didn't have a timer to let me know when the ten hours started or ended. Sometime during the afternoon, it had added a second meal, so the dogs got to share two sets of chicken strips, and I had two bags of apple and two cartons of milk to set on the table.

Still, that wasn't really enough food for them. If I'd realized I'd be away from home for a while, I'd have stashed some kibble in my pouch. I picked up the coupon book and flipped through the pages. I should probably dump it, too. What good was a multiversal coupon book going to do me? I couldn't get to any of these restaurants. But I stopped on a page with FREE DELIVERY in big letters across the top. In smaller letters underneath it, it said, "Remove coupon from book to redeem." Okay, obviously—obviously!

—it meant that when the delivery person showed up at my door, I should hand them the coupon. That was obvious, right? But carefully, starting from the top and gently pulling, I ripped the coupon out of the book. The delivery window opened in front of me. I did not squeak. Or yell or drop anything or faint or... Yeah. I just took a really deep breath as an alien, an actual non-human, non-human-shaped, bird creature stuck their feathered head out of the air in front of me and said, "Yeah? Yeah? Oh! Coupon, please!"

and gestured an impatient claw to the coupon in my hand. If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Bryce was not actually managing to keep his cool as well. He'd leaped onto his chair for some reason and was screaming as if a rat had made it into the room. I handed the worker my coupon. It stuck its head out the window and scanned the room, its head rotating in almost a complete circle, before looking up at the ceiling, then down at the carpet.

"Where dis?" it asked.

"Earth," I responded.

"A new System integration."

"Ooooh!" Its eyes were already big, but the lids pulled back on all sides and they bulged out like ping-pong balls. Then it disappeared into the window, shouting something I couldn't understand, maybe a name, followed by, "New customers! New planet! Family Style Sampler Meal to go. Serving..." It stuck its head back in the window, eyed me carefully, looked at Zelda sitting next to me, fully alert now, and pointed to its beak.

"Teeth? Show teeth?" I pulled back my lips as if I were posing for a new dentist. Then I lifted one of Zelda's lips to show the bird person her canines.

"Omnivores and carnivores," it shouted back into the kitchen with a spin of its neck. It turned back to me.

"Numbers, please? Yes?"

"Six people," I said, pointing to myself.

"Three dogs." I put my hand on Zelda's head.

"Yes, yes! Right back!" It disappeared. I swallowed. I'd been on a new planet earlier in the day, I reminded myself. I'd talked to aliens already when I met the Sarathi. This should be no big deal. It was no big deal, right? But honestly, I was finding it hard to breathe, and Bryce's yelling in the background wasn't making it any easier. Unsurprisingly, everyone in the house came running. I ignored them all and stayed focused on the window. The bird person re-appeared with a towering stack of containers.

Not styrofoam, but maybe its alien equivalent. It reached out of the window, handing me the pile, and then added a slim bag.

"Ooh, cold out dere," it said, chirping a little. I took the stack and set it on the table.

"How much do I owe you?" I had credits in my System account from all those bugs I'd killed and I'd picked up a few more today for clearing the rat rift, but I might have to get Chelsea here to buy some of my loot or finalize my quests.

"New integration." It cocked its head forward, twisting so only one eye was looking at me.

"Barter? What got?" I looked around me. Not my house, not my stuff. But I pulled the ring off my finger and held it up.

"A ring, +2 Perception?"

"Good, good. And?" I picked the plastic dinosaur up off the coffee table.

"Children's toy? An extinct species from the early days of our planet."

"Ooh, interesting. And?" I picked up the walnut.

"A seed from one of our trees? A walnut tree. They're very beautiful. I can't guarantee it will grow, though." The bird person's wings lifted off its back and fluttered.

"Done! Yes!" It gestured toward the bag.

"Also, new integration! Advertising! Brochures! Tell people, yes? Free delivery, anywhere in the multiverse! Delicious food, suitable for all… ah, wait, wait." It bent, came up with a green device in its hand.

"Life scan," it said apologetically.

"Just check." It pointed the device at me, moved it to Zelda, moved it to Riley, who'd joined us, moved it to Jack, who was now standing next to me, his glee barely contained.

"Yes, yes, all good!" it said.

"Delicious food, suitable for Earth beings! Enjoy! And tell neighbors! Many neighbors!" It waved at the bag again.

"I will. Thank you," I said, with a nod that came close to a bow.

"Thank you! So exciting! Good-bye, good-bye." The window disappeared, but the containers of food remained piled up on the coffee table. I picked up the coupon book that was sitting next to them and put it back in my pocket. Yeah, I wouldn't be leaving that behind after all. I peeked into the bag. It held a small stack of menu brochures, FREE DELIVERY in giant letters on their covers. Everyone was talking at once. Bryce had stopped yelling, but the room was chaos.

I set down the bag and picked up the container on top of the stack. It had a translucent lid, fogged with steam, and when I popped it open, the scent that followed was enough to make everyone fall silent.

"What is that?" Jack asked, voice reverent.

"It looks like dumplings, and it smells like…" I took a deep breath.

"Dumplings. Ginger, green onion, chicken, and something…" Something that hit a deep button in my subconscious. I had no idea what it was or how they did it, but it smelled like comfort. My mouth started watering, my stomach growled. Jack didn't wait. He reached in, grabbed a dumpling with his fingers, plopped the whole thing into his mouth.

"I think there's dipping sauce," I said, voice dry, pointing out a small round container in the corner of the box.

"You're sure this is safe?" Missy asked. I lifted a shoulder.

"The clerk at…" I set down the box, pulled a menu out of the bag, and read the restaurant name off the top. Did I pronounce it correctly? No idea. Apparently proper names didn't really translate and this place was called Something-Something-Cooking-Facility.

"Yeah, so the clerk thought it was fine."

"And do we trust him?" David asked, his eyes on Jack. Jack's eyes were closed, his mouth still working, his expression ecstatic.

"We could let the dogs try it first," Bryce suggested. He was watching Jack, too.

"Maybe wait a couple hours after, just to see?" I did not say any of the words that came to mind. None of them. Instead, with the calmest, most serene voice imaginable, I said to Missy, "Would you like me to bring these into the kitchen?" Remember how I said I'd never seen anyone blush beet-red? I'd never seen anyone white with fury, either, but I bet if I looked in the mirror, I could now. White or maybe incandescent. That fucker. Who did he think he was?

He could order his own goddamn delivery service, or he could starve to death and that would be fine, too. Jack finally finished swallowing.

"Oh em gee, so good."

"Dining room, I think," Missy said. One box contained a bland ground meat, on the rare side, mixed with something that looked like a root vegetable. Not sweet potatoes, but similar. That got divided up between the dogs. Another contained slices of meat. Not beef, not pork, but beef-adjacent. The dogs got a little of that, too.

The rest of the boxes contained more dumplings; two different noodle dishes, one with meat, one without; a grain that wasn't rice but made an excellent stir-fried rice-like dish; and a soup that tasted like summer, the ocean, and memories. The final container held cookies. Shortbread-style and with a hint of some unfamiliar spice, but delicious. We ate seated around the dining room table, and mostly in silence, although there were a lot of 'mmm's and 'wow's. Everyone ate, even Bryce, and I didn't say a word.

Yeah, I know you're not gonna give me a prize for that, but I deserved one. Midway through the meal, my notifications dinged. I tabbed them open with a thought. Congratulations! You are among the first 1000 Earth inhabitants to complete a commercial transaction with a recognized multiversal business entity. First contact with Kikicha's Bijustian Kitchen has been logged in the Multiversal Commerce Registry. Award: 500 XP. I would have chuckled, but my mouth was full of dumpling.

I wasn't sure it was exactly fair to give me credit for a commercial transaction, given that I'd bartered a walnut, a plastic toy, and a ring from a rat for my dinner, but I'd take it. The next announcement was even better. Congratulations, you are among the first 100 humans of Earth to have taken a third step toward full citizenship in the multiversal community. Commerce binds civilizations across species and stars. Your participation in multiversal commerce has been noted.

Achievement Progress: Citizen of the Multiverse (3) Award: +10% experience from all sources. Score! I had the feeling that Citizen of the Multiverse was pretty much a participation award. The only reason I was getting such great rewards from it was because of the World First aspect. Or at least the World Early. First 100 wasn't really first. And then, while my display was still open, another message appeared. Congratulations!

You are a material participant in the first System-enforced contract between Earth inhabitants and a recognized multiversal species. The Sarathi of Sareth have formalized an agreement with a community on Earth, and your participation has been noted. A System-enforced contract is a tool that binds worlds together, creating the circumstances in which civilizations can thrive. Utilizing one to facilitate relations with another species is a true accomplishment. World First Achievement: First Contact Trade Agreement.

Award: +10% to all attributes. My mouth was still full, but I brought a napkin to my lips while I read. Did I really deserve credit for that one? If San Celeste had signed an agreement, it had happened without me. Although it had just been… yesterday? Yeah, yesterday, that I visited San Celeste. And my presence had helped. Well, mine or Zelda's. I'd have to stop by soon and see what other Ability Stones were available now. And then the messages kept going.

Congratulations, you are the first human of Earth to have taken a fourth step toward full citizenship in the multiversal community, with your material participation in formalizing a System-enforced agreement across world boundaries. It is a significant achievement, worthy of note in any circumstances. The fact that you have accomplished it so quickly is remarkable. Achievement Progress: Citizen of the Multiverse (4) Title: World First Citizen of the Multiverse (4) Award: +10% to all attributes.

+10% experience from all sources. One Rare ability (selection available at System store interface). Holy shit. I read it, then read it a second time. I'd have to tell Helen that she really should have gone shopping while she was on Sarathi. And then a final message appeared. Notice of Review: Alternative Integration Enhancement Conditions Met. No action is required at this time. Fuck.