Chương 17: The Kitchens

My stomach complained as I was attempting to verify that a grandfather clock in the Study Room was accurate. I decided it must be, and that I had just missed dinner. Another thing to note: the Room was sound-proof. I hadn't heard any of the bells throughout my experimentation. I thought about wanting food, and nothing happened. The seventh book had mentioned that one. The Room had connected to the Hogshead bar specifically because it couldn't create or summon food.

I didn't see a new passage leading away from here, but then again, I didn't need a way to get food without the staff knowing. The Great Hall was a shorter walk than Hogsmeade, and Harry had needed to walk the whole way. I wasn't in as bad a shape as yesterday, but I had been on my feet for more than my sedentary lifestyle was used to. A way to get around the castle easier was another thing I needed to look into. Maybe convince a prefect to act as a guide for the best shortcuts?

I headed for the exit; thinking it was about time I located the kitchen and introduced myself to the elves. I really did need to eat something. I opened the door, and was suddenly facing a portrait of a bowl of fruit. No sign of the seventh-floor corridor, nor the trolls in tutus. I blinked. A fast travel system. The Room had apparently tried to address my most recent concerns. Did it have this function in the books?

Maybe it was just never something Harry or the DA needed since they had all been older students with no navigational nor mobility issues. I considered the applications and decided it wasn't quite as useful as I hoped. It would only work one-way unless I left the door propped open—which might not even be possible—and the Room was inconvenient to get to in the first place. There were use-cases, but it wasn't the solution to all my problems. I decided to call it a night with the Room.

I still had plenty of time before curfew started, but I was hungry. As I suspected, the door to the Room faded almost immediately when I shut it behind me. I turned back to the painting of the fruit and tickled the pear. It laughed, and the frame swung open, revealing the kitchens. The heat struck me first—it was significantly hotter than the rest of the castle—but that was quickly overshadowed by smells. It wasn't 'heavenly', it was overpowering.

This wasn't a place where people were supposed to be; it was the prep area, and some of that prep was smelly or unappetizing. Soap didn't mix well with much of anything I wanted to put in my mouth. Still, not a horrible atmosphere. Certainly better than taking meals with the rest of the castle. I looked around. The room was the same size and shape as the Great Hall above, but with a low ceiling and a lot more fixtures giving it a slightly cramped feel despite the size.

Dozens of fires burned low and even more ovens lined the walls. I noticed a large area that looked more like an open bee-hive near the back, with miniature bedding and a few sleeping elven forms just visible. The four replica long tables and the staff table were in position right below where their counterparts would be. It looked like the grandfather clock was accurate as those tables were currently ladened with leftovers and dishes. Most of the awake elves were focused on the mess.

Bustling around the multitudes of sinks and even more tables where food was being… recycled? Treated with elf magic? I started examining the elves next; picking out unique identifiers and looking for irregularities.

"Well well, George. I think we have a rule breaker on our hands…" I froze for a second, before turning to see two identical red-headed boys off to the side, sitting at a round table in the corner nearest the door. I apparently hadn't checked my immediate surroundings when I first walked in.

"Indeed Fred. A first-year? Here? In an off-limits part of the castle? For shame."

"We might have to do something George."

"Our brother is a prefect, it would be the responsible thing to do. Tell Percy and let him make an example out of this little problem child before she really starts to cause trouble."

"Imagine the effect it would have on her grades though. We wouldn't want to ruin her whole future, would we?" Pretending to target my grades because of the Ravenclaw-blue trim on my robes? I paid half an ear to their empty threats, but didn't bother responding immediately. There was no way they'd actually go to Percy to report another student. Even if they did, it would be mutual destruction given they were here as well. Much better to think over how I wanted to approach this situation.

Fred and George weren't the main trio; which meant they were approachable without fear of causing issues with the plot. Better yet, they were profitable. Weasley Wizard Wheezes might not be on their minds currently, but investing in profitable ventures early was always preferable for long-term returns. More immediately, I needed to achieve one very important thing as soon as possible. I suspected it would be easier at night, but that introduced its own additional risks.

Having some way to hide my identity would be ideal if I was sneaking around. The twins were currently in their fourth year, and had little to no compunctions about breaking a few rules. Where the Room had failed me, they could potentially provide the magic or items I needed. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

"Greetings, Miss." A house-elf had apparently spotted me while I was staring blankly at the twins.

"Just a moment," I told them. Then turned to the elf "Hello there. I'm Lyra, who are you?"

"Washy is named Washy, Miss! Are you still hungry, Miss? Was the food not to your liking?"

"It's wonderful to meet you Washy; and no, nothing like that. I just missed dinner is all. Could I get something simple to eat from the leftovers?"

"Of course, Miss!" Washy agreed immediately, and ran off so fast she almost fell over.

"Nicking food from the kitchens too, Fred. That's theft, that is," George said with faux disappointment while finishing off a pastry.

"Truly, what is to become of the future generations at this rate, George?" Another house-elf ran up to him with a bunch of wrapped snacks that he shoveled into a bag. I walked over and took a seat opposite them at the circular table they were using.

"So, you two are Ginny's brothers, are you?"

"She knows our names Fred!"

"Don't be daft George, she only suspects we're related to our sister; she'd have to be a master investigator to deduce our names."

"She spoke very highly of both of you." I had a feeling that I'd need to be the one leading this conversation if I wanted to get anywhere.

"Now that doesn't sound like our Ginny, who are you by the way? It's rude not to introduce yourself, you know?"

"Sorry. I'm Lyra, Lyra Parish. I traveled with Ginny on the train, and she did say you two were the biggest troublemakers the school has ever known." Both boys perked up at that, mischievous grins spreading across their faces.

"Now that I would believe."

"And Lyra here said it as a compliment." Fred said with admiration.

"Now that is interesting."

"Very interesting, do we have a protegee in the making?"

"She did find her way to the kitchens on her second day. She almost beat the time we set for going out of bounds." I considered the implied offer. I did enjoy pranking people, but getting into trouble over minor things wasn't worth it. Fred and George were known troublemakers; and I didn't need the stigma. Besides, I already had a few pranks in mind, and the twins might find me far more suspicious once those plans started producing results if they learned too much about me.

"I'd be interested in learning from you both, but I'm more interested in educational pursuits than in attracting the kind of reputation the two of you cultivate." Fred dramatically clutched at his chest.

"Oof, rejected. I don't think I can take it. George, if I die of heartbreak, bury my corpse in Snape's office so he gets blamed for murder."

"I wouldn't do anything less, dear brother." Washy ran up to me with a plate of food, and I turned my full attention to her to give a warm, gracious thank you. Step one for any future plans involving the house-elves was building a positive relationship, and first impressions dictated a lot. Pushing too far too fast only soured those initial impressions, and I had plenty of time to let the relationship form naturally. That was true for both the elves and the twins.

I doubted, for example, I could motivate the twins to steal what would appear to be their sister's diary no matter the compensation or argument I made. Similarly, talking directly about business plans now would be strange and off-putting. I wasn't even sure they were considering running a joke shop yet as 'future careers' only became a general topic of discussion for fifth-years. However, even if they weren't thinking about that stuff yet, there was still value in money.

Establishing myself as a source of income would transition nicely into seeing me as a future investor when their ambitions made themselves known.

"Actually, there is something I would be interested in. Something I suspect you know more about than most other students."

"Oh?" The twins turned their attention back to me. They'd been politely ignoring me as I started to eat.

"I need something. If you could enchant or purchase an item that could help hide my identity, I would be grateful." I reached into my bag and pulled out one of the galleons." Very Grateful." The twins looked at each other and eyed the coin, taking on much more intense and interested expressions than they'd had so far.

"A relatively cheap invisibility cloak would be ideal, but I'd settle for something that can better hide me in darkness if it can be obtained in a timely manner." I had already asked the Room for these items, and it had failed me. An invisibility cloak was apparently too valuable to forget or lose, and a non-magical black cloak wasn't quite what I'd had in mind as an alternative. Fred grimaced.

"Invisibility cloaks are more expensive than broomsticks. Even the crappy ones. We're talking hundreds of galleons."

"And they're restricted. Purchases are watched closely by the Ministry. You have to go through a full screening process, then identify what you'll be doing with it."

"Load of bollocks if you ask us." They were—understandably—a little too informed on this subject.

"And what of darkness? I don't care if it isn't a long-lasting solution. A single-use item lasting an hour would be fine if you can get it to me before Friday." The twins looked at each other in consideration.

"That should be possible."

"We might need to borrow Hermes."

"Or visit the Hogsmeade shops a little early."

"We could skip History of Magic; I doubt Binns will report us."

"He never has before."

"But let's discuss payment." They turned back to me.

"I'm prepared to spend twenty galleons on this, but would be willing to go beyond that budget if necessary. I want quality, discretion, and fast delivery, so I will provide a full seven galleons in servicing fees for you two to act as courier. I'll pay upfront and trust you won't run off with my coin, else I will be talking to that brother of yours. Percy was it?" Essentially a hundred dollars for pickup and delivery was pretty steep, but overpaying did serve a few benefits.

They weren't actual couriers, and I was asking them to break rules and put aside their job as students to prioritize my request. That might not be a big issue for them, but just because an employee may not mind something like 'working overtime', doesn't mean they shouldn't get extra compensation for it. A small business that ignored employee rights tended to see their ventures fall apart before long as no one wanted to work with them.

Besides, I didn't know much about what I was asking them to find or purchase, so a markup for consulting an expert should be expected. Possibly the biggest reason was that paying more meant they'd view me as more generous, be more motivated to perform adequately, and hopefully seek me out for more money-making opportunities in the future. On my end, I knew from the books they were reliable despite their extracurricular activities. So I was willing to spend a bit more than normal.

"You may need to exchange the coin though. A lot of my money is in the smaller denominations." They thought it over and nodded as one.

"We'll get it done," George said. I nodded myself, and transferred the money I had just salvaged over to them. We ended up needing to get a house-elf to grab a few extra bags so they could carry it all. George gave Fred a raised eyebrow as the transfer occurred. Fred shook his head. I was happy that I didn't need to come up with an explanation for how a first-year in second-hand robes was carrying an expanded bag filled with loose coins. Right back to being dirt poor. I thought in pain.

I would have to correct that, but hopefully I would either get some coin back or a somewhat permanent upgrade in magical stealth.

"Well, we got what we came for. I think it's time to pack up. Lyra, it was great to meet you. If you want to get more involved in the most noble of arts, you know who to find." I waved to them as they paused by the exit and pulled out a piece of paper, hiding it from me as they examined it. A few seconds later, they folded it back up and left. The Marauder's Map. If I could get my hands on that… I shook myself. There were elves to meet. I took another bite of food.