Chương 419: 13.5

Walking north again and for the first time, Jewel felt hollow inside for reasons other than this gangly overgrown body's endless appetite, again she was marching through Magarska with the weight of a death on her heart. Again she was feeling the tears trying to burn their way out of her eyes, it felt worse and familiar at the same time! Different and yet the same.

She was not yet even a year old, only past her first winter by the technicality that she hatched right before it, yet she could feel the weight of just shy of thirty years of memory from her larger self, plus the share from Gem! Her entire life so far, all of her lives honestly felt like a cruel joke walking along the road, feeling the dry earth between her toes. How was she supposed to be distinct? How was she supposed to live as a child like this!? When she already could feel how her body had grown?

How was she supposed to honor what her friends and family insisted? Smithson was already more a friend than the caretaker he had been to Gem, She didn't want to have to suffer the indignity of having that muddled confusion where she could not tell which of herselves was which. But how could she be a child like this? And why was she and her sister-self cursed with being born to one death and then not even a year later suffer another one!? Both from acts that she had caused!

Jewel had directed Father and Alexander and most of the rest of the army west to protect them! The Garrisons to the west were supposed to be less dangerous! She sent them away, she'd told herself at the time it was because of the risk of them being used as a distraction and a hostage for Magarska's armies to control her. But she had been terrified, every battle had clenched at her flame with the thought she would lose either of them, both of them. So she had sent them away! And he'd died anyway!

What even was her place in the world!? There were no books to advise on how to BE a wyrmspawn! Were she and her twin supposed to be silent warriors? It certainly felt like that was what her body was shaped for. Her teeth sharper, her reach longer, her body more familiar in how it moved, suited to a blend of the drills and spars that Gem had practiced and the sinuous movements of her Wyrmself. How she had trained with Father and Muriel both... She clenched her eyes shut and focused to try and keep the tears at bay.

Not while she was on the road damn it! Not marching among the army! Her twin's hand on her shoulder said enough, a squeeze that at once felt comforting and yet meaningless. They both knew the pain, they both hurt, they both tried to comfort and yet also failed to feel that comfort properly. Just like with teasing Gem it all was off. Like trying to tickle yourself, but almost not, her twin & gem could in fact manage that at least, as long as they caught each other by surprise.

But it was only in the first shocks of the moment! There were no prolonged and vicious sessions for the Wyrmspawn tickling between each other. Not like Gwenn could manage, or Father... Before she could succumb to the need to fight the tears again she shifted and bumped her twin, hip to hip. Just enough of a jolt to help her other self out of a spiral she had barely realized they also were having, even a year into it she would struggle to explain this to anyone but Gwenn.

It was akin to how being Gem and Jewel was, but so much more complex now that she could touch another self and not immediately feel it as herself. Yet she knew all of herselves as clearly as her own hands! She could trust them to move even if she was not at the moment guiding them, or perhaps she was the will within each of them? Just not presently joined together? A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

Being herselves was like she was a broth, ladled out into bowls when they separated, poured back together into the same great pot that was Jewel when they drew close to her Wyrm-self. She glanced down at Gem and without even thinking flicked her 'elder sister' in the ear to help drag her out of her own reminiscing and reminders of Father. The agitated squawk was just as hilarious and endearing as always, the performance of anger giving her oldest spawn-self something else to focus on.

It helped distract Jewel and her twin-self as well. All without a single word needed, there was barely a glance needing to pass between them before that subtle recognition settled, the realization of what was needed, it was not the effortless being that came when all of them were poured back into the soup as it were, but even separated by their individual bowls like recognized like. She looked ahead at the road, at the distant walls of Pyrenean. A heavy sigh found its way to all three sets of lungs.

Gem glanced up at her with an agitated glare, but both she and her twin could only raise a brow. It's not like she wasn't thinking about it too! Despite how much they were not supposed to, well Gem wasn't supposed to, Jewel was not sure what she was supposed to think and feel as the twins when they were apart. Trying to be a carefree and unworried child just seemed wrong when they both looked like this!

A glance to her right was matched in near perfect mirror with her other self meeting her gaze, well that was decided then! Until she figured it out she would worry and think about the problems of the realm and stewardship if she felt like it even if such troubles were likely consuming their larger self too! It was after all a far better distraction from Father... Nope!

The Twin Cities of Bledetan and Pyrenean were far better to think about, again Gem huffed in front of her and started stomping just that much harder into the dirt road. It only took a moment to realize that her sister was feeling jealous that Jewel and her twin-self had an excuse to use that distraction! Well that made it even better!

The twin cities ahead of them had not 'surrendered' after word had come from Terminapolis of the capitulation of the High Kingdom of Magarska to all of Jewel's demands (which had already been satisfied, Murad was dead, now they had to set a new High King on the throne). On the contrary, instead of seeking to stay under the former banner of its principality the two cities and those surrounding forts and villages they commanded had requested fealty and protection from Viznove and in particular Jewel herself!

The party that Terminapolis had sent to discuss terms with her had folded into agreeing to the transfer of vassalage as soon as Jewel brought it up as a question. Stinking of terror the lesser nobles' bodies ached in the words of the world. They must have ridden hard to meet with her so soon, eager to accept whatever she demanded. She had the horrified thought that Magarska might have surrendered to her as its High King if she'd asked. Declared her queen.

Well her wyrmself, Jewel huffed, she was looking forward to this-self's naming day, just to at least keep it clearer in her head who she even was supposed to be. Sharing a glance with her twin she saw her own frown mirrored there, then a slight shifting from side to side echoed between them. The shifting drawing a glance from Gem over her shoulder before she also shared the frown that had found Jewel and her twin-self at this thought. That was likely to be a problem wasn't it?

Even if they found separate names, how was either twin supposed to tell the other apart? How was Jewel going to realize which name she was supposed to respond to? Even in her memories the distinction of how each body felt was simply, not really there with the twins. Gem's smile curving up at her brought a subtle flinch to herself and her sister-self. Oh no, she was going to mix up which twin she was at some point wasn't she?

She could already see how she would tease herself as Gem in the future when that inevitably happened. Maybe the naming day wasn't going to be such a good thing after all.