Chương 51: Chapter 50: Fear of Death

Hardly had the thought finished taking shape in her mind — he is a monster, he will come for me, he will kill me — when a headlong dash sent her straight into the crowd. Her feet struck the earth with an urgency she hadn't known she possessed, colliding with bystanders who barely had time to dodge her, turning around to stare at the girl in the brown dress fleeing as if death itself were at her heels. Tears streamed down her face as she ran, hot furrows amidst the chill of fear.

People only turned to watch her desperate flight, some with curiosity, others with annoyance, most with that indifference born from the weariness of witnessing others' misfortunes. She reached the Temple of Glowing Moss. She saw its pale stone facade, its greenish tiles, the low wall of black basalt. For an instant, the idea of taking refuge there crossed her mind: Father Theron, Sister Elara, the safety of the known. But she did not stop.

She kept running, fear clawing at her very bones, so deep it seemed part of her structure, of her essence. The sprint quickly brought her to the bridge leading to the fish market, but she did not cross. Instead, she veered toward the estuary, racing along the riverbank at a speed she never imagined her legs could achieve. Dusaut branches lashed at her face and bushes scratched her legs, but she felt nothing, only the blind impulse to get away, to hide, to survive.

After several minutes like this, she collapsed onto the grass, exhausted, her lungs burning. The sound of the estuary flowed in the depths, a constant and indifferent murmur, and the leaves of the trees swayed in the wind above her head, oblivious to her torment. Her breathing was like a bellow; her chest rose and fell with a mechanical desperation. Her hands and feet felt as if pierced by icy needles and sweat soaked her clothes as if she had just stepped out of a river.

She had never sweated like this, had never felt her body pushed so far to the limit. Suddenly, a noise. Selena went on immediate alert, her heart resuming its gallop, her eyes searching for the threat. But it was nothing. Only a field mouse leaping through the grass; it did not run, but looked at her with its tiny, bright black eyes before continuing on its way. She could only sigh. A deep, liberating sigh that dragged away some of the accumulated fear.

Only then did she move toward the shade of a tree, feeling her body heavy with every step, as if her legs were weighing tons and every muscle protested. Once there, she took the reins of her breathing. Little by little, with long and deliberate exhalations, she calmed the internal hurricane. She inhaled to a count of four, held it, and exhaled to a count of eight. The exercise anchored her, returned her to reality, reminding her that she was still alive, that she could still think, that she could still decide.

The only thing guiding her through the fear now was finding her friend. To be able to see her again. Kaela. Her face, her voice, her reassuring presence. She needed to make sure she was okay, that the monster hadn't gone after her as well. Once she was calm enough, she stood up. She felt a bit dizzy; the world spun around her, and she had to lean against the tree trunk to keep from falling. But it passed. Then, she walked slowly toward the mouth of the cave. Once again, there were no insects in the jars.

The entrance was empty, silent, waiting. She stepped inside. She passed the threshold and walked through the dark stone corridor guided by the light of the torches until she reached the main chamber. There, crouching in a corner beside Elian, was Kaela. The tanner was writing in the dust of the floor with a twig, tracing letters with absolute concentration, while the acolyte, leaning at her side, explained the meaning of each stroke. And on her face, a great smile. Wide, genuine, free.

The smile of someone discovering a new world, someone opening doors she thought were closed forever. Selena was unable to interrupt. She couldn't. Her chest wouldn't leave her. Seeing Kaela like that —happy, absorbed in her learning— broke her soul in a way she couldn't explain. She could not burst into her friend's life with danger. She could not tell her what she had seen, what she had discovered, the monster that now haunted her. She could not drag her back into that abyss of blood and fear.

She knew she couldn't. And her heart gripped with awe, with that mixture of love and desperation felt only when one wants to protect someone at all costs. There was only one thing she could do. Something she had kept away from the tanner until now, something that pained her soul but was necessary. She would lie to her. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work! She approached from behind, making no noise, and then cleared her throat softly.

Both looked at her. Kaela smiled even wider than before, a smile that lit up her harsh features and transformed them completely. She jumped up and threw herself around Selena's neck, hugging her with strength that conveyed everything words could not. —You're back! — she exclaimed, squeezing tighter. —I knew you'd come back safely. I wanted to believe it. Selena's heart wrenched further, until it hurt.

Tears escaped her face —silent, treacherous— and a slight tremor ran through her body as she hugged her friend back. She felt Kaela's warmth, her scent of labor and earth, her solid and real presence, and for an instant, just an instant, the fear dissipated. Kaela pulled away slightly and looked at her. In her eyes, a hint of concern began to form. —It went bad again, didn't it? — She sighed deeply. —I told you that you didn't know the reality of Terracanto. Are you alright? Selena only nodded slowly.

Then, with a cracked voice, she spoke: —I failed. A slight sob escaped her, despite her efforts to contain it. —There was no answer for anything. I only wasted my time and my money. A tear crossed her cheek, hot and salty. —I'm fine. The word cost her more than anything, more than the running, more than the fear, more than the blood she had seen. —I should have expected it— she continued, and now her voice was a thread. —But I wanted to believe. Kaela nodded gently. She said nothing. She asked no questions.

She simply stayed beside her, her presence an anchor in the middle of the storm, as Selena's tears slowly disappeared, as the trembling stilled, and as her breathing returned to its normal rhythm. Once Selena was calm, it was Elian who spoke up. His tone was kind, respectful, as if he understood he was interrupting a sacred moment. —My lady, I must continue with Kaela's instruction— he said. —Master Corren is expecting you. Kaela frowned as she looked at Elian, an expression of annoyance Selena knew well.

But before she could say anything, Selena spoke: —Don't be bothered. She looked at the tanner directly in the eyes, seeking to convey with her gaze what words could not. —It's a deal, remember? We must all fulfill our parts. Kaela held her gaze for a moment and then nodded, resigned. She stood up and left with Elian, her manner already more relaxed, her body moving with that new energy that learning had given her. Selena headed straight for Corren's quarters.

Upon arriving, everything remained the same as the day before. The tallow lamps burned with their flickering light, the shelves rose against the stone walls, and the smell of old paper and dry ink filled the air. At the far end, the man in brown robes was leafing through books with that absolute concentration characteristic of scholars. But upon noticing her, he spoke immediately. His deep voice resonated in the stone chamber with a warmth that contrasted with the coldness of the place. —Good morning, Selena.

I regret your delay. Because of it, I already have my question prepared. He interlaced his fingers under his chin in that reflective gesture so characteristic of him. His dark eyes, marked by dark circles, fixed on her with a disarming intensity. —Do we act by instinct or by rational thought? The question hung in the air, heavy, dense, laden with implications. The answer welled up from her. From her lips, from her mind, from that deep place where the echoes of the man she had once been resided.

With a slight headache, barely a passing sting, she opened her mouth and spoke with peace that, moments before with fear gripping her bones, she had been unable to feel. —I think, therefore I am. She made a gesture with her eyes, almost searching within herself for the words, as if seeing them form in the darkness of her mind. And only once she succeeded did, she expand on the idea: —But all thought gives way to action. And every action is in itself a thought, even one as ancient and heavy as instinct.

It is not only morality that binds us in acting but thought and how it has defined us in values, attitudes, and ways of seeing the world. She paused, letting the words settle. —Instinct is the current; thought is the channel that directs it. Once again, Corren's reaction was profound. He rose from his chair with a pensive slowness and walked a few steps through the room, his bare feet making hardly a sound on the stone. He was absorbed by the implications, his mind navigating the ideas Selena had planted.

Then, he took a sip of water from a wooden cup on his desk and turned toward her. A wider smile than before formed on his lips. —Thought as the base of rational consciousness... — he murmured, savoring the words. —What a powerful concept; the crystallization of the path. He paused, and his gaze moved toward the shelves lining the walls. —You will not find all the answers you seek only in volumes of legends and myths. He pointed with a vague gesture toward a section of the library Selena had not yet explored.

—Look in history. The books have dark brown spines. There you will find records of what has truly occurred in this world. Battles, reigns, plagues, heresies, and technology. Selena felt her heart skip a beat. History. Records. Perhaps there, in those brown-spined volumes, she would find something about House Scargoth, about the project her dreams spoke of, about the original Selena and the place she occupied in this world. Perhaps there she could find a way to defend herself from the dangerous Bjorn.