Chương 3: Chapter 2: Weeping and Pain

The pain did not relent; it transformed. From the sharp, bewildering stab in her chest, from the visceral nausea of discovery, a silent weeping first welled up, like a spring seeping through the cracks of a rock. Then spring overflowed. A sob shattered the oppressive silence of the bath, followed by another, and another, until her body convulsed in a paroxysm of smothered despair.

It was not a clean cry, not grief that could be named; it was the weeping of an existential shipwreck, the sound an unmoored soul makes when it discovers it has been transplanted into a strange, broken vessel. Her mind, far from settling, raced like an animal cornered in a cage of bone. Questions slammed against the confines of her skull repetitive, agonizing, unanswered. Who had she been? Nothing. A void. A black abyss were memories, faces, a name, a life should have been.

There was only absence, an oblivion that did not feel natural but violent, intentional, as though someone had taken a coarse rag and viciously scrubbed the slate of her past until only white dust, and the sting of abrasion remained. Her name? Nothing. An echo of syllables lost to nothingness. She was a ghost without a history, an intruder in flesh that bore its own story written in scars he, now she, could not read.

Tears, hot and salty, ran over cheekbones already aching with tension, tracing paths through dried blood and grime. She looked at herself in the puddle of water in the bucket, now clouded by her own disturbance. She saw only the girl. The girl with green eyes bulging with a terror he felt in every fiber of his new being. It was a vicious circle of horror: the crying confirmed the emotion, the emotion confirmed reality, and reality was the stranger face in the reflection. Time lost all meaning.

It might have been minutes or hours she spent there, curled on the cold floor, consumed by mourning for an identity she could not even remember losing. Until the crying, exhausted, began to subside, leaving behind an even deeper emptiness and a fragile, desperate resolve. She had to move. She had to know. She tried to stand. Her legs, those strange, weak extensions, protested. It felt like loose wires, muscles that would not obey orders from a brain that did not yet know how to command them.

She clutched the rim of the water barrel, knuckles whitening against the rough wood. With a growl torn from her throat like an animal sound, she heaved herself up. For a wavering instant, she stood. It was a victory that lasted only a heartbeat. When she let go of the barrel to take a step, balance a mental construct dependent on a body map that no longer existed, vanished. She fell to her knees against the stone floor with a dull, painful thud that forced a dry gasp from her chest.

The pain, sharp and unmistakable, was almost a relief. It was real. It was her pain. She did not stop. With the blind stubbornness of someone who has nothing left to lose but sanity, crawling and clinging, she reached the bath's stone wall. The stone was cold and abrasive beneath her palms. She leaned into it, using it as an improvised walker, and slowly, trembling like a leaf in a storm, rose to her feet once more. This time she did not let go.

She fused herself to the wall, feeling its solidity as the only stable point in a universe that was coming apart. Step by step, dragging her feet, sliding her hands along damp stone, she moved toward the mirror hanging above a simple washbasin. Every movement was a conquest, every inch a testament to a will clinging to the edges of collapse. At last, she was there, face to face with the mirror. The girl looked back at her. But she had changed.

The blind panic of before had given way to a sickly pallor; green eyes now sunken and ringed with purple shadows, yet lucid. Lucid and filled with confusion so deep it stole the breath. There was color in her cheeks, a fevered flush, but the mark of the nightmare remained, etched not in skin but in the gaze. Her clothes, a simple dress of coarse cloth, a color somewhere between gray and beige, were soaked and stiff with broad stains of dark red, almost brown. Blood. Her blood.

The memory of that hot liquid rising along her arms, drawn by a wound, sent a renewed wave of nausea through her. With trembling fingers she touched her neck, searching for tangible proof, the wound that would justify the spelling. Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. There was nothing. The skin beneath her fingertips was smooth, intact. No scar, no scab, not even a red line. Only the clean curve of her neck, the collarbone showing beneath the filthy fabric.

It was so unexpected, so utterly at odds with the brutal evidence of her dress, that for a moment she doubted everything. Had she dreamed it? Then she drew a deep breath, and the air that filled her lungs carried the smell. Iron. Rust. Old blood. The entire bath reeked of it. And her clothes were incontrovertible proof, the macabre flag of an event that, scary or not, had happened. Reality was perverse: the body displayed a deceptive perfection, while the material remnants screamed violence.

Exhausted, she slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor, her back against the cold stone. With clumsy movements, as if her hands did not fully belong to her, she pulled the stained dress over her head. The rough fabric scraped her skin. She let it fall aside, a shapeless, sinister heap. And then, without the barrier of cloth, she faced the most intimate and terrifying truth. The mirror showed her naked body. It was the body of a young woman.

Pale, smooth skin, dotted here and there with small moles or freckles. Gentle curves at the hips, a flat stomach, the arch of ribs visible beneath fine skin. Small, firm breasts. It was a healthy body, slim, feminine in every detail. There were no wounds, no strange marks, only the normal geography of a human body… but not her body. She/he had been refusing to believe it, clinging to the idea of a mistake, an illusion. But this could not be denied.

This flesh, these contours, this tangible reality beneath her own fingertips, was the final prison. Her mind, her memories, or the absence of them, her essential self, were trapped here. This was the place now. This body was the battlefield, the home, the tomb, and the rebirth, all at once. She held her breath, but it escaped in a choked sob. Her vision blurred again, this time not from panic but from a dark, resigned sorrow. Silent tears welled and fell onto her bare chest.

She stood, unsteady, using the wall for support. She could not remain there, naked before the mirror of her own usurpation. Wrapping herself in a coarse towel hanging from a hook, she dragged her still-trembling feet toward the fabric curtain that served as a door. With a final effort, she pulled it aside. The light of dusk, golden and dusty, filtered through the slats of a wooden-shuttered window, illuminating the single room. It was stark, desolately simple. A straw bed with a frayed blanket.

A worn wooden chest of drawers. A small bedside table. Nothing more. No pictures, no books, no trace of personality. Steadying herself on the furniture, she moved forward. Her first stop was the chest. She opened each drawer with anxious hands. In the first, a simple dress of dark brown cloth, similar to the one she had worn but clean. In the second, plain undergarments, a few clothes. Nothing else. No papers, no jewelry, no letters, no embroidered name.

Nothing to offer a clue, a thread to grasp in reconstructing the identity of the girl whose body she inhabited. She shuffled to the bed and looked beneath it. A pair of worn leather sandals. Nothing more. On the bed, propped against the stone wall, was a cross-body bag of intense sand color, unmarked, unadorned. She took it with trembling hands and emptied it onto the blanket. Nothing. It was empty. Absolutely empty. A sound somewhere between laughter and tears escaped her lips. That was all.

One clean dress, a few rags, a pair of sandals, and an empty bag. The entire universe of this new life fits into that. There were no answers. No past. Only a naked, terrifying present. She tried to rise from the bed, perhaps irrationally to search for something more, but her legs, exhausted and treacherous, gave way completely.

She fell to her knees on the wooden floor with a dry crack and a pain so intense and sharp that a guttural scream, laden with all her frustration and fear, tore through the silence of the room. She looked at her arms. They shook uncontrollably, muscles taut beneath pale skin. She could not go on. Her faint flame that had kept her moving, went out. She let herself collapse onto her side on the cold wooden floor, without the strength even to crawl to the bed. And then, the weeping returned.

Not the hysterical crying of discovery, but a deep, visceral, rending sob. It was the sound of a lost soul, of a being torn from its continuum and cast into a void without meaning or anchors. She cried for what she had been and could not remember. She cried for what she was and did not understand. She cried for the absolute solitude that permeated every corner of that anonymous room. There was no comfort. No answers. Only the brutal exhaustion, physical and mental, that finally overcame even despair.

The sobs grew farther apart, weaker, until they became broken sighs. The darkness that had lurked at the edges of her consciousness since she awoke advanced with gentle inevitability. It was not the terrifying blackness of the earlier collapse; it was the heavy, silky shadow of total exhaustion. The fractured mind yielded. Her eyes, swollen and aching, closed.

And once more, consciousness slipped away dragged under not by shock, but by the simple, crushing weight of having to exist, without knowing what, nor who, nor why.