Chương 416: B6—Chapter 66: Mental Exhaustion

The gang went out to continue clearing the first town of monsters, and I, bolstered by my successful practice with the ice, decided to train the other elements. The first one I wanted to work with was Wind. The way Rue blew away monsters with his breath was highly impressive. Sadly, his explanation of"Wind friend help" maybe helped him, but definitely didn't help me figure out how to do it. I almost blacked out from too much blowing with little to show for it.

I did connect to the wind, and I did ask it to help like Rue said, but the results were less than stellar. My breath whooshed out of me like normal breath, and the surrounding wind blew in a storm, but I couldn't direct it with my breath. After a few hours and a lot of various attempts to solve the problem, I was ready to give up, but then I had a thought: I had never examined my mana system whenever I did something element-related. The answer might have been there all along.

Closing my eyes, I concentrated until all of my mana system was visible to me. Not only the orbs, but all the main channels of the mana circulation system, and the secondary channels that corresponded to spells and affinities. The answer was indeed there. When I rose into the air, the mana from my Mind orb circulated through the Wind channels and only then reached the main ones to exit through my hands and feet. Flight took such a small amount that I never even noticed it.

I knew that I needed about five mana units to stay in the air for about ten to fifteen minutes, depending on my speed. I did check that part. I just never examined where it came from or what it did before using the ability. The wind blades were a different story. The mana for the spell came from all my orbs, a small amount from each, and traveled through two specific channels that led to my hands. Maybe because it's a specific spell and not an affinity use? That was the most logical explanation.

I flew away from our clearing and the town they were working on, closed my eyes again, and sent two wind vortexes to touch the ground. Same effect. The mana came only from my Mind orb and passed through the affinity channels. The only difference was that it streamed only from my hands. Still floating in the air, I grabbed a small amount of mana in my Mind orb, sent it down the wind channels, pulled it up to my mouth, and blew. Two trees broke. I pumped my fist and shouted, "Yeah!"

For the rest of the day, and the following two days, I practiced Storm Breath. That was the name I gave to the effect. It didn't appear on my Personal Information or anything, and the Wind level didn't go up, but that didn't discourage me. With each practice session, my control improved. I still broke a few trees, scared a lot of birds, and some scaly flying green jerks, rearranged most of the loose leaves and other debris on the ground, but I improved.

By the end of day three, I could control the intensity of the gust and even direct its shape, either in a cone or in a straight line toward a specific target. The only fly in the ointment was that I had to actively control the effect. My connection to Water was so instinctual and smooth that I only had to think of something, and it happened. Even when I practiced at our last stop, it mainly involved thinking up ideas and learning to control the width and intensity of the water column.

I didn't have to invest any effort, and my level of Water magic reached Master after the practice session. With Wind, even after all that practice, I was still stuck at Medior and had to work on everything. I hoped that eventually it would become instinctual too, like Water, but had no idea how to get there. There wasn't a guide or manual that explained the exact steps from "mostly functional" to "natural talent," so I continued to experiment. At least the next effect I practiced went smoother. Somewhat.

I tried to recreate the wind shield we had on the cart when we visited the mana portal in the desert. The result wasn't exactly the same, but it was close enough to feel like I was on the right track. When I first attempted it, all the wind around me surged to life, forming a wild, wide vortex that roared outward, ripping up most of the bushes and ferns in its path. Thankfully, no trees suffered in that attempt. I scaled it back and returned to the regular vortex I could already make.

Slowed it down, widened its rotation, and tried to wrap it around myself and whatever I chose as the center. That approach worked better. Although one tree paid the price that time, I had better control. Still, the same issue remained: I had to actively control it the entire time. Worse, I couldn't slow it down enough to act purely as a shield without violently throwing away everything it touched. I realized that if I ever wanted to use this in a group, I'd have to surround the entire group with the vortex.

Anything less, and the wind would pick up my teammates and toss them like leaves. But even with that limitation, it was still progress. I love progress. While I played with the wind and kept rearranging the surrounding vegetation, the rest of the gang cleared the first two towns and were working on the third. In total, there were five towns and a large industrial area they hadn't touched yet. I switched my attention to the Earth element.

Lying down on the ground with my eyes closed, I tried to connect to it but had trouble reaching the right state of mind. My thoughts were scattered, and I struggled to concentrate. I continued to lie there and let my mind wander so it could rest. My mind wasn't tired in the usual sense, not from overexertion or too much stimulation, just tired of everything. Or maybe it wasn't even tiredness in the traditional sense. It felt more like being fed up.

The small success I had with Wind had pulled my attention outward and made me focus on progress and technique. But now, lying still with no external stimuli, everything I had been pushing aside came rushing back, louder and heavier. I had a lot of fun in Tatob. The Magitech was fascinating, the food was interesting, and the expanded dungeon dimensions were downright envy-inducing. Even the dungeons had their own unique points of interest. They were different from what I was familiar with.

The capital was incredible, and I was sure it had much more to offer beyond the circus and the obstacle course. Then, out of nowhere, the war started and brought everything to a halt. The suddenness of it all was a shock to my system, and I realized I hadn't truly processed any of it. On top of that, I could feel Mahya's unhappiness with me for not joining them in the dungeon runs. Ever since I gained enhanced Perception and could sense other people's emotions, I had been trying to establish boundaries.

Without them, it felt like I was constantly intruding on something private. But when the emotions were strong enough, they got through anyway, no matter how hard I tried to block them. Hers definitely did. The constant emotional barrage felt like sandpaper on my mind. And her fiery explosions didn't help either. Al I was okay with. More than okay. Over time, I had come to really like and trust him. The fact that he was also quiet and closed off helped.

I could only perceive his emotions when I deliberately tuned into them, and even then, not always. And since he had loosened up a bit lately, he had become even more pleasant company. But even with that, I was starting to feel a bit tired of his presence, too. They were both like family to me. Actually, there was no "like" about it. They were my family. But I was learning that sometimes, even with family, you need a break.

Thinking back on my trip through Lumis, I had to admit that it was a lot of fun in itself, but it also had the added bonus of my being alone there. I didn't count Rue. Our souls were connected; he was part of me. Even when he was in his most annoying diva tantrum stage after watching too much television, it didn't really bother me. I got upset in the moment, sure—especially during certain temper tantrums—but it passed almost instantly.

Rue was Rue, not exactly my other half in the traditional sense of the word, but definitely a part of me. Being with him wasn't the same as being with other people. His presence didn't drain me. If anything, it grounded me. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Looking back at how upset I had been when they first decided to go back to Earth, I wanted to slap the back of my head and call myself an idiot.

The only reason I didn't was that it reminded me too much of Mahya's tantrums, and that was the very thing I was mostly fed up with at the moment. Before meeting Lis, and then the rest of the group, I had been alone for most of my life, except for the years I spent married. And even when I was married, our careers kept us apart more often than not. Back then, it felt like a bad thing. I was lonely during my childhood, and lonely again after my wife died.

So, when I finally found myself in a close-knit group that was almost always together, it felt amazing. It filled a gap I had been carrying for years. But now, I was slowly realizing that I needed my alone time as well. Not just moments when I was doing something on my own while they were busy elsewhere. I needed true time alone, where I could exist in silence, without adjusting to anyone else's presence. It might have been an ingrained habit from my childhood, or maybe just a deeper part of my personality.

I didn't know for sure. What I did know, with one hundred percent certainty, was that I needed time alone. Not just a break, but an extended period of solitude. Now I just had to figure out where to spend that time, how to explain it to Mahya and Al without hurting them, and how to meet up with them again afterward. I had no intention of breaking up the group. As I said, we were family. I simply needed a solo vacation. I opened the Map and looked at the options.

The first thing I considered was going to the cultivators' world again, and threw the thought out of my mind with due haste. No way in hell. Liliatas wasn't an option either. The pushy girls and the prevalent prostitution were too much for me. I considered the Gate that led to the South Pole for a couple of minutes. If I dressed warmly and flew as fast as possible, I could probably reach a warmer climate before the cold got to me. With my recent practice with ice, maybe the temperature wouldn't bother me that much.

I almost decided to go there. I was that close. But then my eyes landed on the Gate to Marita. It was a low mana world. That usually meant endless wilderness and a lot of quiet. I didn't want complete quiet with no people around. After all, the best thing about traveling was exploring the world, with everything that entailed. New places, strange customs, odd foods, unfamiliar faces. And the unique color palette of that world was on another level. Yeah, that looked like the best option.

Now I only had to see how the rest would react to it. I cooked an extra tasty dinner to set the stage and smooth out any hard feelings. I started with thinly sliced dungeon beef carpaccio, curled into little rosettes, drizzled with truffle oil, and topped with some interesting greens I picked up in Tatob along with a shaving of hard, salty cheese.

For the first course, I grilled occurrence bird thighs and plated them with pickled shallots and a sprinkle of toasted breadcrumbs with herbs and spices for added crunch on top. Of course, I made something special for Rue's taste. A silky crab bisque, infused with fire-roasted red peppers and a splash of cream. To accompany it, I baked paper-thin crackers studded with seeds and just a hint of garlic. The main course was pure decadence.

A slow-braised sorta-lamb shank, glazed in its own reduction until the meat slid off the bone with a sigh. I plated it over a creamy smoked raak purée, added grilled spears of a vegetable that resembled asparagus for contrast, and finished it with a drizzle of molasses from an unknown source I bought in Lumis. Dessert was a dark chocolate tart with a crisp crust, topped with honey-glazed figs and a quenelle of spiced cream.

I even dusted it with powdered sugar mixed with an extra sharp vanilla powder I found in Liliatas, just because it looked good. When the gang returned in the evening, their noses kicked into overdrive the moment they walked through the door. I couldn't help but giggle. They looked like a pack of sniffers.

"Are we celebrating something?" Mahya asked. I looked away and shifted my weight from one foot to the other.

"Sort of." She stared at me for a minute but didn't push. After they showered and changed clothes, I set the table, and we sat down to eat. Before taking the first bite of the carpaccio, Mahya stared at me and said, "Spit it!" in a commanding tone.

"Let's eat first and then talk," I said. She shook her head.

"Nuh-uh. First you spit it out, then we eat." Al looked between us, from one to the other, like in a tennis match. I sighed and gave in.

"I need a break." Mahya took in a sharp breath, and her face fell. I lifted my hand, palm out, in a peace offering.

"Listen. It has nothing to do with you. It's... it's purely my issue. I know you feared that we might kick you to the curb, and it's nothing like that." I rubbed my face and tried to gather my thoughts. To put the mess in my head into words she could actually understand.

"I've spent most of my life... alone, in a way. I'm used to being alone." I looked at her, then down at the floor.

"Since I met Lis, and then you, Lyura, and Al... I've been surrounded by people all the time. And don't get me wrong. I love it. I love you. I do. It's not that I want to go off and live in solitude again. I was lonely for most of my life, and I hated it." I shrugged.

"It's just... I feel mentally drained. Maybe it's the war we just went through, maybe it's all the madness in Saa. I don't know. I really don't. I just know that I'm tired of people in general." I glanced at her again, then away.

"Right now, you're busy clearing dungeons. Or about to be. And you know I don't really like that. Occasionally, yeah, I'll run one or two, but it's not my thing." I moved my carpaccio rosettes back and forth across the plate, leaving oil trails.

"And I have to admit... at first, when you two went back to Earth and I stayed behind in Lumis, I was upset. I felt kind of lost for a few days." A faint smile tugged at the corner of my mouth.

"But after that, I actually enjoyed it. The solo travel, the space to just breathe." I rubbed the back of my neck, hesitating. Then remembered Malith and yanked my hand down.

"So... I was thinking. Instead of hanging around and waiting for you to come back every evening like some fifties housewife, maybe I'll go travel. In Marita." Her expression didn't change, so I rushed to fill the silence.

"You didn't want to go there because it's low mana and boring, I know. But right now, boring sounds kind of perfect. So you can keep doing your thing, and I'll take a short vacation. Let my mind rest. And when you're done, message me through the Archive, or who knows, maybe I'll be back before that." My voice softened.

"I just want some time to myself. To do my own thing. And I want to do it without feeling like I'm betraying you. Or disappointing you. Or whatever. Just because I'm not into running dungeons with you." I exhaled slowly.

"That's all."

"I can understand your point," Al said, inclining his head slightly.

"There are times when each of us requires solitude." Mahya turned to him sharply, eyes narrowing.

"What? Now you want a break too?" she asked in an angry tone.

"No," he said, voice calm.

"I intend to gain levels. My experience in the last world made it clear I am still too weak. The dungeons present an excellent opportunity to rectify that." He paused, folding his hands on the table.

"I am merely saying that I understand John. I was raised surrounded by my mothers, sisters, and an excessive number of servants. At times, the noise and constant activity became overwhelming. I would often need to withdraw and find solitude, just to regain my mental equilibrium." Mahya sighed and said, "Let's just eat." Rue licked my cheek and bumped my shoulder with his snout. I scratched behind his ear.

"Thanks, buddy." It was the first fancy dinner I had cooked that was eaten in complete silence. No chatter or exclamations of pleasure, just the sound of cutlery and the occasional sigh. After we finished and I cleaned the dishes, I stepped outside and sat on the porch. The night air was still, a quiet contrast to the tension inside. About ten minutes later, Mahya joined me. She sat quietly beside me, her arms wrapped around her knees. For a while, neither of us said anything.

At some point, she began to fidget, shifting in place and wringing her hands in her lap.

"What?" I asked, keeping my tone light. She looked down, fingers clenching and unclenching.

"Is it because of me?" I almost said no without thinking. But I stopped myself. She deserved honesty.

"No," I said quietly, "but a little bit yes." She flinched, then turned her head away. I heard a small sniff.

"Are you crying?" I asked.

"No," she said too quickly, still not looking at me. I reached out and pulled her into a side hug, resting my arm around her shoulders.

"Let me explain. I do need a break. To tell you the truth, I'm all peopled out." I paused, trying to find the right words.

"I can feel your unhappiness with me for not joining the clearing, and yeah, it's unpleasant. But I do appreciate you not pushing the issue, so that's fine. And yes, your outbursts of anger don't help, but that's not the reason. Even if you were the sweetest, most cheerful, easygoing person in the world, I'd still need a break eventually." She stayed quiet, but I sensed the tension in her body easing slightly.

"We've been together for years now, almost every day. And most of the time, it's good. No, it's great. You two, and Lis, even if he is far away, you're all my family in every sense of the word." I gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"But even family needs space sometimes. Even couples can't spend every waking minute together. Maybe at the beginning, in the honeymoon phase, that works. But it never lasts forever. So go do your thing. Collect all those neglected dungeon cores just sitting around, unloved and unguarded. I'll go travel through some quiet wilderness, maybe meet a few people in a low-mana boring world." She snorted. I smiled, watching the stars overhead.

"We'll all have our own fun, and then we'll meet up again. We'll fly to the next Gate, and maybe this time we'll find a world without a war waiting for us." She hugged my waist and put her head on my shoulder. I took that as a yes.