Chương 84: I Love Him. So What?

So What?

POV: The Assistant, Nyx - Moments After Milo and Evelisse Left for Astrea When the living room had gone silent, I opened the bathroom door slowly, enough to have a tiny gap for me to peek out with. I saw no one in the living room, which was good. If Milo's still out there somehow, I wouldn't know how to react, since I just behaved extremely weirdly just now. Getting tripped, got a lousy save, and then becoming all flustered? What's this? A lousily-written story with a dumb heroine?

No, no, I'm not that kind of woman. I opened the door wider, popped my head out, looked left and right to make sure he's not there, and stepped out. After closing the door, I leaned on it and my eyes went to the ceiling for no reason. Then, his words came back in my head.

"I think... that'd be okay? Remembering, if it's for you." And there it was again, the skips, tiny flutters in my chest, which I had tried to deny and failed miserably today. Ever since the elf told us the story of the golden apples, I couldn't help but wonder if those might just be the thing I needed; the thing that can make me be with him again. The question has been in my mind ever since the story was told.

There were many risks, but if somehow, we could bypass those risks, that would mean he might be able to remember everything, rendering the curse placed upon him to be void. Finally, we can fulfill our promise to— You shouldn't do it. Oh for devil's sake, of course it's my own rational voice. Did you even listen to the elf's story? All this mess happened because of the golden apple. If Farryn hadn't forced the apple onto Adlon, then— I know, I know!

It's not like I want to really do it, it's just that I was curious and— You know you want to do it. The moment we arrive at Silvanis, you will look for that tree and then grab the apple. Oh fuck, I can't do this right now.

"Nyx? Are you okay?" I did not know when, but I had closed my eyes and put my hand on my temple. The moment I heard that familiar voice, I opened my eyes and saw Lunessa in her usual t-shirt and shorts.

"I'm..." I looked at her as my eyes came into focus.

"I'm okay."

"Can we talk?" She asked. I could guess what she wanted to talk about, and to be honest, I was not in the mood to talk about it, but she looked like she really wanted to talk about it.

"Must it be now?"

"Well, if you don't mind."

"What if I mind?"

"Then tonight or tomorrow is fine. Though I'd prefer to talk about this while Eve's not here." Right on the money. It must be about the stupid feelings stuff. And since she seemed dead set on having this talk, we would need to have this sooner or later. Might as well get this over with fast.

"... Fine, we can talk now." We sat across from each other at the dining table. Lunessa had her hands folded neatly in her lap. I crossed my legs and leaned back, arms folded, and made a point of looking somewhat bothered to even be here at all.

"So? What is it you want to talk about?"

"I think you can probably guess," she said.

"It's about you and Milo." Of course it was. She really did dote on that sister of hers. Given her sharp nature, there was no chance she had missed the strange little current running between Milo and me these past few days. Love what you're reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on.

"There's... nothing between us," I said. I knew full well it wouldn't work, but it was worth a shot. And, technically, it wasn't even a lie. There was nothing between us. Not really. Milo was busy being his current oblivious self, and I was the only one making a mess of things. Given his idiotic brain, I'd bet he hadn't guessed that I have... something towards him.

"You know that won't work on me." Lunessa's smile didn't budge.

"I've been watching the two of you. Milo may be dense, but you? You haven't been behaving like an assistant." Well, at least I tried.

"Are you into him?" She asked.

"And how, exactly, is that any of your business?" I said. Lunessa blinked, thrown off her rhythm for half a second.

"I—fine. But refusing to answer is as good as telling me there's something." Huh. Didn't expect her to fumble this early in. She was clever, and she'd been steering the many conversations with that unnerving ease of hers, right until now. It seemed like when it veered into the softer, murkier territory, she was not the expert.

"Believe whatever you like." I pushed my chair back and rose, already turning for my room.

"Wait."

"What? Going to confess you're interested in him yourself, or something?"

"Wha—no!" A faint color rushed into her cheeks before she caught it, cleared her throat, and hauled her composure back into place.

"... You don't have to tell me anything, but at least hear me out." I held her gaze for a moment, weighing it, then sat back down.

"I just think that... you've been confusing Milo," Lunessa said.

"In what way? Have you been stalking us?"

"I haven't. Let's just say I'm rather... observant."

"Milo's always confused."

"You know what I mean, Nyx. You keep making moves on him, even when he already has Eve, and—""Are they even a thing yet?"

"That depends on how you look at—""Then they're not a thing yet. And if they're not a thing yet, then Milo's free to think whatever he wants." The frustration was climbing in my voice, and I felt it slip past the point of control halfway through, but by then it was already out.

"Fine. Let's just assume you're right, and you're not right, but let's assume it. You're telling someone not to make moves on Milo because your little sister happens to be crushing on him. Doesn't that make you despicable?" Something flickered across Lunessa's face.

"You could say all's fair in love, sure. But if all's fair, then the hypothetical me, the one who, for the sake of your argument, happens to be interested in Milo, can do whatever she likes too. Can't she?"

"I know that." Lunessa held her ground.

"What I'm saying is, if you're not interested in him, then you're making him worry, making him chew over things that don't need chewing over. And that only makes it harder. For him, and for Eve."

"And as I said, Milo can think whatever he wants. If he's confused, that's his problem to sort out. Are you actually blaming me for it now?"

"I'm not—" She stopped halfway. And an awkward silence dropped between us, thick and graceless. I felt... pathetic. This whole thing had curdled into a petty, lowly little squabble, the kind that disgusted me. Every passing minute wound me tighter, and this... this exact feeling, was exactly why I'd never wanted to have this conversation in the first place. Because I was not good at this. I knew what she was after. She only wanted a simple answer: Do I like Milo?

If I don't, then she'd like me to keep my distance, to stop having all these little private moments with him. And if I do, well, then she'd probably back off, let things play out, and see where they landed. She wasn't even opposed to me liking him. She just wanted her sister and Milo's romance to bloom cleanly, which it could, if only I'd make it clear I had no intention of wading into the drama.

And I could just keep insisting there was nothing, but even as I thought it, I knew the truth; I couldn't stop having those moments with him if I tried. Deep down, and it had happened again and again by now, I still yearned for them. Like just before he'd left for Astrea, when my idiot brain had seized the wheel and dragged us into that whole business about retrieving memories. So, no. I wasn't willing to back out. I knew I should have. I'd even tried to, and I'd failed, every single time.

That was why I was still here at all; that's why I'd stayed when Greg had offered me the way out. I was stuck. I wanted to give up and I couldn't bear to give up, both at once, and then the golden apple had surfaced in that story, and for the first time in longer than I could remember, I'd felt hopeful. The whole world had set itself against the two of us being together.

The so-called gods had gone so far as to lay a curse on him, to make certain we never could be together, and now—now, after all these years, after everything, there was finally something that could bring him back to me. And this woman wanted me to give him up?... No. Not a chance. Least of all for some smug older sister who thought she had it all figured out.

"... Fine," I said, barely above a breath.

"What?"

"You want to know if I like him?" I rose from the chair. Lunessa went quiet, and I met her eyes, and held them, and did not look away.

"Yeah. I do." She said nothing.

"I love him. I always have. In fact, I'd bet there isn't a single soul in this entire world who has loved him longer than I have." Whatever she'd braced for, it wasn't that. It showed.

"I know exactly what you want from me. And I'm sorry, but it's the one thing I can't give you." My voice steadied and found its footing.

"If anything, I ought to thank you. You've reminded me of just how cruel this world has been, to him and to me both. And now?" I let out a slow breath.

"Now I'm going to do everything in my power to get him back." The heat went out of my glare, little by little, until what was left felt almost calm. I supposed admitting it and letting it out after all this time had its own benefit.

"So, there you have it." I let the words settle between us.

"I'm not backing down. Which means, I suppose, that from here on we'll simply have to play this game together and see which of us wins."