Chương 195: 19. Almost Childish

"I can't do this," I declare with a shudder.

"There has to be another way." I'm prepared to face any kind of monster, weather any storm, clear any obstacle, but not this.

"Oh come on, Violet, it's not that high," Talla huffs. Not that high?! The cliff face has to be at least ten meters, maybe more, of sheer rock face, what few footholds it has made slick by the nightly rains. It's suicide!

"I'm not climbing that," I insist.

"We have to go around." She and Eva should have known better before scouting out this route. We don't have hooves, and even if we did, there's no way that this is safe.

"Then have someone else do it," she sighs.

"This is the best way up!"

"No." I shake my head.

"It's no way up at all."

"It's too far for Astral Burrowing," Maggie notes.

"And traveling up that way is kind of hard anyway. Even if the distance is shortened, I still need to jump or climb to get there." Naturally. Her trick isn't really teleportation, even if it seems that way sometimes. She still has to move through the intervening space, it's just different space. It's probably how the demon Nipper got the trait from was able to do strange things like cut ahead of us when we were fleeing, hide in spaces too small to fit it, and constantly change the number and length of its limbs.

I think the [Angel] we saw had similar properties as well, but thinking too hard about that always makes my head fuzzy.

"We scaled worse on our way down the mountain last season," Eva scolds me.

"And this is nothing compared to the chasm you crossed numerous times in the convergence point." I shiver at the memory. My fear of heights has not gotten better since then. In fact, I think it's gotten worse. I've gotten stronger, we've leveled up enough that a swipe from a huge monster that should have killed us outright didn't do much more than briefly stun us, and there's a discomfort in our chest when we breathe too deeply to remind us that we've survived being shot in the chest. The bullet is still in us.

Monsters I can fight, guns I can face, empires I can flee—but there is no force in this world or any other that can protect me from an unfathomably massive ball of rock accelerating inexorably towards me at 9. 81 meters per second squared. Gravity is not a foe to be conquered—it is a force of nature to be feared and respected.

"Is gravity even the same here?" Allie wonders.

"It feels the same, but maybe it's not. If it's a bit lighter, that might explain why everybody is so tall."

"Cope harder," Maggie teases.

"We're just short. Live with it."

"Nobody is climbing this cliff," I declare with a firmness to match the grip on my spear.

"Perhaps Lady Talla could lower a rope for us," Eva suggests.

"I think we should have enough, though we may need to tie a few lengths together." They made such a big deal out of making me lead the debrief, but now nobody is listening to me at all. Not that I really wanted to be any sort of leader, but feels rather contradictory.

"Talla, how long will it take us to go around?" I ask.

"I'm not sure," she replies.

"A day or two, maybe? But we haven't scouted that path." There are a concerning number of lines converging upon us climbing this cliff, but my mind rejects them all. I have to believe that there's another way. Unfortunately, I cannot think of one right now.

"It's not even that dangerous a drop, you big baby," Maggie jeers.

"And if I'm the one doing the climb, I can shorten the drop with Astral Burrowing—I've practiced that move a lot." Yes. She has. I remember vividly all the times she leapt from the rigging on Jira's ship, risking life and limb for the chance to show off her new trick. In hindsight, that may have contributed somewhat to my worsening fear of heights. They say exposure therapy is supposed to help, but all it did was instill a fresh feeling of terror for my mind to go back to.

Even just the memory of that sudden feeling of weightlessness is making me nauseous.

"Come on, Vi, I'm not happy with it either, but we knew climbing a mountain was going to involve some, y'know, climbing?" Allie points out—the traitor. She should be on my side here! Allison is the only other one who really understands.

"Look," Talla sighs.

"I'll just carry you up. We've done that before."

"Not that high, and not in the rain!" She rolls her eyes.

"It's not even raining right now. Here—" Without a moment of hesitation, she turns away from me and starts climbing. Her hooves and those odd stiff fingertips make short work of the cliff face, finding holds in places that I could have sworn were sheer rock, and within the span of a few seconds Talla has already reached the summit.

"See?" she calls down.

"Nothing to worry about!"

"That doesn't mean you can do it while carrying an entire person!"

"With all due respect, Vi, you weigh like half a person at most," she retorts.

"But if you're still worried..." Talla disappears over the edge, leaving me to wait nervously at the bottom. Though I have the utmost trust that she would never do that, I'm struck with the sudden inexplicable fear that she's going to just abandon me down here—cutting me off like dead weight. It's a stupid thought, born entirely of anxiety and nerves, but I still let out a sigh of relief when she pokes her horns back over the edge and tosses down a length of rope.

With the aid of the rope, Talla swiftly rappels back down to my side and gives it a few hard tugs to demonstrate that it's secure. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.

"There! Now there's really nothing to worry about," she assures me.

"I left my own pack up there, and I have absolute confidence that I can carry the rest up on my back." I bite my lip as the last of my excuses slip inexorably through my fingers.

"I'm surprised that you can do that without skills."

"I do have skills, silly!" she giggles.

"You forgot that I have a second class, didn't you? My [Explorer] class is good for handling rough terrain, and I've been working on it since I joined the Rangers."

"Ah, right," I reply dumbly.

"Of course." The silence between us stretches awkwardly for a moment before Talla sighs and lowers herself to one knee, presenting her back to me.

"Come on, let's go."

"This is so humiliating," I grumble. It was one thing when we were in a hurry, and I was exhausted and injured. But I'm in perfect health now, and have absolutely no excuses.

"If you don't want to do it, I'll be happy to volunteer," Maggie offers. With a pained grimace, I set my pride aside and wrap my arms around Talla's neck. She stands up smoothly, unperturbed by the extra weight, and I suffer a brief jolt of panic at the movement. Oh, come on! We haven't even left the ground yet!

"It's alright, Vi," Talla tries to reassure me.

"Just hold on tight." She needn't have bothered telling me. The second she starts ascending the rope, I squint my eyes shut and squeeze so tightly that I worry I might be choking her. It's all I can do to suppress a whimper as we climb for what feels like hours, even if it's actually less than a minute. Even once we reach the top, I can't bring myself to open my eyes or let go of Talla until I feel my feet planted firmly on the ground.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, then rest my hands on my knees to hide their trembling while I try to regain my composure.

"It's strange to see this side of you—almost childish," Talla comments while she unties and gathers up the rope.

"I'd expect it from Allie, but you usually strike me as calm and unflappable." Is that what she thinks of me? I can't imagine how. I'm basically a nervous wreck at all hours of the day. Well, I suppose I just don't really show it on my face most of the time.

"I'm just quiet," I reply, my voice not quite rid of the tremor just yet.

"Usually I'm always worrying about something or another."

"Really? But you've always got a plan or strategy in mind, it seems."

"That's a product of all the worrying."

"It's true," Allie chimes in.

"If Vi doesn't have any problems to solve, she starts inventing new ones." I wouldn't go that far. It's just that I like to think ahead so that I can be better prepared later.

"Huh," Talla muses quietly.

"Well, feel free to share some of those worries. Especially if it's something I can help with." I'm about to wave her off, but now that she mentions it, there is something I've been meaning to ask her about.

"Actually, I have a few questions about magic." She beams happily, putting away the rope and shouldering her pack again.

"My favorite! Let's talk on the move." I let her lead the way, watching our surroundings carefully as I consider the question.

"We have a lot of potential spells that are still unformed," I tell her.

"Some, I've intentionally been saving for when we can shape them to specific purposes, but most of them I just... haven't gotten around to."

"That's pretty normal, actually," Talla says.

"I certainly haven't come anywhere close to exhausting all the potential spells [Advanced Thaumaturgy] offers. Some of them I literally can't."

"Can't?" She nods.

"I think we've discussed it before, right? I can only manage spells up to grade three, but the skill theoretically allows far more than that." Grade, in this case, refers to the number of skills combined to make the spell. [Pyrothaumaturgy] technically only makes spells of grade two, which is the lowest possible. There are no grade one spells—those are just skills.

"That's because the strain is too high, right? But you've developed every spell you can within your limits."

"And I've had years to do so," she replies.

"I didn't develop them all at once, I assure you. Your skill, along with your unique advantages, gives your magic an exceptional degree of breadth despite its focus on fire-based spells. It makes sense to lean into that flexibility." I'm inclined to agree with her, but at the same time I can't help but feel like I'm wasting some of that potential by holding back too much.

"I think I should still develop a few more before we investigate the convergence break," I admit.

"But I can't decide which ones."

"Hmm, give me a list?" Though my initial reflex is to keep our abilities hidden, I have no reason to distrust Talla, and I am asking for advice, so it would be silly to withhold things now. It only takes me a moment to compile a list of the skills that we have mastered, and which qualify for [Pyrothaumaturgy]. Not all of them do—most notably every version of [Parallel Wills] is unavailable. What remains is still over a dozen potential spells that have gone unrealized.

Retraced Steps The Beaten Path Quick Sort Efficient Training Inner Compass Stretch Supplies Protect the Innocent Pyropathy Magical Awareness Provocation Empathic Nature Lucid Dream Sleep Practice"No [Revitalization]?" Talla asks, as she peruses the list.

"I created that one while we were still on Jira's ship," I explain, wincing.

"It's, uh, very much for emergencies only." I did my best to make it work, but when it comes to rapidly sealing a dying person's wounds with fire, there was only ever one way it was going to turn out. [Cleansing Fire] Cauterize all of a person's wounds and burn away any poisons or infections. The good news is that it no longer causes exhaustion. The bad news is that it's probably painful enough to cause someone to pass out and says absolutely nothing about stabilizing their condition or keeping them alive.

In fact, I'm reasonably sure that it will outright kill anybody close enough to death. Talla shares my grimace when I share the description.

"Not ideal, but I suppose there's always some tradeoffs when it comes to broad [Mastery] type skills. I do have some recommendations for your other spells, if you'd like to hear them."

"Please." I gesture for her to continue.

"For our expedition, Magical Awareness, Protect the Innocent, and either Retraced Steps or Inner Compass," she suggests.

"You've got a lot of destructive power, but magic is usually more about utility. On your own time, I'd also suggest developing Efficient Training, Stretch Supplies, and Sleep Practice. Those are all likely to have long-term benefits that will compound over time. The rest you can develop as needed." I nod along, following her logic. Honestly, I'd considered a lot of that already but I've been indecisive about following through with it.

"Alright, I'll work on those, thank you."

"Well, you'd better work fast, because we're here," Talla says, pointing ahead. Before us, tucked into an innocuous looking cliff face, is a simple cave opening marked with some old, rotting signposts that are no longer legible. A trickle of sweat forms on the back of my neck, and I tighten the grip around my spear. It's not the same. I know it isn't, and yet the feeling that wells up within me cares not. Here we are again, it seems to say. Back where it all began.