Chương 420: Drunken Monkey Destroying the World

The eventual departure from the Spirit-Brew Tribe was not a quiet affair. Dozens of smaller monkeys swarmed around Li Yu, tugging at his cloak and chattering excitedly. They bore gifts for him. Armfuls of fruits that would make any alchemist or fruit lover in the Central Continent weep with envy. There were Frost-Bite Melons, which had to be eaten quickly before they melted into pure water Qi.

There were Iron-Skin Pears, heavy as cannonballs and required a hammer or very strong teeth to crack open but tasted like honeyed caramel. And there were Shadow-Grapes, which made the eater temporarily invisible if they ate too many, leading to several monkeys bumping into each other in thin air. Li Yu accepted them with a wide smile, storing them carefully in his ring for later enjoyment.

He sat with the tribe for one last meal, cracking open an Iron-Skin Pear with a casual tap of his finger, much to the awe of the younger primates. As the sun began to crest over the peaks, casting long golden rays into the valley, Elder Yuan approached. The massive monkey looked much better. His fur was lustrous and while he still moved with a slight stiffness, the aura of impending death was gone.

"You are leaving," Yuan stated, his telepathic voice deep and resonant.

"The road calls," Li Yu replied, wiping sticky pear juice from his chin.

"And I have lingered long enough." Yuan grunted and reached into the thick fur around his neck. He pulled out a jade slip somehow. It was old, the surface worn smooth by time and touch. It was glowing with a faint and aggressive amber light.

"Take this," Yuan said, tossing it to Li Yu. Li Yu caught it.

"What is it? A recipe for the wine?"

"Better," Yuan snorted.

"Before I was the Elder, I was a warrior. I fought all over the place, proving himself to the world. I used a staff like you do. But your style... it is too soft. Too flowery." Li Yu raised an eyebrow.

"My style is too flowery?! It can't get anymore basic than my style. I find it effective."

"It lacks impact," Yuan declared, slamming his fist into his chest.

"This slip contains my life's work on staff techniques. The techniques I created when I was young and angry. It is called 'Drunken Monkey Destroying the World'." Li Yu blinked.

"That is... a very ambitious name."

"It is an honest name, a proper name for a technique!" Yuan corrected.

"It focuses on weight. Momentum. Absolute destruction. It is not about finding the opening; it is about creating the opening by removing the opponent from existence." Li Yu touched the slip to his forehead. Immediately, information flooded his mind. He saw visions of a younger Yuan, a whirlwind of muscle and fury. He was wielding a tree trunk like a twig. The techniques were brutal. First Form: The Mountain Collapse. A vertical smash designed to flatten anything, including the geography.

Second Form: The Sweeping Tsunami. A horizontal strike that used centrifugal force to shatter armies. Third Form: The Comet's Kiss. A thrust so powerful it created a vacuum tunnel. It was pure unadulterated violence. Very basic looking moves that were imbued with the deep understanding of destruction, weight and momentum. Just like Yuan had told him.

"I... thank you," Li Yu said, genuinely touched. He tucked the slip into his robe.

"I will study it and put it to good use."

"Good," Yuan nodded, "In a way… you are carrying on my legacy… see to it that it shines as brightly as possible!" Li Yu stood up, adjusting his pack and letting the weight of those words rest on his shoulders. His expression turned serious.

"Yuan. You should move the tribe. The Mist-Serpent Sisters are dead but others might come looking eventually. A force that large that suddenly went missing is hard to hide."

"I know," Yuan sighed, looking at the cave that had been their home for generations.

"We have already begun packing the fermentation vats and other things we need. There are deeper valleys to the north that are shrouded in perpetual fog. We will go there."

"Good luck, Yuan." Li Yu then passed him a communication token.

"Let me know if there are any dangers that you are not able to handle." Yuan accepted the device with a smile, "Good hunting, Life-Weaver." Li Yu bowed, turned and began his walk down the mountain path. He didn't look back but he could feel the eyes of the tribe watching him until he disappeared into the tree line. A smile was on Li Yu's face as he traveled, thinking back to the strange encounter he had and the memories they will carry. Two weeks later. Li Yu arrived in the town of Copper-Kettle Creek.

It was a bustling trade hub located at the intersection of three major rivers. The town was famous for two things: its obsession with tea and for some reason its complete lack of volume control. Because the town was built next to a massive roaring waterfall, everyone shouted. All the time. It might have started as a joke or it might have been completely necessary, no one seemed to really know. The one thing that was for sure is that everyone was indeed shouting. All the time.

"WELCOME TO THE INN!" the innkeeper screamed at Li Yu, looking like he was about to pop a vein.

"WOULD YOU LIKE THE DELUXE ROOM OR THE STANDARD ROOM?"

"Standard is fine!" Li Yu shouted back, feeling ridiculous. The waterfall wasn't nearly loud enough to require that kind of shouting. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

"WHAT? YOU WANT THE STANDING ROOM? WE DON'T HAVE THAT!"

"STANDARD!" Li Yu bellowed, infusing a tiny bit of Qi into his voice to carry it over the roar of the water.

"AH! STANDARD! THREE SILVER!" After securing a room, Li Yu wandered the market. He found a street vendor selling 'Thunder-Crunch Biscuits'. Curious, he bought a bag. They looked like normal crackers but when he bit into one, it literally popped in his mouth with a sound like a firecracker. Pop! Crack! Passersby didn't even flinch. Li Yu walked down the street, his mouth exploding with tiny bangs as he was tasting savory spices and something that tasted suspiciously like gunpowder.

"Flavorful," Li Yu mumbled, smoke drifting out of his nostrils.

"But perhaps a fire hazard." Li Yu continued wandering around to see if there was anything else unique about this place. He found a few more water species that he never collected before. Buying out the merchant's stock of various strange small fish that were flat and had suction cups on their underside. The merchant told him that they use the suction cups to climb up the waterfalls. He paid the man and then found a quieter spot by the riverbank to practice. He pulled out his bamboo staff.

"Let's try this Drunken Monkey style," he mused. He recalled the First Form: The Mountain Collapse. According to the manual, the exact words were one had to 'channel the weight of the heavens into the tip of the staff and bring it down with the hatred of a lover scorned.'

'Who describes a technique in this way? What does that even mean? Is it just left for interpretation?' Li Yu thought to himself while shaking his head. Even though he was dumbfounded by the instructions, he wanted to give it a try. Li Yu held the staff high. He suppressed his cultivation to the minimum, trying to rely on physical mechanics. He swung. Whoosh. The staff hit the wet mud with a wet thwack. A small splash of mud landed on his cheek.

"Hm," Li Yu critiqued himself.

"Less 'Mountain Collapse', more 'Sad Splat'." He tried again. This time, he accidentally used a sliver of his real strength. BOOM. The ground shook all around him. A crater three meters wide appeared in the riverbank. The water rushed in to fill it. A confused catfish flew into the air and landed at Li Yu's feet and was splashing around.

"TOO MUCH!" a fisherman screamed from down the river.

"YOU SCARE THE FISH!"

"SORRY!" Li Yu yelled back, kicking the catfish back into the water.

"JUST EXERCISING!" Another week passed. Li Yu found himself in the city of Silk-Rest. This city was the polar opposite of Copper-Kettle Creek. It was a city of scholars, poets and artists. The buildings were draped in colorful silks and the air smelled of expensive ink and performative depression. Li Yu walked into a restaurant called The Pondering Goose. The menu didn't have prices. It had riddles. Item 1: That which swims but has no fins, hot as passion, served in a bowl of regret.

"Excuse me," Li Yu signaled the waiter, a young man with a soul-patch beard and an expression of deep existential ennui.

"What is this?"

"It is spicy eel soup," the waiter sighed, as if the question caused him physical pain.

'Another fool that doesn't know the beauty of riddles and poems' The waiter thought to himself. This was a common occurrence but one that saddened him each time nonetheless.

"And this one? The tears of the dragon, frozen in time, embracing the sweetness of the earth?"

"Ice cream with bean paste." The waiter replied again with almost a tear drop forming in his eyes.

"I'll have the eel," Li Yu said.

"And for the drink?"

"We have Wine of Solitude," the waiter offered.

"Is it good?"

"It tastes like longing." Li Yu blinked.

"I'll just have your best tea please." The eel soup was in fact delicious. As he ate, Li Yu listened to the scholars at the next table debating the nature of the Dao. Li Yu probed them and found they were only in the Body Refining realm. The start of the cultivation journey.

"The Dao is a circle!" one argued, slamming his cup down.

"No, you fool! The Dao is a triangle! It has points!"

"The Dao is clearly a square! It has structure!" Li Yu slurped a noodle loudly. The scholars turned to glare at him.

"What say you, traveler?" the 'Triangle' scholar demanded.

"What is the shape of the Dao?" Li Yu looked at his bowl. He picked up a slice of eel with his chopsticks.

"The Dao," Li Yu said thoughtfully, "is whatever shape allows you to eat dinner without shouting." The table went silent.

"Profound," the 'Circle' scholar whispered.

"He speaks of the Formless Void."

"The Utilitarian Dao!" the 'Square' scholar gasped.

"Write that down!" Li Yu quickly finished his soup, feeling a bit awkward. He signaled the waiter.

"The bill, please," Li Yu said, reaching for his money pouch. The waiter shook his head slowly, his eyes filled with a tragic sadness.

"Money? Sir, The Pondering Goose does not accept base metal. It soils the spirit."

"Then... how do I pay?" Li Yu asked, confused.

"You must pay with a piece of yourself," the waiter said softly.

"A poem. A stanza. A reflection of your soul's current turbulence." Li Yu froze. He looked around. The scholars were watching him with intense interest, quills poised. He wasn't a poet. The only rhymes he knew were nursery rhymes or formulas.

"A poem," Li Yu repeated.

"Yes. Reveal your inner truth," the waiter urged. Li Yu's mind went blank. He tried to think of something beautiful about mountains or rivers but nothing came. The pressure was mounting. The waiter was staring and so were those around him now. Then, he remembered his alias. The mask Jian Xuan had created to protect himself. Little Crab. It was the only thing that came to mind.

'If only Jian Xuan was here, he seemed like such a good poet.' Li Yu thought but then quickly composed himself. Li Yu cleared his throat. He adopted a serious, thousand-yard stare. He lowered his voice to a grave rumble.

"The abyss is dark, it's waters deep. Where secrets of the shell we keep. We walk sideways, never straight. To pinch the toes of impending fate. Snip, Snip, Snap. Glory to the Crab." Silence descended on the restaurant. Li Yu held his breath, wondering if they were going to throw him out for being ridiculous. The waiter let out a shuddering breath. A single tear rolled down his cheek.

"Snip... Snip... Snap," the waiter whispered, his voice trembling.

"The onomatopoeia of severing mortal attachments... The 'sideways walk' representing the rejection of society's linear expectations... It is... magnificent!" The 'Triangle' scholar was weeping openly.

"To pinch the toes of fate! Such audacity! Such raw, crustacean power!"

"The meal is on the house," the waiter choked out, bowing deeply.

"Please, leave before I am overwhelmed by the profundity." Li Yu grabbed his staff and walked out as fast as he could without running.