Chương 11: [LD-1] 10. Soul Sea

X Soul Sea A void stretched everywhere I could see 'I've been here before,' was my first thought. I expected the Initiation Chamber to form again. But no chamber did. Closer inspection revealed that this was definitely not the place where I'd met the deity. My leg moved without issue, which caused a ripple to spread from my sneakers. I was standing on water. A soft breeze travelled over the large body and carried a faint scent of salt. I crouched and ran a finger across the surface…

'Cold.' Colder than ice. Yet it remained fluid. I blinked and focused on my reflection in the water. A black sun hung in the sky over my shoulder. The star beamed by virtue of its surroundings, though it scattered no light. It was like Death: so desperately lonely, shunned by its most beloved. Despite that, it was not the only body in the sky. A blue sphere of energy floated nearby. It…swirled. Writhed like it were alive. But also waiting. Waiting for me.

"I have to condense that?" My gaze turned to the realm again. It was strange. It was the only obvious thing to interact with. Just as I was about to reach out to the sphere, something inside me pulsed. I frowned. The pulse spread from my core and felt vaguely familiar. I brushed it with my mind…and or the sense the pulse was asking for something. Since I had no idea what was happening, I simply prodded my core back and waited. Nothing happened.

'I must be going crazy—'"Master, I've come to guide your training!" If I were ever in doubt whether I could startle in my soul, I was now no more. I whirled around as my heart regained control and found Kil twirling overhead.

"How'd you even get in here?!" The eyeball bobbed innocently.

"What do you mean, Master? I knocked."

"Knocked?" I blinked.

"That was you?"

"Yes! As your familiar, I'm linked to your soul. As long as you allow it, I can follow you into your soul sea."

"Say that earlier, dammit," I mumbled. My head tilted.

"What do you mean with 'guide' my training? I only need to condense the experience, right?" Experience gained from killing monsters was raw energy. In order to use it to level up, I had to condense it into a purer form and feed it to my soul sea.

"…that's probably along the lines of what you're thinking, aren't you, Master?" Kil said after reiterating my exact thoughts.

"Well, yes. Is there another method?" What I knew was the only method my teacher's had thought me. Kil did his equivalent of grinning.

"That's why your trustworthy familiar is here! You see, feeding your soul sea is only half of the equation."

"It is?" He swirled through the black expanse that was the sky.

"What's the first thing you think of when looking at your soul sea, Master?"

"Uh?" I glanced around.

"That it's dark?"

"The second thing, then."

"Cold?" Kil paused with an audible sigh.

"All true, I suppose. But what the great Kil was looking for was 'desolate.' There's not much here except for that sun."

"Okay…but what else is there supposed to be?" He snapped his metaphorical fingers.

"Your soul sea is a magical place that can mirror anything you can imagine! So why don't we add to it a little?" He came to float in front of me.

"Grab that ball of experience and condense it. But instead of simply feeding it to your sea, try to shape it into something."

"Like what?"

"That's up to Master to decide! Your soul sea reflects your inner self, so whatever object you identify with. However, be sure to leave about half of the sphere untouched. Otherwise, there won't be enough for you to level up with."

"And this creation is more important than levelling?" An idea already took shape in my head as I spoke.

"If you remember, I'm poisoned and want to level my constitution."

"While this won't be as beneficial as putting points in Constitution, it will provide a boon. Beyond our current predicament, too." I hummed. Well, this was exactly why I chose Reaper's Condolence. Not listening to him would be the height of stupidity.

"So, condense and shape it into an object…" I mumbled. I sat down. The cold waters pricked into my thighs. As I sank deeper into a second meditation of sorts, the sphere of untamed energy became brighter and brighter in my head. Flexing my mind, the energy whirled and pushed in on itself. Slowly and surely, like juice slipping out of a squeezed lemon, droplets poured from the bottom of the sphere. The water underneath rippled.

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"Don't imagine it joining the sea," Kil said.

"Give it form." I thought back to that tiled room in the void. The slab of stone with the imprint in the centre. It was tall enough that I had to stand on my tiptoes to insert the shard. The surface was smooth. Smoother than you'd expect from aeons old stone.

'Those markings…how'd they look again?' The designs were at once a child's stroke of the brush and a master's piece of art. There was definitely a thread linking each figure to the next, a core idea that the runes were supposed to represent, but it was barely out of reach, like a forgotten term on the tip of your tongue. I tried hard to imagine it. If I were right…

"That should do it, Master." I jerked out of my imagination.

'Huh?' That quick? I'd only been busy for a second! But when I reluctantly opened my eyes, I found myself looking at an object that hadn't been there before. A base of black stone as long as I was tall floated on top of the water. There was another layer on top of the base. This one had a shifting marking etched onto its surface. It was a catafalque. The beginnings of one, at least.

"That's a strange marking you've drawn there, Master," Kil said. Seriously. Though it wasn't like the ones I envisioned, it was unlike anything else I knew of either. I glanced at the sphere of experience. Around half left. I turned back to Kil.

"Will you tell me now what the exact purpose of this was?"

"I could tell you, Master. However, it's better if you find and experience the answer for yourself. It'll lead to a deeper understanding that'll help you down the line."

"What if I reach the wrong understanding?"

"Then your humble servant is there to help you!" Kil raised the chest he didn't have. I huffed. Cheeky bastard.

"I'm free to feed the rest of the energy into the sea?" I said. He called out an affirmative, so I settled back into meditation. This time, meditating passed by even quicker. Reaper - lvl. 1 -> Reaper - lvl. 3. 6 free stat points gained. I put two points into constitution without thinking. Then two in intelligence and the remaining two into strength. I could use a little help swinging Cull around.

'Status,' I called. Name: Joy Grimm Level 3 Nox [Reaper] Rank: Neophyte Magic Domain: Death (Special) Class Weapon: Cull the Deathblade (F - 6/10000) Death Core: Dormant Death Fragments: 3/1000 Mana: 25/100 (+ 30) Skills: Reaper's Condolence (L-1), Deathbolt (C-1) STR: 6 DEX: 6 INT: 10 CON: 7 WIS: 10 Faith: 20 Free Points: 0'That should do the trick.' The poison should no longer be— I did a double-take of my system screen.

"Kil, what's the term after my level supposed to represent?"

"That would be your race, Master." Hair fell down the sides of my cheeks as my head tilted.

"So why does mine say 'Nox?'""…because that's what you are, Master?" After a long pause, in which I considered every possible interpretation of that comment, I said: "I'm not human?"

"From what I can tell, you're a half, but the system only shows the race it deems most important."

"You knew I wasn't human? And you didn't say anything?" The eye floated a little lower to the ground.

"I assumed you knew, Master." My mouth opened, but I swallowed my retort. Of course he would. Why would someone not know what race they are? I dug my fingers into my forehead and tried my absolute best to wrap my head around this.

"What even is a Nox?"

"A noble race in the Black Well. They can't exactly be narrowed down to a single form, but most are humanoid."

"Humanoid…" I tasted the word.

"So I'm part monster?"

"Monster," he capitalised.

"Depending on who you ask, the Nox are part of the Ten."

'One of the…but both of my parents were…' my thoughts trailed off. A humongous headache split my skull.

"Is my father not actually my father?" I whispered. A million feelings rushed through my chest at the end of that thought. Surprise muffled by expectation, for I'd always thought my father was alien to me. Relief, for if he wasn't, then there was a chance I had one out there who did care for me. Shame, for it turned out my not-father was right, and I'd always been the monster he thought I was.

"That's not necessarily the case," Kil cut through the noise.

"Not all Nox are determined by their parents." I glanced at him.

"They are defined by predominant characteristics," he said.

"Such as?"

"The ability to travel in and out of the Black Well, for one," he said.

"More importantly, their immense amount of miasma. Nox radiate death energy from the day they are born." My breathing hitched. Now that sounded familiar. I had Kil explain further. Nox were entities born in the Black Well under specific conditions. Kil wasn't aware of what exactly those constituted, but because of their birth circumstances, Nox drowned in death from their inception. Miasma was a part of who they were, and the energy radiated from their souls to affect those around them.

This was a blessing for the other species inside the Black Well, which was why they regarded Nox as nobility. But it wasn't a boon for anyone else.

"Your Nox heritage is something to be proud of, Master! Many would kill to be born as a Nox." I kept from crying. Years of isolation, harassment, ridicule—and it was all because I wasn't human? Teeth grit. That couldn't be. Maybe in this world, but my previous one had known nothing of magic or races other than humans unless they appeared in a novel. No. Everything inside me denied the idea. How could my suffering be reduced to just that? A mere defect in my race.

"Is there a way to turn it off?" I said.

"Turn what off, Master?"

"Exuding miasma all the time!" He recoiled. I looked away and bit my lip.

"Sorry." After a long moment, Kil said: "I don't know, Master. As you level and train, you may gain increased control over miasma, but the amount of miasma you produce will grow with each stage. As you age, you'll also naturally begin to produce more." So training was required to control my miasma, but that same training would lead to increased output. Not becoming a mage at all wasn't an option either; my miasma would increase with age. I chuckled self-deprecatingly.

'Damned if I do, damned if I don't.'

"Will it affect others?" I asked, defeated. This was all too much.

"What about the group outside?"

"Master's allies will be fine. Your energy will only negatively affect mortals much weaker than you. Had Master been over lvl. 100, this group would be in trouble from prolonged exposure. That said, they'll probably still feel a smidgen of discomfort." That's a big difference. But it made sense…sort of. My old world was full of Nomus. If I were truly exuding miasma, then they were basically unprotected from my mana. Years of spending time with me in school would be enough to affect them. Kil perked up.

"We should prepare to return, Master. There's a discussion going on outside. It sounds quite… emotional." His mention of the others enhanced the murmurs of conversation I was hearing. He was right. Some of us were yelling. I settled back into meditation and shook the brooding thoughts from my mind. They would have to wait until later for me to parse. My gaze cast out over my soul sea a final time before I went. Expansive. Dark. Alone. My breathing slowed.

If my soul sea was a mirror of me, what did it say about me that it looked like this?

'I've always been the unlucky kid.' The faint breeze travelling down the neck opening of my blouse chilled my back and made me turn. With the black sun behind me, there truly was nothing but darkness beyond my immediate sight. This was my soul space. There should be no one here outside of me and Kil. And yet…

"Kil," I whispered.

"Master?" he chirped.

"Can you sense that?" He frowned and stared out into the dark beyond.

"Is there…something there?" Somewhere far and deep, the water rippled with movement.

"Master…" Kil said when I didn't respond.

"Geez, you're scaring me. The great Kil is going to exit now, alright?" A moment passed, then he quickly shook his head.

"Not because I'm scared or anything! I'm going to monitor the discussion so Master stays informed. Yep." He nodded as if to convince himself. I smirked as he popped out of existence.

'Well, it should be alright.' Even if there was something out there, it should be no danger to me since this was my soul. With a last glance at the black sun, I exited my soul sea and headed into the fires.