Chương 80: 80, loop 2 part 34

The boss finally showed itself. Its body was covered in what looked like scales, but upon closer inspection, they were made of dark oak bark. The plates overlapped each other, forming a protective coat. It had eight spiderlike legs beneath its glistening treetop wings. Guess we knew what the adult form of the spider treants actually looked like. Fuck, was it ugly, though. It looked almost like a dragon. Except for the eight legs and, well, of course, the giant, swollen ass of a spider at the back.

"I was right. It was spiders, Laz."

"Yeah." I waved my arms in faux celebration.

"You were right. Happy?"

"Why would anybody be happy about this?" His voice rose about three octaves, and I could tell he was about to bolt, so I grabbed him.

"Dude, c'mon. Don't try to run away. I need you for the hard part." The thing pulled itself free of its nest and then flapped its tree trunk wings, pushing down against the ground before flying clear of the tree. I wasn't shocked that it could fly, because why would anything in my fucking life be simple? But it was still unbelievably unfair. Half the time in this dungeon, I couldn't use my fucking [Float] spell, but this thing could fly. I just wanted to scream or something.

I took deep breaths and calmed myself down. Would've been nice if we could've just had a giant spider treant boss instead of a giant dragon spider treant boss. Thankfully, it wasn't looking at us as it left the tree. No, its head turned toward the apes, and it flew out over the battlefield. From our spot behind the incline, I could still see the whole thing through [Wideview]. The dragon circled over the wrecked field while the apes scattered beneath it.

Behind them, the giant tree still towered over everything, despite being split down the center like a cracked egg.

"Well, that's convenient," I said.

"What's convenient?"

"Are you paying attention to my whole strategy, man? Let the enemies kill each other first, and then we step in to clear whatever remains. It's basic logic." Finn's mouth gaped like a fish, though I was certain it was more out of frustration with me than disbelief at this point. The monster opened its mouth, and I expected some weird-ass form of fire. And I was, you know, perfectly grossed out when, instead of fire, it snorted several huge globs of white snotlike webbing out of its nose.

The apes backed away from the white lumps, which bubbled. Because why wouldn't they? Spider dragon tree ants shot snot bubbles. Made perfect sense.

"Why is it bubbling?" Finn asked.

"Maybe its snot is as hot as fire, so the liquid is boiling?" I laughed, because what else could we do in this absurd as fuck situation? And then the boiling, not-so-snot exploded. Dozens of baby spiders appeared from what were obviously eggs. But why the fuck they came out of the dragon's nose, I wasn't sure.

"Oh, come on. They literally just finished killing all of them." More and more spiders crawled out of the snot eggs, and then the battle started anew. Fuck my life. We were gonna have to do work after all. Apparently, the apes didn't like it any more than us. Several of the ones that were flying broke away from the renewed battle against the baby spiders, and then headed for the dragon. And unlike me, they didn't seem interested in standing around thinking about a problem when they could poke a stick at it.

Which, hey, might've meant less work for future me. Very considerate of them, honestly. The first ape went at the dragon from above while two swept in from either side, thrusting their crude spears. A few other squads of three apes each circled in, trying to find a way to cause damage.

"Huh. It's like they actually know what they're doing."

"Did you think they didn't?"

"I watched one beat a treant to death with another treant. I hadn't exactly seen advanced tactics before now." But the dragon wasn't a helpless victim, either. It folded its wings and dropped suddenly like a rock before the first ape could even do anything. They sailed right past, and then the dragon snapped its head sideways. Something white shot from its mouth, but it wasn't one of the snot eggs. Instead, a strand of webbing caught the first ape around its wing.

A second hit another across the chest, and a third, larger strand wrapped around the last one. Then the dragon opened its wings, jerking them sideways and down toward the ground. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. All three landed with a wet crack. Blood, guts, and webbing went flying. They didn't get back up.

"That was fucked up," Finn said.

"Yeah. Very inhospitable, that boss. At least buy them dinner first."

"Dude, just don't. That's not…" I cut him off as I tried to focus on the battle. The other groups of apes weren't deterred, though. Instead of fleeing like reasonable ape-people, they all went for the dragon and tried yanking its wings apart. This time, however, the coordinated attack actually did something. An entire section of the right treetop wing came apart, almost like somebody had ripped a huge branch straight off a tree. The dragon dropped and hit the battlefield hard enough that the grass beneath us moved.

"Hey, Finn. Look. They got it."

"Maybe."

"You don't sound so convinced."

"Man, we ain't that lucky." Finn peered towards the collapsed boss.

"If anything, this is just the first phase of the fight." One of the apes managed to peel back several wooden plates, exposing a dark, wet sap beneath the wood. Another drove its spear through the other treetop wing and actually managed to pin it down to the ground. One ape attacked deep enough into one of the dragon's front legs that the whole limb buckled. Another slammed into its head from the side, forcing it face-first into the mud. I smiled, as it seemed like the apes were winning.

We wouldn't even have to face the boss. But despite their best efforts, and despite stabbing it with their steely spears, they just couldn't kill the beast. Mostly because it cheated. The dragon dug several of its legs into the ground and started pulling up roots. The tree roots broke through the mud and wrapped around the dragon's legs before withering away and dying. But as the roots withered away, new bark and new flesh spread across the dragon. It was like it had never been hurt at all.

"Oh, come on. What's with these fucking dragons and healing? Is that just a dragon thing?" I stared wild-eyed, having flashbacks to the Shadow Dragon I didn't want to have. Nearly healed, the dragon twisted sideways, barreling across the ground. It swung its swollen abdomen, and an entire sheet of webbing blasted across the group of apes. Fifteen disappeared underneath the webbing, and the dragon kept moving, dragging the web behind it as if it were a net.

Then it lifted the net off the ground, whipping the trapped apes sideways into another group. The poor creatures went flying in every direction. Thirty-eight apes gone in an instant. Or, you know, somewhere around thirty-eight. I wasn't exactly stopping to count.

"Well, well, well. That explains the giant spider ass."

"That's what you took away from that?" Finn looked at me funny.

"Oh, yeah, man. But you gotta admit. It's kind of fucking weird." The surviving apes pulled away from the dragon and started trying to regroup. Luckily enough for them, the dragon didn't follow. Instead, it rose back into the sky and started shooting out more of the gross eggs, which just caused more and more problems to start stacking up. The apes had tried brute force. The dragon had healed through it. And now it was already rebuilding the spider army they'd spent hours wiping out.

So much for waiting for somebody else to solve the problem for me. More spider treants being produced meant my "foolproof" plan had been fooled. Which was bullshit, because it had been working for so long.

"All right. Change of plans." I sighed.

"Golems, assemble! Time to get to work." I directed all of our painted golems to move forward into firing range. The seventeen golems were still farther down the incline, but that wouldn't be a problem since the dragon was busy trying to decimate the apes. It was nowhere close to even trying to look at us. The nice thing about enchantments was being able to modify the spells when needed. And since I didn't need the paint to dry… well, it hadn't. So our seventeen golems were still wet.

And wet paint, if you know anything about paint, is flammable. I [Enlarged] all seventeen before directing them up the incline.

"Stack." It wasn't really an actual command they could follow, but I had figured out a way to make it work. And slowly but surely, our golems started forming into four stacks that were almost twenty feet tall. Well, four stacks-ish. Three of them were even. The fourth was more of a "close enough" situation, but I wasn't exactly building a permanent structure here. The stacks rose above the fifteen-foot grass like four giant golden pillars.

We'd no longer be able to claim we were trying to hide, but that was kind of the point. And then I cast [Freeze], making the pillars not quite immobile, but, you know, close to it. Then I waited for the dragon to see them. The timing would have to be perfect.

"Commander."

"Not now, Axe. We're low on time."

"But the trees are back."

"I know. But I said not now."

"But you promised me I could kill them."

"Fine. Go kill them. Whatever." Hoping that one wouldn't bite me in the ass later, I sent Flag the command. Wait for the dragon to get close to our golems, and then have everyone cast [Fireball]. Another volley of the grossest fucking eggs launched from the dragon. Most landed near the pillars, but a couple managed to hit them. For a second, I was afraid the plan would be over before it even started. But [Freeze] held, and the pillar golems stood. I grinned.

"Come on. Come on." The dragon finally turned away from the apes and headed across the ruined ground toward the pillars. For the first time, we were on the dragon's menu.

"Flag, do it now." But nothing happened. I thought maybe I'd misstated the command, or Flag just hadn't heard me. Maybe the dragon wasn't close enough yet, or Flag was waiting for a better angle. But then another second passed, and another, and the dragon was almost upon us. All forty-six Flags were standing there. Menacingly.

"Flag?" But he said and did nothing. The dragon was almost on top of the pillars now. My plan was going to fail before it had even had a chance.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Finn, cast fire. Now, now!" Thankfully, Finn was quick on the uptake, and he launched a [Fireball] at the pillar. The pillar burst into a giant wall of flame. Which then promptly fell over onto the dragon.