Chương 154: Act 3, Chapter 8: The coming out

Day in the story: 31st December (Wednesday), evening Funnily enough, I was the first one to get out of the basilica. Maybe I'd read so much about the style, the architecture, the artistry of the place that seeing it in person didn't resonate with me as strongly—or maybe it did, just faster than with the others. I found myself drawn instead to the more chaotic mystique of the city itself.

As I looked out at it, fully wrapped in the velvet blackness of night, even something as cliché as the Eiffel Tower—lit with ever-changing colors—looked majestic and imposing. Its steel frame, bathed in light, reminded me of my own shadowlight, dancing along pages forged into metal by my will. My creative mind kept on wondering about what Nick had said in the basilica. About understating the choices to force the light out, when his voice reached me again in a less profound tone.

"A is not for Alexa," he said as he and Sophie joined me outside to look at the tower in the distance. His breath turned to mist as warmth met the cold.

"I know," I replied, making Sophie giggle.

"But it could be."

"I wouldn't want that. Being famous, being revered—whatever that is that leads to monuments raised in your name. I wouldn't want that," he said.

"I wouldn't mind," Sophie chimed in.

"That would mean I did something worth remembering."

"Sophie, you don't have to do anything monumental to mark yourself on someone's life. I'm incredibly grateful just to be with you. For the happiness and laughter you bring into mine." Nick said, and they began leaning into each other. I took my cue, turning away and stepping back little by little, careful to remove myself from the intimate space they were slipping into.

"Good for them, right?" Pam's voice found its way to me as she exited the building and joined my side.

"Yes. A bit cliché—having a romantic moment in Paris of all places—but who could blame them? Not in a city so thoroughly romanticized."

"You don't like following patterns?" Peaches asked curiously as she moved closer, letting me rest my head against her shoulder. She wore a warm, long coat lined with wool—plain in its browns, but unmistakably hers. Pins dotted the fabric: a unicorn, a laptop, an acorn, a flower, a smiling hero from some Japanese manga.

"No, that's not it. Patterns exist for a reason. I think they're as important in life as they are in art. You have to learn the rules to know which ones to break—and how. Otherwise, you end up with a mess you don't even understand."

"But isn't art all about breaking rules?" she asked.

"Picasso painted however he wanted."

"Not exactly. He could replicate nature with incredible detail—he had the skill from a very young age. He learned composition, proportion, perspective, light, shadow, placement… and only then did he decide to break some of those rules, because he understood what breaking them would result in." I gave her a small lecture and sighed.

"Sorry. I like talking about this stuff, and it's hard for me to stop—especially when someone's interested."

"It's okay. I am interested. It's fun talking to someone who's passionate about something, whatever that is."

"You're great, Pam. Thanks." I let myself stay close to her for a moment, just being quiet and looking into the distance. It felt peaceful.

"How are you and Evan?"

"Movie night? We kissed a few times. I didn't feel the right vibe. I was really needy that night, but despite what I said, I'm not going to jump into bed with someone just because I want—or need—it. It's just easier to encourage someone to be more approachable when they know you're open to having some fun."

"That's a good strategy."

"That's the… that's why…" She started, then stopped, stumbling over her words.

"What's going on?" I asked, lifting my head from her warmth so she could look at me.

"That's also why I said those things about you."

"Things? What things?" I asked, suddenly unsure.

"Like… that I wouldn't mind seeing you lying down. Or that I like you."

"What do you—" I started, but my brain connected the dots before I could finish.

"You're interested in a romantic relationship with me," I said—declaring it instead of asking. The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I should've asked. It was always easier for me to play someone else than to be myself for real with people I actually cared about.

"Yes. Would you be interested in that?"

"No. Not right now. At this point in my life, I'm not in the mood for a relationship like that. I'm sorry, Peaches."" That kind? You're not attracted to women?"

"If you'd asked me a few weeks ago, I would've said no immediately. I never was—but there was a case where it happened," despite a little magical help from a Domain like mine, "and while I didn't pursue it, I wasn't entirely opposed to the idea. So… maybe."

"So it's just me, then?"

"Oh, hell no. You're amazing. Every time I'm with you, I feel better already. You speak freely. You act freely. You're funny and loyal. It's just that being with Jason was so emotionally draining for me," I said, catching myself just before saying too much.

"Please don't tell him I said that—his ego might shatter and cause a cataclysm the Earth wouldn't survive." She laughed.

"But yes, it drained me. I just want to be alone for a while. Not tethered to anyone else, even someone as great as you."

"That went worse than I dreamed… but better than I feared," she said.

"Overall, a slight success."

"See?" I said softly.

"Even now, you made me feel better for turning you down. That's precious. Everyone should feel—" I almost said lucky, but my second brain cut in immediately, still smarting from my conversation with Jason.

"—amazing to be with you." Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

"If you ever change your mind," she said in carefully casual tone, "let me know. I'll see what I can do, if I'm still free by then."

"Sure thing, Peach."

"Keep it Peaches, please. One isn't enough to express how great I am." I laughed.

"That's the reason?"

"Obviously."She hesitated, then tilted her head.

"Why didn't you ask me—back then, at the party—instead of Jason?"

"About the sex?" she clarified.

"I figured I had a higher chance with him than with you. And I wasn't already invested in him, so public rejection didn't feel as risky. I've learned men tend to like women who are open about their sexual desires."

"You're… invested in me?"

"Yes," she said simply.

"I told you I like you. It's not easy for me to be sure about these things, or to express them properly. It doesn't come naturally, so I had to learn—what's appropriate, what's not. I'm a good learner, though. I don't mind."

"Yes," I said quietly.

"You really are." Right then, the air cracked—an explosion of light tearing open the sky. Fireworks bloomed overhead, bright and star-shaped, dissolving into smoke almost as quickly as they appeared.

"Well," I added weakly, "someone out there seems impressed."

"I don't think that was for me," she said, managing a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"But thank you. I appreciate the joke." She looked fragile now, her gaze following the fading light until it vanished completely. And it felt like I'd held her heart in my hands and—rather than taking it or breaking it—I'd handed it back untouched. Somehow, that felt worse.

"I kind of sucked just now, didn't I?" I asked.

"Yes," she admitted.

"I was hoping you'd either say you weren't attracted to women at all… or kiss me. Something definitive. That whole it's not you, it's me thing wasn't great."

"That's honestly the best I could come up with in the moment."

"Is it true, though?"

"Partially," I said, stepping closer again.

"I really don't want to be in a relationship right now. But if I ever caught real feelings for someone—deep ones—I know I'd do everything in my power to make it work." She searched my face.

"So… not me."

"No," I said gently.

"I'm sorry, Peaches. Not you." She swallowed.

"You're not going to add something like not right now, are you?"

"That part is implied. I really don't know what the future will bring. I was attracted to Jason, but only physically. I never committed to him emotionally, not really, though I was willing to try. With you, I feel like I could become emotionally attached, but at the same time I'm not physically attracted to you right now and unfortunately my willingness to try, just to see if something might grow, is nonexistent at the moment."

"Is it because I'm bigger than the rest of the girls?" The insecurity came out of nowhere. I was doing something wrong.

"No, Peaches. It's not. Come here." I took her by the arm and gently pulled her with me, down the stairs and away from the kissing couple.

"You see that guy up there who's glued to Sophie's lips? Yeah. He was a lot chubbier just a few months ago, and I'm pretty sure I was attracted to him even then. And I'm one hundred percent certain I'd still be attracted to him now if he weighed a hundred pounds more."

"You have feelings for Nick?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately I chose to let them in for some rea—" I stopped myself and corrected: "god forsaken reason. And it sucks. And I'm not going to do anything about it—besides letting it pass—because, like I said, I don't want that kind of relationship right now. Especially not with my friend's boyfriend."

"That's… I don't know what to say to that."

"Should I tell her?" I asked. She nodded.

"I already did. She knows, and she trusts me. And apparently I can live without giving my feelings an outlet, so everything's fine. And to get back to your question—I don't think my feelings develop based on someone's looks alone. They play a role, sure, but it's not a big one. Jason is eye candy, after all, and I never caught feelings for him."

"I understand. It's actually good to hear that. And thank you for being honest with me. I'm insecure about my weight sometimes. Maybe more than sometimes. A lot."

"Yeah. And I hate my freckles. Everyone has something, Peaches."

"You speak the truth."

"Sometimes!" I said, striking a mock-cheerful pose. She seemed to like that.

"I hope we can still be friends?"

"Sure. If you don't mind having a friend like me, then by all means." She smiled widely.

"I think I can still seduce you later on, if that's okay with you?"

"Go ahead. I don't mind occasional seduction." An old fashioned, no mind or nature-control seduction that is. We stood there for a while after that in silence, just watching the city—its people and its movement—and the sky lighting up again and again with fireworks. He came by and watched me and her like that. I saw him through my fingernail-painted eyes. Something he obviously couldn't be sure of. There was an intensity to his gaze that wasn't just attraction, at least not in my mind.

It felt like borderline obsession, and I didn't like that. There was another talk to be had between the two of us, before something I'd regret might happen. I wanted to do it right then, if possible, but the rest of the group gathered on the hill and were intent on joining me and Pam, so this would have to wait for a better time. Another person I'd have to turn down. This one, however, I feared wouldn't be as peaceful as it had been with Peaches.

He had to be holding some power, that man—something he stole from Malik and something he'd held onto before even that. And if he was already able to use it, I'd have to be ready to face echoes that could shatter steel and concrete with ease.

"No way! That's the Statue of Liberty!" Elena shouted with all the power she could muster out of her lungs. Then, as everyone turned their eyes toward the smaller version of what we have in New York, she added in a quieter tone, "Why is it here? This is a Vegas kind of thing, right?" We'd been traveling on foot from the Basilica toward the Eiffel Tower, where the New Year's party for the citizens of Paris was supposed to take place.

"Elena, we've been talking about this for like fifteen minutes. Peter even asked if we'd like to walk about half an hour longer to see it, since it's farther down the river," Hannah took it upon herself to say.

"I must have missed that," Elena replied.

"This whole city is like monument upon monument—beautiful tenements one after another, arches, bridges, and now even a Statue of Liberty. That's incredible."

"It's not bad," Ty supported his girlfriend.

"Not bad?" Sophie asked.

"It's fanta—" Her voice was silenced by one of the wildest screams I'd ever heard. It came from a woman on the opposite riverbank. She was wildly pointing at something in the water, but before I could even identify what it was, both Peter—and surprisingly Jason—were already jumping from the edge of the bridge we were on into the Seine below. The rest of us froze at that threshold, watching in equal parts awe and horror as they disappeared with a splash into the dark depths.

"What's going on!?" Hannah shouted, while Zoe covered her mouth in disbelief.

"Someone fell into the river," Evan said.

"We saw it happen."

"And they think they can help when the water is almost freezing?" Hannah asked.

"Peter's an amazing swimmer. Jason's not bad either," Evan replied. I watched faint blue and white lights move beneath the surface at high speed. But there were also streaks of golden, purple, and blue shadowlight elsewhere, moving slower but with purpose. It could mean only one thing—Jason had joined Malik's Domain after all. I could finally be one hundred percent sure of that. He'd been slowly giving me more reasons to confront him, if he made it out of the water alive. We weren't the only ones watching.

I guessed most sleepers didn't see the shadowlight Peter and Jason left behind, but it made it easier for me to track them. So when my brother emerged from the water with a young boy in his arms, I already knew. He stopped at a small enclave by the higher wall separating the river from the ground. I saw him place a hand on the boy's chest and watched his shadowlight flow into the fragile body.

Steam soon rose from both of them as their clothes dried, and the boy coughed violently, expelling water from his lungs, shouting something in French as Peter hugged him. Jason joined them on the bank moments later, hauling himself up, looking shaken and cold but otherwise unharmed. Peter extended a hand toward him, and soon his frame expelled steam as well.