Chương 149: Act 3, Chapter 3: Returns

Day in the story: 31st December (Wednesday), around 6 a. m.

"Wasn't sure you'd pick up."

"What do you want, man?" I asked, dropping onto my bed and sending my suit away mid fall.

"Not exactly the answer I expected from you."

"You actually need something, or are you calling just to tell me I suck again?"

"You think I overreacted? I learned that you're a psycho with another kind of body count than the kind that normally drives men away." I hung up on him, leaving him alone with those thoughts. I'd had enough of his attitude for a lifetime and didn't need the reminder. I knew that we did need to talk. Just not like this. He called again.

"I apologize. This was not why I called," he said, and I gave him another chance.

"You are a fucking piece of work, Jason."

"What are—""You played me like a fiddle. I can understand perfectly now why they wanted you."

"You still think I planned this? That this is some grand conspiracy?"

"How could I not? I should have suspected you the moment I felt Authority within you, but I let it go, happy that I finally managed to get you out." He must have thought I was a sucker, but I'd never let him cheat me like that anymore.

"Alexa, I am not the Shattered. I've been telling you that since I came back. I don't even remember them!"

"You mean since you overtook Malik's Domain and changed it into whatever that new thing is? Tell your god he won that one. Tell him he blindsided me. But I won't get beaten that easily anymore."

"You are fucking spiraling. I am telling you I am not connected to anyone, besides that soul core—""It's—""Malik's, I know!" he shouted.

"Please, for fuck's sake, just let me talk and listen to me."

"Go ahead," I said through my teeth. I was bitter, yeah, but I could leave a window open. Just enough to hear what might come through.

"I didn't know that would happen when I touched the crystal. It… he accepted me. Put me through a test, judged if I was worthy. I got to meet him and speak with the other him inside the soul core. He guided me, and I carried on what he was doing before. The Domain just reacted to what was already in me, and I didn't even realize it."

"Why do you care what I think about it?" I shot back.

"You think I'm a murderous bitch."

"Yes, I do. And I still love you. So who's the broken one here?" That hit harder than I wanted it to. Was that my cue again? Was I supposed to try and save him one more time? Would the other me have done exactly that?

"Save the love crap for someone who cares," I said instead.

"Did you call to feed me this pile of bullshit? Consider me fed. Delicious, man. Entertaining too. Best date ever." The words didn't match the feelings rising in my chest, but I said them anyway. There's a place for mercy, for heroics, for helping people. And there's a place for caution and self preservation. What I learned growing up wasn't suddenly wrong just because it came from a rotten world.

"Fuck. You irritate me so much, you stubborn cunt!" he shouted. We both went quiet after that, counting breaths, letting seconds bleed away.

"I called," he said finally, "to ask you to give me a chance to be close to you. The real you."

"Jason… I was always real with you. What I wasn't was honest. And that, I will be now. I don't trust you." I stared at the ceiling, wishing it were open sky. I wanted to fall into that vastness, to be free of obligations, of pretending… and of feelings.

"You never did. That's what got me into this mess," he whispered. That was a good choice on his part. If he'd shouted it, this would have been the last conversation we ever had.

"Your feelings got you into this mess. I understand that now. Some alien god dragged you into that shit. But it wasn't me," I said calmly.

"And yes, I didn't trust you enough to share my secrets, and guess what? I was right, as proven by your reaction. If you weren't entangled in this mess, as you call it, I'd be a fugitive by now."

"I—""Suddenly at a loss for words? Good. I don't trust you on a different level now. At worst, you're an enemy. At best, an unknown. Either way, you're dangerous."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you. I am not. How can I prove it to you if you don't let me?"

"Don't let you what? Talk? Isn't that what we're doing right now?" Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

"Meet with me."

"What difference would that make, Jason? You're the one who feels the need to prove something to me. I don't need proof. I saved you the best way I could. I ran headfirst into danger, got tangled up in even bigger threats because of you, and now that you're out, my obligations to you are over."

"It seemed to me you felt differently back in your bedroom," he said quietly, "when you lay with me and told me your story."

"I might have, but the moment is gone now. I can read between the lines of blame and repulsion." I began to wonder why I even picked up the phone, as we both paused on our ends.

"What have I done wrong?" he broke the silence.

"Maybe when you pretended to be someone you are not."

"Do you realize how wrong that sounds coming from you? I think you are bitter that I didn't accept you as a hero, that I am repulsed by what you've done in your life. Is that wrong for me to feel that way? I've been raised and taught that killing is wrong!"

"And I've been raised in the belief that it might be necessary." Another pause, and a silence that felt heavy, like his breaths on the other end.

"We've had this conversation already, Jason. Do you honestly think that I could have saved you? That I could have brought you from the other side by just asking politely? That I could have avoided killing obstacles in my way?"

"Obstacles? That's dehumanizing."

"What I killed weren't just humans, Jason, so yes—obstacles is an okay word for it. And for your information, and as a reminder—because I did tell you that—I tried talking with Joan, with the Shattered, asked them to release you. It. Didn't. Work." I stressed each word.

"So you shut me off because I believe there is always a better way?"

"You know what? I will tell you something about myself, because I might not have stressed that part enough in our last conversation about my life and my history. The thing that you hate so much about me? That's the me that I was—and was supposed to still be. That me would have let you turn into a fucking piece of glass as soon as you were gone. She… I would not have batted an eye or cared enough to even ask somebody if you could be saved. You'd be just another person that was and isn't anymore.

My Domain had changed me, though. There is a person inside it—my evil twin—that knows how to love and care, that led a more serene life, and it twisted her, and it twists me into believing that it indeed is better to open myself, to learn to trust and to love. And you know what? Most of the time I fucking believe her. But then there is you, for whom I did everything I could and more, and in return you thrust a dagger into me—and when it didn't finish the job, you pushed it a little bit more.

And you keep pushing it, with every word that comes out of your mouth. So tell me, please, what is that better way you speak of for me?"

"Alexa, I knew you before magic came into your life. You never were cruel."

"You knew the part of me that was focused on the art. And the social life. I didn't need to be cruel in that."

"So it was just a lie?"

"Oh, how you frustrate me! Why do you insist so much on people being just one thing? I can be more than just a killer, or an artist, or a friend! I can be all of that and more, and all of those things can be true!" I heard a knock on my door, and it was pushed open slowly and slightly, breaking my guilt and forcing me to sit up and cover myself with a blanket. Peter and Sophie came in together. I made a face that I hoped would convey that I was sorry for waking them up like that.

"I… I am sorry, you know? It's difficult for me to put all of those things into one box. I never considered a person such as you—a murderer—to be capable of being more than that."

"You are closed-minded. Everyone needs something, —" I said as Sophie knelt by my bed and caught my free hand, cradling it in hers, and Peter sat by my desk, watching me intensely and with care.

"—Or someone to love. I am no different."

"And I am not either. I too was entangled with another people cast into a crystal." He paused for a second, recollecting his thoughts.

"Maybe he will change me for the better too?" That felt like a face slap. It woke me up from a temporary dive into anger and loathing.

"I'd pray to someone, if I knew that the gods would care enough to listen, Jason. Not for me thought, I'd pray for you, because if what you did hurt the shadow part of him that was in that soul core—the part that was supposed to fade into nothing peacefully—I'd hunt you down and put you down like a stray dog." That made my friends lower their eyes. I suddenly felt a jolt of pain for disappointing them. Did I disappoint them?

"Why are you so forgiving and so loving for him, and not for me? Is it because he is already gone and you don't have to deal with him anymore? Is that why you were so focused on me when I was gone?"

"I—""I understand it's more difficult to have a relationship with someone, Alexa. All of mine were broken. With my parents, with my flings, with you. And I did blame you for the last one, but I am to be blamed as well. I am the common denominator in all of them, and I am the only one I have full power over to change. Please let me get close to you and my friends. Observe me if you need to. Kill me if I prove to be a monster, as you are saying—but don't shut me off without givin' me a chance."

I felt like this was the moment where I could decide how his life would continue—if he'd start to heal or break until only pieces remained. But I was also scared of making another mistake that would endanger me or my friends.

"Hold on," I said back to him.

"I will put you on an actual hold, and if you wish to have a chance at all, you'd better be there when I come back, or I won't pick up ever again. Is that clear?"

"Yes," he answered. I muted him and turned to Peter.

"Pete, he wants to come with us. Wants a chance to prove that he is not an agent of the enemy."

"I… know."

"You know?" I asked, but immediately caught up.

"You didn't cast him off, like I asked you."

"Of course not. He is my friend. We've been talking and meeting ever since he emerged from the Domain. I am helping him understand what's what."

"I can't believe it. I told you that he is dangerous."

"Yes, sis. And I know you really believe that—and I do too. But I know just as well as you do that people can be more than just one thing, right? You are dangerous too, and I stuck around, didn't I?" My eyes grew wider after hearing that, and my breath came shallower. I didn't realize I was squeezing my hand until Sophie hissed in pain.

"I am sorry, Soph," I said, trying to comfort her as she held her hand with her other one.

"It's okay. I get it," she said, with tears in her eyes. Peter stood up, went to her, and caught her hand with his own. Swirling shadowlight moved from within him as he guided the blood within Soph to mend what I had just broken.

"I will give him a chance then. If that's okay with both of you," I replied, as my feelings settled within me.

"You know he pisses me off," Sophie started, while Peter just nodded, answering my question.

"But I think that after all you've done for him, you can try to do this one last thing too."

"I'd be potentially putting you and all of the others in danger too."

"Would it be more than what we faced when Joan was playing him?"

"No, probably not. I am sorry about that…"

"Call him. As much as I hate to admit it, he makes shared activities all the more fun." I looked at her for a while. Maybe a second too long. Maybe not. I picked up the phone and resumed the conversation.

"You there?"

"Yes."

"Meet us at Grand Central at eleven. Be prepared for a two-day trip."