Chương 8: Unacceptable Body

Anadis's vision blurred. He couldn't even feel the oxygen entering his lungs. Whatever the goddess had wanted to do to Albus, he was now receiving all of it; the pain was tearing through him, like being stabbed with sharp-tempered steel. He didn't know whether he was alive or dead, yet a weak smile still crossed his face. In the haze of it all, he imagined his mother's hands, with minced vegetables clinging to her fingers as she slid a sizzling plate of meat from the brick oven.

He could almost imagine himself there, smelling the delicious food, the warm mix of her secret hearth seasoning over the meat and the fresh bread she would always place on the side. This was the smell of home, and he was missing it. He could hear his big brother Noe's laugh echoing as he chatted with Father over a bottle of wine, Grandma's quiet humming as she read a book sitting in her creaking rocking chair, and Aelia's paintbrush gently stroking against a canvas.

He missed them all, even his big sister Nora's endless chatter would feel like a kind of music to his ears right about now. I want to see them… One thing was certain. He'd take this pain a hundred times over before letting Albus bear it even once. Then suddenly, he felt as though he could breathe again. The burning sensation that had been coursing through his body eased, although it didn't vanish. He dropped, his head hitting the soil.

Through his faint sight and ringing ears, he could barely make out the goddess as she let out a final, piercing scream. The woman, that damn wretch, was collapsing in on herself, and her skin cracked into threads of white and black, like dried paint that had been splitting because of time. Her hair disintegrated after her skin, then her hands, her legs, and finally her face, and in a few breaths, she was nothing but dust that lifted into the air like ash, drifting apart piece by piece in the wind. Albus…

did he survive? That was the last thought on his mind before the darkness took him. But the darkness wasn't empty. It came with cold. The cold of winter even amidst the summer. A cold that seeped upward through the strange clothes he wore. Unnameable sounds crowded the edges of his hearing—deep, rumbling groans, as if the ground itself were tearing open. Their distant rhythm wailed, unlike anything he'd heard on Gaelora… as if this was another planet altogether.

And that stupid pain tearing through his chest was too obvious to miss. But it wasn't from the forest witch's beam. This one was smaller, more concentrated, a searing, pinprick burn, yet it hurt just the same. It was that damn hole in the left side of his chest again, the one that always made itself as vivid as possible every time he had the nightmare. Then a face appeared above him. A face he had seen before, never in real life, only in his nightmares…

though those nightmares always became dreams the moment she appeared. It was her again. Eyes glassy with tears, lips moving around that name.

"Leander." Anadis lifted a hand to wipe her tears. This was the first time he was in control of his body during any of these nightmares, but even that simple motion felt nearly impossible. As he did, his brows furrowed deeply. That… wasn't his arm. It was frail and pale, like that of a boy who had never held a sword. The girl pressed her hands against his chest as if she could salvage something from a body that was already gone." Leander," she cried, her voice laced with the weight of goodbye.

This was the first time he had heard her voice clearly. It was soft even amidst her sobs." Leander …" she cried again, this time in a whisper. The name landed in him like a stone dropped in still water, rippling through his entire being. And though it was not his name, it pulled at something deep and specific within the edges of his consciousness—the way a forgotten word sits on the tip of the tongue." Leander, don't—" White light swallowed everything. Then he found himself back in that vast, ethereal white space.

His body was floating, weightless and incorporeal, like a jellyfish free-swimming in an endless ocean, not as free though, because he couldn't feel or move his arms, his legs, or anything at all really. But there they were, all his body parts visible before him, and all the pain that had been coursing through him was gone, snuffed out in an instant. It took him a few moments to understand what was happening. This was the same white eternal place he had been transported to before the trial began.

A tired internal sigh escaped him as relief flooded him, knowing that the trial was over, that the worst was finally over. Then a faint human silhouette materialized before him, radiating brilliant light from her entire body—so much light that it was as if the twin suns shone directly behind her, washing out her features entirely. Even though he couldn't make out her face, it felt unmistakably like a woman. She carried an aura of ancientness and overwhelming grandiosity. She spoke with a divine, ethereal resonance.

Greetings, Core bearer. Wait, this was the Divine Voice? Was this how it… how she… looked? The trial has concluded. Once again, congratulations on surviving it. Oh yeah. I did survive the trial, he thought tiredly. That was too damn hard. He allowed himself a brief moment to bask in the thrill of having survived the Blessed Trial. He stared into the satiny white space behind the woman, heart pounding with anticipation, before she—the Divine Voice spoke again. Anadis Kalonis. Human. Bearer of a Black Divine Core.

Beginning Blessing weave… Anadis would have laughed if his body weren't refusing to obey his commands. He would finally become a Blessen after surviving a Grull, and even if barely a goddess. Blessing conflict detected. What? Conflict? The weave has faltered. Resistance encountered while merging bearer and Blessing. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. No, no. I'm not resisting. Look at me. I can barely breathe on my own. How could I be resisting? I…

am breathing, right? Attempting again… He let out an internal sigh. Harmony disrupted—divine interference detected. Divine interference?! What does that even mean? Who doesn't want to see me get a Blessing? Core bearer Anadis Kalonis does not appear to be alive or in a state compatible with Blessing bestowal. Okay, enough with the jokes, I'm clearly alive… right? How else would I hear the voice if I weren't? Irregularity found. The gods reject this union. No! Why? What union?!

I'm not dead, give me a Blessing, get me out! A separate will is now attempting to bestow an alternate Blessing upon the designated individual. Oh? Divine error detected. Of course, it was too good to be true. A Blessing is already present. Unless? [Sacred fault - Godkiller] Godkiller? That was a title among titles, if anyone asked him. The Divine Voice is unable to resolve this conundrum. Initiating transport. Returning all organic matter to the point of origin. What?! White light exploded behind his eyes.

Then the heat of the twin suns struck his face, and with a sharp, ragged gasp, he opened his eyes like a drowning man breaking the surface of a sea. His eyelids were heavy and sticky—annoying, but nothing compared to the grueling pain that once again pulsed through his body. Though not as bad as before. Had the white space healed him, even if only a little? Guess I'm alive then.

His hearing was muffled and his vision blurred, but he knew exactly where he was: sprawled on the outside floor of the cathedral, right where it had all begun. Figures in white and red tunics rushed toward him.

"The Blessed Trial is over!" yelled what appeared to be a deacon.

"Fetch the healers—we have wounded!" So did I receive a blessing or not? Anadis wondered. Frowning, he tried to call on the Divine Voice, but nothing responded. That was when he noticed two more white flashes next to him. Forcing his head to turn right, silky white hair filled his vision.

"Albus…" he rasped at the sight of his unconscious twin.

"Wake up." Next to Albus was another body, with disheveled blonde hair that had once been tied in a ponytail, skin gray, dark purple veins crawling across it. Zoe. A sick, rolling sensation twisted in his gut at the sight of her, so quiet, so cold. It was a stark contrast to the annoying but lively girl he had met just hours ago. The girl he had let die. It made sense that her body had been transported back too; she had never removed the ring they'd been given before the trial.

Three more white flashes, and then footsteps pounded against the stone, fast and desperate. Aelia came across the edge of his vision, rushing, huffing, her face pale and streaked with mud. She dropped to her knees beside him, hands hovering, unsure where to touch.

"Anadis! Albus!" she breathed.

"You're… fine," he muttered, his voice coarse. If he could see himself right now, he would probably see the ugliest smile plastered across his face.

"Albus."

"Don't worry," she said, forcing a small smile.

"You'll be fine. Both of you." Her words were almost lost among the shouting deacons. Much farther behind Aelia stood the other two core bearers: the lanky boy and the silent girl. The boy looked to be in rough shape, though still far better off than Anadis, while the other girl appeared as if she had taken nothing more than a leisurely stroll through the park. A surge of footsteps thundered across the ground like a stampede as his family rushed toward Anadis.

They swarmed around him and Albus, their voices blending into an incomprehensible cacophony. Mother dropped to her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks. She cupped both his face and Albus's, her hands trembling.

"My babies, look at me. You're back. You're both safe now." Her voice cracked.

"Damn the gods for putting you both through that."

"Don't say that, Mom," Anadis muttered with a weak smile. He wouldn't want her to get shunned for such a comment. Grandma Anna hovered right behind Mother, one hand on her shoulder, the other pressed to her forehead.

"They're fine Marcia," she said, though her voice was unsteady and she blinked hard, as if refusing to break. Father knelt beside Albus and gently slapped his cheek, trying to get something out of him.

"Come on, son. Open your eyes." His jaw was tight, but his hands remained steady. Then something in his expression shifted.

"Wait, I think he's just sleeping." As if to prove Father's words true, Albus turned sideways and curled into himself with the tip of his thumb tucked between his lips. Father let out a soft, contented sigh, and then Mother chuckled, her contagious laugh spreading among the family. Thank the gods he's fine. Nora had shoved her way past Noe to get closer. Noe snapped at her for pushing him, and now the two of them were hissing at each other over his head, neither willing to back down even in this situation.

But amidst the chaos and his pain, Anadis couldn't help but fixate on the middle-aged couple walking past. Their steps were slow and shaky, as if they were treading over broken glass. The man was short, his crown completely bald, while the woman was a bit plump, her frizzy blonde hair resting on her shoulders. Their faces were ghastly, drained of all color, as if they had just seen their child dead. And that was exactly what they had seen.

Zoe's mother let out a breathless, broken cry, as though a part of her soul had been violently torn away, and in truth, it had. Everyone froze, staring at the grieving mother. Several deacons lowered their heads in a silent show of respect. Anadis couldn't begin to imagine the pain they were enduring. If he were to lose his own mother, his father, or any member of his family… he didn't even want to imagine it.

"Anadis?" his mother murmured as he staggered to his feet.

"Where are you going?" She placed a delicate hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine, Mom," he lied. His body was screaming at him with every limping step. Gathering his breath, he stepped closer to the grieving family.

"I'm sorry," he muttered in a grunt.

"This is my fault." Both of Zoe's parents turned. The father was looking at him with a deep frown etched on his face.

"Your fault?" the man asked, his voice low and gruff.

"A Grull attacked us, and…" He clenched his fist tightly.

"I wasn't fast enough to save her. She told me she hadn't had much fighting training. I should've stayed closer to her instead of facing the Grull head-on." He lowered his head, voice heavy with guilt.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, but I must apologize for not being strong enough to protect her." For a moment, none of them said anything, but the father's eyes remained fixed on his daughter's body, the grief in them turning raw.

"You were a child in the same trial she was," he said, not looking at him.

"It shouldn't have fallen to you to protect her." Anadis chose to say nothing. Zoe's mother's eyes flicked briefly to him, as if trying to place a face on the boy who claimed he hadn't been able to save her daughter. Her face was red and streaked with tears. Then, without a word, she turned back to her daughter's body. Wiping tears from his eyes, Zoe's father turned to look at him again, his voice quieter now.

"You still tried to protect my daughter, even though you didn't have to." He bowed his head for just a second, then turned back to look at his daughter, a hand resting on his wife's back. Anadis knew there was nothing else he could say, nothing to ease their pain, nor was it his responsibility to do so, though it burned him inside that things had ended this way. He slowly turned on his heel and limped back toward his family, but as he did, a sharp pain shot through his chest.

"What is this, ah!" His breath caught. It was as if an arrow had been shot straight through him. He clutched the spot, his knees buckling. The world spun as he dropped to the floor, gasping. Lots of hurried footsteps rushed toward him. His mother's shouts sounded muffled and distant to his ears, lost beneath the burning pain. Then an eerie voice echoed in his head.

"This body is unacceptable."