Chương 23: My First Life

"When the 13th awakens, the cycle begins anew…" —Gaira, The First Mother —Earth, December 2019— Leander had that dream again… or a nightmare would be more appropriate. It was always the same scene. A mountain, completely coated with bloody bodies and ash. Above, a colossal crimson moon hovered, so large it filled most of the dark sky. Below, shadowy figures writhed amid dark flames—some appeared to be humans, while others had horns, claws, and even wings.

The stench of death spread throughout the land as chilling cries rode the foggy winds, all resonating with a single name.

"Anadis…" It was like an alarm clock by now. After hearing that name, he would always wake up gasping, heart pounding, sweat beading down his back, neck, and forehead as if he'd just run a marathon or taken a dip in a pool of sweat. Leander rose with a weary sigh and sat upright on the mattress, causing an empty energy drink can to tip over and roll noisily across the wooden floor. A shiver ran up his spine as his bare feet touched the chilly floor.

He grabbed the bedsheets and wiped the sweat from his drenched forehead and neck before yawning and stretching his entire body. He winced, feeling a throbbing ache in his left temples. He'd foolishly gotten into a scuffle with the orphanage's biggest bully the day before, which definitely didn't go his way, just a single punch from the mammoth, and Leander saw stars.

A loud squeak echoed as he pushed himself off his sunken mattress; the thing needed to be replaced years ago, much like the peeling paint on the orphanage's walls and the wooden floor that creaked with every step. As he scratched his head, he shuffled over to the window, hoping for a breeze to cool him off. Even in winter, he kept it cracked open. In summer, it stayed wide unless he wanted to sleep in a sauna. He squinted, his thoughts interrupted as he saw a shadow behind the light pole just across the street.

Is that a man? Half his body was hidden behind the light pole; the rest was swallowed by the shadows. He couldn't tell for sure. The figure remained motionless. Leander flinched. Was he seeing things? He rubbed his eyes, blinked, and the figure… or man, was gone, as if nothing had been there to begin with. I'm probably just seeing things… right? But the thought refused to settle. Shaking off the scare and blaming it on the fact that he'd just woken up, he headed toward the bathroom.

It was early, so no one else was up yet. He tried to move quietly, but the splintered wooden floor groaned with every step. The bathroom looked the same as always, a grimy floor with splotches of a very particular yellowish color. He was used to it, and at least he didn't have to wait in line to use it this time. He did his personal business, then washed his hands, but when he glanced at the cracked mirror, he frowned. A purple, swollen eye stared back at him.

His left eye looked like it had been used for target practice. Great, he thought, now I look like I just went one round with Mike Tyson. He took in everything: the bruised eye, the unruly mop of brownish curls, and the baby face that, at seventeen, still showed no signs of growing a beard.

"Not even a single hair," he muttered. A small gasp.

"Leander, your eye!" a high-pitched yet warm and familiar voice called from outside the shared bathroom.

"Who do I need to hurt?"

"Hey, Rosie…" he said apprehensively.

"Good morning. Forget about me… You should see the other guy." He forced a grin, trying to sound casual even though it hurt to smile.

"I bet it was Dante, huh?" she declared, arms crossed.

"I hate that bully; he always goes after the small guys. Hmph!" Her cheeks puffed.

"Ouch… Thanks for the vote of confidence," Leander said, turning back to face the mirror.

"If it were any other guy, I might have been able to do something." Leander lied, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He was no fighter, nothing of the sort. Sure, he could throw a punch and take at least one, but that didn't mean he landed any of them, and he usually took everything that came at him.

"You know what I mean, Leander," Rosie said softly.

"He's so much bigger than everyone else. Why not use that strength for something positive?" He snorted.

"You want him to be a superhero or something?"

"That's not what I mean." She scowled.

"He could really hurt someone one day."

"Like he hasn't already," he said, pointing at his injured eye. He hated to admit it, but she was right; Dante was a behemoth capable of inflicting more harm than a simple swollen eye. There was nothing a scrawny, short guy like him could do against the giant and his brusque attitude. As Leander mused, he realized he was staring into Rosie's blue eyes. They glinted under the dim bathroom light like a calm ocean he could float on.

He quickly shifted his gaze back to the mirror, hoping she hadn't noticed his creepy stare.

"Anyway," Rosie said, stepping closer to the sink.

"Let me take a look." Her shoulders were nearly level with his. He would've thought she was tall for a girl, but then again, Leander was short for a boy. Rosie reached for the first aid kit beside the mirror, and when Leander peeked inside, he found it nearly empty. Just how often had he used it lately?

"Maybe I should tell Marie to restock it," he said.

"I doubt Dante will ease up just because we're running low on meds." Rosie stayed silent as she rummaged through the kit for anything that could ease the swollen eye. Eventually, she found what she needed and leaned in to examine it. Leander could hear his heart beating loudly against his chest. She was so close, closer than she'd ever been to him. Her steady breathing gently brushed his cheek, and his nose caught a hint of her natural hair scent. For a moment, he forgot the pain in his face.

"If I knew you'd be this close, I'd have walked into that punch on purpose," he said with a crooked smirk. She smiled and hummed softly, then pressed an alcohol pad to his bruised skin.

"ARGH!" Leander yelped, flinching from the sting.

"You said you wanted me close," she teased, stifling a laugh.

"This is part of the package."

"It was a joke! A joke!" Leander wailed, eye twitching as tears welled.

"Seriously, give a heads-up next time. I'm not built to survive your 'healing touch.'" Rosie rolled her eyes and grinned.

"Stop being so dramatic, baby cheeks." Then she stepped back and examined her work.

"I think that's good enough. You'll survive." She tapped her index finger against her chin.

"Umm, give me a second," she muttered, turning around and running off. Leander turned to the mirror. Clear ointment glistened on his swollen eye, already taking some of the sting away. Rosie returned holding a pair of old pink sunglasses.

"Here, wear these. So people don't stare." Leander blinked.

"What?"

"They're mine, but you can wear them." He gave a look that said, Have you lost your mind?

"I'm not wearing those. Absolutely not."

"Come on now," Rosie insisted, packing the med kit supplies.

"You'll look good in them. Way better than that swollen eye." She pressed the glasses into his hands.

"Do it for me." She winked and turned to leave.

"And hurry up. We can't be late for the last day of school." She strolled out into the hallway, her boots stomping on the old floorboards. Leander stood there for a second, her shades hanging loosely from his hand.

"Okay…" He let out a quiet breath.

"She's kind, she's beautiful, and she takes care of me," he whispered to no one as he rolled his eyes at himself and walked back to his room. Pathetic… Next thing you know, I'll be writing her poetry. He'd already written her poetry. From the moment he first saw her, Leander felt a pull toward Rosie, one he couldn't explain. Ten years ago, she'd been a quiet, timid little girl who'd stare at the floor as if shielding herself from the world. Any sudden sound would make her flinch and run behind him.

Having been new to the orphanage just a year earlier, he understood what she was going through. Driven by an empathy born from his own past, he took it upon himself to show her the ropes. Noble of him. He understood that no kid ended up in a place like this by chance—it was always because of neglect, abuse, or something worse. They'd grown up together, always side by side. He'd tried to protect her, but the orphanage was far from ideal.

There was a constant struggle for dominance, as the bigger kids loved to prey on the smaller ones. Just as a wolf alpha would beat down the weaker, the alpha in this orphanage was Dante. But even though Rosie still had a loving gaze for everyone, a soft voice, and the gentle habit of tucking her blonde, wavy hair behind her ear when flustered, she was not the same timid little girl she once was. She had grown up.

She was taller now, yes, but more than that, she stood like someone who had finally stopped apologizing for existing. There was something about her demeanor that made people pause and listen whenever she spoke. And that look she gave, one that made guys lose their train of thought mid-sentence. Yeah, she was a master at it. She weaponized it, even. Leander, already dressed, headed downstairs. The orphanage was small, just two floors and a basement where the caretaker did the laundry. About fifteen kids lived there.

Most were between four and twelve, wide-eyed and loud, still adjusting to the fact that their parents were gone. Some cried at night, others got angry, and a few, like Leander, had learned to stay quiet and let the days roll by. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. Most of the kids were jammed together in shared rooms. Leander got lucky last year when the oldest kid aged out. His single room went to him, perks of being the next in line.

He, Rosie, and Dante were the oldest, technically seventeen, but already feeling too old for this place. Too in-between. Not quite kids anymore, not quite adults either. The sweet scent of toasted bread and cheap jelly filled the kitchen downstairs. Marie, the caretaker, had lined up peanut butter and jelly sandwiches across the dining table, her specialty. Not because it was her best dish, but because it was fast, cheap, and nobody complained. Marie was in her late forties, with some silver streaks in her hair.

Seeing her with her sleeves rolled up was a common sight. I don't get how she does all this by herself, Leander thought, watching her swift movements, the blur of her hands as she lined up the sandwiches, and feeling a quiet pang of sympathy. She'd been there as long as Leander could remember. Not exactly warm, but steady and dependable. The kind of person who knew when a kid was lying, even if they hadn't opened their mouth yet.

"PB&J. Yes!" Leander said with mock enthusiasm, grabbing one for himself.

"Yeah, yeah. Take your sandwich and get going," Marie replied without looking up. Her attention was already on the little ones squabbling over chairs. Nodding, he headed toward the door, chewing around the crust, when her voice stopped him cold.

"Wait! Why are you wearing pink sunglasses?" she asked, one brow arched.

"I've never seen you wear sunglasses before, especially of that color."

"It's sunny out," he said quickly.

"Uh-huh." She didn't sound convinced.

"Let me see." Before he could even think to dodge, Marie stepped in and pulled the glasses off his face. Her lips thinned; she wasn't surprised at the bruise on his face.

"Dante, wasn't it?" She facepalmed, shaking her head.

"That boy… always making my life harder, going after the weaker kids."

"Ouch." His voice dropped.

"That hurt more than the punch, the 'weak' part, I mean."

"Well, you're not exactly strong, sweetie," she said dryly.

"But don't worry, I'll reprimand him tonight." Leander cringed at the sound of that.

"Would you mind not doing that?" he asked, almost pleading.

"If he finds out I said anything, he'll make things worse."

"Relax." Marie crossed her arms.

"I won't mention you. That boy's got a long enough record that I don't need an excuse to scold him." She handed him back the sunglasses.

"Now, put these on, finish your sandwich, and don't miss the bus." Leander gave her a salute with the sandwich and bolted out the door. He made it just in time, slipping into his usual seat on the public bus, out of breath and mildly sticky from grape jelly. ❧❧ ⫷ ❁ ⫸ ❧❧ The last day of school dragged like honey in winter, filled with endless taunts about his pink sunglasses. At lunch, Leander headed to the school library. On his way there, he saw two big kids huddled around a smaller one.

One yanked the kid's phone away while the other erupted in laughter. Leander looked away, lowering his head. He understood it well enough. There were always people who needed to feel bigger by making someone else feel small. He just didn't want to watch it. Didn't want to be part of it. What is there to gain from interfering? Sliding into his usual corner, he dropped his backpack with more force than he'd meant to, and the thud earned him a look from Mrs. Chen, but she just went back to her sudoku.

He came to the library because Mrs. Chen didn't mind him staying during lunch, and it was warmer than the cafeteria. He pulled out his math textbook and flipped to page 84, where someone had drawn a big 'F U' with a crude dick. He sighed wearily. Someone has strong feelings about quadratic equations. Then, glancing around cautiously, he pulled out a water-damaged copy of Words of Radiance he'd found at Goodwill. He'd read it before, and that was the point. He knew how it ended. There was comfort in that.

He flipped to the chapter where Kaladin finally says the words. He'd read it a dozen times, but a grin still crept up because it hit every single time. When the bell finally rang, he didn't feel the usual end-of-day relief—he felt liberation. Winter break had arrived. Two whole weeks away from this hellhole. What would he do on his short vacation? Absolutely nothing! And that sounded like perfection. His wide grin only lasted until he got home. Right outside the orphanage, he spotted trouble immediately.

Dante and two other kids lingered by the front door. They laughed so obnoxiously loud that half the block could probably hear them. Leander ducked behind the neighbor's fence, staying low and quiet, as he listened.

"I swear, when I catch him, I'm gonna shut his other eye and knock out every damn tooth in his mouth. Snitching to Marie like a little punk." Dante grunted, pounding the entrance wall with the side of his fist. The other two laughed like hyenas eager to please their alpha. Leander frowned. Great, I told Marie not to say anything. How am I supposed to get inside now? He considered waiting them out; surely they'd get bored and leave eventually. They didn't.

Thirty minutes later, they persisted on the front steps, chatting about how they'd like to rearrange Leander's face and a mix of other unpleasant ideas. His stomach growled. He needed to figure out a way past them. Rubbing his chin, he tried to conjure an idea, and one came. I know, I'll call Rosie. Maybe she can help… if she's not with her dumb boyfriend. His phone's screen looked like a spiderweb of cracks. He really needed a new phone, but he'd never have the money for it. He sighed and dialed.

Rosie picked up on the third ring.

"Hey, Leander, what's up?" she said, her voice sounding tired.

"Why are you calling? Are you not in your room?"

"No, I'm stuck outside. Dante's waiting with his guys. I was hoping maybe you could distract them or something. I know you're usually with your boyfriend around now—""Screw that guy!" Leander flinched and pulled the phone off his ear.

"We broke up!" she yelled, her voice laced with anger.

"He was too controlling. Always jealous. He even got mad when I talked to you. I told him we'd known each other since we were kids, that you're my childhood friend, but he wouldn't listen. And then I found out… he's in a gang, Leander. He even has a gun." There was a pause. Her voice dropped, softer this time.

"I don't like thugs." Leander's heart gave a confused lurch. She finally broke up with him… but she also called me her childhood friend. So… I guess that's where I stand.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

"I always said he wasn't a good guy."

"Yeah, I can see that now. You were right." She breathed in, breathed out.

"Anyway. What do you need me to do?"

"You see…" Leander shifted his weight.

"Dante is outside the orphanage, waiting for me. I'm pretty sure he plans to do some not-so-nice things when he sees me. So, I was hoping you could distract him. Just long enough for me to sneak past him and get inside."

"Umm… I see," she said.

"I get what you're asking, but what exactly can I—" Her words trailed off. Then she let out a mischievous laugh.

"Oh, I think I got the perfect idea." A few minutes later, Rosie stepped out of the orphanage, accompanied by her best friend Lily. Lily was fifteen, the only other girl in the orphanage near Rosie's age, so they had always gotten along well. The two giggled as they talked, their voices deliberately loud.

"I don't even have anyone to spend Christmas with…" Rosie sighed, then glanced at Dante.

"What am I supposed to do now that I'm single?"

"Any guy would be lucky to be with you," Lily replied, her voice smooth. Dante stood up like a dog catching a scent.

"Hey Rosie," he said, aiming for casual.

"I didn't know you and your boyfriend broke up. I mean… if you need someone to spend Christmas with, I'm around." Rosie tilted her head.

"Hmm. You?" she raised a brow.

"I don't know, Dante… I don't really like bullies."

"What? I'm no bully," Dante replied quickly, visibly sweating.

"Are you sure?" she asked, folding her arms.

"Because I saw how you left Leander's left eye."

"Th-that wasn't—" He swallowed.

"We were just playing around. You know me. I didn't mean for it to get like that." Rosie narrowed her eyes.

"If you stop bothering Leander and clean up your act," she said, leaning in with her weight on one hip, " maybe I'll think about it." In his hiding spot, Leander watched her glance cautiously in his direction. He pressed his palms together in a silent thank you and decided now was the time to get past Dante, even if he saw him; Dante probably wouldn't dare do anything in front of Rosie.

"Oh, look," she said, nodding forwards.

"There's Leander now." All heads turned. Leander sauntered, his head lowered, but his eyes were up, watching everything.

"Leander, my friend!" Dante called with an exaggerated cheer, slinging an arm around Leander's shoulders. He leaned in and whispered coldly, "Play along, or I'll finish what I started." Dante looked up.

"Please tell Rosie we are good friends and that the thing about your eye was just a silly mistake," Dante said, tightening his grip on Leander's shoulders.

"Yeah… nothing serious, Rosie." Leander forced a smile.

"Just friendly fooling around. Ha… ha…" He detested every second of it. He wished he could fight back. But fighting Dante never worked—it only made things worse. Sometimes, the smartest thing to do was to swallow his pride and survive another day.

"Umm, if you say so," Rosie said with narrowed eyes.

"But if I catch you bullying anyone again, I won't forgive you. I hate thugs!" Her voice didn't waver.

"Promise! I'll change," Dante beamed, his sincerity plastered across his face. Such an obvious façade, Leander thought, nose flaring. Rosie interrupted his accusatory thoughts.

"And I need you to apologize to Leander." She looked at Dante with a scolding glare, then turned to Leander and winked. His blood ran cold. Rosie, what are you doing?! She gave him a slight nod, with a hint of a smile, as if to say,'I got you.' But she, in fact, did not. This was making it worse, way worse. There was no universe where Dante would ever apologi—"I'm sorry," Dante said, stepping in front of him and gripping his shoulder with both hands.

"I was acting stupid. I shouldn't have hit you like that."

"Wha… what?" Leander blinked, stunned, then quickly added, "Oh—yes. Don't worry about it." He had braced for another punch or at least a fresh round of insults, but an apology was the last thing he ever expected. Dumbfounded, he glanced at Rosie, who now wore a smile so wide it nearly touched both of her ears. Just how much does he like her? I guess love really does make people do anything. Dante didn't say anything else and just walked inside, his friends following right behind. Rosie approached Leander.

The way her hips swayed as she walked shorted out a few of his remaining brain cells. And to make things worse, she leaned close to his ear and whispered, "You owe me one now." Her warm breath snapped him out of his daze.

"Yes, I definitely do, thanks!" He paused briefly, then remembered.

"Wait! Are you actually going to go out with him?"

"Hmm… who knows?" She playfully tapped her bottom lip.

"Why? Are you jealous, perhaps?" Leander didn't miss a beat." Jealous? Of course. Sharing your attention is my least favorite sport." Rosie shook her head with a smirk and headed back inside, her wavy ponytail swaying behind her. Leander followed suit. Feeling ready to finally get some food and some rest, he entered, but a hand caught him by the shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. The strong hand spun him around on his heels. Leander pressed his brows together. Dante. The behemoth glared at him.

"Do us both a favor and stay out of my sight. Alright?" He shoved Leander aside.

"If I see you again, I'm gonna want to punch you. And I can't afford that right now." Leander didn't hesitate. He squared his jaw and met Dante's stare, every nerve of his daring the boy to try something. Anything. Dante huffed, his grip tightening harder and harder against Leander's shoulder. It was starting to hurt. In the end, Leander couldn't take it anymore and muttered through gritted teeth, "I understand." The behemoth snorted and walked away. I knew he didn't mean that apology.

Leander massaged his sore shoulder. Still, this is better than nothing. His bag hit the corner, and his shoes flew across the room as he threw himself onto his old mattress with a deep sigh.

"…That was rough." After a couple of seconds of letting the tiredness drain from his bones into the soft bed, he sat up, his gremlin posture already shaping his back. From under the bed, he pulled out a half-eaten bag of chips and a half-finished warm bottle of soda. Then he reached over the other side, grabbed his ancient laptop, and powered it on.

"Finally. Time to rot in bed and enjoy a well-deserved winter break," he muttered to himself as the screen flickered like it had to convince itself to stay alive. At last he threw the blanket over his back, snuggled in comfortably with a smile, slipped in his earbuds, and opened up his browser. Leander rubbed his hands in glee.

"All right, time to catch up on One Piece." The website loaded.

"Only two weeks left… I can't believe it's finally ending." The night settled, and as Leander basked in his well-deserved freedom from the daily noise of school and the orphanage, his mind drifted to what Rosie had said. She is single now. He sat with that thought longer than he intended. Then sighed and grabbed a chip. Right… as if that changes anything. Still, his heart raced just thinking about her, about her figu— He cleared his throat as his cheeks grew hot. He rolled off the bed and cracked open the window.

His breath caught as a figure behind the lamppost broke into a run at the sight of him.

"What the heck…" It was the same figure from this morning, but this time, Leander had no doubt it was a man, and that man was unmistakably staring at his window.