Chương 22: Who Am I?

The moment the words left her mouth, Fang Cheng and Han Bingxuan were frozen in place by an invisible force. Their Divine Energy refused to flow, and even breathing became a struggle. Chen Yalan rose slowly. She didn't approach them. Instead, she walked to the vanity, picked up a stick of red rouge, and applied it to her lips. She looked at herself in the bronze mirror and smiled with satisfaction.

"Madam, you are so beautiful." She whispered. She reached out to touch the "her" in the mirror, but it was only a reflection. Her fingertips met only cold brass.

"Hahaha..." She laughed low, a laugh laced with fury.

"Why!" She screamed at the door.

"Why? Why? Why!" She flashed before Han Bingxuan, repeating the word three times, each more furious than the last.

"Hahaha..." Then she laughed again, cold, merciless laughter.

"White Flower City, a backwater so remote it can't get any more remote. Why does it warrant a visit from an Underworld Officer? What crime have I committed? Tell me, what crime have I committed?" She stared coldly at Han Bingxuan, but never gave him a chance to answer.

"I have committed no crime." She said.

"Every step I've taken, the greatest mistake I've ever made is that I have no mistakes. Hahahaha. Can you believe it? No, I can't even believe it myself. Heaven help me. I was actually a good person. A great benefactor praised by everyone. Hahaha. How absurd. Truly absurd. I remember the first time I burned incense before the Everlasting Emperor's statue. I was only six. They told me to put the incense in the burner, and I did. Suddenly, the Everlasting Emperor appeared above me, benevolent and kind.

He looked at me with such warmth, then pressed a glowing green bug into my chest. I was terrified. There was a bug inside me! I was so scared. I wanted to go home to my mother. But I couldn't move. They held me in place. Then more people came, their faces full of surprise and disbelief. An old man smiled and told me he'd keep the bug safe for me until I grew up. I nodded eagerly. Please, get it out of me! It was crawling around inside me, so scary. It was going to eat me! Please save me!

Everyone laughed at my words. Hahahaha. Looking back now, it really was funny. So ridiculous. Later I grew up and learned that the old man was the Chief of the Hall of Eternal Life. And that glowing bug was the qualification to be a disciple of the Everlasting Emperor. How I regretted it. Why, why, why did I hand it over so easily? No reason. Even if I hadn't given it willingly, they would have taken it by force. Then they would have announced that I voluntarily gave it up. Hahaha.

A pack of old dogs from the Hall of Eternal Life. Look at how kind they appear, just as kind as the Everlasting Emperor himself. I accepted my fate. Later, I became a disciple of an immortal under the Everlasting Emperor. Not a direct disciple, but still part of the Emperor's lineage. I became a cultivator with backing. If I worked hard enough, I might achieve immortality. One day, I saw a six-year-old child.

He was just as innocent and cute as I had been, with soft, fair skin, the kind you could pinch water out of. So endearing. I sensed a glowing bug inside him. It was mine. Ah. So he was the Chief's grandson. They looked exactly alike. That pale face, just like his grandfather's. White as a corpse in a coffin. White as a maggot in a cesspit! I didn't want to see him. I didn't want him to see me. But why, why did that damned child run up to me, grab my hand, and say:"Uncle, you look so familiar."

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. Fuck your familiarity! That bug in your belly is mine. Of course I look familiar! I wanted to say that. But I didn't dare. In the end, I said nothing. I stood up quickly and left, afraid someone might think I still wanted that bug. How could I still want it? I was already dead inside, wasn't I? And I had a new path now. I'd work hard on this path, no matter how difficult it was, and I would ascend.

You think everyone is like you old dogs, always looking for shortcuts? But they didn't believe me. They thought I was just as rotten as they were, another treacherous old dog. I explained myself a thousand times, but they still exiled me to White Flower City, a place with barely ten thousand people. Do you know, I was supposed to go to a city of a million! But because of that damned child, because of a single sentence he said to me, just one sentence, with no reply, I ended up in this godforsaken White Flower City.

I was bitter. So bitter. I ran to the Everlasting Emperor's statue and begged him to open his eyes and look at me. Please, I was once your chosen disciple. Even if I never formally became your student, you should at least see this injustice! The Everlasting Emperor's smile was kind. And his eyes were always open. Hahaha. Yes. Always watching me. I accepted my fate again. With my immortal superior's encouragement, I became White Flower City's City God.

For twenty years, I opened the temple doors before sunrise and closed them after sunset. I worked diligently. Every child born in White Flower City received my blessing. They all grew up healthy, contributing their Divine Energy to the immortals above. Over those twenty years, White Flower City's population grew several times over. The people praised me. Even villagers from outside the city came to burn incense at my temple. I did all this. I worked so hard. I hoped they would see it. But they didn't.

Or maybe they did, and they pointed at me behind my back, saying: Look at this fool. Hahaha. Finally, I accepted my fate. But why? Why? Why won't you even leave me this tiny place to exist? What have I done wrong? Why do you treat me this way!" He raged at Han Bingxuan, at Fang Cheng, at the Everlasting Emperor in the temple to the west. But no one answered him. The world didn't need reasons. It didn't need "why."

"I was wrong from the very beginning. I shouldn't have been born. I shouldn't have burned that incense. I shouldn't have gotten that green bug. I shouldn't have met that damned child. I shouldn't have come to White Flower City. I shouldn't have made White Flower City thrive. I shouldn't have, shouldn't have. Everything I did was wrong. Hahaha. I've made so many mistakes. What do I do? What do I do? How do I correct my mistakes!" He laughed maniacally, his face contorting into his own true face.

He was Zhang Ruilin, the once-prodigious child, the frustrated young cultivator, the drunken, washed-up City God.

"I can't correct them. But that's fine. I can help you correct yours! You, Underworld Officer, made a mistake coming to White Flower City. You could have left. You had so many chances to leave. I already killed myself. Why didn't you go? And you, this random brain-damaged cultivator, you could have left too. I gave you a chance. But none of you took it. Fine. Then let the entire city correct its mistake together. None of you should have come here. In your next life, I hope you both get a Chief for a grandfather.

And I hope the people of White Flower City reincarnate into rich merchant families in the capital. If they reincarnate wrong, no matter. Keep trying. A hundred times. A thousand times. Ten thousand times. Eventually they'll get a good life, right? Hahaha. Yes. I really am a great benefactor. You'll all thank me. Hahaha..." He laughed bloodthirstily, licking his rouged lips, swallowing all the red pigment greedily.

Then, dissatisfied, he returned to the vanity, picked up the rouge box, and reapplied what he'd just eaten, looking at the face in the mirror. He looked at the woman in the bronze mirror. At those bright, clear eyes. At himself. And suddenly, tears streamed down his face. He wept, his cries piercing and mournful.

"Madam, I'm sorry. Do you remember when we first met? You took me to the eastern market. It was my first time at a market fair. You said the hawthorns were too sour. I tried one and agreed. You said the jewelry shop owner looked like a philandering scoundrel. I didn't say anything. I didn't know. Then you said I looked like an honest, dependable man. Yes. Hahaha. In front of you, I could only ever say 'yes.' Then one day, you asked me: Am I beautiful? Of course you were beautiful.

Then you said you wanted to give me a daughter as beautiful and lovely as you. You asked if I wanted that. Your smile was so beautiful. I could feel the nervousness and fear beneath it. How could I let you be nervous? How could I let you be afraid! No. I wouldn't agree. Why would I agree! I made a mistake. I fell in love. I was a cultivator. Why did I marry you? Why did you have to ask me that?" He clutched the journal, wailing like a helpless child.

He wanted someone to hold him, but all he could hold was this cold bronze mirror. He looked at the crying woman in the mirror. His heart ached even more. Madam. Yalan. How could you cry? It's all my fault. I made you cry again. Wuwuwu. No. I can't cry. I have to laugh. Hahaha. I should be happy. Hahaha. He clutched the mirror and laughed, looking at his reflection. She was so beautiful. Yes. I should laugh.

"Why should we cry? We're both still alive. Look, Yalan, you've only grown more beautiful. And so have I. I'll take your body and leave White Flower City. I'll go to the Hall of Eternal Life and see just how ugly those old dogs really are! We'll keep doing good deeds. We'll save all the people under heaven and send them to good reincarnations. Hahaha. But good lives are limited. What then? Simple. We'll send those ugly old dogs to their own reincarnations, as beasts, as real dogs, eating pig shit! Yalan.

Do you agree?" He looked at her in the mirror. He knew she wouldn't answer. No. She already had. He listened to the heartbeat in his chest. Thump, thump, thump. He heard it. It seemed to say:"I don't agree." Who? Who said that? Whose voice was this? Why did it sound so familiar? A strange unease rose in his heart. He looked around frantically, but saw no one. Finally, he slowly turned back to the mirror. The woman staring back at him was unfamiliar.

"No. Who are you? You're not Yalan!" The woman in the mirror slowly, slowly curled her lips into a smile. The rouge on her lips was so beautiful, her favorite shade of red. With this face, it was stunning. She said: "I am Yalan. But I don't agree."