Chương 49: Chapter 47

"What if you ate a gold bar Leon? What then?" He stopped, eyes widening.

"What if you ate two gold bars?" Gold was one of the few metals that were considered safe to eat, tons of rich assholes would put gold flakes on just about anything and up the price by two hundred dollars. It was perfect. They'd buy as much gold as they could stuff into the russian's gullet, preferably in Azdrial where he could die of intestinal issues, and then when they're back on Earth they'd conjure it out.

"Do you know how much goddamn money we could be making each day!?" Sure it might be extremely painful, but Wade would do that in a heartbeat, Leon could take one for the team. What's a little bit of death between friends right? Wade started vibrating in his boots.

"How many gold bars can you eat in one meal?" Leon looked down at the possibly insane American.

"Where getting gold bars from? Very expensive." Market, that's where. That shifty geezer of a god owed him one gold bar already, and more each time Wade brought back some of his people in the future. Even the System itself had a quest for it - and the System was never wrong! Market had his goddamn gold bars, and Wade was going to find that homeless drunk asshat and shake him down for his rent. Respectfully. Wade would never be loan-shark evil of course.

"Specifies food." Leon corrected, hardly moving from the manic man's shaking. Rather the opposite, Wade was shaking himself back and forth given the mass difference.

"Is called conjure sustenance. Has to give nutritional benefits."

"Money is the best nourishment the soul could want." Wade argued, a true believer.

"Not sure the System thinks like so." Leon said.

"What? If the System doesn't agree with that, then the System's clearly wrong and I'll convince it somehow." Leon shook his head lightly, "My friend, no amount of gaslighting will work on System. Good try." Wade let go of the Russian and started to pace around. Damn. That meant mana potions and crystals were off the market if it specified sustenance. Why did it have to have such a weird and arbitrary requirement for food? Well, back to making money another way then.

"Imagine eating some kind of extremely expensive cake or something? We could open a bakery shop! Or we'll dig into the exact wording of this thing and figure out how to make it pay the rent. Possibilities are endless Leon, endless!"

"One single cake a day does not make a good bakery shop," Leon laughed, shaking his head, hand picking up his system-bought warhammer.

"But is besides the point. We should get in contact with Illy and Selena first. Manic episodes after, okey?" Wade's phone buzzed, and he remembered a very specific parasite. Gold lootbox first! (づ ◕‿◕)づ Gold lootbox first!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ GOLD LOOTBOT FIRST!!! (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻"Shut the fuck up Play." He hissed, but equally couldn't disagree that was something he was just about to ask for. Aww, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed princess? Leon chuckled, looking over his shoulders to see the screen.

"I see dial-a-god stays? You met after in storefront, yes? How was that?"

"I did meet her. And she's a menace." Wade went on a small rant about Play and the degeneracy he was met with after. Leon nodded sagely at that, sharing his own experience. His sponsor was a god named Garden. A rather old man, who sounded far more grounded and normal than Market had been, but who only cared about growing flowers, food and other nice things. A god of agriculture and life.

There were apparently a few dozen different offshoots of this divine domain, but Leon's was mostly about aesthetics and growing beautiful things, maybe a few nuts and berries for fun. Which was something that didn't have quite a lot of followers. Wade had also gotten his first taste at how Zin's contract worked. In that he simply couldn't speak any name other than 'Play's butler' when trying to describe the sleazeball. No pain or anything other than him fumbling on his words.

Was rather gentle all in all, considering it's a contract with a demon.

"We should get Illy and Selena now," Leon said.

"We make plan for lootbox after. Unless you want to chance another jack-in-the-box surprise without all of us together to help?" Wade agreed, mostly because he'd have more time to try and convince Leon into his marketing schemes here while they walked around. Play did not agree, on the other hand. She wanted that lootbox opened. Fine, I didn't want to have to use this card early, but you leave me no choice.

"Play…" Wade hissed. It's a gold loobox Michael~ After you loot what's inside, what's to stop you from dragging the chest back here and selling it? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ✧ Wade stopped dead on in his tracks. She had his attention now. Those chests were giant. Like huge. Half his size. Imagine all that - except gold.

"Holy shit, Play you're a genius." Leon laughed, "And you thinking you can bring something from this world back?" Wade shrugged.

"Maybe? Hasn't yet worked, but I did manage to get those mana potions and that ring from the storefront home. Who knows?"

"Could be dangerous if it proves you can." Leon said, thinking.

"You keep quiet for now, try not to be seen on earth with that. Illy think it will cause trouble real soon."

"But… my plans?" What he meant to say was his get-rich-quick scheme, although Wade would never admit to something that crass. His plans were dignified. Everyone else's plans were half-baked money grabs.

"You ask Illy for a bit of money, she make exception for you. Very rich heiress." That equally got Wade's attention.

"Wait, you think she would?" He crawled away from the roof end, back on his feet to turn to the russian.

"Really?"

"Da, you have unique service offered here - can bring things from earth to Azdrial. Very useful. Maybe leverage that? She could also safely fence things for you, I thinking she smart about that." Wade felt himself vibrating. That's right, he could sell his earth-to-Azdrial equipment services. And then later start a full trade empire here. All he had to do was get that hellion on board. She'd see the light, Wade was certain she'd understand.

Wade scanned the desolate street from their crouched position behind a crumbled wall of a half-broken down house. Likely one stomped into the ground yesterday. And the culprit sat like a giant toad just up ahead. The massive security construct stayed right where it had been this whole time. His mind kept replaying the sensation of its stone fist crushing his skull. Death had been instantaneous, at least.

"Think we should give it a name?" He asked, taking his eyes off it as the two continue to sneak through the alleyways. Leon stopped, turned his eyes over to the shadow of the giant, then squinted at the hulking spider-like golem. Its two massive palms remained docked at its side. The thing probably hadn't moved ever since it had finished crushing up Wade last night.

"Lapushka," Leon said with a nod, turning back to his path and carefully walking through the rubble.

"What does that mean?"

"Hmm, think cute teddy bear." Wade winced, thinking back at the last sight he'd had of that fist. he saw it fly right at him, and bang! Dead.

"You're naming the thing that killed us both after a stuffed plushie?"

"You not liking it?" He almost looked sad, if it weren't for that shit eating grin. Wade elbowed him.

"Be serious Leon, needs something more grand. Like… Baron Lapushka." Leon scoffed, sliding down another mound of rubble before grabbing onto an alleyway ladder, and climbing up, warhammer held like a toy in his hand.

"How about… Professor Lapushka, PhD.

"PhD? For what?"

"Cranial Reconstruction major." Wade laughed, "You dick. Okay how about Duke Lapushka. Hand of the Free Market." Department of Hands-on management is more like it, ayyyoooo (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞"Thinking dial-a-god may be onto something." Leon grinned.

"How about Lapushka, Lord High Chancellor of Blunt Force Trauma."

"Come on guys, I think that's a little too much." Wade said, rolling his eyes.

"It's not smart enough to be a high chancellor." The two reached the top of the roof, and then crouched. Leon put down his warhammer, then took off his pajama shirt, tying it to the hilt end of the hammer, before checking that the golem didn't have a line of sight on them. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

"What? Lapushka a very smart golem." Leon shrugged, confirming this was a good enough spot. Half the other side of the road could see them. And he knew Illy and Selena were in charge of patrolling on the other side, looking for a vantage point.

"Stays in one spot until something makes it angry. Efficient with energy management. Act like police and confiscates drugs, and improvised weapons. Like lootboxes."

"That reminds me, did you see a silver lootbox chest out there?" What was better than selling a gold lootbox to the market? Selling a silver one in addition.

"How about you check? We very small here, peek around corner, see the entire street." Leon lifted the hilt up and started waving the improvised flag, rolling the head of the hammer left and right, repeating. Easy to use flag signalling. Wade crawled over to the edge of the roof and peeked around. One of the larger houses was blocking his line of sight to the golem and keeping the pair hidden from it, but if he strained his head, he could start seeing around the street itself. Lapushka was still there, as usual.

But where the golem had confiscated and then baited the silver lootbox, Wade saw nothing.

"Shit, I think it's gone. We might actually need to use the gold one. Ahh but fuck, we can't use my gold lootbox as a weapon." Wade hissed, realizing the issue.

"Oh? Why?" Leon asked, patiently waving his made up pajama flag.

"Because it's a gold lootbox."

"You just want it to sell."

"Yeah, that's what I said?" Leon nodded, seeing the issue.

"Counterpoint: If smaller, easier to carry to pawnshop, right? Gold malleable. Can be pounded down."

"That… actually a good point. Okay fine, we'll put the lootbox as a potential ammunition." Leon continued to wave the flag, waiting for it to be noticed.

"Do we have backup ideas?"

"Why? Lootbox should work just fine, it did last time. We need something heavy, and unbreakable."

"But how will you lift and throw something heavy now? Your blackrot is gone now, da? No more super strength."

"That's..." Wade frowned.

"…Unfortunate. I think I'll have to go looking for the hyper-weasel." He peered around the corner again, making sure their path to the sewer remained clear. Then he noticed something moving on the other side. Blue and black cloak, silver-metal armor in loose plate segments, and blond hair. This time Wade had gone to sleep with his glasses so it wasn't some blur in the distance. Still wasn't perfect, but he could tell the blond platinum hair had some blue sticking through it. And he could see the ears were waggling.

"Found them." Leon laughed, "No, they found us." And of course, where Selena was stalking around, so was her tiny charge. Head poking up over the rubble, glaring at him even from the distance. Wade waved. She waved back. Selena's ears waggled. Leon gave a thumbs up. The Russian put his hammer down, then brought up his hand and shook it. Illy shook her head back, making a rectangle shape with her hands, then slashing her throat in the universal ' don't have it' gesture.

"Ah. She didn't get smartphone with her either. Looks like you really are only man with gear." What Wade heard was that he'd have a far easier time demanding funds from Illy as the group's provision logistics master. An excellent and respectable profession. Leon nodded understanding, then mimicked the same phone shape before pointing to his empty pockets and shrugging dramatically. Wade watched Illy's increasingly frustrated pantomime, her arms flailing wildly as she tried to convey something complex.

Her exaggerated gestures made it look like she was fighting an invisible swarm of bees. Leon grabbed Wade by the shoulders and pushed him forward. Then started pointing at different parts. Including the smartphone. Then unzipped Wade's backpack, proceeded to show each item Wade had brought from Earth. Protein bars, barely working flashlight, a water bottle, even the small first aid kit. Displaying them one at a time like a TV salesman from the nineties.

Across the gap, Illy's eye roll was so dramatic she nearly toppled over backward. She clutched her chest, staggering in an exaggerated death scene worthy of a Shakespearean tragedy. The one person who could be least trusted with such an ability to fence things across worlds, got the ability to fence things.

"Hah. Jokes on her, I can make it worse." Wade muttered, then reached into his backpack and pulled out the golden lootbox compass. The moment Illy saw that, she seemed to outright hiss at him from across the road. Leon laughed, then pointed at the golem, and showed hand signs for five and seven. Fifty seven percent. The health the golem had. Illy started a mass movement of pointing at Wade and clearly asking something along the lines of:"You serious? He's the one behind the health dip?

How the feck did that tiny scrote with a spine weaker than wet newspaper manage that?!" Actually, Wade didn't need to imagine it, since Illy was clearly mouthing exactly that. Must be some kind of Scottish superpower to be understood even at a distance so long as half the sentence involved insults. Or was it actually body langu- ah. Nope, it's Market's language buff whispering the answers into his ears. It had been so subtle, Wade hadn't even noticed until he paid attention.

Of course he'd have an easier time hearing or reading lips. Any language used in trade, and whispered communication across a distance must have been used at some point. They continued talking back and forth, but ultimately the group decided they'd need to do the same general plan Wade had done prior. Distract the golem to the far top side of the road, opposite of the sewer, and then make a run for the sewer itself. All while keeping an eye on the explosive fist capabilities of Lapushka.

And that also meant they'd probably get spotted, and wouldn't have an easy time getting to the gold lootbox after. Better to go looking for it right now, fight off whatever critter the System would throw at them this time, and then go for the sewer exit after. Plan in motion, Leon and Wade set off following the golden compass, keeping mostly quiet. The needle continued to point them in the right direction, luck finally on Wade's side for once.

Similar to the silver lootbox, this one was hidden within a slave unit, only further on an upper level. A short climb up, they were at the doorway into the building that lootbox should be in. The doorway slid open, unlocked as expected. Leon and Wade kept their wits ready, the giant russian taking the lead with his warhammer raised. Identify showed no enemy healthbars here, but the mimic had escaped detection from the system before.

"I seeing nothing in here. No sound either." Leon said, walking back to Wade. The house looked just the same as any other, and the lootbox wasn't inside.

"Did compass lead us the wrong path?" Might be a different kind of puzzle this time. As Wade took the compass out of his backpack, he checked and found the needle was pointing directly down to the bedroom chamber of the unit. He pointed directly at it, and Leon got the picture. They slowly reached the doorway, then opened it up on the silent hinge. Inside was exactly what Wade had thought he'd see.

The surrounding room was filled with dust and discarded junk, the bedframe clearly missing anything organic or of weaker fabric, while only the skeletal remains of it stayed intact. And it was all disturbed by one shining golden chest at the very center, crushing down on the already dying bed. It looked even more grand than the silver chest. Leon nodded at it, cracked his neck left to right, and lifted his warhammer.

"Give me small pinch and then open chest from opposite direction. If enemy inside, I smash straightaway."

"Just remember, if it's a mimic, don't let it bite you." Wade said.

"Otherwise, they're pretty weak if you hit them on any fleshy bit." Surprise was their main weapon after all. It felt all the more easier to work with a teammate here to help, Wade didn't feel as nervous or worried. Instead, he gave the giant a small pinch, then scurried behind the chest, slowly opening it up. No teeth. No mimic. The System wasn't that evil, twice in a row at least.

"Is clear." Leon said, lowering the warhammer.

"I seeing only light inside?" Wade got back in front of it, and saw the light Leon spoke about. Like a glimmering defused thing within the chest, lampshading all the empty space within the chest. Empty. The light faded away.

"What the fu-" Boon upgraded. Skyviper archer (Common -> Uncommon) Oh. It wasn't empty. Just nothing physical as the reward.

"Stats!" Skyviper Archer (Uncommon) - Damage dealt by ranged weapons such as crossbows, slings, and bows are empowered with corrosive properties when used in a jumping attack. (Uncommon upgrade) - Consecutive hits within the same jumping attack increase the damage and duration of corrosive debuffs. Wade stared at the wording, his head instantly going into overdrive.

"Holy shit."

"What, did you get something good?" Leon asked, looking into the empty chest.

"Not just good Leon. I think I got something that could potentially break the game completely."