Chương 108: Day One Hundred And Seven

Dear Diary, Weird when I feel like I ought to be embarrassed by something, and not only am I not, but nobody is giving me shit for the thing I think I ought to be embarrassed about. So yeah, I've owned single pieces of lingerie that have more material than The Dress, and I fell asleep wearing it while tucked under Loki's arm. Not sure how long I was out, but I woke to Isnomi taking advantage of the easy-access properties of The Dress to make yet another futile attempt at nomming the dairy free titties.

I scooped her up and held her at eye level while reminding her, "these boobs have no milk. No," I shook my head, "milk." I drew an utter blank on how to Natural Sign Language 'milk' without referring to my, as noted, milk-free boobs. First she gave me a pretty clear, 'you can't blame a bitch for trying' look. She followed that up by squirming her head closer to me, reaching out with hands and mouth, saying, "Nahm! Nahm! Nahm, nahm, nahm!"

I plonked her on her butt on the big stone bed I'd woken on, rearranged The Dress so it covered my nips instead of pushing my tits together, then folded my arms across them, looked the menace in the eye and said, "no nom! No! No nom!" She stuck her tongue out and blew a raspberry at me, then laughed at the wit of her response. With her mouth open, I saw all of her incisors and canines poking out of her gums.

I got a sudden rush of brains to the head, picked up the menace, and walked over to where Loki sat with his arm around Sigyn at the end of the bed. I heard a quiet snore before I reached them, and tiptoed around to see her sleeping in pretty much the same position I'd been in. I smiled at them and whispered, "I didn't think Gods need to sleep?"

"Want is often far more pressing than need," he whispered back. I nodded to Sigyn.

"Jealous, huh?" He shook his head, but smiled as he did so.

"Envious, I think." He held up one arm, the grotesque stone-like intestine dangling from it to hold the partial stalagmite above the floor.

"I find myself wondering why you cut my bonds as you did." I hadn't really thought about it the first time I did it, but when I did I figured out my motives surprisingly quick.

"Seemed less painful than cutting your arms off above the wrist." He paused at that.

"Ah, yes, it does, but might you not have cut that which connects me to the rock?" Figured that's what he meant. Nothing for it but to say it.

"Yeah, but that would be like violating a corpse." He froze, mirroring a look I'd seen on Saffron's face when I hit her with something I considered basic civilized behavior that she had no clue about.

"I can see how it would be, and I thank you for your concern and respect."

"Yeah, no problem, Boss." I kinda wished there was something in the room to drink, but other than a bowl of Mister Slither's venom, we had nothing.

"Also pretty sure the only thing I've got that'd cut it are my Mana Blades, and those would make the Revive that much harder." A breath shuddered out of him, Sigyn stirred, and he froze. When she settled, he whispered, "I would ask you not to say such things where Sigyn can hear them." I kept my voice low.

"I mean, you're the Boss, sure, but why?"

"It would kill her should you not be able to make good on your intent." I cocked my head.

"Really? Gods can die of sad?" He shrugged. My jokes don't always hit home.

"We are beings of word and will and power. We might survive a sword, a spear, a stake through the heart, but sadness? Yes, that could kill us."

"I got you, Boss. Do me a favor?" He just nodded toward me.

"Gimme your hand?" I held out my right hand, my left still braced under the menace's butt. He held out the hand that wasn't wrapped around Sigyn. I folded back all but his pinky, then plonked Isnomi mouth first onto the side of his finger. She sucked at it before she really thought about what I'd stuck in her mouth, but then her eyes popped wide open and she went to town, growling as she gummed the fuck out of the side of a pinky near as big as her arm. Loki mouthed the word 'ow'.

That is the oddest sensation I've felt in an eon. Why? She's teething. I read somewhere cold helps.

"So now I am to be your daughter's chew toy?" he whispered, his voice so low I couldn't tell if it held venom or amusement. Knowing Loki? Probably a little of both.

"Mmmyeah," Sigyn muttered before she pushed herself upright.

"You can spare your pinky for a time while the adults talk, and this one," she nodded to me, "and I must have a talk. Now." I handed over Isnomi, and Sigyn guided Loki's other hand so I could set her butt on his palm. She'd grabbed one end of his pinky in each of her chubby little fingers, and went at it like a cob of corn. Sigyn grabbed my upper arm and marched me to the other end of the cave. She turned us so she faced mostly away from Loki, and I could see him past her arm.

She shook one finger in my face, but spoke low enough I knew he couldn't hear. Before my pissed off got too much of a head of steam, she said, "you will act like I am chastising you for trying to steal my husband."

"The fuck?" I reared back a little. If she expected me to wilt when chastised, she hadn't been paying attention. The side of her mouth turned away from Loki quirked up.

"I heard your plan." I kept my voice low and my asshole face on, but said, "the fuck you didn't say something?" Now she straight up smirked at my stupid ass.

"Why do I do anything? Especially something otherwise inexplicable?" Comprehension dawned, "to win." I hissed, hunching over as I realized how coldblooded the bitch in front of me could be. Wasn't mad at her, you get to the end of the rope all kinds of nice gets left by the side of the road, but it didn't fit with her warm grandmotherly vibes. Once she caught sight of the understanding in my eyes, that warm smile came back and she whispered, "so rarely do I know why I will win, or even what.

I thought perhaps that you and yours would be a surrogate for our lost boys. But what you intend? I will have my family back." She hissed that last. I looked at her and asked, "so you're just faking it with Isnomi and Saffron and me?"

"Why would I do that? Despite your continued titillation of my dear husband, you have never once shown that type of interest in him and," she heaved a sigh, "while you did add those scandalous boots, I now know he himself chose the design of your dress." Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. I smirked up at her, swinging my hips and posing a little, "yeah, no idea why he'd slap this shit on me, but it looks fine, don't it?"

She shook her head, "and the boots only make it worse."

"You want a pair? They're way less uncomfortable than they ought to be, and with that ass? You'd have to beat him," I nodded toward the World's Largest Teething Toy, "off with a stick. Or, y'know, your hands. Whatever puts the oil in your slick, I guaran-fucking-tee you in a pair of these bad bitches would put all the lead in his pencil." That got her attention, although she had a straight up war on her face between 'scandalized' and 'need to know more intensifies'.

"My husband finds me attractive just as I am."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, not arguing with that. I feel you, even; Saffron gets me wanting some adult cuddle time even when we're both stupid stinky and tired. But I ain't even talk about that here. I'm talking about making that man of yours look at you like a steak in front of a starving dog, about putting the kinda hex on him that'll have your ass bruised for weeks when he breaks that fuckin' slab of rock you two call a bed.

You get a pair of these on and he wouldn't notice if Aphrodite, Freya, and Adonis had the foursome on pause waiting for him across the room. Hell, he'd push his way through them to get to you." I paused a moment, wondering if I should push it further. Fuck it, I'm me.

"Boots like these were made for the gifted of ass, and Lady? Your ass is literally Made of Win." She just stared at me, incredulous.

"Did I suspect you possessed a single duplicitous bone in your body, I might be deeply offended. And yet, I know you do not, and are neither incorrect nor taunting me." Then she sighed and slumped.

"I know your cordwainer. I doubt I could meet his price. I doubt I would want to meet his price." I shrugged.

"No big thing, Winnie. I'mma go see him next week, I got you." Her mouth worked silently. Got her.

"See, this is what you call a 'win, win', where we both win. You win, I win, nobody loses." The edges of a real frown snuck onto her face.

"My husband and I will not be having a threesome with you." I rolled my eyes, letting some real hurt show through on my face, "Look. Lady. Winnie. I gotta tell you, your man's loincloth has seen some better days. I'm pretty fuckin' adventurous, I'll admit it. Just ask Marie someday about the first time we hooked up. But after seeing that package?" I shuddered a little, and not in a good way.

"No desire to get skewered by a goddamned telephone pole, no thank you. Frankly? Little bit in awe that you can still fuckin' walk." I dropped my voice a couple octaves and did my best TV salesman's voice.

"That's a lotta damage!" then I stared at her, doing the 'stare straight into her eyes and through them' trick before finishing, "He's a great guy, you two are in love, I'm not the kind of bitch to fuck with that. Frankly, if I was I'd be more tempted by the ass that can take that kinda pounding on the regular and keep on walkin'." That got her again. She blushed a little, a snickered laugh leaking out of her. I moved into the endgame of my Spontaneous Nefarious Plot.

I leaned close, my head bent forward as if surrendering to her.

"And if you've been paying attention, all of this has been Win. Hasn't it?" She choked back something. Laughter, vomit, I'm not sure. I'm not a con man, but I remember flirting with those old dudes on the New Jersey more than once. I know when I've got somebody on the hook.

"Just like it'll be a win when those boots get even your ass weekend membership to the need a wheelchair club." Hook set. She lifted my chin, glaring hopefully.

"Why. Why would you risk yourself with The Smith for such a thing." I realized on my first read through of Law and Custom that power ground my gears, and now I ignored more than a few flutters when I scored a complete victory over Winnie as I shrugged and said, "the Boss is family. I want family to be happy. That ass in these boots? Happy Boss." All her consternation and frustration washed away with those words.

"So be it. I shall pay whatever price you name. Do this thing for me." Mimic one, Sigyn one. Because I hadn't lied, this was definitely a win-win kinda thing. I shook my head.

"No price, Winnie. Family." I sighed.

"I might need his help on the regular at odd hours if the assholes in New Amsterdam push this war thing." She looked down at me, her eyes got a faraway look for a moment, then she smiled wickedly and said, "get me those boots, and you Win." Game. Set. Match. Fuck you, Amsterdam. We walked back to Loki, me playing my role as chastised vixen, her doing a passable reassured wife. Sigyn collected a sleeping Isnomi, I re-secured Loki, and collected the menace after Sigyn nuzzled her a little.

I leaned over, whispered a few things in her ear, took his invisible hand, and stepped back to my room. Still kinda tired from two nights' lack of sleep, I didn't wait for Saffron or Marie, I stripped The Dress off and collapsed into bed curled protectively around a still-sleeping Isnomi. The next morning I woke to Marie knocking on the door, Saffron mirroring me on the far side of Isnomi, our foreheads and knees touching.

Still not fully rested, but good enough for a class I'd already pretty much passed the practical for, with Marie's help I dressed and headed out without waking them. Before we left, I handed her The Dress and asked, "How soon can you have this ready for me?" She took it, gave it a single sniff, rubbed the southerly bits between her fingers, and said, "Lunch?"

"Please." She nodded, lay it atop her cart, and went about her busy day of Marie things. Turns out I wound up fucking around for most of the morning anyhow, because the list of shit Doc came up with for the class today? I'd already done every damn thing on it in Remedial, and we both knew it. Okay, I had some fill-in-the-blank-bookwork-bullshit, but that took me like half an hour once I got back to the room.

I worked quietly, copying the names of the folks who'd converted during our Holy War Encore Healing Tour, cudgeling my brain to remember which were which, including the ones I wasn't sure about, because converted or not some of them looked real grateful, and maybe economically challenged in a way that would make Guard Pay sound appealing. Don't get me wrong. I felt a little shitty about it. I kinda empathized with my old DIs from ROTC.

On the one hand, they were yeeting poor folks like themselves into the same meat grinder they'd gotten lucky enough to survive. On the other, if living in the hood taught residents anything, it's how and when to duck, and rolling the dice on whether God or Kalashnikov had yet made a bullet with their name on was usually a better deal than working in a warehouse that timed how long it took you to take a piss. I felt even shittier about wearing The Dress.

Not any kind of fucking 'oh, I'm despoiling a holy artifact' or that kinda shit, either. More like half the recruits I pied pipered back to the Academy steps would be random poor assholes dragged along by their dicks. Thing is? Those fuckers? The guidos with more testosterone than tact, with more back hair than brains? When somebody stepped up to Philly and fucked around? Those were exactly the assholes who guaranteed that said fuckers found the fuck out.

If I couldn't march out right next to Saffron, and something told me everybody in the fucking world, Saffron included, would bitch at me if I tried to? I was damn sure gonna make sure she marched out surrounded by the largest amount of Philly Fuck You I could send with her. She and Isnomi woke each other up about halfway through the morning. She helped me with my list, I helped Isnomi with the chamber pot, Isnomi helped Saffron offload excess boob juice. The family that helps together fucks shit up together. Right?

Marie delivered The Dress just before lunch. Saffron helped me get dressed. Isnomi 'helped' as well. I nuzzled them both and said, "I'm off to work. You okay with the tiny terror today?' We lost about five minutes when Isnomi shrugged and replied, "dah." Nice to leave the cell with everybody laughing. As I strutted down the steps I called out, Boss? Heading out to do some All Purpose Recruiting, might need somebody who knows the street names and shit.

His voice came through distracted, and I smirked as I thought about what I'd whispered to Sigyn before I left. Recruiting of worshippers or warfighters? Eh, six of one, half dozen of the other. You in? A suggestive fragment of imagery might have slipped along with that last bit. Totally by accident. Really. Not just now. Dammit, how is it you seem to know what Sigyn is up to at the moment? Loki likey? Yes... he drawled out.

I'll aid you as needed, of course, but any distraction on my part will simply be your just comeuppance. You're welcome. I have faith in you, Boss. Let's do this thing. By the time I forced my aching feet to strut my ass back up Franklin Boulevard to the Academy, the sun had almost hit the horizon, but I had two dozen converts trailing along behind me. Around a dozen were folks I'd healed or relatives thereof.

Maybe another half dozen or so were some sailors who Commodore Pesce vouched for, who wanted to try their hand at fucking somebody's shit up for money legally. Pride of place? That dubious honor went to the six Camden Yards dock workers I'd picked up. Between the lot of them they had about two tons of muscle, a hundred pounds of hair, six eyebrows, and three brain cells evenly distributed between and all over the six of them.

Not sure how many followed the money, how many followed Loki, and how many followed The Dress, but I sure as shit felt like I'd done my part to donate to the wall of muscle I intended to put between Saffron and those who intended to do her harm.