Chương 57: Lasers, the je ne sais quoi you're missing

The zombie conflict ended not with a bang, but with a whimper. Before Jin had even heard about its conclusion, Elder Flower was already in his face, brusquely asking about what progress he'd made on the templating. He would have loved to have used the technique which he was slowly developing to puppet more than just one of his limbs, to show her the middle finger. Instead he'd somehow refrained, simply waving at her. She gave the attempt a disparaging look, before leaving.

'What crawled up her ass and died?' Jin asked himself in the sanctity of his own thoughts after the Elder had disappeared from the clearing in which he liked to practice. He was too scared to say it out loud; Elder Flower had looked positively murderous. Almost to the point where he'd been scared to think it… But… He'd managed somehow… That was one privilege he was unwilling to let go of. He went back to focusing on the technique. The arm went up, the arm went down.

The arm went to the neck where his lance necklace hung and failed to unclasp it. The hand flailed around uselessly in the general area for a few minutes, feeling truly weird against his shoulder which was controlled by his biology as god intended, rather than by qi. The hand gave up. The hand curled up in a corner and cried. The hand wrote a farewell letter. The hand went to the balcony and looked over the ledge…

"Bad hand," Jin suddenly said, slapping the qi-controlled hand with his other one. The hit broke the tenuous control he had, and the spell ended. Jin sighed. He wasn't aware of how long it usually took to master the body movement part of the templating spell, but he had the suspicion that he was behind schedule. He'd received the scroll a month ago, and he'd moved from moving one finger to one arm. He'd be done with his body in a year. Then he'd need another year to actually coordinate the mess.

Now that Elder Flower was back? The tournament was likely in a few months, from the way he knew the woman. She'd appear back in the clearing any second now and tell him that his preparations were inadequate and that he only had six months before he was set to have his ass beat by the disciples of more combat-oriented sects. Any second now… Any second… After a few minutes, Jin gave up on waiting and went back to work.

He'd been originally intending to stop fairly soon and go back to his apartment-turned-office to work on Skyrim, but with Flower, the tournament would happen soon. He could focus on the game more afterwards. If he had a good showing, he'd probably get more leniency when being drafted for future projects. Jin suddenly laughed out loud as his qi-controlled hand tried futilely to beat his biological one in a game of thumb war.

"Yeah, hell no," he said as the biological hand won that particular game. Jin hadn't managed to complete a single Illusion Room purely to put it in the library and get sect points for viewing. Ornstein for the exam, Outlast for the monks, The Last of Us for the army. The incidence rate wasn't leaning in his favour… Still, he'd try. He needed Skyrim. Needed to frolic in the fields and install the huge titty mod- he meant show the wondrous game to the cultivators of his new reality.

Practice continued for a few more minutes before being interrupted by the loud striking of a gong. It rang once. Jin never hoped to hear the second impact, as that would herald an attack. The silence echoed as everyone in the Inner Ring waited with bated breath. No second gong came, and a collective sigh of relief vibrated through the air of the mountain. Jin, for his part, transferred the body control technique from his arm into his leg, took a step and promptly tripped and fell on his face.

'Curse you, Elder Flower!' he thought meekly. -/-"What's going on?" Jin asked Francis, who was leaning against the wall of the canteen as he faced the podium on which they had been judged a scant few weeks ago.

"Announcement, I imagine," the old man replied and interrupted Jin just as the latter was opening his mouth again.

"Hashimi's asleep; she was snoring louder than the gong. I barely heard it."

"It's noon," Jin deadpanned, causing his co-worker to shrug, his long grey beard swaying in the wind.

"It is the naps which are unnecessary which often transcend logic," Francis replied wisely, just in time for the fat Elder in charge of the Inner Ring to waddle on stage. Well, waddling was a bit of a misnomer; he appeared rather gracefully in a swirl of leaves, like some Konoha Chuunin reject. Jin just didn't like the guy. From the look that Elder Pangzi threw into the crowd of assembled disciples, the feeling was mutual.

'Fuck you too buddy,' Jin thought to himself, breath hitching as the Elders gaze rested on his position for just a second. A sweatdrop ran down the disciple's forehead. If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

"There's nothing in particular to say," Elder Pangzi eventually announced.

"The border conflict has concluded favourably, with one of our own, Elder Flower, slaying a demon general that has caused much grief to our defences in the past. The zombification virus did spread amongst the army on some of the fronts, but has been sufficiently contained. Ignoring any future outbreaks and conflicts, you are all to return to your usual behaviour, I am sure there is a caterpillar in the forest that needs a dressing down about its inability to give face somewhere," the man said in a deadpan tone.

Then, at the end, almost as an afterthought, he added.

"For those wishing to compete in the regional disciple tournament, I have it on good authority that it will be held in six months at the hurling peaks. For those of you who are interested in getting your faces bashed in and your asses beat in front of a crowd of thousands for the glory of the sect, please do sign up. You guys are the real heroes." With that, he disappeared.

As the inner disciples dispersed amidst mostly positive murmurs, commenting on how they were glad that the border conflict had resolved itself, Jin turned to Francis.

"That speech was a bit… weird," he said, testing the waters. Francis shrugged his wiry arms, making new and interesting shapes in the overly large robe he was wearing.

"Elder Pangzi does not much like his role," he explained briefly.

"From what I heard, there was an incident with a gourd of heavenly wine and a monkey beast king that made the sect leader force it on him as punishment."

"What, he fought a beast king for some wine?" Jin asked, confused, receiving a similarly confused look from Francis.

"What? No, he got drunk and made an Illusion Room in which you could have sexual intercourse with the beast. He was probably inspired by the scenario he'd been commissioned to make for the Purple Cloud Sect, which also features a monkey beast king," Francis explained as the two of them made their way back to Jin's dorms. An unspoken agreement that it was time to continue working on Skyrim had been made.

"A man of culture," Jin said in a commiserating tone.

"Is that truly something deserving of punishment?" Francis cringed together next to him.

"Well, the issue was that there was a mix-up. The Purple Cloud Sect got the monkey fucking Illusion Room, not the monkey fighting one." Jin's face blanked out, and he stared at the man, looking for a tell-tale sign that he was lying. But no, Francis looked completely serious.

"You must be joking," he eventually said.

"It's just rumours, of course, but considering that ever since then all Purple Cloud disciples go out of their way to hunt us down at the regional tournament is quite indicative that something happened."

"That seems like an overreaction," Jin snorted.

"So there was a mix-up. I'm sure the Purple Cloud Sect could have simply returned to the Illusion Room and cleared up the misunderstanding."

"Well, allegedly, the Purple Cloud sect leader wasn't all too amused to find himself facing a metaphorical heavenly staff rather than an illusory one. Especially as, in a moment of surprise, it… Well, supposedly, ended up lodged quite firmly up… well, you know," Francis muttered.

"..." -/-"Wake up you lazy fucking bitch!" Jin yelled as he kicked open the door to his apartment, finding, as he'd expected, Hashimi napping on his bed, snoring as loudly as a chainsaw, a snot bubble the size of an apple extending itself out of her left nostril. His gentle wake-up call didn't work, so the inner disciple unceremoniously walked over to the small rickety bed that was supposed to be in use only by him, and violently pulled at the blanket the girl was desecrating with her colour-stained robes.

Hashimi's eyes blinked open mid-air, and she managed to just barely press out a startled "huh?" before she crashed to the ground in an ungraceful heap of impostor syndrome.

"Aw," the girl muttered as she lay on her back, staring sleepily at the ceiling.

"Don't sleep on my bed," Jin reminded her kindly as he stepped over her to make it again, creasing out the edges of the blanket and fluffing the pillows.

"If your bed didn't want to be slept on, then why is it in our office?" Hashimi grumbled. Jin glared at her.

"Maybe because your apartment is too much of a mess to be of use to anyone. Also, victim-blaming much?" he asked, leaning towards his rickety bed and stroking it consolingly.

"Don't listen to her, she's just mad because she'll become a spinster and die alone, while you have a hot young bachelor sleeping with you every day," he whispered reassuringly, just loud enough to be heard.

"You two are a riot," Francis muttered from behind as he went towards the chair he often occupied and sat down. Jade slips and a few Illusion Rooms with different aspects of Skyrim were scattered on the desk next to him.

"We can't be a riot, dummy," Hashimi huffed as she did a barrel roll on the floor to come to a rest in the lotus position next to Francis' chair.

"We're only two people, and you need to join us."

"Yeah, Francis, hit yourself on the head violently until you're as smart as a mentally challenged koala with only an elementary school education." He pointed to himself with a thumb as he went to sit down next to Hashimi, idly pulling a jade slip from his wide sleeves.

"Then, and only then, can you be a part of this gang."

"I would prefer not to, actually," Francis said after contemplating deeply and thoroughly for about a millisecond.

"What do you have here?" he asked curiously and took the jade slip from Jin's hands.

"Dragon, working on it in the breaks of my technique practice," Jin muttered as he thought about the dragon issue in Skyrim. Francis slotted in the jade slip to an Illusion Room and unceremoniously dove in. A few minutes later, he was out with a consternated look on his face.

"It's a good start," he eventually said diplomatically.

"Good concept art." Hashimi also entered the Room, coming out more quickly than Francis had. Jin rubbed the back of his head.

"I know the problem. According to the Nordic Legends we've compiled, Alduin is supposed to be a legendary figure. The World Eater, the First Dragon, Twilight God, all that jazz." Francis nodded.

"In consideration of that, he is a bit… underwhelming." Jin had simply taken the original design from the games, planning on building on it now that he could get his team's feedback.

"It's provisional for the moment," he said.

"There are several issues that have to be addressed until it's done in any capacity."

"Yeah, World Eater is a bit hardcore," Hashimi agreed.

"To me, he looks about as powerful as a nascent soul stage cultivator." She raised her hands at the weird looks Francis and Jin gave her at that.

"Not that I would know what that looks like," she quickly clarified.

"You won't hurt my feelings," Jin started.

"It's a bit underwhelming considering we're using him as the Endboss. Also, the progression of seeing the strongest dragon first, but him not doing much beyond burning down a military outpost town, doesn't quite raise the stakes in the way we need it to."

"I have a few solutions in mind," Francis said, a treasure trove of experience.

"Me too," Hashimi quickly added.

"Ladies first," the older of the two insisted, causing the brown-skinned girl to nod.

"Alright, so I was thinking, to raise the threat level, we give him lasers," she proposed with a serious nod. Jin stared at her blankly before sighing. This was going to take a while.