Chương 25: Chapter 17: Group Chat Blues

vharlan03: hey guys quick question Lee: Did the Jenglot get out of its cage? vharlan03: no that's still locked up apocalypse averted and all that i just had a question about the app Lee: What app? vharlan03: the one we're on right now HARL33: lmaoooooooo Lee: Right. Shoot. vharlan03: well, i tried to send a screenshot of a chat to an old friend of mine from high school but instead of the chatlog he got a baklava recipe HARL33: oh lucky him could've been way worse. vharlan03: way worse how?

HARL33: vell did u even read the user guide? vharlan03: what user guide? Lee: It's a little question mark icon in the top right. vharlan03: I don't see it HARL33: hmm did u ever find that student handbook btw vharlan03: no HARL33: okay u r possibly being haunted by a ghost who hates instruction manuals but we'll deal with that later vharlan03: cant we deal with it now? HARL33: no lee explain the app thingy to him Lee: Very well.

As you are no doubt aware, Vell, the vast majority of commonly used chat apps are run -and monitored- by large corporations. This created a rather unfortunate situation in which those companies would subtly rewrite their terms of service to allow them to use ideas which were discussed in their apps. And then they would monitor the chats of Einstein-Odinson students, stealing any profitable ideas from conversations among classmates.

vharlan03: If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it. sounds about right HARL33: yet another reason every mfer in silicon valley can catch these hands Lee: Quite. But the problem was addressed when a student programmed their own chat app and distributed it to the students of the college. The code is collectively run and updated by students in the programming department, so there's no evil corporate overlords involved.

vharlan03: neat but what part of that explains why a chatlog turned into a dessert recipe Lee: We're getting there. In order to prevent other instances of chatlog hacking or any sort of internal espionage, the chat app has its own security features. Namely, trying to send (or take) any info from the chat app causes the file in question to be replaced with a junk file from a folder of random data.

HARL33: anybody in school can send something to the junk folder so as u can imagine it is often literally a junk folder lotta penises in there vharlan03: oh geez Lee: Quite so. Oh! Vell, you should add something to the junk file! It's something of a rite of passage around here. HARL33: just PLZ dont add a picture of ur dick.

and like thats me saying that vharlan03: weirdly enough i wasnt planning on taking a pic of my junk HARL33: good im sure u have a very nice penis but plz keep it to urself until the time is right Lee: I am begging you to stop talking about penises. HARL33: okay lesbian vell what ARE u gonna add tho vharlan03: idk ill think about it HARL33: would it help if we explained what we added first vharlan03: it usually does Lee: Learning from example is one of the best ways, after all.

I simply submitted the text of my favorite poem.

"Learning the Name" by Ursula K Le Guin. HARL33: now see this is why i don't like doing the comparison thing sometimes cuz you go and talk about your poetry all fancy and refined and then i gotta tell vell that i put in a picture of my dog's butt and i feel silly Lee: The world needs sophisticated art and crude comedy in equal measure. Besides, your dog is a corgi. Everyone loves corgi butts. vharlan03: you've had a corgi this whole time!?

HARL33: hold ur horses vell its my fams dog hes not on campus vharlan03: aww HARL33: ill send you some pics but for now what you gonna add to the junk folder vharlan03: idk i think my mom still has some of my like, fingerpainting stuff from grade school? maybe something like that HARL33: aww that sounds cute! ill trade you corgi pics for pics of your fingerpainting vharlan03: deal Lee: I have neither corgi's nor art to trade but I would like to see both of those, please. HARL33: of course!!!!

anyway now i gotta text my parents for corgi pics ttyl Lee: Tell your mother I said hello. HARL33: will do!!!!!!!! do u wanna say hi to my mom too vell vharlan03: does your mom even know who i am? HARL33: ofc! i tell my parents all about you guys do you not tell ur mom about us? vharlan03: sometimes im still figuring out how to separate the whole time loop apocalypse stuff from our like, daily hang out stuff HARL33: lmao right ull get there Lee: for reference, I have told my parents nothing about you, Vell.

vharlan03: that's probably for the best. Lee: Unfortunately.