Chương 93: The Last Tantrum

In the irony of ironies, the [Time Loop] that didn't actually loop ended up feeling more like an actual loop than anything else. The days passed with nary a change to their rhythm. The Gym Rats would wake to find Master Antiquity already up and gone on his morning stroll. Breakfast of forever stew while they waited for the old man to come back, then it was off to the garden for more supervised farm work. In the evenings, they would eat more stew to get back the energy they'd sweated off in the garden.

Only for that energy to then go toward hours of silent meditation. Jordan for one had taken to doing this on a bedroll. That way, he could simply lie down if he became too sleepy to meditate. Day after day and evening after evening of the same tasks performed in the same order. It was a [Time Loop] in every sense that mattered, except for that minor inconvenience of time moving forward hour by hour and minute by minute.

To be fair, there were slight variations in both the day and evening activities, to keep Jordan from going fully insane. For instance, as harvest drew near, Jordan learned a few more tips and tricks about keeping carrots, radishes, and napa cabbages happy and tasty. That, together with Antiquity's biology lessons about the bugs and animals that occasionally wandered into the garden, allowed a certain Gatekeeper to proc a cheeky: Feat enhanced. [Fuxi's Blessing (Lv. 3) -> (Lv. 4)]: In recognition of your pursuit of knowledge, you've gained a permanent [4]-point upgrade to Intelligence. INT: 23 -> 24 (modifier +6 -> +7) Then, in the evenings, Jordan got to flex his creative muscles as a tortured artist. Namely by adding a few twists and turns to his so-called self-reflection. After all, there were only so many ways he could recall that one date who stood him up or that dumb thing he said at a house party once that still made him break out in cold sweats all these years later…

before he learned to hate himself even more than he already did. And so, instead of just reliving his life beat by beat, he decided to quite literally switch things up. What if he'd said yes to that one stoner friend who invited him to go backpacking in South America? What if he'd punched his boss in the face that one time instead of taking those nasty insults like a chump?

Most of these alternate scenarios were far too fantastical to be viable (and some possibly even illegal), but they were certainly more fun than what had actually gone down in history. And the funniest thing about it? In every one of these scenarios, Jordan pictured himself, not as the anxious beaten-down Earthling he once was, but as the Stormvaster Mountain Man he'd since become—complete with top knot, full beard, and sturdy muscles that almost did justice to his 18 points in [Strength].

The Mountain Man told that stoner,"Yes, my eccentric friend, we are both broke-AF college students, but I'm sure we can make it work". The Mountain Man loosened his necktie, rolled up his dress-shirt sleeves, and knocked that asshole boss out cold with an uppercut to the chin. And it was also the Mountain Man who turned around and said, " On second thought, Kaede Masuda, yes, I'd love to sit down some time and compare notes on what we both know about these tripod cauldrons." Jordan jolted himself out of meditation.

The room was dark in the dead of night. Jordan's back was soaked with sweat, which turned chilly at the sight of a shadowy figure in the opposite corner. The shadow, just like last night and all the other nights before it, was utterly still. If it had any wisdom to share about how all this mindless looping was going to eventually lead to mana, it clearly didn't plan on sharing that wisdom tonight. Jordan let out a sigh and didn't bother to hide it.

He tossed and turned a few times, before giving in and checking the timer. [Between Two Lives]: Time remaining: 59 days, 5 hours, 37 minutes Back when he first discovered the new wrinkle to the mechanic, he'd checked the timer obsessively, almost every minute when he was at his most anxious. Now, a full two weeks into the [Loop], he'd forced himself to stop checking. Because it would only frustrate him more than he already was… and what do you know?

This latest update put him in a sour mood for the rest of the night. A sour mood that continued into the next day. And the next day. And the day after that. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. [Between Two Lives]: Time remaining: 56 days, 11 hours, 105 minutes [Between Two Lives]: Time remaining: 52 days, 9 hours, 64 minutes [Between Two Lives]: Time remaining: 47 days, 7 hours, 96 minutes Day after day of fruitless labor.

Night after night of pointless reflections. And through it all, not a word of explanation nor even encouragement from the great master who'd supposedly figured it all out. Jordan couldn't take it anymore. Especially when his latest meditation brought back the memory of that 'first sick day' that had once kickstarted his downward spiral. This shit wasn't just useless; it was downright demoralizing and humiliating to boot." That's it." He threw his hands up as he got up from his corner.

Neither of his hut-mates moved a muscle, their eyes shut in meditation.

"I'm going on strike. This shit ain't helping, and I refuse to do it until you prove to me that it'll lead to me generating my own mana." The 'you' of course referred to Antiquity. But the old man in question made no response, as still as a Buddha statue. The sight of it made Jordan's blood boil." You know why Aperture ended up more famous than you?" No response. Not least because Antiquity literally didn't care. Jordan knew it, but his tantrum still needed an outlet." Because you're a hack, old man.

I've been here for nearly a month, and Pewter a lot longer than that. And not once have we seen you cast a single spell! I'll bet that you don't know the first thing about magic… that you're a grifter who's only using us for free labor!" He'd gone too far and he knew it. At this point, he would have welcomed a swift kick in the nuts or maybe even a [Fireball] to the face. Yet still, the old man refused to budge, with nary a flutter in his bushy eyebrows.

In fact, not even Pewter intervened, which only made Jordan feel worse. The Tetherer had toiled for days and weeks on end without a word of complaint, and he now continued to meditate like there wasn't a grown-ass man throwing a tantrum two feet away from him. And this made Jordan angrier. Now angry at his friend too. For the complicity, the complacency. Why was he so angry though? Angry enough to insult an ancient adept and throw out baseless accusations?

The time pressure and apparent lack of progress were certainly factors, but in his heart of hearts, Jordan knew there was a much bigger reason. Because this [Loop], more than anything else he'd experienced in Stormvast, made him feel as though he was back on Earth. Banging his head against an impenetrable wall. Living a shitty life that could only get shittier with each passing day. And he was about to give up, just like he had once upon an ordinary morning indistinguishable from every other morning before it.

He was about to give up again, until—" I did it." Jordan stared at Pewter. The Tetherer had barely moved in his lotus pose. He now slowly opened his eyes until they were wide with amazement." I did it!" Pewter said again, much louder.

"I did… I just got my first cc of mana!" Jordan slumped down to a Stormvaster squat. All his strength had left him in an instant, along with his anger. He knew he should have been jumping up and down with excitement, if not embracing his friend in congratulations. But he found himself too deflated. Too ashamed." Master Antiquity!" Pewter turned to the old man with unreserved enthusiasm. From the look of him, he hadn't heard a single word of Jordan's tantrum… and maybe that was for the best.

"I did it! Unlocked a new Feat! The rate is painfully slow, but it certainly isn't nothing. Oh, this is incredible. I never once imagined… that I of all people…" At this, Antiquity's eyebrows and beard rustled into what passed for a smile. It was unclear whether he'd understood Pewter's use of system jargon, but for a master like him, it likely made no difference." It appears, Disciple," he said, "that your work ethic has withstood the test of impermanence.

You mortals have a limited time to spend in this world, and that naturally drives you toward impatience, toward motion for motion's sake, and toward false starts. You are therefore to be commended, Disciple, for finding room. Room for patience, for stillness, and for cultivation. For magic is nothing if not a constant dialogue with the universe's memories… such that we may add to them with reflections of ourselves." Was Antiquity speaking to the disciple who'd just figured things out…

or to the disciple who'd very nearly lost his way? In either case, the master didn't speak again for the rest of the night. He fell back into meditation as if nothing had happened. Because, in truth, nothing had happened. Unless you counted the universe behaving exactly as the universe should. Jordan leaned over to clap Pewter on the shoulder. He then shuffled back to his corner of the room, where he resumed his meditation. He didn't know how long it would take. He didn't know if he had enough time left.

But the only way for him to move forward right now was to sit completely still and reckon with his own impermanence. Because, in a way, reflection was its own kind of magic. Understanding the forces, the impulses, and the decisions that had set the past in stone. Then shaping a dynamic future on top of that enduring foundation. Jordan's latest reflection didn't take him too far back. After all, it'd only been a few minutes ago that he'd thrown the very last tantrum of his life.