Chương 8: Selfie

"Do you know what it's like to grieve for a brother, and carry that grief with you—literally—every waking moment of your life?" Jordan didn't.

"Do you know what it's like to be your family's hope to replace what they'd lost, knowing you'll never live up to their ideals or even your own?" He didn't know that one either.

"The Cup of Courage. Me. Can you even imagine?" Sickle let out a bitter laugh, eyes shining with incipient tears.

"I don't know anyone more timid and less like my brother. So, Mr Jordan, unless you know what that's like, I'm sorry to say we aren't alike at all. I know you mean well, and I appreciate it, but this… this is one bone I have to suffer alone, no matter how un dignified it might be." Jordan was at a loss for words. Other than to say,"Jordan."

"What?"

"Please. Just call me Jordan. I had an elementary school teacher who was actually'Mr Jordan' and it's… you know what, never mind." Silence. More painfully awkward than ever. In Jordan's attempt to pick at the scab that was Sickle's shell, he'd inadvertently caused a full-blown hemorrhage. There was no coming back from this. If only he could cast [Dig Hole] and— Charisma DC 12: success N üwa: "A milk-hearted maiden cries 'woe is me' about the oh-so-unjust cruelties of her perfectly loving family.

And you just what, take her word for it? In days of yore, you could've been old enough to be her father! How about you wring your meager 'experience' for all it's worth and say something useful for a change?" Wisdom DC 14: success Shennong:"Nüwa could stand to be gentler in their delivery, but they do have the right of it, methinks. The girl is hurt, scared, and lonely. For good reason, but perhaps not as good a reason as she wants to believe.

And therein lies the opportunity for you—as someone who's trod this road before—to show her a different way." What good were gods squatting in your head if they wouldn't even give a straight answer? Yet, Jordan knew full well what both Nüwa and Shennong were getting at. What he himself had run away from for as long as he could remember. And in order for him to help this girl trapped in the same spiral, he'd have to open himself up.

Lay out his deepest shame in front of a friend—no, really more a stranger still—and on Day 2 of an interdimensional adventure, no less! Beta testing a Vesselia expansion, my ass. This feels more like the therapy I'd been too ashamed (too proud?) to go to all these years… At a crossroads again. This time with higher stakes, both for Sickle and himself. The system got in on the action, hitting Jordan with another dialogue option.

Sickle wallows in a spiral of negative thinking and is in need of mature, level-headed guidance. Will you … 1) Play it cool. Not your area of expertise, and besides, since when do you stick your nose in someone else's business? 2) [Wisdom DC 15 (Medium)] Only by being kind to yourself can you learn to be kind to others. Is it time you finally forgave yourself—set an example for this lost young woman to follow? [Favorable: WIS modifier (+6). The'slow horses' thing really won you some goodwill (+2).] [Adverse: It's just so goddamned awkward to talk about, you know? (-2).] The extenuating and aggravating circumstances canceled each other out, leaving only a meaty Wisdom modifier of (+6). In theory, it was a decent gamble, somewhat more likely to succeed than not. But could he really gamble with a girl's fragile self-esteem? What gave him the right? I'm doing this for myself as much as for Sickle, Jordan reminded himself. This was a real opportunity.

All the more ironic that it came nestled inside a 'fake' world. Yet, all the more reason for him to grab it by the proverbial horns. 2) Be the adult and set an example for Sickle. Wisdom DC 15 Roll: 9 Final: 15 Result: success Just barely! Jordan first hid a sigh of massive relief, then launched into by far the most stressful speech of his life.

"You know, there was a time when courage used to come easy to me." If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Sickle merely frowned at him. A perfectly reasonable response.

"A time when everything in my life made sense," Jordan went on.

"Wake up, go to school, go to work, do this, plan that. Input and output, you know? Every authority figure in my life told me that everything I did had a purpose, that it was all building toward a life of comfort and fulfillment. Who was I to doubt them? It was easy to be brave and confident back then, when everything I did was just me being the best version of myself." A contemplative pause. Another lump to be swallowed in favor of looking ahead.

"It's tough when you lose your way. When the world stops making sense… when the map you've been following leads you astray because all the destinations have shifted or even disappeared completely. I never lost a brother or a son, and I can only imagine how tough that's been for you and your family… but I have lost something. Hope? Faith? Innocence? Call it what you will, but I now wake up most days without a sense of purpose.

Without the assurance that my life will be richer and more meaningful at the end of the day."

"Why do you keep going?" Sickle asked quietly, now staring at her feet.

"What makes you decide to face the day, only to get knocked down again and again?"

"Courage, I think." The two exchanged a look, both wide-eyed. Jordan was just as surprised by his own words.

"Blind courage. All the more courageous because it's blind. I don't have a map to follow. No one to tell me how to get my life back on track. I don't know what today would bring, let alone tomorrow. But I charge on ahead anyway, because… because I'm not ready to give up. Hell, in that sense, you're way ahead of me. Because this—" Jordan waved the paper in his hand—the first page Sickle had crumpled in frustration.

"—this is something. This is you. As long as you keep this up, you're bringing something to the world that no one else can. And that's more than I could ever say for myself. You're already a lot more courageous than you give yourself credit for. So, you know… chin up, I guess." Jordan's lecture had picked up steam, only to fizzle into a mumbly shrug of the shoulders. Sickle, for her part, didn't seem to share in the disappointment.

"You have something too, Mist—Jordan," she said earnestly." The Heavenly Cauldron. I don't fully understand what it is, but I do know it's something truly special. Something worth devoting your life to." Jordan broke into a wry smile. The girl had obviously meant well, but it was perhaps the wrong thing to say in the moment. What does it say about me that I had to reincarnate inside a game to find my life's purpose? No matter. It seemed his bumbling efforts had somehow reached Sickle.

Had melted a little of the shell she'd put up around herself and against the world.

And for now, that was a good enough outcome.

"Shall we head back?" he suggested.

"Help Mrs Sarina with supper?" Sickle nodded, then bounded off without another word. A few steps down the hill, however, she turned around to say,"Thank you, Jordan. For the slow horses. And… for a pinch of courage." Jordan smiled, wholeheartedly this time.

"Don't mention it, kiddo." Again with the'kiddo'! What's gotten into you, all of a sudden? As he followed Sickle back to the hut, he was distracted from his self-contained embarrassment, again by a system notification. New Feat unlocked. [Stand and Deliver]: You've seen enough of life to recognize the foibles of youth. But you also aren't so far gone to have forgotten their language. Gain proficiency (+2) in ability checks against humans in the 16-to-25 age bracket.

That evening, the family plus one gathered once more for a rowdy dinner. Jordan was heartened to see Sickle crack a few smiles and actively contribute to the conversations. On a possibly related note, even Mattock seemed more talkative than usual. During a break in the merriment, Sarina caught Jordan's eye to give him a knowing nod and a small bow. He didn't know how to respond other than to return the gesture. A tiny victory for all involved, but not the end of their story.

Back on Earth, Jordan too had his good days and bad days. The goal, as always, was to strive to have more good days than bad. To move forward with courage, humility, and compassion. The Mallet family certainly didn't lack for the latter. Suddenly, an idea popped into Jordan's head. He now knew with full confidence how he wanted to spend the dying embers of his phone battery.

"Mr Mallet," he petitioned the patriarch for assistance.

"Is it alright if I take a picture with your family?"" Take a picture?" Mallet parroted good-naturedly.

"Don't you mean paint? Not sure why you'd want a painting of us, but I'm sure Sickle can help with that. It's getting late, though, so perhaps in the morning?" Jordan shook his head, smiling.

"It'll only take a second. If y'all could just…" That was how Jordan Yu got a taste of portrait photography. He herded the family onto one side of the table, getting them to squeeze together as much as possible. He then slotted himself in front and raised the phone above his head. On the camera app, he could see everyone look up in surprise at the rectangular 'mirror'. Only Sickle maintained a neutral expression, thanks to her practice with the slow horses.

Jordan adjusted the camera slightly, making sure to get Hatchet's ox figurine into the shot.

"Say cheese!" The'cheese' was a shoddy and disjointed effort at best, but the picture came out perfect. The father with his genial smile, pleasantly confused by the alien technology. The mother with a toothy grin, brighter than the camera's flash. The brooding son with his usual glower. The daughter doing her best to hide her amusement at her family's expense. And then there was Jordan at the center of it all, looking happier than he had in years.

The next few minutes were spent passing the phone around to murmurs of appreciation. Sickle immediately went to get her sketch pad, no doubt to adapt the portrait in ink form. Before she could put brush to paper, however, the screen went black. Jordan's phone had died, with no prospect for recharging it anytime soon. The moment had come and gone. The moment would last forever. That was when the patriarch and his traveler guest exchanged a look.

Understanding passed between them, much like it had on the first day they'd met.

"One for the road, young feller?" Mallet asked.

"I would," Jordan answered, "but better not. Don't wanna get on Old Sar's bad side." Mallet laughed. Soon, the whole family joined in, brooding son and gloomy daughter and all. Jordan did his best to reciprocate, but he was distracted by another lump in his throat. But this lump, too, passed soon enough. Because Jordan had a purpose. And he knew what he must do, no matter what tomorrow might bring.