Chương 114: I'm Tired of Life

"Put me on the bed." Kasen gently picked her up from her wheelchair and placed her on the side of her bed. Sebastian pulled the wheelchair away as their mother looked on with worry. Tori laid down, facing the ceiling.

"Roll me on my stomach." Her voice was too calm. Kasen didn't say a word as he carefully rolled her onto her stomach and adjusted her unmoving legs. Tori buried her head in her pillow.

"I'm tired of life."

"Tori..." Sebastian frowned as he knelt beside the bed and stroked her hair.

"Don't be upset."

"I didn't ask for this."

"Tori," Kasen sat on the edge of the bed next to her. He opened his mouth, but didn't seem to know what else to say. After Chamberlain Thorpson read the proclamation and bestowed the title of Countess, Tori put all her effort into controlling her reaction. She couldn't cause a scene at her and Albert's birthday party or so openly reject the Emperor. She also didn't want to be a downer. They invited all their friends and family to have fun; she didn't want to destroy the happy atmosphere.

She had put a smile on her face, gracefully leaned forward to accept the folio presented to her, and thanked Chamberlain Thorpson over the sound of the fireworks. She then motioned for them to have a seat at one of the tables to eat. The two folios were placed on her lap as she had the knight turn her around to face her table. While her little cousins were excited and congratulated her, playfully calling out 'Countess Tori,' the adults at her table were quiet and watched her carefully.

She kept her smile on her face and put on an air of excitement. Tori rambled on about how Piers told her she was getting two islands, but she didn't think it would be the entire delta. It was an unexpected honor. She laughed and accepted congratulations from their guests as they came to speak to her throughout the night. Tiff asked if they should call her Countess now, to which she said, 'Lady Tori or Tori is fine; don't worry about the formal title.'

Ewan's parents were impressed, Henrik's father insisted it was well deserved. Various associates started calling her Countess Guevera or Countess Tori. Duke Sinan and the Duchesses quietly congratulated her, but there was a glint of sympathy in their eyes. They knew what her family knew: she was just given a lifetime burden. There were two kinds of counts in Soleil. The first was just an official title for a person who oversaw judicial and legal administration in a local area on behalf of a high ranking noble.

For example, Sur had twenty-two administrative counts. The titles and positions were not inherited, but were assigned by her father, Marquis Guevera. Titles and positions were reassigned after an administrative count's death or if they were assessed as unable to perform their official duties. In some cases, there were dynastic administrative counts, where counts specifically trained heirs to take over, similar to dynastic political families, like the Guthrys.

Since the title could easily be revoked, administrative counts tended to train and then select the best performing heir for their family to keep the prestigious title and position. The second type of count performed the exact same duties as an administrative count, but also had the additional burden of governing an appointed area: their county. They were landed nobility who could inherit title and land. Landed peerage in Soleil wasn't just an honor or status; it was a massive responsibility.

The land was hers, but she had to govern it. This included public works and resources, infrastructure, finance, education, land management, health services, and the judicial and law enforcement duties of an administrative count. She had to take part in the Chamber. She couldn't just do whatever she wanted, either. She had to work within an existing legal and governing framework of the empire. What was more, this wasn't temporary. With this, she was saddled with a lifelong duty.

She also wasn't inheriting it and any existing procedures. There was no prior Count or Countess of Cosora to guide her. Tori would have to begin from nothing. She'd have to build up her county government from the ground up. She didn't know how long that would take, especially without any background or experience in governing. Her plans to play with crystals and travel were suddenly dashed and she felt overwhelmed and helpless.

She hid her exhausted and sad expression from her guests as best as she could and encouraged everyone to eat and dance through the night, if only to avoid speaking to her and discovering how devastated she was. Tori tried to stay with them as long as she could and keep the smile on her face. When the older guests and the small children began to leave, Tori took the opportunity to also return, citing that she'd been up early working in the kitchen.

Everyone wished her a happy birthday once more and Sebastian pushed her back to her tent, followed by Kasen and their mother. As soon as they were out of sight from the guests, her smile fell, and Tori leaned forward and covered her face with her hands as the dread and helplessness swept over her. She said nothing else, allowing her brothers to silently bring her back to her tent. Her family knew what being the Countess of Cosora required of her.

"It was supposed to be an island...." She muttered into her pillow.

"Is he trying to kill me?"

"No one is trying to kill you," her mother said softly. Tori took a deep breath.

"I'm still in school. I haven't graduated yet nor have I finished my Lycée project. I have no background in governing. What does the Emperor mean to give me responsibility for the entire delta? Not just the islands. Not just Viclya, but the entire Cosora Delta!" She didn't need this in her life.

"It could be that the Emperor wants to keep you assigned to the development of the delta after your Lycée project," Kasen said.

"If that's the case, this is the best way to assure that Tori will be tied down to the delta," Sebastian said as he rubbed his chin.

"Regardless, this is a lot to hand over to a sixteen-year-old." It's a lot to hand over to a forty-year-old with no governing or legal experience! Tori wanted to scream.

"Let her rest. Aside from the severity of the proclamation, she was busy all day," her mother said. She felt her brothers move away. Her mother removed her shoes and then placed a thin blanket over her.

"Dim the light crystal. Tori, I will be back later. Sleep first." Tori let out a muffled reply and listened to them leave. After the sound of the tent flap at the entrance of the tent sounded, she lifted her head and faced the side. She was exhausted, but still smelled like grilled meat. She closed her eyes and let out a small groan. She needed help to change and bathe, otherwise it would take her three times as long and she'd be even more tired.

She fished out her comcry and called for Sir Pinzon to come and help her.

"My lady, do you need assistance preparing for bed?" Sir Pinzon was dressed in a more casual knight's attire. No light armor, padding, or even gloves.

"Yes, can you help me to the bath? I want to wash my hair again. I still smell like food." Sir Pinzon chuckled and helped her on to her wheelchair and then brought her to the extended room. She assisted Tori into the room. Since it was difficult for Tori to get in and out of a tub without being carried, she reverted to the style of bathroom they had at the dorm, where she sat on a stool and used a small bucket to wash and rinse herself.

Once on her stool, Sir Pinzon arranged for warm water in a tub to be scooped out and brought all of Tori's soaps and creams closer. Splashing was heard from within as she scrubbed her hair once more. It took two lathers to finally get the smell out. Was it worth it for KBBQ? She asked herself as she kept her head bowed and dumped a bucket of water over her hair to rinse. Yes. She reached for a towel and patted herself dry. Luckily, it was summer, and the warm air helped keep her comfortable while drying.

She then wiggled into a sleep chemise and called to be helped back onto the wheelchair in the corner. It was much more comfortable now that she didn't smell like dinner or felt a smokey residue on her person.

"Shall I carry you onto the bed, my lady?" Sir Pinzon asked.

"Push me to the side, I can pull myself on," Tori said.

"I started feeling my thighs this morning."

"That's wonderful, my lady. That's a bit ahead of schedule, isn't it?"

"Just a little." Tori grabbed on to the railing by her bed and with some help to keep her standing, managed to maneuver herself on to the edge and then rolled onto her bed before pulling herself up and rubbing her head with a towel. The struggle made her a little out of breath.

"I'm fine now, Sir Pinzon. You may retire. Thank you for your assistance."

"It is as I should." Sir Pinzon parked the wheelchair next to the bed and bowed before leaving. Tori ran the towel through her thick hair for a bit longer. One of her experiments in Anahata Island was a hair dryer. With her hairstyle in her original world, she rarely used one. Her hair was straight and easy to manage; air drying sufficed unless she was short on time. But here, she wanted it. Fluorite, carnelian, and calcite were sitting somewhere on Anahata Island, and she couldn't touch them for the time being.

She decided to wait until she could walk again before starting crystal work. The masters who came with her father to the cabin said that she needed to wait until she had feeling and could move her legs, but waiting a few more weeks would be for the best. In the meantime, she could focus on the nightmare of being a countess. Her shoulders slumped as her arms fell onto her lap. As much as she didn't want the responsibility, she couldn't ignore it. Ignoring it would make the villagers suffer.

She needed a plan and counsel. If she was able to break down the duties of the position into manageable bites and get proper guidance, then she could learn and adapt. If she thought of it as professional training for additional work, it wasn't so scary. It wasn't as if she wasn't thrown unexpected jobs while unprepared before, both in Soleil and in her original world. Tori tossed her towel onto the arm of her wheelchair and rolled back into bed with damp hair.

As she closed her eyes, she heard shuffling from the front of the tent. A quiet familiar voice spoke in hushed tones. The knights guarding her tent wouldn't let in anyone dangerous, so she didn't panic. After a few moments, the shuffling ended. She heard the flap of her tent close.

"Tori?" In the dim light, she could see the cloth flap 'door' to her room move, as if someone were knocking.

"Come in." She already knew who it was and wondered how he was able to enter. The flap opened a bit and Piers slipped in, but remained by the entrance.

"How did you get in?" Tori grabbed onto the railing next to her bed and pulled herself up. She narrowed her eyes as Piers shifted in his spot by the flap separating the two parts of her tent.

"The front." Tori raised a brow.

"The knights didn't stop you?"

"I am a prince." Who would stop him? She frowned.

"I had knights bring your gifts and flowers here. They are on your desk."

"That couldn't wait until morning?"

"You like to be efficient." Tori pursed her lips.

"I'm sharing my tent with my mother. She won't be happy if she finds you here," she told him. This wasn't a large room that several people needed to share after a life-or-death situation. Even then, her father tried to kick Piers out of her suite in the cabin multiple times.

"The Marquess is scolding Chamberlain Thorpson with my mother," Piers said.

"Your brothers are also with her." Tori took a deep breath and looked at him.

"What do you want?" Piers looked down and clenched his hands at his side.

"I'm sorry. I only thought Father was going to award you the two islands. I didn't know about the peerage or the delta." Tori frowned and shook her head.

"I'm sure he didn't tell you on purpose. If he did, you would've tried to stop him."

"I know he was interested in having you continue to oversee the construction and development of the delta, but I didn't know he had chosen to do this." Piers' voice was hoarse.

"I know you want to study crystals and explore." Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. She bit her lips and stared past him.

"I don't want to be the Countess of Cosora. I don't know where to begin and it's so much work." Her shoulders fell and her head dropped.

"Piers, it's so much work. I'm still going to school, and I have my project. I don't have any time or experience."

"I will help you," Piers said, suddenly.

"And I will get you an aide." Tori shook her head.

"If I don't have any time, how do you have time?"

"I will make time. I also have experience," Piers told her as he took a small step forward.

"I will assign you two aides to assist you with the government infrastructure." She stared at him and slowly crinkled her eyes. She wasn't sure if that was allowed or if she dared to have aides. While she didn't know where she would start, she also didn't want to throw the responsibility at an unknown person.

"Is this allowed?"

"Yes." Piers nodded his head.

"There should be no issue with having aides and professionals to consult on the matter. I will also review policies and plans with you if you want." She didn't feel relieved. Her chest was still tight.

"Where would I begin?"

"Identifying the duties expected of you." He took another step closer, and Tori finally motioned for him to take a seat on her wheelchair next to the bed. He crossed the room and sat down.

"The Cosora Delta has been property of the imperial family for six centuries, but prior to that, it was a county and overseen by a Count Cosora.

"When I was researching the region, I found that only the inland portions were used for farming. The Cosora family ended during a plague. The small fishing villages around the shoreline and the mouth of the river also perished in the plague. With the end of a noble line, the land was returned to the imperial family to avoid being swallowed up by Alvere and Fekete. The plague also warded off settlers for some time and it has been left undeveloped since." Tori shut her eyes and lifted a hand to rub her head.

"Even if there were old policies and laws, they're outdated. The empire has changed in six hundred years, Piers."

"We can also review current counties," Piers told her, almost appearing eager to give her suggestions.

"I will isolate high performing counties in similar environments. If you need counsel, I will find them for you." Tori cocked her head to the side.

"Do you feel guilty because your father put me in this position?" Piers' eager expression fell, and he lowered his eyes once more.

"You were brought to his attention because you are close to me. If he did not notice you, you wouldn't be burdened."

"You're not completely wrong...." Tori looked towards the entrance to the back room of her tent.

"You should leave before Mama or my brothers come back." Piers nodded without a word, but he didn't get up.

"Tori...." He looked upset, but unsure of what to say. Tori leaned forward to grasp his hand. His cold, shaking fingers wove between hers and held her tight, as if asking for forgiveness. She sighed.

"I'm not mad at you," she told him.

"I know you wouldn't force this on me."

"He told me it was two islands."

"I know," she said quietly.

"I believe you."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"I will help you."

"I know." Tori squeezed his hand back.

"I trust you. Now, go back to your tent. My family is upset with your family. If they find you here, my brothers will beat you. You know they don't care if you're a prince." Piers slowly nodded. He hesitantly released Tori's hand and stood up. His eyes flickered towards her, giving her a small nod, before retreating.

"Senior Antonia, I'm only the messenger!" Rudolph cowered under the scorching glare of Marquess Guevera.

"I had no say in the matter, I swear!"

"You may not have any say in the matter, but you're that little pri-""Mama, language," Kasen said beside her.

"He's still the Emperor." Antonia flared her nostrils and let out a low huff. She tapped her finger on the table in a demanding gesture.

"What was he thinking, Rudy? Tell me now. I won't ask again." The man was twice her size, but Antonia was not afraid of him. Her sons and Guevera knights were with her. In addition, many underclassmen were intimidated by her in her Lycée days and the now Chamberlain Rudolph Thorpson was one of them. Even now, he had a bit of a mental shadow when it came to her. No one could blame him. He had been the proud personal knight to Prince Matthieu-Philippe when he was younger.

He strived to support his prince, even if it meant distracting Antonia to give the prince a chance to be alone with Monica. Antonia beat Rudolph up no less than three times in the two-year period where they were in Lycée at the same time. Ice Queen Sophos was known as cold and indifferent, but Kasen inherited his fighting abilities from someone, and it wasn't his swordsman father. Rudolph looked at a loss as he sat across the table from her, pale and looking as if he wanted to flee.

The two knights with him had backed away under the gaze of several Guevera knights and the two Guevera sons, one on either side of Antonia.

"Toni, why don't we wait until morning?" Monica said from a seat between them, on her right. Her voice trembled a bit as she looked from her to Rudolph and back.

"In the morning, we can call Mathieu-""Do you really think he'll answer?" Antonia couldn't help but snap as her sharp glare turned to Monica.

"He's not answering now because he knows we're angry. I just want to know what was going through your husband's mind when he put such a burden on my little girl."

"Toni, Tori is already sixteen-""And she has no experience in governing a county nor any desire to!" Antonia barely controlled her voice. She didn't need to, as Sebastian put a silence circle around their table. Tori may have matured and become capable, but she also knew that Tori had no plans to do any political or government work. Her goals were crystals and travel. Even if Tori spent time on the island with Master Ramos, her home would've been the Fortress with her family.

Now, Tori's official residence was the delta, and she would need to spend her time overseeing it.

"Our sister had planned to do crystal experiments and travel after she finished her schooling," Kasen said as his cold eyes drifted to Monica and then Rudolph.

"This forcibly changes her life plans."

"Tori has also done much for the delta and the refugees, but I don't think it warrants land in addition to peerage," Antonia said with narrowed eyes.

"Perhaps if she was able to develop the entire region successfully and oversaw the resettlement of multiple groups, it would be understandable, but after a year and a half of work, even with this much progress, such an award is unwarranted." Monica furrowed her brows and frowned.

"You suspect that Matthieu used the reasons in the proclamation as an excuse?" Antonia didn't answer immediately.

"Tori planned to hand over management and development of the delta to village leads she has been grooming for the position. Once she completed Lycée and completed her project to such a degree, she'd transfer responsibility. Your husband is not satisfied with that, is he?" Monica's eyes darted to the side and Rudolph tried not to falter. He took a deep breath.

"Lady Guevera, that is Countess Guevera." Rudolph corrected himself.

"Has proven herself a valuable asset to the Empire and the Emperor has deemed it a waste for her to abandon her efforts."

"She's not abandoning them," Sebastian said with a glare.

"She's transferring control to people she's been training since the start."

"It's not the same, Lord Sebastian." Rudolph looked at him, exasperated.

"The delta is developing much faster than anyone has anticipated. In addition, it has to do with the Countess' ability to manage the construction and the people."

"And her money," Kasen added.

"None of this would be possible if Tori didn't have the funding to pay for it. Tori should've submitted her final budget for the project this year. Once she completes the project in two years, any funding outside of her personal investments in her businesses here will end."

"I love my sister, but the Guevera March cannot subsidize the Cosora Delta indefinitely." Sebastian ground his teeth together. Tori wouldn't want that. Antonia had reviewed Tori's budget and Tori kept a tight grip on finances because she didn't want to spend all her family's money. In addition, any income that Tori was making from her personal businesses was reinvested in her project.

"Tori will not allow that to continue past her project," Antonia said, more to Sebastian than the others at the table.

"Even if she is made the Countess."

"What the Emperor values most are the Countess' abilities," Rudolph told them as he leaned forward with a serious expression.

"She can be trusted to manage the delta well."

"She is capable of managing it to a certain degree, but you're ordering her to govern the region by herself as well as oversee construction." Antonia's cold voice didn't falter.

"But she has excellent resources for counsel," Monica said. Antonia's glare turned to her, and she shrank back.

"Consider it, Toni. She has you and your family. She has excellent connections with various instructors at Université. I'm sure Piers will also help her." At the name, Sebastian tensed on Antonia's left. Her eldest son frowned.

"Tori has told us that she has no plans to marry. Marriage would tie her down," Sebastian said in a low voice. His eyes narrowed.

"Did the Emperor use this method to keep Tori here because she doesn't want to marry Piers?" Antonia's eyes went wide. Tori was a 'valuable asset.' Who would let such a person leave for extended periods of time and focus their attention elsewhere? If Tori married Piers, the 'valuable asset' would be secured by the imperial family. But gone were the days where a marriage could be forced, at least legally. If Tori didn't want to get married, no one could legally force her to. Not her or Gregorio. Not her brothers.

Not Piers or the Emperor. So, how could the Emperor secure Tori's loyalty and abilities to Soleil? Make her responsible for land. And land that she had already been developing and had a connection to. Antonia let out a low breath and shook her head. Her hands shook over the arms of the chair as her breathing trembled.

"How very clever," Antonia said in a cold, even voice. Monica seemed to pale.

"Toni-""I wanted my daughter to be free to do whatever she wished with the life she was given, and with this, she has been trapped." Antonia pushed her chair back and stood up, the fury in her face clear.

"He is lucky he is the Emperor."

"Toni!"

"Senior Antonia!" She turned around and stalked away from the table in the inner corner of the restaurant. She slipped past the remaining teenagers in the plaza with her sons following behind her as she walked back to Tori's tent.

"Once I complete my task, I will temporarily move here to assist Tori," Kasen said.

"Leave at least one of your assistants at home. I'll make sure to keep your workload light," Sebastian replied.

"When your father arrives, we will sit and discuss what is needed," Antonia told them. The trio walked down the wooden pathway to the encampment. The air around them was cold and the knights who followed didn't say a word.

"How dare that little brat of an Emperor trap my daughter.... I should've broken his legs when we were in Lycée."

"You should've broken Chamberlain Thorpson's legs, as well," Sebastian muttered.

"Tori did her best to keep calm at her birthday," Kasen said in a quiet voice. He shook his head.

"To think her celebration ended like this." The three of them fell into a cold, angry silence. After what Tori considered her 'initial freak out,' she sat with her mother and brothers to discuss what needed to be done and how best to go about it. First, the matter couldn't be kept secret, so it was deemed best to let the village know what was happening lest rumors explode and cause problems later.

However, before a formal announcement to the village regarding Tori's peerage and new county could be made, she called over the village and project leads to her tent and broke the news. There were over a dozen people in front of her and her siblings and mother behind her. Piers had rushed back to Horizon with the Empress to begin gathering what resources Tori could use.

"As of last night, an imperial proclamation was made making me the Countess of Cosora, responsible for not only Viclya, but the Cosora Delta. This peerage is landed." The response was as she expected. The leads were surprised, but pleased. They deemed Tori a good leader and felt she was managing the situation well. She was well liked by both villagers and hired workers. A series of congratulations was sent her way and Tori returned a gracious smile and thanks.

If she appeared spiteful and bitter about it, it would cause discomfort and concern, which she didn't want. She needed to reassure them that it would be managed properly. If they had confidence, then the current stability could be managed.

"While becoming the Countess of Cosora was not part of my initial plan, I have already begun preparations and sought counsel. There is much to do regarding governing the region. For the time being, we will continue as planned, as if no changes were made to the governing of the delta. Everyone here is expected to keep the responsibilities placed upon them when they were chosen for their position.

"Control of the delta gives me more flexibility and one of the major changes is that all the land we've been working around has been allocated. This land needs to be properly documented and this will take some time. This can begin after the tourist season. This time allowance will also give us insight on available labor and the results of our experimental crops this year. Since the delta region does not get significant snowfall, I feel this is do-able. Are there any questions?"

She held her breath and despite what she hoped, several leads raised their hands. Tori took note of their questions, wanting to carefully review them before replying. If there were any more concerns, memos could be sent directly to her tent.

"When will the announcement of your peerage be made to the village, Countess?" Johan Sima asked.

"The formal announcement will be made at the end of this month, but it's not a secret. The village has a right to know I have become their countess. If there are concerns, please take note of them. Reassuring the villagers is important when there is a change such as this; please assure them that there are no changes planned as of right now. Understood?"

"Yes, Countess." Several voices confirmed and Tori excused them. A few village leaders lingered to tell her that they were relieved with the proclamation, as they were uncertain of the delta's management after her project was over. Tori sighed and gave them a helpless look.

"Do you think so little of yourselves? If I did not deem you fit for your position and its corresponding responsibilities, I would not have kept you. If my new title is of some comfort, I think that's good, but I do not want everyone to become complacent. I expect much out of all the leads."

"Countess, since I have a moment of your time now, may I speak?" The village lead on labor stepped forward and Tori gave him a nod.

"The masonry and carpentry guilds in Horizon have reached out to request temporary branches in Viclya to assist with the needs and communication of their guild members here as there is prolonged construction."

"Proceed. Work with them to confirm guild members to lead. For day-to-day work, they will report to you. Should there be anything more complex, bring it to me," Tori replied.

"Yes, Countess." He bowed his head and left her tent. Johan Sima was left. He had been standing to the side and seemed to wait until his peers left before stepping forward. As far as village leads, Johan was Tori's immediate representative to the village and would oversee anything he was assigned.

"Do you have concerns, Mr. Sima?" Tori asked as she looked up at him. He stood in front of her desk and bowed his head to greet her and then stood up straight.

"Lady... Countess." He corrected himself sheepishly.

"This is a personal matter." Tori gave him a nod to proceed. He didn't look at her brothers or mother, so she assumed it wasn't anything embarrassing or awkward to ask.

"Sigrun and I will have our child in the coming months." He took a deep breath and his face reddened.

"If Countess Guevera will accept; we would like to make you the godmother of our child." Tori's brows rose and she was speechless. She had assumed that her first godchild in Soleil would be one of her friends' kids. Most likely Ilyana's. She didn't think a villager would ask her. A godparent had a responsibility to guide and was insurance for care of the child if something happened to the parents. The Empress brought and raised Axton after Duchess Alvere died.

Uncle Rom not only counseled her, but he also went against her family's unspoken rule to tell her the truth about her abduction because he felt it was right and necessary. They were also expected to be part of the child's life. But this wasn't a burden Tori was unprepared to make.

"It is an honor to be trusted as a godparent for your child," Tori said with a small nod of her head.

"I accept." A wide, relieved smile broke out on Johan's face as he lowered his head and bowed once more.

"Thank you, Countess Guevera. I will tell Sigrun at once." Tori gave him another nod and he almost ran out of her tent.

"Being a godparent is not only an honor, Tori," her mother said behind her.

"You will need to be active in that child's life and support them."

"I am aware," Tori replied.

"I like kids." Her brothers chuckled and she felt a hand rest on top of her head.

"You will need to prepare for their trifecta ceremony and pick a god for their blessing."

"Did you pick a god for Istvan?" Tori asked as she tilted her head back to look at Sebastian.

"God of creativity," Sebastian said.

"Not only because of their family's occupation, but also because I wanted Istvan to be like Kasen." Kasen looked taken aback by this. Tori could see the surprise in his softened expression.

"You want him to be like me?" Sebastian nodded.

"Yes. A headache to our parents."