Chương 17: The Engineer and The Writer (+100 ORIGINALITY Points)

"HYPER BEAM!" A bolt of light passed Ben on his left at a distance he could feel, the air pressure of it hitting his shoulder, the heat of it singeing the hair on the side of his head, white-hot in the center and bleeding into something paler than white at the edges, bigger than light, bigger than color, a massive fucking beam—and the Hobgoblin's chest, which had been a chest, became an absence. The Hobgoblin's chest stopped being a chest.

The Hobgoblin's chest became a circular hole the size of a beach ball, edges glowing white, the inside of the hole still glowing because there was nothing inside the hole anymore, the heat of the beam having vaporized the Hobgoblin's organs and most of its rib cage on its way through. The Hobgoblin stood very still for a half-second, holding the mace in one hand, holding its half-finished gargled monologue in its open mouth, and then the Hobgoblin fell over. The Hobgoblin fell over the way a tree fell over.

Slowly at first. Then faster. Then a final wet thump against the stone floor. Ben stopped running. He looked at his hand. His hand was still holding the wax knife. The wax knife had not gotten to do anything. He turned around. Maddy was standing in the doorway. Bolt was extended in spear form, the tip glowing faintly, smoke coming off it. She was holding the spear with both hands. She was leaning on the spear, slightly. Her face was very pale. Her panel was visible beside her head. [HYPER BEAM!] [Damage dealt: 20, 247.] [Hobgoblin HP: 4, 000/4, 000 → -16, 247/4, 000.] [Hobgoblin: Annihilated.] [Mana cost: -28] [Maddy! You are now: Drained. Sparkle] Then she slumped. Her knees buckled and she went down to the stone floor with the spear still in her hand, and Bolt collapsed back into a knife in her grip with the small series of clicks, and she sat on the floor with her legs out in front of her and her back against the doorframe and her eyes blinking slowly.

"Maddy."

"Mhm..."

"Are you okay."

"Mhm…"

"You just —""Yeah."

"Hyper Beam."

"Yeah."

"You did twenty thousand damage."

"Yeah."

"To a four thousand HP boss."

"Yeah." She closed her eyes. She opened them. She closed them again.

"…You hoarded all the XP dude," Ben said. He said it without thinking. It came out small and a little hurt. She opened one eye.

"Skill issue Ben."

"…what."

"Skill issue. You suck ass." She reached for the Monster Tube. She uncorked it. She drank. [Mana: 0/28 → 28/28.] [Energized x1.] She closed the tube. She looked refreshed. She looked, in fact, slightly smug.

"You—you literally one-tapped that boss while I was—""Charging in with a knife."

"YEAH."

"Skill issue."

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN —""Skill issue." A panel slid in. [Boss Defeated: Hobgoblin Eldarion.] [Dungeon Cleared!] [Sparkle] Then another panel. And another. And another. Maddy's level number ticked up. Eight. Then nine. Then ten. Ten. She was at ten. Ben looked at his own panel. He was still at six. She had hoarded ALL of the XP.

"Skill issue," she said again, eyes closed.

"FUCK YOU." The system slid two more panels in. [Loot Acquired!] [Talisman of Greed (Rare).] [Eldarion's Amulet (Rare).] The items appeared in the air in front of them: a small bronze talisman with a coin on it for greed and a tarnished silver chain with a flat round pendant for the amulet, and dropped to the stone floor with two small clinks.

Maddy picked them up because she was the closest and because she had now decided, possibly because of the energy drink buff, that everything in this dungeon was her property. She handed the amulet to Ben. The amulet was warm. The pendant had a face carved on it. The face had been a face once and was now mostly worn smooth, but the suggestion of the face was still there.

"It's him," Ben said.

"It's the Hobgoblin?"

"It's him before."

"Oh." She looked at the amulet. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. A panel slid in. [Eldarion's Amulet.] [A token of the scholar Eldarion of the Lowlands. Eldarion, beset by the cruelty of the DarkVeil lords, sought power to defend his village. He turned to forbidden rites, hoping to become stronger than his oppressors. The rites consumed him.] [Wearer of this amulet receives: +3 INT, +3 WIS.] [Wearer may dream of Eldarion's final hours.] He read it. He read it twice.

"…I'm not wearing this shit."

"Why."

"It said I'm going to dream of his final hours."

"Yeah?"

"His final hours were the rites consumed him."

"Right."

"I don't wanna dream that."

"Right." He put the amulet in his pocket. The Talisman of Greed, when Maddy held it up to her screen, said something about +20% loot drop and the wearer may experience increased materialistic urges. She put it on. She put it on around her neck right next to the bare skin above her crop top, and the coin sat there glittering against her collarbone, and she did not even pause to consider whether wearing a literal cursed object was a good idea.

"... Maddy."

"What."

"Material urges."

"I am an engineering student with sixty thousand in tuition. I have always had material urges."

"Right." A panel slid in for Maddy. [Hidden Class Unlocked!] [Maddy: Engineer.] [Sparkle] She stared at it. Ben stared at it.

"…Engineer."

"Engineer," Ben said.

"Of. Fucking. Course."

"This is insane."

"That's not even a—that's literally my major."

"It's literally your major."

"The system just… fucking read my LinkedIn page."

"Probably." She tapped the panel. A description slid out. [Engineer (Hidden Class).] [Engineers are exceptional mana users with a creative approach to weaponry. Engineers may modify their skills, granting access to flexible and adaptive ability use. Engineers thrive in unconventional combat scenarios.]"…I can modify my skills."

"You're already modifying your skills. That's why Hyper Beam works. You're literally renaming Pokémon moves and the system attributes them because your class lets you."

"…oh."

"Right?"

"…oh."

"You've been Engineer since the start probably."

"Probably."

"The class was retroactive."

"Probably." A second panel slid in. Ben's. [Hidden Class Unlocked!] [Ben: Writer.] [Sparkle] Ben stared at it.

"…Writer."

"Writer?"

"Writer."

"That's your class."

"Apparently."

"That's—wait. That's also your major. It pulled your Link—well Lit majors don't have LinkedIn so."

"YEAH." He tapped it. A description slid out. [Writer (Hidden Class).] [Writers are exceptional mana users with a creative approach to weaponry. Writers may rewrite their skills, granting access to flexible and adaptive ability use. Writers thrive in unconventional combat scenarios.] He read it. He read it twice.

"…Maddy."

"What."

"Read mine." She leaned over to read his panel. He could see her eyes track across the description. He could see her get to the end. He could see her get to the end again because she was checking. He could see her face do the thing.

"…they're the exact same fucking class."

"THEY'RE THE EXACT SAME FUCKING CLASS," he said.

"They just—they just swapped the fucking verbs."

"MODIFY VS REWRITE."

"It's two NAMES on the same CLASS."

"What the fuck does rewrite my skills even mean."

"I don't know."

"WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MEAN." He turned to his screen.

"HEY," Ben yelled at his screen. The screen sparkled.

"WHAT DOES REWRITE MEAN." [Rewriting allows you to creatively reinterpret your existing skills, Ben! For example, you may modify a skill's elemental affinity, target type, or naming convention!]"That's—that's literally what modify means. That's the same word. You used a synonym. You used modify in the definition of rewrite." [Rewriting is a flexible class feature!]"It's the same as Engineer." [Each hidden class is unique!]"IT'S NOT UNIQUE IF IT'S THE EXACT SAME DESCRIPTION WITH ONE WORD CHANGED."

[Each hidden class is unique!]"SYSTEM." [Yes, Ben?]"I'M REWRITING YOUR ASS. I'M REWRITING YOUR FUCKING ASS TO MAKE YOU KILL YOURSELF." [You cannot overwrite like this, Ben!]"I'M REWRITING MY WAX KNIFE TO KILL YOU." [You cannot overwrite like this, Ben!] [Do you have any additional questions?]"FUCK YOU." [Do you have any additional questions?] Maddy was laughing.

Maddy was laughing on the floor of the boss chamber next to the smoking corpse of Hobgoblin Eldarion, with the Talisman of Greed around her neck and her energy drink in her hand and her spear collapsed into a knife on her lap. She was laughing in a way that involved her actual stomach.

"It's so fucking funny."

"It's NOT fucking funny."

"It's so funny Ben. You got the same class as me."

"I got a worse class. They're literally the same and yours is the canonical one. I'm the off-brand version. I'm the Walmart Engineer."

"Walmart Engineer."

"That's me."

"Stop. Stop. I can't."

"Walmart Engineer." She was crying now. From laughing. He could see the wet on her cheek.

"At least," she said, wiping her face, "at least they weren't the rape goblins."

"…yeah."

"That's like a real win."

"…yeah, that's true."

"That was my main worry going in. I was at like a 60-40 going in."

"Luck stats are going crazy." She got up slow. The drained debuff had faded under the energy drink stack. She was walking again. She looked at the Hobgoblin corpse. She looked at the mace.

"…we should sell the mace."

"What."

"The mace. To John. Or, like, the blacksmith. We could probably get a few silvers for it."

"You want to sell the mace of skeletons."

"It's loot."

"It's a mace made out of bones."

"It's unique loot."

"You want to walk into Mossgrove holding a mace made of skeletons."

"Thorin can melt the metal parts. There's gotta be a steel reinforcement. I'll sell the bones for, like, magical fucking…stones or some bullshit." She was talking herself into it. She was talking herself into it because the Talisman of Greed was glittering against her collarbone and she had a +20% loot drop bonus that she now needed to actualize.

"Maddy."

"What."

"It's an evil mace."

"All maces are evil." She walked over to the corpse. She grabbed the mace by the shaft. The mace was heavier than she expected. She tried to lift it. She got it off the ground about an inch.

"…fuck."

"Yeah."

"Hold this."

"NO."

"BEN."

"NO."

"Hold the mace."

"I will not hold the mace." She dragged the mace by the shaft across the stone floor of the boss chamber, the bones at the end clacking against the stone, and Ben stood there with his wax knife in his hand and his trance fading from his system in slow buzzy decrements and watched the woman he had met yesterday drag an evil skeleton-bone mace toward the door because the talisman around her neck had told her to.

"Hey," she said to her screen. [Yes, Maddy!]"Can I store this." [You do not have a spatial inventory yet!]"…what."

"You need a spatial inventory."

"What's that."

"It's a— like—bag of holding," Ben said.

"RPG thing. Where you store loot in a magic bag instead of carrying it. How do you not know this. It's like…the basic of LitRPG."

"I don't have one?" [You do not have a spatial inventory yet!]"How do I get one?" [Spatial inventories may be obtained through specific quests or vendors!]"SO I HAVE TO CARRY THIS MACE." [Spatial inventories may be obtained through specific quests or vendors!]"SYSTEM JUST STORE THIS SHIT." [You do not have a spatial inventory yet!]"SYSTEM." [You do not have a spatial inventory yet!] She turned to Ben.

"We have to carry this shit."

"YOU have to carry this shit."

"We're taking all of it."

"No."

"The mace and the amulet and the talisman and the knives and the coppers and the tunic —""We left the tunic."

"OH RIGHT. Thank god. Imagine. Yeah." She handed him three of the rusted knives. She handed him the bone fork that she had decided, at the last second, was worth taking. She handed him a small pouch of the copper coins. She kept the mace, dragging it. She kept the talisman, around her neck. She kept the Monster Tube. She kept Bolt, in knife mode, in her front pocket sticking out like an erection. Ben put the Eldarion amulet in his other pocket. The wax knife stayed on his hip. They looked at each other.

They looked like two homeless tweakers who had hit a thrift shop at closing.

"... we look like two homeless tweakers who hit a thrift shop at closing," Maddy said.

"We are two homeless tweakers who hit a thrift shop at closing."

"Yeah. Close enough." They walked out of the boss chamber. Behind them, the green-blue torches dimmed. The cutscene was over. The dungeon was empty. The Hobgoblin's corpse cooled on the stone floor of the chamber, his beach-ball-sized chest hole still glowing faintly at the edges, his hand still raised in the gesture he had been making when Maddy's beam took out his torso. Ben did not look back.

He had read enough fantasy novels to know that looking back was how you got caught in the second-phase mechanic, and the system, today, did not get to have a second phase.