Chương 51: Chapter 28: Like Nanu

"I'll start with my first memory," said Kalen.

"That way you'll learn the whole story in the same order I have." Perhaps it wasn't the clearest and most sensible way to tell it, but it was important to Kalen that his cousin know he hadn't ever intended to put their family at risk. He had not known how dangerous the Orellen secret was when he first decided to keep it. So he started with Tomas and their brief conversation, realizing as he did so that there was still a lot of mystery around the boy's actions.

"He was younger than we are," said Kalen.

"Maybe he wanted to look after someone the way I wanted to look after Fanna the very second she was born. I guess he was just doing what he could in a situation he probably didn't understand well either." Lander had been uncharacteristically quiet so far, and even now, as Kalen paused to sort out his next thoughts, there was only the sound of their breathing and the crunch of their feet against the ground.

"Uh…" said Kalen, his nerves sharp inside him, "if you want to ask questions, you can." Lander's only response was a tightening of his lips and a head shake. Kalen felt a chill at that. What if…what if all of this was something Lander found unforgivable? The lying—an entire lifetime's worth—and the danger… That's fine. It is. If he hates me, he'll be more likely to help with my plan anyway.

"S-so, the next thing that happened was Tomas took me to the study. It was a room full of books and scrolls and tables. And it was filled with other little children wearing tags with their names on them. Just like me. There were a lot of them." Kalen had decided never to tell anyone he knew the exact number. It seemed like it would be a disservice to those unknown others to give out information that might help their enemies.

As he kept talking, trying to explain it all to Lander in a way that was easy to grasp, he was surprised to find himself extrapolating on a few details. He had more knowledge now and a better understanding of practitioner ways.

"That old woman who told me to pick one of the paper packets was probably one of the bosses of the family. Maybe a sorcerer. And the other people in the room they used to send me away must have been powerful, too. Mages and sorcerers. Portal magic must be really hard because they were working as a team." For the first time, his cousin spoke.

"So you're saying they worked hard to abandon a four-year-old in the middle of the ocean. That's good I guess. Wouldn't want to think the wizarns had an easy time of it."

"Oh…yes…" said Kalen.

"I haven't gotten into their reasons for doing it yet because I didn't know them at the time. And I'm pretty sure the potions they gave me were a sedative of some kind and something to keep me from freezing to death in the cold water."

"Thoughtful of them." Kalen waited for him to expound on that, but he didn't.

"Anyway, after the man who didn't know anything about ships left me alone in the ocean, Da spotted me from the deck of the Ayagull. And they picked me up. I lied to them about where I'd come from because I thought I was supposed to. I didn't understand anything really. And then I just kept lying about it because I didn't like the truth." Lander, walking a few paces ahead, never turned around. His eyes were fixed on the dark forest in front of them. Kalen couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"That's all for the first part. I didn't learn anything new until I met Zevnie." There was a hitch in Lander's step.

"I guess she and the wizarn she came with knew things about the continent. What did they tell you?"

"Just a few things," Kalen said.

"They'd been traveling between island for months when they made it here, but they had still heard rumors. Zevnie told me about the Orellens. She said that…that they were in trouble because of this prophecy that came out a few years ago. Trouble with the other practitioner families." He repeated the story Zevnie had told him. But when he got to the part about dead bodies, he stumbled.

"Um…anyway, they say the children the Orellens sent out into the world weren't born in the usual way, that they…I mean I.. was made by magic. I'm not normal." Lander didn't respond. Kalen had been hoping he might joke about the fact that he'd always known Kalen wasn't normal.

"And you need to know that lots of powerful people are looking for the prophesied Orellen child. And sometimes they find people like me instead." They walked on for a few minutes, and Kalen watched Lander's back. Maybe his cousin wasn't answering because he didn't understand the seriousness of the situation? Well, how could he? And to make matters worse, Kalen had forgotten himself in all the tension and allowed his pathways to become nearly full.

He would start spreading around deadly magic soon if he didn't empty them.

"Wait a second, Lander. I have to cast a spell really quick." Lander stopped and finally turned to look at him. The expression on his face was so very closed.

"Just a quick cantrip," Kalen said in a rush.

"I'm a little sick. Sort of. Magically, I mean. It's nothing serious. It's like having a cold. And if I cast a spell for it, it's like blowing my nose. Haha." Kalen winced at his own fake laugh and winced even more at the realization that he was going to have to sing one of Brou's poems at a serious moment like this one.

"I'll just… go over here," he muttered. He shuffled off to hide behind a fir sapling. Maybe he could whisper-sing the cantrip and still get all the inflections right? He tried and made it halfway through before he messed up a word and had to start over. I'm sweating all over my nice clean clothes. Even though the night was cool, he'd been so intensely nervous for so long. He felt like he might melt away.

He was halfway through his third rendition of the cantrip, eyes clenched shut in concentration, when he heard the sound of footsteps. He looked up just as Lander appeared.

"Kalen," the older boy said with a sigh.

"You don't have to hide behind a tree to do your magic. You sound ridiculous. And I'm not mad at you." The cantrip collapsed again.

"I didn't think you were," Kalen said hastily.

"Good. Because I'm not." He was close enough for Kalen to see the strange tightness of his smile.

"Unless you're casting that nasty stink spell again. Then I'm very mad." You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. Kalen laughed too loudly.

"And you can sing like you normally do, you dolt. The songs are the absolute worst, but your voice isn't half bad."

"Really?"

"All the ladies in the village are jealous of—" Kalen shoved him. Lander's grin turned more genuine.

"Go on and blow your magical nose then." He waited while Kalen finished. Then he asked, "So, is the horrible thing you've done being born to a foreign bunch of wizarns? Because I have to tell you, that's not a shock. You're adopted and you've got that funny coin and you can do magic. It's not like everyone's too stupid to guess that you probably had wizarn parents."

"I didn't really have parents at all though," Kalen said.

"Not in the normal way. Weren't you listening?" Lander paused. Then he said casually, "You said they made you somehow. Must have been sloppy doing it or you wouldn't be such a shrimpy, weird little thing. It explains a lot."

"I'm not even twelve yet! Probably." Kalen said, trying to sound offended instead of deeply relieved.

"I'm still growing!"

"You hope," Lander teased.

"So is that it? You had to walk me out into the woods all this way to tell me that some folk on the continent wouldn't like you if they knew who you were. Well that's easy. Don't ever go there, and don't ever tell them. Stay right here at home with your real family. Problem solved."

"You weren't listening," Kalen hissed.

"It's not some folk. It's entire clans full of powerful practitioners. And they're tracking down people who share my blood. They're probably using spells to do it, and I don't have any idea how that kind of thing works! For all I know, some sorcerer could be sitting around having visions of the two of us talking right this second."

"I think if they could do that, it would have been a problem before now," Lander pointed out.

"Maybe," Kalen said darkly.

"Or maybe they've been so busy catching others they just haven't got around to me yet. Lander shook his head.

"It's not that I'm not taking you seriously. I promise. I…know how serious it is. But, Kalen, why would powerful wizarns come to Hemarland? The only one who ever does is that one you've already met, and they say she won't be back for decades. And even if they did come here, most of the time there's almost no magic here for them to use to find you. You're safe."

"I might be," said Kalen.

"But I don't think I am. I'm taking you to my rock to show you something. When you see it, you'll understand. You'll understand why I need to leave Hemarland soon. And why I need to get to the Archipelago. And... why I need you to tell everyone that I'm dead." Kalen was jogging after his cousin so fast he could barely breathe.

"Lander, please. You have to understand, I—""I said NO!" Lander bellowed, his voice echoing through the woods as he set a careening pace toward the rock.

"You've got less brains than a barnacle if you think I would ever tell your parents you were dead when you are as alive and healthy and fine and stupid as you always have been!"

"People could hurt you all if they think you're hiding me!" Kalen cried.

"So when I leave, you have to make sure that everyone knows I'm dead. It's the only way!"

"What makes you think I'm going to LET YOU LEAVE?! You don't know anything about traveling! You'll fucking starve to death or be murdered."

"I'm not st-stupid! Ouch!" Kalen said as he stumbled over something in the dark.

"I'm trying to not be murdered! I'm trying to make it so nobody gets murdered! That's the whole point."

"Ha! It doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like you've got some heroic idiocy in your head. I bet it's that crazy Veila book you're reading."

"You're being STUBBORN!" Kalen said, his own shout more of a breathless shriek than anything else.

"You don't know anything about practitioners. You don't know what kinds of things they can do!"

"I know more than you do, you little shit!" Lander said.

"You've never even been to Baitown! You've spoken to one sorcerer in your whole life! Do you think I don't know anything about that mess on the continent? I was there last year! I've seen plenty of the kind of magic they can do!" Kalen was so shocked he stopped jogging.

"What?" he leaned over his knees and gasped for a few welcome lungfuls of cool air.

"You saw practitioners? And what do you mean you know about—Lander? Lander, wait! I can't go that fast." Lander did not wait, and cursing in his head, Kalen had to break into an actual run to catch back up with him.

"Hemarland's nowhere to the continentals. It's nothing. There is no reason for them to ever come here. None at all. And good riddance to the lot of them."

"Lander—""No one will ever find out about you as long as you stay put. You don't have to go to that competition or get a teacher or any of it. You can be just like Nanu when we grow up. Nobody really cares that she's a wizarn except for a few superstitious people, and plenty of others respect her a little for it. But no one on the continent knows her name or ever will." It won't be like that, Kalen thought.

"As long as you don't start dragging folk out into the woods in the middle of the night to confess your past you'll be safe. We'll all be safe." He doesn't understand at all.

"I'm sorry I'm yelling at you so much. I know you're… I know you must be scared. I would be. I am. But this will all disappear if you just keep your mouth shut in the future. I promise." Kalen didn't answer. They were approaching the area around the rock. The ground was littered with fresh needles, the air was redolent with the scent of pine sap, and Lander had just stepped over a downed limb as thick as a man's thigh. The moonlight shone brightly on the landscape ahead of them, unimpeded by any canopy.

Kalen's cousin was so emotional he hadn't noticed any of it yet. Soon. Any second now.

"If it makes you feel better, we can even tell people you're not going to be a wizarn anymore," Lander said.

"If you stop doing your magic in front of them, they'll forget soon enough. It'll be fi—" Now. Lander had stopped walking. Kalen approached him cautiously.

"I didn't mean to do it. I was trying to combine different methods to learn what sort of magic I'm naturally inclined to. But things went wrong." Lander's expression was blank as he stared at the huge patch of cleared forest. From here, it almost looked as if the rock had fallen from a great height, blasting the trees away on impact. His hands trembled. He must be furious. That's okay. That's good. Kalen felt an unexpected sense of calm now that the worst of it was laid bare. There was no taking it back.

"I'm not like Nanu," said Kalen.

"And even if I gave up magic right this moment, we couldn't hide what I've already done. Someone will find this, and they won't stay quiet about it." He kicked at a shard of pale wood.

"In a couple of days, you can come out here to check on me. You can tell everyone you found what I'd done and confronted me. Say I panicked and ran from you, toward the sea cliffs. Say the ground crumbled away beneath me, and I… I fell like sailor Matto did a few summers ago. Say you saw me hit my head and go under, and there was nothing you could do about it." No body would ever wash ashore, as poor Matto's had. But people would believe Lander.

And Kalen thought the story had the benefit of sounding like a moral fable, one about a boy who'd committed a sin against nature and then died for it.

"No one's going to come to Hemarland if they hear I'm gone. It's the best way. It'll keep our parents safe. And Fanna. And all your little sisters and brothers, too." When Lander didn't respond right away, Kalen turned to find his eyes, and froze. His cousin was crying.

"Lander? Lander, don't…I'm really, really sorry! It was an accident." The older boy had only cried once in Kalen's memory. And that had been when he'd slid on a patch of ice years ago and broken his ankle.

"Would you even be safe there?" Lander asked in a choked voice, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Yes!" Kalen said, so eager to make the tears stop that he didn't even process the question first. When he did, he added quickly.

"Oh, you mean at the Archipelago. Yes. I think so. Zevnie said that people couldn't even go there without permission from the practitioners. Nobody can open a portal there. Apparently, they don't like the continental families much, either. That sounds pretty safe, doesn't it?"

"How…how would you even get there?"

"I have a great plan," Kalen lied. The plan was to travel in the right direction as quickly as possible using whatever means he could find.

"You can't set foot on the continent, though, Kalen. You just can't."

"Ah," said Kalen, a little surprised by the adamance in Lander's voice.

"I could try to avoid it, but I think that might be kind of hard." Ships did sail all the way around the continent, but only a brave few of them. The seas to the extreme north and south were notorious for taking sailors to their graves for more reasons than Kalen could list on his fingers. It was easiest for someone who needed to reach the opposite sea to make port in a country called Swait in the northern third of the landmass and cross overland there where the continent was at its narrowest.

"Don't worry about me. I can manage. Even if I can't avoid the continent, I'm sure there are safe places. I'll be careful."

"If you really have to go, then... why can't you just ask Da to take you on the Ayagull? Some of the crew is gone with other captains, but he could still sail this year if he had to. To Swait at least." Kalen stared at him.

"Because he wouldn't do it? My parents and yours would be even less willing to let me leave if they knew what kind of trouble I was in. They'd keep me close to home, and I just explained to you that that's a bad idea. I don't want to put Fanna and Iless and Salla and Caris and Veern and Terth in danger from practitioners." He made sure to name every single one of Lander's own younger siblings.

"Do you?" Lander shook his head, but he didn't say he would help. Instead, he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, and whispered, "I saw one of them, Kalen. I saw one of the Orellens in Lerit's Tare last summer."