Chương 382: B6—Chapter 32: Dungeon Illogic, Round Two

It took us an ungodly long time to cross the mountain range with the floating ball of lightning. We could have flown over it quickly, but alas, it was full of ore. So, our travel turned into a start-stop-mine project that dragged on forever. Unfortunately, since we'd defeated the dark magic submachine guns together, I was now part of the mining crew. I tried to "coax" the metal ore to rise to the surface, but sadly, I wasn't there yet.

I could feel it, even move it a couple of centimeters or compress it a bit when it was out, but telling it to float up nicely for an easy pickup was way beyond me. The range was also pretty big, so our route through the mountains wasn't exactly a straight line. We quickly developed a system. I would fly around, find the ore deposits, and stick an arrow with a red strip of cloth to mark the spot. Al or Mahya would use the swords to fly over and mine it.

When they finished with a marked spot, I'd swing by to make sure they hadn't missed anything. Of course, I also mined between scouting runs. And since the mountain with the lightning ball had the biggest deposit, and the ball occasionally fired off lightning in random directions, that delightful task fell to me. For a brief moment, I considered telling Mahya to skip the ore, but immediately threw the thought as far away as possible.

The ore here was even more mana-rich than the metal she pulled from the dungeon in Zindor. She would have killed me for even suggesting it, or at the very least, nagged me into the ground. I preferred my life full of peace and quiet, or at least as full of them as you could get while mining ore and getting zapped by lightning every couple of minutes. At least the lightning only tickled.

Finally, after two, maybe even three days—you kind of lose track of time when you're doing the same thing over and over and the sky looks the same—we were done. The only way I could sort of guess how much time had passed was by how many times Rue came over demanding lunch. As far as Rue was concerned, breakfast happened when you woke up, dinner was before you went to bed, naps didn't count, and everything else was lunch. After all that, the three of us were exhausted, so we took a day off and even watched a movie.

The next section was a surprise, even by dungeon standards. It was a spooky castle, with lightning bolts all around it, of course. The place was huge, all sharp towers and narrow windows, looking like someone had ordered a "haunted house" set, decided it wasn't creepy enough, and added some embellishments. Dark stone walls, cracked pillars, and faded statues lined the wide stairway leading up to the main entrance. The windows glowed faintly blue from the inside, but not in a cozy, welcome-home kind of way.

More like the glow you got when something was wrong, and you should seriously reconsider going in. The lightning wasn't just background noise either. It kept striking the spires and the ground nearby at random intervals, loud enough to rattle your teeth and fill the air with so much static that all the hair I had stood on end, both on my body and my head. Mahya's braids saved her from that phenomenon, but Al's hair looked like he had stuck his finger in a socket, no matter how many times he tried to smooth it down.

Finally, he poured a bottle of water over his head with a disgusted expression. Rue's fur had the same effect, but he didn't mind. Probably, after the zap from the water made him look like a pom-pom, having his fur only partially standing was an improvement. Around the castle stood trees with burgundy canopies, swaying even though there wasn't any wind.

"The color palette here is really something," I said, squinting at the burgundy trees and pink bushes.

"That's what is great about it," Mahya said, clasping her hands together like she was praying. Her eyes practically sparkled with hope.

"Yeah, yeah, you can collect some trees," I said, waving a hand at the twisted tree closest to us.

"They look interesting enough, and if my habitat ends up too creepy, I can always remove them." Mahya gasped like I had just suggested kicking a puppy, one hand flying to her mouth. But she didn't argue. Instead, she took off, pulling tools from her Storage. She zeroed in on the nearest tree, as if it might sprout legs, and run away if she hesitated. Probably worried I'd change my mind if she wasted even a second. Al went to pick some pink bushes.

I snapped a couple of pictures, took out a lounge chair, and got comfortable for the wait. Rue dropped his head on my lap, twitched his ears, and sent me a feeling of you have a job to do. I laughed and scratched his ears and patted him to smooth down his fur while we waited. When we entered the castle, I stopped dead in my tracks and stared. The doors had opened into a massive courtyard the size of a football field, with lightning flashing overhead.

For a second, I just stood there blinking, then turned around and walked right back outside. The castle still looked exactly the same from the outside, with solid walls, tall towers, and second and third floors that made the existence of the courtyard a total improbability. Back inside, Mahya raised her eyebrows so high they practically touched her hairline.

"Where'd you go?" I waved my hand in a wide arc, encompassing the impossible space in front of us.

"This doesn't make any sense!"

"Yes!" she shouted, fist pumping the air.

"Finally! Took you long enough!" She turned to Al with a grin.

"You owe me money."

"No, I do not," Al said, his voice completely flat.

"We made one bet. I won."

"Forget about your bet for a second," I said, shaking my head.

"How does this even make sense to you? This courtyard is bigger than the entire castle." They both gave me identical pitying looks. Al even reached out and patted my shoulder like I was a slow child.

"The day you stop looking for logic in dungeons, your life will improve considerably."

"I mean, I know dungeons are crazy," I said, waving my hands a little too much.

"I've seen enough of them to learn that. But isn't there supposed to be some kind of logic? Or, I don't know, compliance with the basic laws of nature? At least a little bit? Something?" They laughed like I was the world's cutest fool.

"Once," Mahya said, pointing a finger at me for emphasis, "I cleared a dungeon that kept changing the definition of down. Some rooms we fought on the floor, some on the walls, and some on the ceiling. And no, I wasn't using my skill. We actually walked on the ceiling and fought monsters that stayed on the ground or the walls like it was completely normal." She gave me a pointed look.

"And you couldn't just tell yourself the ceiling was the new floor. My hair still hung down like I was upside down. The blood rushed to my face like I was dangling from a rope. It felt wrong, but the dungeon forced us to walk like that." If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.

"What about flying?" I asked, trying to imagine it. Mahya shrugged.

"No idea. None of us had the ability." Two large doors swung open on either side of the courtyard, and two groups of skeletons riding on lizards burst through. They were all dressed in identical armor, swords drawn and ready. Lightning struck the center of the courtyard with a deafening crack. When the flash faded, a skull lay in its place, blackened and steaming. We exchanged glances, completely baffled. The riders didn't even look at us. Not even a glance.

Usually, monsters pounced the second you showed your face. Rue's seagulls notwithstanding. The riders galloped straight toward the skull. One of them leaned low, stabbed his sword through it, yanked it up, and held it high above his head as he sped forward. A rider from the other group immediately veered toward him, slashing at the sword and knocking the skull free. Chaos exploded. The two groups clashed, each trying to wrestle control of the skull from the other.

One rider finally broke free, clutching the skull tight against his chest as he raced across the courtyard. He charged toward a gate set into the far wall. I hadn't even noticed it before. As he reached it, he hurled the skull at the gate. The gate swung open, and the rider disappeared through it at full speed. The second he vanished, all the remaining riders froze mid-charge, then shimmered into motes of light and floated upward, leaving the courtyard empty and silent.

"What the hell?" I asked, still staring at the now-empty courtyard.

"Movie night," Mahya said, beaming.

"Skull Polo!" Rue exclaimed, tail wagging a mile a minute. Al looked between the three of us, closed his eyes for a moment, sighed deeply, and slowly shook his head. Two more groups of riders burst through the gates and into the courtyard. The group on the right was missing a rider. One lizard charged in alone, riderless, and trotted straight toward us. It stopped a few steps away and stood there, breathing steadily, staring at nothing. Mahya didn't wait. She drew her sword and took a swing at it.

The blade sliced clean through like the creature was made of mist. No reaction.

"I think we are supposed to play skull polo," Al said, deadpan.

"No shit, Sherlock," I muttered. He gave me a withering look. I shrugged.

"I don't know about you guys," Mahya said, glancing between us, "but I don't feel like waiting for all of us to take a turn. I mean, I don't even know how Rue's supposed to ride a lizard anyway." Rue tilted his head, ears twitching, but wisely said nothing.

"So here's what we're going to do," she continued, crossing her arms.

"Al, you're the best rider among us. You take the lizard and steal the skull. We'll fly over the riders. Once you've got it, throw it to us and take off on your sword." Al swung himself onto the lizard's back, settling in like he'd been born in a saddle, and the skull polo match kicked off. Sadly, it didn't go quite as planned. The minute Mahya, Rue, and I lifted off into the air, a bolt of lightning slammed into us.

I felt only a tickle, and Rue's fur puffed out again like a living pom-pom, his eyes wide and startled. Mahya wasn't so lucky. She stiffened midair, her body locking up, and tumbled off her sword. I dove after her, caught her by the arm just before she hit the ground, and cast Healing Touch. She gasped, her body unlocking in a rush. I swooped down in a dive, grabbed the sword on the fly, and angled us toward the far gate. That was when the real fun began.

The lizard riders on both sides, because why pick favorites, whipped out bows from somewhere and started firing at us. One arrow struck Mahya dead center in the chest, only to bounce off with a flash of mana.

"You have a shield!" I said, grinning.

"Yeah, you're the one who told me about it," she snapped.

"Or did you forget?"

"Right, I—" I cut off as I had to yank us into a crazy aerial maneuver, twisting and dropping to thread us between at least five arrows coming from different directions. Mahya tightened her legs around my waist, locking herself in place so I didn't have to waste focus keeping hold of her.

"You what?" she demanded.

"Don't remember, never mi—" Another barrel roll got us out of a tight cluster of shots. I couldn't fly at full speed with arrows cutting every direction, but we were still making progress. The gate got closer. Rue wasn't so lucky. I caught a glimpse of him yanking an arrow out of his leg with his teeth midair. I flung a quick Ranged Heal at him.

"More," he said immediately, tail twitching. Right. Low-level spell. I threw another heal at him, patching him up just as we cleared the last few meters to the gate. The upside to our chaotic mess was that we had drawn all the fire. Al had a clean line to the gate. He hurled the skull in a smooth arc, the door swung open, and the three of us zipped in right behind him, battered but mostly unharmed. The lizard Al was riding shimmered, broke apart into motes of light, and reformed into a saddle.

Stability Saddle An expertly crafted saddle designed for long journeys and rough rides. It increases the mount's stamina and speed by 25%, allowing for longer and faster travel. The saddle also prevents the rider from being dismounted by sudden movements, attacks, or environmental effects. It automatically adjusts to fit any beast of appropriate size, ensuring a secure and comfortable ride. Mahya and I exchanged a look, then turned back to the door, ready for our own glorious turn as skull polo players.

Sadly, the dungeon had other ideas. Apparently, it penalized cheaters. The door stayed stubbornly shut no matter what we tried. We both slumped at the same time and let out matching sighs. Al, naturally, seized the opportunity to be a smug bastard. He gave us a look so full of condescension it was a miracle he didn't float off the ground. His nose was so high in the air it almost scraped the ceiling. Meanwhile, Rue wandered over to the saddle, gave it a thorough sniff, then chomped down on it experimentally.

"You not put saddle on Rue," he announced firmly.

"Rue not allow you think stupid thing like this." Then, completely unfazed, he flopped onto the floor, stretched languidly, yawned loud enough to echo off the walls, and added,"When is lunch? Rue starving." I thunked my head back against the door. After a short rest and some time to get over the disappointment about the lost saddles, I looked around. We were in a long, dark hall with doors lining both sides.

The only light came from occasional arcs of lightning shooting from one wall to the other, or from the ceiling to the floor. I wanted to complain about the lack of logic, but stopped myself. Yes, it was still completely illogical, but I was tired of them laughing at me. Mahya opened the nearest door and smiled widely, eyes fixed on me.

"What?" I asked, already bracing myself. She shook her head, still grinning.

"Nothing. Nothing. I just think you should see the next room." I pushed myself to my feet with a quiet groan and walked over, peeking past her.

"What the hell?" I exclaimed.

"I know you told me to forget logic in dungeons, but don't you think this is pushing it just a little too hard?" Al stepped up behind me and gave me a comforting pat on the back. Beyond the door wasn't a room. It was… a world. We were still in the mansion, but outside the open door lay a glowing field under a stormy sky. Trees with thick, cotton-candy pink leaves stretched across the landscape like they'd been pulled out of a fever dream. They swayed gently in a breeze that didn't reach us inside.

Purple bushes blanketed the ground, dotted with even brighter tufts in various shades of pink. And above it all, a dozen bolts of lightning arced and split the sky, connecting thunderclouds to the earth in jagged flashes that lit up the surreal scene in pulses of violet and white. The contrast between the quiet, dark hallway behind me and the bright, violent dreamscape in front of me made my brain itch.

"It's a painting," I said automatically, like that would make it make sense.

"Nope," Mahya said, popping the 'p.' A particularly massive bolt split the sky right down the middle, striking the ground with enough force to rattle the doorframe. I flinched. The tree closest to it didn't even drop a leaf.

"This place hates physics," I muttered.

"Yes," Al said behind me, very seriously.

"Yes, it does." Mahya leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, grinning from ear to ear.

"The pink trees would look amazing in our new lakeside village. Especially with the other pink one I picked. They'll complete the scene and give it a rounded feel," she said, already planning how to steal the landscape. Rue trotted over, his claws clicking softly on the floor. He poked his head out the door, staring at the candy-colored chaos. After a long moment, he nodded.

"Yes. It look great. After lunch," he declared with the gravitas of a king making a decree. I just shook my head, completely speechless. There were no words for this anymore. None.