Chương 461: Does a Tuba of Blasting violate the Geneva Conventions?

"Is it just me? Or did that tavern get bigger? And wasn't the bank over there?" Ricardo was staring with bleary eyes at the tavern in Sedgewick. His friends shrugged or grunted, not caring about much of anything right now. They'd drank all night at the fair, danced forever, drank some more, and woke up in a haystack with a rooster crowing loudly. Water and muffins were not enough to revive them so they set out for town. Their pockets were devoid of coins except for a few copper pieces.

Swiftfoot had gotten a tip from a friendly badger about the 3rd race and bet the group's remaining funds, but his unicorn had stumbled out of the starting gate and spent most of the race grazing on clover. There was free food and drink all night, so the halfling had neglected to mention his bad luck until this morning. Their plans of entering the dungeons of Gadobhra were changed to doing small quests and exploring the dungeon in Sedgewick to score a few magical items and replenish their coins.

After another few paces, the group stopped, the changes becoming obvious, even to them. When they had arrived in Sedgewick the Tavern had been three stories tall, with a partial story under the slanted roof. Now there was a full 4th floor with a high, peaked roof of slate tiles. And the first story was taller. Along with that, two new wings had been added, with a paved courtyard between them. The wings were only three stories high. One had a large sign proclaiming "The Adventurers Guild of Sedgewick."

Two dozen players were talking excitedly out front and toasting the new headquarters. Ricardo's group was planning to join. Guilds always had quests to do, and other groups to network with for raids. But they also charged dues, so this task was also put off for later. The other wing was one large room open to the tavern with a stage and dance floor. Through one of the large leaded glass windows, Dandio noticed a fellow bard strumming softly on a harp and entertaining several children with a story.

He made plans to return and see what opportunities an older crowd might present. Hassenhoffen turned in a circle, sniffing the air, "Some powerful magic was at work here. I can't place it. Fae? Still so much of that around, but something else was here! I'd stake my reputation on it."

"Awesome, you figured it out! You're the world's greatest detective! And since when did you have a reputation?" Frank was more interested in breakfast than listening to the Hedge Mage give another lecture on what type of magic he could smell.

"A whole town gets rearranged and you figure it's 'Strange Magic'. All that time at the Collegium and that's the best you can give us?"

"You know I wasn't allowed to take those overpriced classes from the Mage's Guild! They said rude things about the spells I'd picked up."

"And we respect them for doing that! We said rude things about your spells as well. I want to puke every time you use Skunk Cloud and Screaming Eagle is almost as annoying."

"It's my highest damage spell!" Ricardo hated the spell as well, they all did. The summoned bird did a huge amount of damage with its talons, but the scream made sure every monster within a mile knew where they were.

"Enough. Let's get some breakfast and then see what local quests there might be and find out something about the dungeons. Hitting the fair was fun, but we're broke and I want to spend more time in Gadobhra. All we did after we got there was fight two wandering monsters and leave." Dandio corrected him, "Not true, you wanted to see the bank, and we went there, even if they did scoff at opening an account until we had more money."

"Teleportation is expensive, even if we did get a good deal from that guy."

"Do we have enough for breakfast?"

"A cheap breakfast. Porridge and refreshing water." They walked past the celebrating adventurers and into the open doors of the tavern. Quite a few people were up early. They took a seat at one of the tables and the barmaid came over to take their order. As usual, Dandio whispered a cantrip under his breath and tapped a rhythm on the table. He'd been quite successful over the last few weeks in charming waitresses and barmaids, getting the group free meals and himself some amiable companionship on cold nights.

The girl smiled sweetly at him, tapping her foot to the rhythm he'd started.

"What can I get you brave adventurers today?" The Bard looked at her with a sad expression on his face, "We are nearly fasting today, miss, with only money for water and perhaps a muffin. We spent our money to help the poor families fleeing from the war. It was all we had, but seeing the happy look on those orphans' faces made it worthwhile." Her eyes got bigger and her smile wider, "My, you are true heroes. I'll be right back with your breakfast then, and make sure it's something special to reward you."

Dandio received high-fives all around. For the next few minutes, they saw the barmaid bring out huge platters heaped with plates of eggs, sausage, pancakes, and bacon. They drooled, waiting for their turn.

"Here you go, a heroic breakfast. An extra large jug of water and two muffins for each of you. On the house. Is there anything else that I can help with?" Ricardo bit into his muffin while the others glared at the Bard.

"Well miss, what can you tell us about Gadobhra? Which dungeon would you recommend for heroes of the fourth tier in need of some coin and adventure?" She thought for a second, "Well, the ghouls have been cleared out recently. The Dance has just reopened, but I'm sure your group doesn't want to venture into the depths and fight in that dungeon. Its loot is mostly enchanted musical instruments, like the couple we have for sale." She pointed at the wall near the bar where over three dozen magic items were for sale.

"We had a group trade in a Lute of Silver Strings and a Tuba of Blasting." Dandio stared at them for a moment and then began tugging on Ricardo's sleeve, "Please? Can we go? That lute gives +5 CHA and cuts the mana cost of my spells by 20%."

"Later, Dandy. A spiffy lute won't fill our bellies. Are there other dungeons?"

"Oh, yes. The best is the Pit of the Butcher. Very deep, very dark. If you go, see Runt at the butcher shop, he can tell you more about it. I think he's looking for people to scout the place and is paying 10 silver each for information on it. There's one more dungeon, but really, it's beneath your level. Just ratkin and low-level undead until you work your way down. Why collect a bag of copper when the Gristle Daemons drop silver and gold and enchanted weapons? Good luck!"

She turned and went back to the kitchen, taking orders as she went. The vote was four in favor of the Pit and one in favor of the Dance. They finished their muffins and headed to the butcher shop. The boy behind the counter looked like he was only sixteen or seventeen, but he was holding a half side of beef with one hand and slicing off chunks with a heavy cleaver with the other. As they watched he reduced a two-hundred-pound slab of meat to steaks, and roasts, then tossed the rest to a pile by a hand grinder.

"Hiya, what can I get for you? Steaks? I have some fresh cut. Maybe some smoked Sedgewick sausage? Nothing better and made next door." The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. Ricardo generally handled negotiations with NPCs. Swiftfoot and Dandy had a bad habit of taking every quest they could, and Hasselhoff was fixated on finishing any quest he took and refused to move on from an area.

"Greetings! We were sent here with the news that you might need stalwart adventurers for some tasks." The boy cleaned his hands on a bloody rag and looked them over.

"Maybe I do at that. There's a place I need some information on, but I wasn't about to send anyone weak up there. Too dangerous. But you look like you could handle it. It's in Gadobhra, back behind the Butcher's Guild. I need someone to go inside the dungeon and see if the rumors are true about Gristle Daemons running around the top floors. Parts of them make great jerky. Kill ten Gristle Daemons and bring me a cut of meat off the shoulders. Here's a Meat Sack to hold them.

Do that, and I'll pay you each 10 silver pieces and a bag of my special jerky, here, try a piece." Runt handed each of them a strip of dried, smoked meat that smelled delicious. Runt's Special Jerky Tasty and delicious. Just don't ask what's in his secret recipe! Gives +30 Mana and Health for one hour! Ricardo accepted the quest, it seemed easy enough. The group left town, heading for Gadobhra, chewing on their meaty treats along the way. Their jaws were getting a workout.

"Damn, this stuff is tough, but it tastes good. A bag of this would be nice to have. Just a little buff, but I bet it stacks." Frank was slicing chunks off with a knife to make it easier to eat. The others followed his lead, not wanting to break a tooth trying to bite off a piece.

"Yeah, if you can eat more than one piece. I'm not sure I can." Dandio put his piece in his pack.

"With how much you talk, Dandy, I'd think you had stronger jaws." Swiftfoot finished his piece, his efficient halfling jaws chewing the tough meat. It was little challenge for him to take Dandy's piece from his pack and eat that as well.

"I'm looking forward to this place. The game really needs more food-based dungeons. Maybe a haunted bakery full of pies and cakes for monsters."

"That... sounds unlikely."

"Hey, a guy can dream." The Butcher looked at the adventuring group dressed in shabby furs as they departed the tavern. Suzette came to his table and indicated she wanted to talk in private. He followed her up to the expanded top floor. The old flooring was now polished and smooth, and the walls were covered in oak paneling. Large leaded glass windows let in more light than the small dormer windows they replaced. Their bed and belongings were clustered in one end, leaving three more rooms empty.

"They cause you any trouble? I could feel you getting annoyed." She shook her head, "Nothing serious. I was keeping an eye on him as soon as I saw his class. Seriously? Bardic-Romancer? And that's the third bard with that subclass in a week. I need more bards like Coglin who specialize in singing and music for the dance hall. But what really annoyed me was his lame attempt to charm me and get a free lunch. It did give me an excuse to get rid of yesterday's stale muffins."

"Seems like they got off easy."

"Well, they also wanted to explore dungeons. I sent them to Runt to get the quests for the Pit." The Butcher laughed, "Proving that There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. They're tier four, so they should be able to handle some of it, but we can get their stories and compare their progress with how well we do going to the same places. Of course, if they wipe, we won't know until after we go in ourselves."

"If they wipe out, that's a clue all by itself. But on to more important things. I have a ring full of fancy furniture that I need to unload. The ring is complaining about how I stacked up as much as I could store inside. It likes to arrange things nicely. I put a few things in my tower, but there are still a lot of fancy tables, chairs, beds, and lamps to unload. Some of their stuff was gaudy and ugly, I left it to rot. But I couldn't say no to hammered teakwood antiques.

You've mentioned a couple of times how much you liked the look of the Captain's cabin on Splinter. Why don't you take the south room with all those big windows? I've got a large table, a desk, and some very nice overstuffed chairs we can put in there." That brought a smile to Ozzy's face.

"That'll do until we get my ship built. How long until we have enough area cleared of poison? Jon and Cham may not mind dying each night to raise their resistance, but it sure slows down the work."

"Probably a month or two. And I was thinking about a use for the poison. I'm not sure I can match the stuff we used in the catapults. But if I substitute concentrated Dark Mana and the juice of Phytolaccaceae Belladonna, I can come close. Zephyr and I have been trying to get rid of any Belladonna that grows near Sedgewick and I've planted cuttings in my fae realm. It's growing fast, using the poison in the soil.

I'll need a lot of clay jugs to hold the finished product, it will eat through normal wood unless I enchant every barrel." She looked at him, seriously.

"But before I get started with that project. I've got questions about how we sell it to Billy and whether we should be making it at all."

"Well, it was useful, have to admit. If this was the real world, it would violate all sorts of conventions of war. Not that many corporations take the Geneva Conventions seriously. They just try not to get caught when they use a Nano-Virus on a competitor. But we've got magic here. I don't see a lot of difference, morally, between tossing Greek Fire from a catapult or throwing a fireball.

There are poison spells as well, and from what I hear, that damnable Tuba of Blasting on your wall is worse than tossing high explosives.

"True, and if the priests of Ares are ok with all those things, I guess we're in the clear. What about making a profit from it? That's tricky. No way in hell do I want Billy to know the truth."

"Hmm, how about this? We could build a high wall to enclose some fields and plant your nasty Belladonna plants there. Any of the workers who need to work on Poison Resistance can do the weeding and harvesting. Eating raw Sedgebeast only takes you so far. That will give a reason for how you get the poison. We just say it's a secret alchemical concoction and have Aleister sell it to Billy in small amounts to sell to the people he supplies catapults to.

I was thinking about doing that with the Greek Fire Bombs I made."

"You're grinning. What's the second part?"

"Well, General Themis was delighted with how effective our 'special ammunition' was. I'm sure she would love to have a guaranteed supply of ammunition and Duchess Claudia is setting up a supply dump in Wolfsburg. They can buy a little from Billy, and then get the bulk of what they need directly from us at a wholesale price."

"That should work. So now, in addition to selling weaponized sausage, we'll be magical arms dealers." Ozzy smiled, "We don't make the rules, we just bend them a little."