Chương 75: Death on the Sidelines, III

Wu Hao stared, and Jin Qilong stared back, waiting. In the end, though, Wu Hao just sighed. Sure, he thought. He'd help Jin Qilong. Besides, he was beginning to have a certain fondness for the other boy, colored as it was by his tendency to be a mopey sadsack and Lady Jin holding promises over his head that he was beginning to think she might not actually pay off. So. The thing that had made him strong was his resurrections. That was where his talent and his skill came from, at least.

Whatever had happened to him to make him resurrect probably wasn't something that he could just share with anyone else, and while he wasn't going to pretend he knew a great deal about what made it work, there had to be some immense cost attached to it. Resurrecting him, giving him knowledge, turning back time? Something like that was beyond even a Sovereign's ability to do, and therefore there was no way he could share it, either. Even if he did, he might have not done so. That was out, then.

Jin Qilong sighed, set himself down and watched the grass sway in the summer evening breeze. In an hour or so the orange light of the setting sun would breach the clouds, to be traded in for the humid darkness of a summer night. Wu Hao sat next to him, taking care to arrange his saber so that it lay across his hips.

"Eat more resources?" Wu Hao offered, as his first suggestion.

"It's not a problem of resources," Jin Qilong said, waving a hand.

"I've got everything I should need. It's..." He trailed off, apparently not quite sure how to describe his problems.

"I've got a book that helps against fear," Wu Hao said. Jin Qilong's eyes narrowed.

"Where'd you get it? I wouldn't ask, but I'm kind of sure that I know where it came from. And that you didn't just loan it out with the intent to bring it back." Wu Hao nodded.

"So Mother wasn't lying when she said that you'd taken other things as well?" Jin Qilong asked, and when Wu Hao only shrugged in response, he groaned loudly.

"I knew it."

"It's yours if you want it. I don't need it anymore." Jin Qilong sighed.

"No, it's not really fear, I guess. I don't know what to call it."

"Describe it, then."

"It's being the young master, I guess," Jin Qilong said.

"It's all the expectations. It's being told that I'll be the successor to my mother for sure, and to my father if I manage to rise above my half-siblings. Who could've beaten me years ago. I've not seen them in half a year or so, but I'm pretty sure that they should've reached the second-grade at least." Wu Hao shrugged.

"If they're just second-grades, it'll be fine," he said.

"No reason a third-grade couldn't win against them." He'd done it before, years into the future, he wanted to say, but knew that he wouldn't be believed. Jin Qilong gave him a bleak look, and an emotion burst into being in Jin Qilong's qi, something that Wu Hao hadn't really felt before. It seemed more or less directed at him, and it wasn't the beaten-down rust-and-copper feeling of hesitation or the angry raw-wound red of hate, but it was a livid sort of green.

Positive to a minor degree, but negative in ways that looped back onto itself. Scratching at the back of his neck, Wu Hao frowned. What was that?

"That's what I mean," Jin Qilong said suddenly.

"That confidence of yours. That just-try-it-out-and-win-anyway attitude. How you decide to do something that I think is stupid and is going to end really, really badly, and then it just works out for you somehow. When I first saw you, you were laying unconscious in a hospital bed because you ate a few peaches and now you're probably able to beat me in a duel."

"Probably," he said. The emotion spiked again.

"Shut up," Jin Qilong said, and buried his head in his hands.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. But I know, okay? I know that I'm weak. But I want to be strong. Tell me how." He sighed, the breath brushing through the gap in his hands like wind whistling through an empty canyon.

"Please." Wu Hao rubbed at his eyes, feeling oddly helpless. He honestly couldn't give Jin Qilong his confidence, because he didn't really consider it confidence in the first place. It was just knowing that he'd get another chance, and no matter how badly he screwed it up, it wouldn't matter anyway. Well, he thought, looking at the walls caging him inside the compound and the guards in the distance, beginning their evening patrols after setting out from the guardhouse. It probably wouldn't matter.

It had mattered once already and he was still trying to deal with it.

"Doesn't Lady Jin have anything?" Wu Hao asked, more to stall for time. If she did, though, she'd have used it.

"She's tried," Jin Qilong muttered.

"Tutors. Punishment when I mess up, both physical and mental. I have a few scars from those. She's had masters inspect me. One of them was an old friend of my father's and had a theory, but..."

"What's the theory?" Jin Qilong propped his chin up on his hands, staring at the grass.

"I'm not sure Mother would want me to say." Wu Hao shrugged.

"If she asks, tell her I forced you to tell me." A dry chuckle escaped Jin Qilong's throat.

"I'm not sure you actually realize what you're getting into for saying that, but sure." His hands flexed, then let loose. Wu Hao settled both arms onto his lap and turned, so that he and Jin Qilong were sort of facing each other.

"This is all just theories," Jin Qilong said.

"I'm not sure it's true. I've heard other rumors, that I'm not actually Father's child, but..." Wu Hao considered this carefully.

"I don't think Lady Jin would bother." Jin Qilong snorted.

"That's what I thought. Anyway, the theory..." Another flex of his hands and then he began.

"Father - Jin Murong - wasn't born to the main clan, but he killed his way up the ladders of power with only his saber and his talent for martial arts. The old master who inspected me told me that it's what's known as an Extreme Yang constitution. When he cultivates his body, it's twice as easy with half the effort. Sort of like your level of talent, I guess? I'm not sure. The point is, Father reached mastery at only 27." If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

"That early?" Wu Hao asked, having not a single idea just how fast that was supposed to be.

"That early," Jin Qilong confirmed.

"Anyway, my elder sister and brother - his previous children by his other wives than Mother - didn't have the Extreme Yang Constitution, or whatever it is that made him so talented. My mother has strong Yang energy for a woman, unlike Father's previous wives, and so it was hoped that coupling Yang and Yang would produce even more Yang. In so doing, it'd become possible to guarantee a heir with a similar talent." Jin Qilong paused, and Wu Hao cocked his head.

"That didn't happen?"

"The opposite happened," Jin Qilong said.

"Extreme Yang and regular Yang combined to form extreme Yin. What that means is that bodily cultivation takes twice the effort for half the payoff, and our clan's official style relies heavily on having a great deal of Yang qi." He hung his head low in despair.

"I've tried," he said, voice little more than a whisper. In frustration his hand slammed into the grass, and when he pulled it back he had a few ends of it in his clenched fist.

"I've really, really tried. It just doesn't work for me, and the family style is the foundation that our entire clan is based on." Wu Hao nodded. All that was interesting, in its way - he wondered if he leaned Yang or Yin or if he even leaned at all - but it really didn't help him with helping Jin Qilong.

"Have you tried a different style?" he asked. It was the obvious option, after all.

"Yes," Jin Qilong said.

"I have more success with other styles. Something like the Zhuge Clan's Three Grand Illusions, for example... It seemed pretty easy to me, but after word got out I was practicing it, my father's other wives raised a huge stink. It's not proper for a son of the Jin Clan to study anything other than the saber, they argued. Father's decree was that strength prevailed over all, but since I don't have the strength I've been forced to study the saber the way everyone else does."

Nodding to show that he'd understood, Wu Hao reflected that Jin Qilong's father did have a point. Strength prevailed over all, huh? That gave him an idea, and the more he turned it around, the more it seemed like the easiest way out.

"Duels," Wu Hao decided. Jin Qilong's eyes caught Wu Hao's. He looked surprised, but he didn't immediately reject the idea, so that was good.

"Why?"

"You lack confidence," Wu Hao said.

"Isn't confidence just not knowing what to do, or being afraid that you won't be able to do it?" That was a quote from the Unyielding Will Manual, but it seemed to work.

"I guess?" Jin Qilong said, not seeming entirely convinced.

"So how does duelling help?"

"You need to duel," Wu Hao said.

"Tomorrow, if we can help it." Jin Qilong blinked.

"You'll duel me?"

"No," Wu Hao said, trying not to make his exasperation show. Letting Jin Qilong win wouldn't help him gain any confidence, and it wasn't like Jin Qilong would be able to win if Wu Hao didn't let him. Wu Hao had beaten Shan Kong, and Shan Kong hadn't ever lost against Jin Qilong, so there was no way that it'd happen unless Wu Hao took a deliberate spill. And the thought of losing on purpose sat wrong with Wu Hao. He'd sworn to accept death before he did defeat, and that was an oath that he would uphold.

"Against who, then?" Jin Qilong asked.

"Yi Wei? Because I think she's about as strong as Shan Kong, which makes her stronger than me." Wu Hao nodded, folded his arms.

"That's why tomorrow you won't try to duel her," he said.

"And not me, either. It needs to be a serious duel, I think, but someone that we know is weaker than you. But not too weak. Who else is there in the group?" Jin Qilong's brow furrowed.

"There's... Li Yanqing? Son of the head butler." Wu Hao nodded, though he had no clue who the head butler was.

"Who is he again?"

"Big nose," Jin Qilong muttered.

"Puffy cheeks."

"Huh," Wu Hao said. Now that Jin Qilong mentioned it, he guessed that he'd seen that boy before. One of Shan Kong's hangers-on, Wu Hao remembered. Not really worth keeping in mind otherwise.

"Can you beat him?" Wu Hao asked.

"Maybe," Jin Qilong said.

"Then not him. Who else is there?"

"You're in the same group as I am," Jin Qilong said.

"Shouldn't you know?"

"Answer the question. Who else is there that you could actually beat?" Jin Qilong rattled off a few names, but only one of them caught Wu Hao's attention.

"Zhu Yelin?" he asked.

"He's the grandson of Librarian Zhu. Ex-Librarian Zhu, I mean." Wu Hao nodded.

"Good. Him, then."

"But..." Jin Qilong said.

"My mother killed his grandfather today. Is that really what I should be doing? He'll be furious."

"Great," Wu Hao said in response.

"Even better. Maybe he'll try to challenge you. Makes it easier."

"Wouldn't it be a little much to duel him after his grandfather died the day before?" Jin Qilong protested.

"It doesn't really seem fair." Wu Hao thought about this, mulled it about some more, and then shrugged.

"Life's not fair. Get over it." Jin Qilong made a face at that, but he seemed to accept that. For now. He'd probably start balking again tomorrow, but Wu Hao'd have to find a way around that.

"Tomorrow," Wu Hao said, "you'll duel against Zhu Yelin. I'll tell you what to do, you just follow my advice, and when you win, that's where you'll start."

"And what if I lose?" Jin Qilong said.

"What if all I wind up doing is proving that I'm a loser?" Wu Hao tried for a reassuring smile.

"You won't," he said.

"Trust me on this, alright?" After all, he thought to himself with a muted sigh. He'd just repeat the day a few times, if Jin Qilong needed different advice to win. No one could be that bad at combat, that they'd need more than a few resets before they managed to eke out a win against someone who was weaker than them.