Chương 36: Chapter-36

I'm not quite certain when I became aware of Urstin Nobody. I remember selecting him to die, realizing his body was imperfect, and passing him over for one that was perfect. This was an error of judgment. Not because I was incorrect to pass him over because his body was imperfect due to a wound he had suffered. But because I should have murdered him anyway. It wasn't fair to the others who had been selected but did not have wounds to justify passing them over.

But I cannot interrogate the version of me that made that decision, because it is lost. So I do not know why I chose to spare Urstin Nobody and select another in his place. Instead, Urstin Nobody showed up with a series of marks that I had left on his soul. I had flagged him as an anomalous individual, one who should not be alive but was due to a rare instance of statistical impossibility. Such things happen from time to time. It did not bother me that Urstin Nobody lived.

When the greater me managing the western army that I was assembling became aware of him, however, I was curious to see if his experience of being selected for death, and then being passed over, was something worthy of study. The living are not always easy for me to predict, but I do try to predict them. The me that had sent him to rejoin the army had not had the time to force compliance. It had given him instructions and left him to his own devices. He traveled eight miles.

He gave the horse I had requisitioned to the quartermaster. Then he walked up to the recruitment table, gave his name and former rank, and explained that he had been selected. I had expected him to run. I would have lost track of him for a time. But the next time I had encountered him, I would have murdered him on the spot. I considered what to do next. I realized something. I was curious how he felt. I did not particularly care how he felt.

But I wanted to know which feelings he was experiencing believing what he did about his life and servitude. A moment after I sensed him enter the camp, I ordered my servants to bring him to me. * Urstin—no. Perith. If he was going to die, then he would die with the name that he'd been born with. There was no reason to hide it, he'd already confessed to his god-king that he should be dead. It was only a matter of time before Tal corrected that oversight. Still, he had might as well enjoy what time he had left.

He registered with the recruiter, explaining that he wished to reenlist. Because why not? He'd been conscripted anyway. He asked that his pay be directed to his family, and then went to the quartermaster to collect his gear. He spent a while speaking with the recruiter, talking as soldiers do. He was having a good time of it, but noticed the recruiter had other things to do, so he made himself scarce. Then he spent a while speaking with the quartermaster as well. He received his gear.

He was directed to his new squad. It wasn't until he arrived at his squad that he was finally yelled at, and the screaming brought a smile to his face. Now it felt like he was back in the army. He was ordered to report to a tent, where he had been due for over two hours. Perith could have objected that nobody had told him that he was to report to the tent until that moment, but what was the point. He simply saluted, fist to his chest, and walked off at a march.

He supposed that his tardiness was partially his fault, since he had dallied in reporting to his squad. But he was about to die, what did it matter? He entered the tent, saluted.

"Private Perith Someody reporting for duty," he said formally. The officers in the room looked up from the map in the middle of the room. Then they looked to a corpse that was sitting in the chair nearby.

"Who summoned you?" one of the officers asked. Perith, realizing that he had just interrupted a high level planning meeting, began to grow nervous. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Then he decided that he didn't care. He was going to die. What did it matter if he pissed off a bunch of officers.

"Check the list," someone said.

"Oh," Perith said.

"I might be on the list under the name Urstin. I changed it."

"You changed your name?" the officer said.

"Yes." The officer looked at a man with a quill.

"Can he do that?"

"There's no legal procedure for changing one's name in Tal-sha-shenk," the man said.

"It is, in fact, illegal. Due to the Lottery. You understand."

"Yeah, well," Urstin said, crossing his arms.

"I'm probably going to die today, so what does it matter." The officer regarded him.

"What makes you say that?"

"A raven told me." His expression turned serious.

"What else did the raven say."

"He just ordered me to come here. I thought it would be funny if I rejoined the army and then died so that my wife could get the pension of dying in the service. Would that count? If Tal murders a soldier, do they still draw pension?" The corpse looked up, his eyes turning violet.

"That is a good question. I shall have to make a decision on the matter." A brand appeared on the corpse's forehead, burning into the flesh, then turning violet.

"Urstin Nobody, I do not intend to murder you today. I apologize for getting your hopes up that your end was so near. I will kill you, but it will be at an undetermined future time. I hope you have your affairs in order, because I will not be giving you notice again."

"I understand," Urstin said.

"I took care of everything I could think of before I left. My family isn't expecting me back. They won't wonder what happened."

"What else did you do to prepare for your death?" the corpse asked patiently.

"Did you write a will?" Urstin blinked.

"I'm married, Your Lordship. All of my property will go to my wife. When she dies, it gets distributed among our children. I don't have anything worth giving to anyone specifically aside from my wife and kids, so I don't need a will."

"I see."

"Or, at least I didn't think I did," Urstin amended.

"Now that I've started thinking about it, there's a few things I'd like to give to my friends. And I'd like to write a letter to my mother. I don't know if she's still alive."

"That is an acceptable delay. You may perform those tasks," the corpse said.

"What else do you wish to do before you die?" Urstin thought for a few minutes. What in the underworld was going on?

"There are too many things to list, My Lord. I'd like to travel back to my birth village. To see if my family still lives there, and to introduce them to my wife and kids. I'd like to see some of my friends from my army days. I'd like to—""My lord, is this the time to discuss these matters?" the officer interrupted.

"A common soldier is—""Be silent," the corpse said, and the officer's voice stopped mid syllable. He continued speaking for a few seconds before he realized he was mute. He looked somewhat distressed, but remained silent from then on.

"Continue to list the things you wish to accomplish before you die. You have given two names. I assume one was to hide your survival of the first lottery that you drew yellow in?"

"Yes, Your Lordship," Perith agreed.

"My birth name is Perith Someody. I fought for you under the name Urstin Nobody during your conquest."

"During which you should have been dead," the corpse said.

"How did it feel to escape your destined fate?"

"Terrifying, My Lord. I was afraid every moment of my life until the war ended," Perith admitted.

"You should not have been spared. This was an error. I did not make it, but it was a flaw in my system to believe that the administrators would perform it perfectly. I knew of this flaw and did not correct it. I am indirectly responsible for granting you approximately two decades of life." Perith scratched the back of his head.

"I'm not sure I follow that, My Lord."

"It is not worth explaining. How does it feel knowing that you were unjustly granted two decades of life?"

"Wonderful, My Lord," Perith answered.

"Ever since you told me I've been thinking of all the wonderful things that have happened."

"You said you were afraid the entire time," the corpse argued.

"Yes. I thought I'd be discovered the entire time I was in the army. And afterward, too. But I learned to live with the fear. Maybe that's why I'm not afraid now. I was so busy being afraid before that I'm numb to it, now that I'm dying for real."

"And this brings you peace?"

"Yes. Yeah, it really does." The corpse went silent for three minutes. Then it said something incredible.

"Tell me about your life, Perith Someody." Perith hadn't been expecting that request.

"Where do you want me to start?"

"With your first memory," Tal answered.

"And go on in order from there."

"I'm not sure I can do that in the time I have left, Lord Tal. I can try, but I genuinely don't remember my first memory. It's all kind of jumbled together. I remember being small, but—" And so, in the middle of a war planning meeting, the lich Tal the Risen interrogated a living solderi for thirteen hours about the details of his life, pausing only when the living soldier needed to visit the latrine. When the interrogation was over, Tal was silent for several long minutes.

"I am going to murder you now, Perith," Tal said.

"I understand," Perith said, closing his eyes tight.

"I'm ready." A moment passed. Then another.

"I have changed my mind," Tal said abruptly.

"I do not require your body at this moment, so you may keep it until I do. I shall take it without warning next time." Perith opened his eyes.

"What?"

"I am sparing you again," Tal said.

"For now. You are still selected. You will serve until you die, and then you will serve again. But you may live for now. Unless you prefer to die, in which case—""I very much want to live as long as possible, My Lord," Perith said eagerly. Tal regarded him.

"You were resigned a moment ago. Now, you are joyous."

"Yes, My Lord. Every moment until you change your mind again is a gift for which I am grateful," Perith explained.

"I do not care about your gratitude. But I wish to understand how you feel so that I might better predict how humans feel when facing their end. I wish to compare it to my own experience with mortality."

"My Lord, I am feeling so many things right now that I can't put them into words."

"Try. You are exhausted. Get some rest. When you have rested, return, and I shall discuss this matter with you further."

"As you command," Perith said, saluting, then saluting the officers in the room, then making himself scarce. He rushed back to his squad. Setting up his tent was as easy as it had been on the campaign, and he was asleep moments after he laid down.