Chương 52: Chapter 51 - Memories

"Immortality is an interesting concept to think about. Very few species can claim the ability to live beyond five hundred years regularly. So far the Guardians are the only ones, and that's mostly because of their unique biology. No one can tell how long the Shinzen live, and the Dawn Collective haven't been around long enough to qualify, but theoretically, those two races could live extremely long.

There are some powerful Deities among many races that might be able to reach that age, but those are exceptions, not the rule. No one can really say for sure what would happen if some race actually lived long enough to be functionally immortal, but few people actually stop to consider the potential downsides. Some speculate an explosive population growth, which is quite likely, but beyond that, all bets are off. Would the culture stagnate with the lack of new perspectives in important positions?

Would the societies be ruled by elites that both live and rule forever? Would that lead to extreme stratification of the society? Or would a new order be born from initial chaos?" - High Ambassador of the Mrrroww Selendil had finally sat down to go over some of the memories she was storing. She started with the same person as before and did find a message addressed to her, though it was a more personal one this time.

The Dhar named Shie'tar had made a recording and had sat down to watch the recording of himself before his death, just so that Selendil would get the message perfectly and without interruptions from moments of hesitation or times he stopped to consider his words.

The impression was still spoiled a bit as she could see that Shie'tar had made four drafts of his little message and failed the recording twice. That was the problem of getting all his memories and not just the ones he wanted to pass on.

"Hey, little one. I imagine that by the time you're watching this you've long since awoken from stasis and you've seen the preparations we made before getting to this message. I know you… well, I knew you back then. I can't really say I knew you when the end came. I'm still fairly confident in stating that you likely took your sweet time before getting to these memories. I'm sure you'll find other messages addressed to you now that you've seen this one. It was just a little something we decided to do. We…

I knew you'd be consumed by grief and guilt, and this was just a little something we wanted to do to ease your pain a bit. Always remember, what happened wasn't your fault. We could've all done things differently, made different choices. Some of those choices might have changed things, so you're not the only one. We didn't and here we are. Personally, I think nothing we could've reasonably done differently would've ultimately stopped what happened.

The plague might have been pushed back in time, but eventually we'd still be here.

"Most of us went with peace and dignity. I'm sure you felt our acceptance in the unity. Of course we would've preferred it if things went differently, but they didn't. We made peace with the situation as it unfolded. You will need to do the same. I know it will be hard, but many things in life are. You've done difficult things before. We both could name a few. I'm sure we both have the same thing in mind right about now.

"Speaking of, I want you to know something. If you had asked, I would've left my clan for you. I don't know if you knew that. I don't know if that would've made a difference, but I just want you to know I would've made the choice. They had my future planned out down to which mate to take to achieve the position I eventually did. It was a good plan and it worked. I was also happy. I don't want to give you the impression I wasn't. My life was filled with many things, and happiness was one of those things.

But I would've given that all away if you had asked and given me the choice. But you didn't. I don't want to make you think I blame you or that I don't understand. We both had a choice to make. You made yours, which meant I never got to make mine.

"Becoming a Keeper is a great honor. And you carried that title well and they should've felt lucky to have you. In fact, I'm quite sure they did feel lucky. They told me as much on the few occasions when your name came up. In the end, I think you made the right decision. That said, I can't but indulge in thinking about what could've been. Once upon a time I loved you, even if I never expressed it quite as I should have.

Even to this day, I can't be sure if that love was returned, and if it was, was it returned on the same level? Are there even levels to such things? Well, be that as it may, there, I've said it. At least it has been said now, even if it makes no difference. This one was for my own peace of mind.

"The others have likely included some sort of wishes about what you should or shouldn't do when you get these messages. I'd tell you to ignore most of them if I thought you'd listen. It is not your place to live your life for those that have passed. In fact, I think you should ignore every expectation our people may have placed on your shoulders. I only have one wish, and that wish is for you to live your life happily. There's only one Dhar left. Let that one last life be a happy one.

I doubt you'll listen; listening to advice was never your strongest trait. Ironic for a woman whose main role was to give advice. Live happily little one and remember, it was not your fault." The message finally ended. Selendil shed a few silent tears for what could've been and was now lost forever. She was not sure if she had felt the same towards Shie'tar. She had been aware of his feelings and knew he would choose her if she asked. That's why she didn't ask.

She didn't want to derail his life on such uncertain feelings. The two had been so young back then. She barely even remembered her own emotions anymore. He had been a little older, hence the nickname 'little one' that had always annoyed her. Still, even if she didn't return his feelings, that didn't mean she had not felt anything towards him. And thus she grieved for what was lost. He had been right. The others had also left her messages.

Not all of them, not even most of them, but many of those that had been the last to go had done so. He was wrong when it came to requests though. Of course there were a handful, but most of those were either impossible or so outlandish that she would not be able to do anything about them. Visiting their places of death was a common one, just to pay her respects. Some of those she might even do if she could manage it. Many of those wishes were impossible as well, as their places of death didn't exist anymore.

They had underestimated the time she spent in stasis. Many of the others had requests similar to what Shie'tar had made. One thing stuck out to her though.

"Why do all of them keep telling me it's not my fault?" She asked no one in particular.

"I mean, yes I feel guilty, but even I recognize it's mostly survivors guilt. I don't really think I could've done anything to change things in a significant way. And as perfectly illustrated by the fact that I was the one to survive, I most certainly wasn't responsible for spreading the disease." Having it in some messages was understandable, but it seemed oddly specific to be included in almost every message.

She tried to use their knowledge and memories to figure out if they were referring to something specific, but she found no answer to that question. It was as if that part had been removed from all the information and memories she was storing. There were visible gaps in the memories right where that information should be found. It seemed like something or someone had tried to tide over those holes, but she knew they were there now that she was specifically looking for the information.

How could someone or something tamper with information that she was safeguarding? That was supposed to be impossible. And why tamper with something as inconsequential as this? If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. It couldn't have been done while she was in stasis. There would've been a record of someone entering her ship.

It was nigh on impossible to do something like that even when her mind was not affected by the stasis, and contrary to what many would think, it didn't become easier when she was in stasis. You couldn't just flip through the memories in her head while they were frozen in time. And she would've felt any intrusions. She would've been alerted and been brought out of stasis immediately.

"Nox, do a thorough scan of the ship's record and perform an analysis. Try to find any moment when someone could've tampered with my mind, my memories, or the memories of other Dhar I'm storing. Make this analysis priority one."" Anything particular I'm looking for?" Nox asked.

"It might help if I knew what you're missing."

"That's what's so odd. Nearly every single message I was given told me what happened was not my fault. Yet the reason for such forgiveness seems to have been removed. From all those same people's memories. I'm going to do a more thorough analysis, but so far I've noted gaps in the memories and information from those that were among the last to die. They are the only ones to really send me messages, so there's seems to be a connection." Selendil specified. No matter the results of that analysis, this was worrying.

It was also something she had never heard of happening before.

"This might take a while with such a complex analysis and a long time span, but I'm on it." Nox promised.

Selendil had spent a few days going over the memories and performing her own analysis. When she finally exited her rooms, there was a group of people waiting. More specifically, the Mrrroww of the ship as well as a handful few others that had come mostly to observe.

"Well, this is a surprise. Is something the matter?"

"Besides the fact that I can't get the feeling of being dirty out of my fur even after bathing five times, no." Moonshadow said a bit sarcastically. She also looked a bit weak and ill, likely because her process with the nanites was still unfinished.

"You could've given a warning about that." Lilly also had a slightly displeased tone, though she looked quite a bit stronger already. She had likely run into the same issues as Moonshadow, but had already recovered to an extent. Selendil tilted her head a bit.

"You've become better in every way, including becoming almost immortal, and you're complaining about the fact that the process was slightly unpleasant? Not even really painful mind you, just unpleasant. That smacks of being somewhat ungrateful to me."

'Incidentally, how long have they been outside my room?' She asked Nox silently.

'I informed them you were coming out, so about 5 minutes. I stopped them from entering earlier as you were…busy.' Nox replied straight into her mind.

"No. But you could've said something." Lilly said, her mood deflating a bit at Selendil's words.

"I did. I said the process would take a while and that you would be bedridden for that period of time. I somewhat expected that you would figure out there would be some side-effects during the process. Otherwise, why would you be staying in bed? Also, Khaemwaset was informed about the general process, which is why he wanted to monitor you. If you have complaints, you can address them to him." Selendil stated firmly, though Khaem had not been given the exact details either, just the general outline.

Mostly that was because the process affected people a bit differently.

"I told you it would end up like this. You owe me one." Amaterasu leaned towards Xiaoli with a small smile. The two were standing at the back of the gathered people. Xiaoli gave a small sigh.

"A bet is a bet. It was worth it seeing her put the cats back in their place. I told them they were being babies about the whole thing. No one ever listens." Nochehuatl, who was also nearby, gave a small hiss of sympathy.

"Well, the process was especially unpleasant for the furries. It's not hard for you to take a shower or sit on the toilet. The gunk was a bitch to get out of my feathers though, and I can't even imagine what it was like with fur. Still, I do agree. A bit of unpleasantness is nothing when compared to what we gained. I'm already feeling much better and from what Nox told me, this is only the beginning." Amaterasu made a dismissive grunt.

"I agree with Xiaoli on this. Selendil had no obligation to do this, and you all went through the procedure willingly. She only presented the option, which you all freely took. Frankly, I think it's a travesty that someone actually has the gall to complain after receiving this opportunity. They should be grateful."

"I think they are. They just don't know how to express it." Xiaoli stated.

"If it was just a small favor that they received, then it would be easy to say a simple thank you. It's somewhat hard to know how to behave after a life-changing favor like this. This is on the level of saving someone's life, if not even more important considering the long lifetime of benefits. They simply clung to a single detail that made sense to them and stood out. It's not exactly great behavior, but…" Selendil was also slightly losing her patience.

Yes, she had performed a little joke on them, but now the complaints were getting annoying.

"Did you actually have something or did you just come to whine?" That brought Moonshadow around. She was a diplomat after all, and the whole thing had gotten a bit out of hand. She had only meant to remind Selendil that the whole thing could've been handled better, but Lilly and the other Mrrroww that she had brought along had overreacted.

"Yes, we did have business. Or to be more precise, you said you had business with the Dashane. Well, they have started to return to the station in our absence. They've actually come with relatively large numbers."

"Excellent. You come along. Diplomacy is more your thing and you have experience with them personally." Selendil made a quick decision.

"Uhm, usually I'd be all for it, but I'm still adapting to the nanites. A bad timing, I admit and apologize. We could wait a few days for me to gain some strength back, or you can make contact without my assistance. I can give you a recommendation, but I don't know how much it would be worth. I suggest taking Amaterasu and Xiaoli along instead if you decide to go. Amaterasu can be diplomatic as well, while Xiaoli's personality should appeal to them." Moonshadow felt genuinely sorry.

This was only the second time she was called to really do her duty as the ship's diplomat, and she was not up to the task. Selendil looked at the two people mentioned.

"How about you two?" Amaterasu nodded.

"I'm always ready to act when you call." Xiaoli was a bit more careful.

"I personally feel fine, though the nanites seem to be making some changes to my mechanical enhancements as well, so I'm not sure how they will perform. I think I'm ok to come along, but I wouldn't want to take part in a fight."

"Good enough," Selendil grunted.

"I'll handle any fighting if there is to be any." Moonshadow interjected.

"Umm, there likely will be some fighting involved. Most meetings and deals with the Dashane involve some fighting at least."

"Well then. I'll look forward to it." Selendil felt better already.

"The Dashane can sense your arrival," Haven announced as they got on the station.

"They are gathering up, and it seems they're preparing for combat."

"Huh. I didn't think we were actually going to battle, but it seems I was wrong." Selendil made a surprised sound.

"I'm sorry, I was unclear. They're preparing for single combat, not battle. I'm almost certain they plan on challenging you to a sort of duel ritual." Haven corrected.

"I'm not sure if I should be glad or disappointed," Selendil muttered.

"The two are not mutually exclusive," Xiaoli suggested.

"What makes you say that they're preparing for ritual combat?" Amaterasu asked.

"They're building a ceremonial ring and a few of them are going through the sort of rites that I believe qualify as last rites for a hunter culture. Leaving final messages and the sort. They also brought along a shaman who's leading the whole procedure. They also have people waiting for your arrival." Haven listed off. There were a hundred small details that were left unmentioned as well.

'Master, I have some of the initial results for the analysis. These are very incomplete and only on one of the questions, but I thought you might want to know.' Nox sent a silent message to Selendil.

'Tell me.' Selendil prompted.

'So the first question is when or how these changes to the memories could've occurred. The only answer I can think of is just before you went to stasis. You were almost incapacitated by grief and the other Keepers that were still alive were channeling all their stored memories to you. Another Keeper could've done it during this time, or someone else might have been able to alter the memories when your guard was down.

The most obvious possibility is that one of the Keepers that was among the final people alive and thus had the most memories stored, altered the memories that were filtering through them. They could obviously alter memories that they were storing, even if it was only for a short time.' Nox explained. Her analysis was based on the fact that the memories and knowledge were not really designed to be passed from one Keeper to another en masse like was done at that time.

Keeper's sometimes died as well, so there was a process in place for passing on what they were Keeping, but that happened extremely rarely. The process was also usually gradual, and not a hurried dumping of information like had happened when the Keepers died from the plague. Some issues were almost to be expected.

"So theoretically, the whole thing could be something engineered by another Keeper?" Selendil was not sure what to think about that.