Chương 308: Unexpected

Camogie practice has been brutal. Coach has me practicing without the benefits of sorcery. And I'm mostly cooperating: I still channel bamboo, but only for the toughness and the growth potential. I've boosted my Stamina by another point thanks the harder training, and part of that is because bamboo is known for growing very fast. So channeling it gives me more benefits of exercise. It lets me do more activities in a single day, and also gives me more HP.

The downside is that bamboo's toughness is not like iron, steel, oak or even thunderbeast: it still smarts like a son of a bitch. Right now the league is still suspending all sorcery use from games. Some mysterious benefactor has supplied some very expensive sorcery-suppressing sigils to the league so that they can lock down the field during the match. This is all waiting on the results of an internal investigation and a conclave for reconsidering the text of their rules.

Until they get a ruling on that, the interim measure is to block all sorcery, and now I'm the weakest member of my team. Not by a lot, though. I've done some testing, and it seems like most of the hurlers on my side have about a Strength rating of 7, compared to my 6. I am fitter, stronger, and more capable than the average adult, plus my Stamina is actually disproportionately high now. I don't have the brawn, but I do have the wind and the drive, and I intend to catch up the rest.

So at this rate, I might get the upgrades I need by mid-summer, so I can hold my own. Conveniently, just in time for a bit of a Revolt. And speaking of rapiers, I am hurrying through my locker-room procedures so I can catch up to someone on the way back to the main campus from the sport fields. Even if it makes me look a little desperate, I pour on some of lightning's speed so I can meet her.

"Hi, Thumper," I say, utterly failing to be cool about this. Title of my autobiography.

"Oh hey Princess!" she said with a bright smile, bumping me with her shoulder.

"Always good to see you!"

"Speaking of seeing each other," I said with a smooth segue, "I didn't. See you, I mean. On Sevenday." She glanced towards the bell tower that was just hitting the hour now.

"Yeah. I got an invite to a demonstration expo at the palace complex, it was an all-day thing even without the carriage ride. I know how busy you are, especially on weekends, so I told Kurumi about it so you wouldn't worry."

"Well, I worried anyway," I admitted, my eyes dropped. Fascinating gravel this time of year.

"Maybe I would have wanted to go with you?" She still wasn't looking at me.

"I thought about it," she admitted.

"But you would have been surrounded by members of the royal family, and their people, the crowd there was really very pro-monarchs, and you've butted heads with them a lot."

"I wouldn't have made a scene!" I protested. I sounded a little too defensive I think. This time she did look my way, laughing a little.

"Whether you did or not, I think a scene would have been made. And as you've pointed out, you do love a good argument, and you do hate letting go of a good argument."

"Remembering the things I say and repeating them back at me in an unflattering context?" I gasped, my hand to my heart.

"How could you?!" That got a much better laugh out of her, and even a side-hug. It felt nice. But it did not get an apology.

"It would have been a tough time," she admitted.

"I heard a lot of unflattering things about you, princess, and I think if you'd been there it would have been a lot more. I had a hard time keeping my temper, and I don't think you would have had any easier. I was able to deflect some of it, stating your case, but it was a real balancing act. And you, let's be quite honest, can be a bit hotheaded." I bit my lip.

"Actually, I've done a lot to control my temper recently. It turns out that making spiritual communion with the essence of fire itself can be a real learning experience, resolving complicated issues."

"Oh," she said.

"I didn't realize." I start to react, but I pull back. This is the problem. Reacting in the moment, leading with my feelings. I get myself back together, then speak.

"Sorry, this is all going astray. I didn't mean this. I came over here because I wanted to say that it's important for me to be part of things with you. And to make amends for making you think otherwise." But also I'm realizing how much I haven't said to her. I didn't tell her about major events for me, things I've been looking forward to for years. I don't discuss the heavier aspects of my life with her. And that's on me. I like her, a lot, but how do I explain this without it seeming like I'm holding out on her.

Or, am I holding out on her?

"No amends needed, Princess," she chuckled.

"It's nothing like that. It was just a thing. I didn't want to be the cause of trouble for you. And I'm really happy that our time together is important to you too." I want her to understand that I can put my pride aside for her sake, I wouldn't pop off on anyone that wanted to talk shit.

"It would not have been trouble, though. We could have done this together. I know when to not argue."

"Are we arguing now?" she asked. I started to answer, stopped myself. Started, stopped. I was in a box, effortlessly. Can I convince her without proving her point? Can I show her that I can avoid disagreement by disagreeing with her? Stumped, I shut my mouth, walked alongside her, tried to think my way through this. She let me stew for another minute, before she let me off the hook.

"Don't take it like that, princess. All I'm saying is that things could have gone a couple of different ways. Maybe good, maybe bad. And I am pretty sure that not even your visions let you see enough to make a real promise. Mama Kuritan would call this a 'coulda shoulda woulda'. In debate, we just like to remind ourselves that you can never prove a negative." [Quest Checkpoint Failed: Improve a Negative. Decline: The Access] It seems like I cannot do that, either. I sat down and considered my tray.

A syrupy upside-down banana bread, peanut-butter truffles, and molasses-flavored oatmeal cookies. Elica cleared her throat.

"Based on the fact that you have foregone dinner to serve yourself three desserts, I'm going to guess that you're already in a bad mood."

"Are you about to improve that?" I said towards the truffles.

"Not this time," she said, far too cheerfully.

"Mail call." An envelope was set down next to my tray.

"Is there just something about seeing me down that make you want to start kicking?" I mused. Disconsolate. That's the word. Or inconsolable. Same root, they probably mean the same thing. Rinnie's voice piped up.

"I mean, it is kind of the perfect time to kick. Easier to reach."

"Thanks Rinnie," I said.

"You are always welcome, princess." Vancy spoke up.

"Well, if there is bad news, would you rather have it ruin a good day or make a bad day worse?" Larianne had her answer.

"For myself, if I'm already in a bad state, it can be perversely satisfying to just really wallow in it, you know? Just embrace the melancholy." I knew I could count on good advice from the goth girl.

"And honestly, even then it can be so exhausting to face so many changes," Elica offered.

"It is really discouraging if it feels like every time you're doing well something comes along to ruin it. It could almost make you want to not get good news! No, doubling up the bad news is far superior. Now come on and open it, I want to see what it says."

"Elica, are you trying to enjoy my misery like a sadistic spectator sport?"

"If I don't then you're having a bad mood and nobody gets to enjoy it, and isn't that just objectively worse?"

"Elica, you really are just the worst, you know that?" I found myself smiling despite myself. I turned over the envelope to see the return address and now I realize why it is that Elica is so very certain that this mail call is in fact going to ruin my mood. From the desk of Duke Mathew Harigold. Oh. My parents. It's not like I have not spoken to them. In the weeks after our big confrontation, I did make a few more trips.

I avoided mealtimes so as not to ruin any more events, but I would meet my father in his study or my mother in the gardens and we would talk some. Mostly business. Economic and military strategy from me, contacts and introductions from them. Sometimes we would try to make it more personable- civil and friendly, even if we never seemed to get back to the warmth that I would have liked. And that was part of why my visits had slowed down and tapered off.

But then, it hasn't been the same since I found out that the warmth of my childhood was mostly just an act for Nathan's sake. They had a real son and a fake daughter, but Nathan had adored me and so they tried to make him happy by including me. For his sake, I was given happy memories. Without him, I learned they had always been a lie. Oh yeah. It's a good thing that I wasn't ruining a good mood.

I opened the envelope with a silver blade that I conjured and then dispelled, and Rinnie accused me of showboating and performing. I took the pages out and gave them a look, with some dread already in my heart. I tried to brace myself for anything at all. After all, this is the first contact with them since I went to court, with very important outcomes. Time to find out if they're pissed about me supplanting their son's succession. -Dear Natalie -Before all else, I want you to know that we support you.

Let nothing else distract from that. -Your mother and I were surprised to hear that you were the new heir apparent, and there is actually a very amusing anecdote about that. I will have to let your mother tell the story when you next visit us, I could never do it justice in person let alone from my quill. I do have questions about the matter, but every time I have tried to write them it scans with the wrong tone and I just cannot seem to sort that out.

So I will hold my questions until we next speak in person and I can only hope that my words will serve me better then. -Your mother's winter garden has come along beautifully, she sends her effusive thanks and makes sure to mention you whenever guests praise the blooms. I regret to inform you that I've almost undone all your hard work of saving my life, because last week I very nearly wound up on the wrong side of a boar, by which I mean the inside.

It would have been an ironic end, given how many boars I've eaten in my time. Your mother is of the belief that the horses miss you, but knowing what I know of Pepper I think that animal only misses the taste of you. We do not 'own' that brute so much as we keep her in protective custody. And, if I may say so, it cheers me that every time I get news from Skydown Crossing, there is always some mention of you. What I learn about you from those messages makes me wish I had paid more attention to that side of you.

Next month, I have to beat the bounds with the new Earl Vemphan, we will be in the area. If possible, I would like to attend Sevenday services with you there. - Back to business for a moment, if I may. If you would like, I can elect a new coordinator for our House, the same role vacated by Sisa Wellen. You seem to be getting by well enough without, but I would be remiss if I did not offer. It would be a shame if you were being put out because you felt not to ask and I thought not to offer.

By all accounts you have your footing and have come into your own, so whoever we arrange would be learning your methods, should you wish. - There are many elephants in the room and I hope I can face them one at a time as delicately as I should. From the letters your brother sends, it is clear that there is tension between you two. He mentions a "stiffness" and a "chill", and he admits his own role in that.

I know you make your own decisions, but forgive a father who wishes he was better able to broker a good peace between you two. My fond hope is that this is growing pains as you both find your own way from the children you were to the adults you become. I would not want real hate between you two, not for all the world. And I have considered my words when I say this; I know that these are the stakes. The mission of your life is one to save all people.

But if I were to choose between saving the world or seeing my children come to enmity, I would hang the world. A world that can only be saved by turning you against one another is not worth having. - My next elephant is easier to address. And if there was not a small wager involved (a week's worth of fittings) I would not even have asked. Did you just want the succession or was it about the trial itself?

One of us thinks this was about getting the inheritance in the most official way, but we had heard about that trial and to the other of us it sounds like you were in a jam with only one way out. Only you can settle this. Thamsin insists that I do not tell you which of us is betting which side. She does not say that she thinks it would influence your answer but she cannot tell me any other reason not to tell you which of us backs which bet.

I am aware that I said I would not ask about this in writing but it's different if it's a wager. - I've kept a few notes of things to pass along. Cranberry replanting is going well, thank you for timely advice. The bandit activity around the old orchard belt is way down, they seem to have lost some significant sources of external support. Four new Adventurer's Guild halls have been built and populated, and over thirty minor outposts. The road from Aiveufo to Zhudten is nearly complete, no longer a mere cart-track.

Dame Wrybin just had her second child, she and Sir Wrybin keep arguing whose eyes she has, as if the two of them don't have nearly identical eyes. Those barracks you requested are nearly complete. I have been presented a portrait of you that I am told is a copy of one hung in a tavern in Broghton, it comes with a fascinating story and it does compliment your features. - My hand is cramping and Frednick just brought me a stack of grain allotments without sorting the oats from the wheats from the barleys.

Your mother commends all her best, I send all my best, and Hertyce is in a bad mood so rather than pass on verbatim I will tell you that she commends her best. - Your father, - Mathew"Dammit," I sighed.

"What is it?" Elica gasped, leaning in with her eyes bright. I folded the letter back up.

"Now I'm in a good mood again. This whole plan backfired."