Chương 77: The Wounds That Never Heal

Lin Che stood at the door with several shopping bags in his hand, looking at Su Yuqing in her pajamas with a complicated expression. Her soft "You're back" was tinged with a barely perceptible tremor.

The warmth he felt from her waiting, combined with the relief of knowing the misunderstanding was about to be cleared up, made him nod. His voice was as gentle as ever: "Yes, I'm back."

He stepped forward, lifted one of the shopping bags slightly to reveal a corner of the packaging inside, and said casually, "I bought some things, including your favorite blue cheese."

This seemingly casual remark, like a pebble thrown into a lake, created ripples in Su Yuqing's heart.

That was one of his clumsy ways of expressing his apology after countless arguments and reconciliations in their past lives; he had always... remembered the things he liked to eat.

But... I'm the one who did something wrong, so why did he do it?

Su Yuqing's eyes reddened almost imperceptibly, but were quickly overshadowed by deeper emotions. She didn't look at the bag of cheese, but instead lowered her head and stared at her toes.

"What are you doing standing here? It's windy outside." Lin Che said softly, reaching out to pull her inside. The narrow space of the entryway made them very close, and he could clearly see her slightly red eyes and tightly pursed lips.

Su Yuqing gently pulled her hand away from his, neither entering the house immediately nor looking up at him.

Lin Che knew that the core misunderstanding had been cleared up by Liuli's explanation, but he could also feel that although the dark clouds had dispersed, the aftershocks of the storm still lingered in her heart.

He thought for a moment, then took out his old cell phone from his pocket. He didn't unlock it, but just waved it in front of her. Her image was reflected on the screen in the dim light.

"Luo sent me a message," he said calmly, with an air of knowing that "I already know what happened."

"The misunderstanding has been cleared up, that's good."

He was trying to tell her in this way: You see, I know, it's over, we don't need to dwell on it anymore.

However, Su Yuqing suddenly raised her head, her beautiful eyes brimming with tears, her voice thick with nasal congestion and barely suppressed grievance: "No... it's not like everything will be alright once the misunderstanding is cleared up!"

She stepped forward, not to embrace him, but with an air of accusation and urgency, and grabbed Lin Che's shirt, as if she would collapse at any moment if she didn't hold onto this support.

"It's all my fault... I shouldn't have doubted you, I shouldn't have lost my temper with you, I shouldn't have..." Her voice choked with sobs, each word sounding like self-reproach, "I'm sorry, A-Che... I'm so sorry..."

Her apology was broken and hesitant, filled with genuine remorse. She regretted her impulsiveness, her suspicions, and the words that had slipped out and might have hurt him.

Looking at her tearful appearance, Lin Che felt a surge of pity. He didn't interrupt her, but let her clutch her clothes, allowing her to release her suppressed emotions.

"I know you didn't mean it." After she calmed down a bit, Lin Che spoke softly, "Everyone has moments when they get emotional. It's good that the misunderstanding is cleared up. I don't blame you."

"But..." Su Yuqing shook her head, tears streaming down her face like a broken string of pearls, "No, it's not just because of this misunderstanding..."

She finally mustered the courage to lay bare before him the unease that had been gnawing at her from the depths of her heart and had never truly dissipated.

"Ah Che, that unease in my heart... it seems like it's always been there." Her voice carried an almost desperate fragility.

"I'm always afraid... afraid that what happened in my past life will repeat itself, afraid that the happiness we finally have will be like a bubble, bursting at the slightest touch."

"I know everything is fine now. Dad is fine, Mom and Xiaoye are fine, and you are here with me. I should feel at ease."

"But I can't control myself... I see you deliberately keeping your distance from me. You always say we're like siblings, you chopped me in the hand, you refuse to get too close to me... Why weren't you like this before?"

She looked up at Lin Che with a confused expression, as if seeking an answer: "I know I'm being willful, I know you might just feel it's not right, but..." Her voice trembled with tears, "The more you act like this, the more scared I get..."

"I'm afraid you're kind to me only because of this family, only because you feel sorry for me and think I need to be taken care of, and not... not because..."

She choked up, unable to continue. She dared not utter the most crucial word—"love"—for fear of receiving a negative answer.

"I've even had wild thoughts," she sniffed, burying her face in his chest, her voice muffled, filled with deep inferiority and fear.

"Do you prefer younger, more innocent girls like Xiaoli... and find someone like me, whose mental age is almost that of an 'old auntie,' boring and troublesome...?"

Upon hearing the last sentence, Lin Che could no longer hold back. The heaviness and pity in his heart almost overflowed. He reached out and hugged the trembling, self-deprecating girl in his arms tightly, resting his chin on the top of her soft hair.

"Xiao Li is only a middle school student! What kind of nonsense are you thinking about?" His voice carried a mix of anger and heartache.

These words calmed Su Yuqing down a little. She pursed her lips and didn't say anything, but she didn't completely relax either.

Gently stroking her back, feeling the girl's body tremble, Lin Che's heart was filled with complex emotions.

He knew that the other person's unease was not unfounded, but stemmed from their respective scarred past experiences.

Yes, they were all victims in their past lives. Even if the people they care about in this life haven't left, the wounds left on their hearts are destined to never be completely healed.

Those traumas manifested in him as an almost obsessive protectiveness and a habit of bearing everything alone. He always wanted to shield all dangers and shadows from the sight of those he cared about, believing that this was the best way to protect himself.

What manifests in her is this insecurity that seems to be rooted in her very bones; she is afraid of being ignored and abandoned, and is overly sensitive to any abnormality, as if she could suffer the loss again at any moment.

Even now, he still believes that it was right to keep those things a secret. But what about her? Was it wrong for her to test the waters and overthink things because of her deep-seated fears?

Looking back now, it was these two similar yet completely different traumas that plagued them in their past lives, ultimately leading to the complete breakdown of their relationship.

At that time, in order to keep the old house, the family's savings were almost exhausted, and later, in order to treat his father's illness, he took on a heavy debt.

But he never told Su Yuqing about these things. He wanted to give her happiness and a comfortable life, instead of her living in that cramped rented room where she could only make cookies in a small oven.

To this end, he frantically took on projects and worked overtime to earn money, thinking that by working hard and bearing all the pressure alone, he could achieve his goal. However, he neglected the companionship and communication she needed most, and forgot to tell her how much he loved her and how much he wanted to give her a real home.

He remembered her calling time and time again, only to be hastily hung up by his exhaustion; he remembered that when he came home, the food on the table was always cold, and she had already fallen asleep with tears in her eyes.

I remember the apology and guilt that welled up in his heart, but he was always suppressed by exhaustion and pressure, unable to express it. That irreparable regret still pains him to this day.

His silence and avoidance might have been interpreted by her as evidence of indifference and alienation. She, on the other hand, had become sensitive and vulnerable due to the changes in her family and the pain of losing her loved ones, and was extremely insecure.

Any slight oversight could be interpreted by her as a sign that she doesn't love you.

In their past lives, neither of them was at fault. The mistake was that they were both wounded but didn't know how to embrace and heal each other. His protection turned into arbitrariness, and her unease turned into suspicion, ultimately pushing them both into the abyss of separation.

Now, is he going to make the same mistake again?

Thinking of all this, Lin Che felt as if he were being pricked by countless needles, the pain was excruciating. He tightened his arms slightly and held the girl in his arms even tighter.

He couldn't let the same mistake happen again. He had to let her know her importance in his heart, that his love had never changed, and had even become deeper and more steadfast because of being regained.

He had to let her know that he understood her unease; that he would dispel her fear; and that he would spend the rest of his life slowly healing her trauma.