Chương 182: Mental Privacy

After I gave Felix his breakfast, I sighed, and sat down.

"Is something wrong?" he said after seeing my expression.

"If there's something you need to talk about, just say it. You don't have to be nervous." He seemed almost expectant.

"I need to talk. Not just with you, but everyone," I said, after a moment. Felix nodded.

"If you really need advice or want to talk about something, we're here for you," he said. <Anise, Sallia, are you two awake? > he asked, before I could even steel my nerves. <I'm up, > said Anise, although she sounded a bit tired. <I had to wake up at a normal time, or my parents would have been suspicious. So I'm running on about two hours of sleep. It's very lucky that we could at least rinse off a bit after getting out of the sewer, by the way.

I think my parents noticed something, because my mom complained about the drains being backed up this morning. I don't think she noticed anything else, but I was very nervous. I took a really long bath this morning. > <What do you need, Miria? > asked Sallia. She also sounded rather tired. <It's a bit early to start chatting, don't you think? I'm still pretty sleepy from last night. > <I was testing out an ability I acquired from killing Aplos last night, and I accidentally invaded your mental privacy.

It wasn't intentional, and I backed out immediately once I realized what I had done, > I said. <But I did accidentally look into your thoughts, at least the ones concerning me. > I then proceeded to explain my new skill, what had happened once I used it, and that I had accidentally looked almost directly at everyone's impression of me. Felix paused for a few moments after I finished talking. <I will admit, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about someone looking at my thoughts, > he said.

<if it were a stranger, I would be deeply upset by this. However, you also immediately told us, and it's clear you didn't do it on purpose. > he said. <I.. also think that it might not be ideal if we're too weak to survive in a few lifetimes, and this skill sounds like it WILL make you more powerful. But at the same time, even if it's you, reading my thoughts is a bit… let me think for a while, > he said. <I personally don't mind much, > said Anise.

<I don't think it's that big of a deal if you see my thoughts about you. You don't see anything else, right? > <I don't, > I sent. <I don't have a problem with it then, > said Anise. <I don't really mind much if you see my thoughts about you, as long as you don't see anything else. There are some thoughts I'd like to keep private, but if you can ONLY see what I think of you… it's fine. What do you think the skill will actually give you power-wise?

> <I could probably get a mild boost to my healing abilities if I tap into one of the available images of me, > I sent, thinking about Anise's very warm-hearted impression of me. <I suspect it would also slightly change my personality to make me more warm-hearted and empathetic, but my Willpower can probably resist it. And honestly, if my Willpower doesn't resist those changes to my personality, I don't mind. I'm fine with those aspects of my personality being amplified.

> I thought about it for a moment, thinking about the other images of me. <If I tap into one of the other images, I can probably get better at sneaking and disguising, > I said, thinking about the impression of the soldiers. <I am not quite sure what that would look like in practice, but it should give me a variety of skills related to assassination and stealth. > Then, I thought of Felix's impression of me next. <If I tap into the second image, I suspect it will enhance my… strength of will, I think?

> I said, frowning. It was harder to interpret what abilities I might get out of Felix's impression of me, since he didn't seem to be as focused on specific abilities of mine as Sallia and Anise were. He had a strong impression of my drive to improve, but I wasn't sure what it would do for me in practice. Maybe it would give me more willpower stats instead of a new ability?

As for Sallia's impression of me, I was pretty sure that if I tapped into it I would get a boost to extinguish, or some sort of boost to my ability to protect my friends. Sallia's impression of me felt like it could feed into either one, since Sallia felt that I was very protective of my friends, and also felt that I was very dangerous once provoked. <I think the final one might give me a boost to extinguish, or some sort of shielding ability, but I could be wrong on that. > I said.

<Finally, if tap into the impression the soldiers have of me, I should be able to improve my stealth and disguise abilities, or my fighting abilities, I think? It's a little harder to figure out, since a lot of similar opinions are kind of jumbled together and they aren't as clear about who I am. > <How strong would each ability be? > asked Felix. <Equal to a basic grade ability or 15 stat points, > I said. <That's not very strong, > said Sallia. <It's not bad, but not amazing, either.

> Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. <I don't think it's too bad to get smaller passive abilities baked into your regular fighting style, > said Anise. <You can already extinguish… what, 20 or 30 people in a fight? > <Around there, > I said. <It depends a bit on their own health and age, too. but 20-30 is a good estimate. > <How big do you think the boost would be if you chose the extinguish ability, just to give us a point of reference?

> <I have no idea, > I said, frowning. <I think we're getting derailed, > said Felix. <The big question is how we should handle mental privacy. > <True, > said Sallia. <I personally don't know if I'm entirely comfortable with anyone looking through my thoughts. It's not that I don't trust you, Miria, and I think if you as my best friend. I don't feel the need to hide that. But at the same time, the idea of someone looking through my thoughts, even if it's you, is a bit… > <Perfectly understandable, > I said.

<You don't have to feel guilty about not wanting me to see your thoughts. The reason I brought this up is because I also felt like it was a violation of your mental privacy, albeit unintentional. > <I don't know how I feel about it either, > said Felix. <I mean, it's Miria, so I care less, but I still think I would prefer if it didn't happen. But throwing away a useful ability is also bad, given our overall situation. > <I'm fine with deleting the ability if you guys want it gone, > I said.

<But throwing it away is also wasteful, > said Felix. <And I don't want to slow down your growth, or weaken you. I mean, all of us are in this mess together. In a few lives, if we aren't strong enough to defeat whatever is guarding the lives in the Market, we're all dead. Wasting a potentially useful ability is dangerous for that reason, especially since the abilities you can get in this world are so limited without any real 'monster' species to hunt.

> <I might be able to get some Ocean abilities from killing animals too, > I said, frowning. <I doubt they'll give anything super useful, but they might still meet the minimum requirements to get me an ability. I don't know if this world has any bears or wolves, but I wouldn't be surprised if apex predators are still strong enough to give me something. > <Hmm… > Sallia said over the connection. <Look, > I said. <If you guys are uncomfortable with it, I'll just get rid of it. We can find other ways to be strong.

I don't want you to be upset that I'm peeking into your thoughts, even if it's only in a very limited way, and I honestly don't like invading your privacy. I'll just get rid of it, and we'll find another way. I just wanted to check what your feelings were on the matter, since all of us have at least somewhat different cultural backgrounds, and that sometimes leads to different impressions of the same thing. Now that I have confirmed you guys are uncomfortable with me seeing your thoughts…

> Before anyone else could say anything to talk me out of it, I took the skill from {Endless Hunger of the Ocean} and decisively deleted it. I was a little reluctant to see an easy source of attribute points or new abilities disappear so quickly. But I hated unintentionally reading the minds of my friends, especially if they were uncomfortable with it. It wasn't even that their thoughts were bad - it was just that it was a violation of their privacy, and it felt wrong to me.

I had been open to the idea that perhaps my thoughts about people reading other's thoughts were just my own personal belief - after all, the first life I'd had before joining the Market would inevitably influence my views on life and morality, even if I could barely remember it. But the reactions of my friends had indicated that it wasn't just a byproduct of my original culture. While Anise didn't mind, Sallia and Felix were clearly uncomfortable with me seeing their thoughts. And that was enough for me.

If I did something that made my friends uncomfortable, the best thing to do was admit it, apologize, and fix the problem before it happened again. It might make me a little less powerful, but power wasn't everything. After destroying the skill, I felt a weight that I hadn't even realized I had felt start to lift from my shoulders. I hadn't realized just how much the skill had bothered me until I made up my mind to remove it.

Once I destroyed the skill, it felt easier to breathe again, and some of the guilt I hadn't realized I felt started to lift from my chest. I felt better than before. <I've destroyed the Skill, > I said. <We'll find another way to grow stronger as time passes, but if you guys are uncomfortable with me having looked into your thoughts, even in a very limited way, I'll just remove it before it becomes an issue again.

Power isn't everything, and even though the skill would have made me a little stronger, I care a lot more about how you feel about all of this. > I saw Felix breathe a small sigh of relief, and some of the discomfort from his face vanished. However, he also looked a little bit regretful. He looked at me for a moment, and then opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something. He paused, and stared at me for a few more moments. Then, he stepped closer and gave me a hug.

"Thank you," he said.

"You've done a lot for us, and the skill could have made you stronger, and it might have made more sense to leave it around. But… I'm glad my thoughts are my own, even if I do consider you one of my best friends and I care a lot about you," he said. <I… admit that I'm happy with this decision, even if I think it might have been a bit foolish at the same time, > said Sallia. <I have really mixed feelings about this. I'm going back to sleep for now, but we'll talk more about this when I'm more awake.

> I simply smiled and nodded. <That sounds good, Sallia. Rest well! > I said. <It's your decision. I don't agree with it, but since Sallia seems happier this way, I suppose it's fine, > said Anise. <My parents are calling me to breakfast. I'll talk to you later. > I looked at Felix's relieved expression, and thought about how much less awkward Sallia had sounded once I had said that I had deleted the skill. And then, I smiled.

It might not have been the 'optimal' decision to delete the skill, but after seeing my friend's reactions, I knew that I had made the right decision.