Chương 119: Leaving

"Are you sure you want to come with us?" I asked Anise, for the third time. Honestly, I felt worried. Unlike Sallia and Felix, Anise wasn't a part of the Market. In other words, after she died, she would return to the ocean of souls, where her soul would try to search for rebirth. In that time, her memories would likely be lost, and much of her sense of self would disappear. Death wasn't completely the end for her, since her actual consciousness would be reborn, but it was still close to losing everything.

And if Anise died while following us into the wastes on the surface, I would be sad. I didn't want to think that my actions would get a friend killed. For Sallia and Felix, I wasn't too worried if they died: after all, we had accomplished most of the 'easy' stuff that we could do on this world, and any action we took to get more Achievement and gather more strength would require taking some risks.

Even if going back to the surface was reasonably likely to get us killed, it was also the best way I could think of to secure our long-term existence. Therefore, I didn't mind putting Sallia and Felix in danger from tagging along with me. But Anise was different. I wanted to think that after Sallia, Felix and I left this world, Anise would still be happily living on, becoming the best witch she could and working to live a happy life.

I didn't like the idea that she might die along with us if our journey into the wastes ended up killing us. Sallia, Felix and I had decided to look into those unusual ruins that the other group of adventurers had found the healing cube in. Even a well-trained, experienced group of adventurers had barely managed to make their way past the outer defenses of the area before being driven out. Currently, I felt it was a coin toss on whether the three of us would return or not.

However, heedless of my internal conflict, Anise nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm absolutely certain I want to come with you guys. You've been there for me my entire life, and I don't know what I would do without the three of you. If you three are going into the wastes again, I'm going with you," said Anise. Her four eyes glowed with determination, although I could also see a hint of tension in her posture as well. She was scared, but she still wanted to come with us. I felt a little warmth in my heart, but I also felt even more worried than before.

Was it a good idea to let Anise come with us? Was it a bad idea? I thought back to my mother in this life. I had always been worried that she would be overly controlling, and prevent me from doing the things I needed to do for my own long-term growth and survival. It wasn't entirely my mother's fault, since she didn't have all of the context related to what I was thinking and what I wanted to do.

However, it was also an undeniable fact that my mother had worried me for a while, since I hadn't been sure how to convince her that I needed to go to the surface eventually. I had spent much of my early years in this life thinking about how to manage my mother's worries and convince her not to hinder me. Did I really want to emulate her behavior, when I had found it very troublesome when I was on the receiving end? However, my situation was also quite special.

I was part of the Market, and had plenty of lives to experiment and try risky things. Anise did not have several lives where she could keep her memories and some of her Abilities intact from one life to the next. And she also wasn't attached to a massive timer that was quietly ticking towards her permanent, final death, unlike Sallia, Felix, and me. I spent a few minutes frowning, trying to figure out what I should do. Two different ideals for how I should treat my friends warred within me.

And eventually, I reached out and hugged Anise.

"Good to have you on board, Anise." I said. Every single word felt as if it stung me a little bit, but eventually, I decided that bringing Anise with us was the best option. Anise's eyes lit up with excitement. Even if I was worried that she would die, I also felt that trying to forbid her from coming along might result in something even more dangerous happening, like Anise trying to follow us from behind. However, the biggest reason that I decided to take Anise with us was because of my parents.

I was pretty sure they were dead, since there had been no sign of them for over a decade. It was almost entirely certain that they had been lost in the tunnels somewhere, never to be found. Perhaps they had been eaten by a monster, or starved to death in the tunnels, or got killed by the Orukthyri as they tried to flee. But I had no way of knowing for sure. I would probably never know what happened to them. And not knowing their fate hurt.

When I was going to sleep, I would wonder if Ruman or Jonathan was still alive somewhere, hoping that I would stumble across them and heal them. Or I would think about my parents, and wonder if they had died in horrifically painful ways, wondering if I would show up and save them. Sometimes, I would even think about my bratty older sister, and wonder if she was somehow alive, getting thirstier and thirstier as she wandered the tunnels forever… Each of them haunted my dreams and nightmares.

At the end of the day, I had no way of knowing for sure what had happened to them. All I was left with, and all I would have for the rest of my life, was my imagination. I would never have an answer. I didn't want Anise to feel the same way about the three of us. The four of us had spent most of this lifetime together as a group of four. I considered Anise the most important friend I had that wasn't part of our group of transmigrators, and Anise didn't seem close to any other groups of children apart from us.

In other words, we were her best friends in this world. If we disappeared, Anise would definitely be sad. If she received confirmation that we died, she might spend the rest of her life wondering if she might have been able to do something about it. If she didn't receive confirmation that we had died, she would spend the rest of her life wondering, the same way I wondered if my family was alive and well somewhere. As a transmigrator, my values about life, death, and emotions were probably a little messed up.

I didn't know if a regular person would consider my actions good or bad. But I wanted to respect the decisions of the people around me, and I didn't want Anise to spend the rest of her life wondering. So even though I was hesitant to let Anise walk into danger with the rest of us, I eventually decided that she could come too. I sighed, pulling myself out of my thoughts, and turned back towards Anise. If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.

"All right, the four of us will be leaving in a week or two. During the waiting period, spend some time with your parents. If we're unlucky, you might not be coming back, so you should spend some good time with them just in case. Apart from that, pack for a journey. We're going to be going a little light on water, since our entire group is comprised of spellcasters, so it's not too hard to get more water. And Sallia and I can take care of healing, so we don't really need to bring much medicine with us.

However, we still need food and tents, and especially ways to block the black sunlight from making contact with our bodies…" I started listing the more specific supplies that Sallia, Felix and I agreed on while Anise nodded. After that, we split up to spend our final week in Silver City before our departure. * A week flew by. The four of us spent some time with our families, if we had any family members.

Felix spent the last week of our time in Silver City almost entirely with his mother, getting in some quality family time. Sallia and I had no word of our original families, but we spent our time with Ella. We went to nicer restaurants in the city, eating everything nice we could. We listened to a few bards playing music at a tavern, had our first drinks of alcohol as official 'adults' in this world, and did everything else we could think of that sounded fun.

Anise, of course, got her parents to take some time off of their mushroom picking job, and spent some time with them. After that, we divided up the money we had saved up over the years. We put some aside to buy the best equipment we could think of, especially since it was possible to get access to some magic items in the city. Then, with the rest of the money, we set aside a good amount of savings for, Felix's mother, Ella, and Anise's parents.

It wasn't enough to make them incredibly wealthy, but it was definitely enough money for everyone to live comfortably for several years, at least. I liked to think that we were going to come back, and that the wealth I set aside for everyone wouldn't end up mattering. But adventuring in the wastes was dangerous.

In our first journey across the wastes, we had lost Felix's father to a creature I had no idea how to fight back against at the time, and that had been under the umbrella of Ella's protection and Felix's parents scouting for us. Finally, we got to purchasing magic items. Sallia, Felix, and I already had weapons and armor from our Market item slots, which saved us a great deal of money. We also had our {Sturdy Boots}, which would hopefully keep us from getting impacted by minor terrain issues.

However, the tents we had used during our first journey across the wastes had deteriorated over the past decade and a half of disuse, and we also needed a great deal of food. After stocking up on rations and tents, we realized that we had quite a bit of money left, so Sallia ultimately ended up purchasing a magic item called a Crystal wand. It was a wand capable of casting the fourth circle spell: diamond skin. Of course, it was a magic wand, meaning it wasn't really a proper magic item.

Unlike the ancient magic items of old, it didn't repair itself, and had no way of supplying itself with energy: anything the wand did would be taken from our own magic reserves, and it could also break if it got bent too much or exposed to dangerous attacks. However, since Sallia, felix and I couldn't cast fourth circle spells, but had the essence reserves for them, we decided that the wand would supplement our party well.

Sallia ended up carrying it, since 'Diamond Skin' would bring her defensive abilities up significantly, and coupled with her incredible Fortitude Stat, she would probably be able to shrug off the attacks from many monsters in the wastes. With what remained of our money, we got Anise kitted out, since she had no access to Market items, unlike the rest of us.

She would have to actually carry her items, instead of just dematerializing them, but we had done our best to make sure she wasn't underequipped compared to the rest of the group.

"Are you four really going to go?" asked Ella, on the day we were supposed to leave. I hesitated, and then nodded.

"Even after Felix's father died on the surface, and you nearly lost access to your legs?" Ella gave me and Sallia questioning looks.

"We have a decent life here. I can find a new set of students to teach, and you and Sallia are well liked in the city. Two healers provides the city with a lot of medical options that most cities don't have, especially since Miria has an easy time healing long-term injuries. You should be fine on money, right?"

"We have a pretty good amount of money tucked away," said Sallia. She left out the part where we had put aside most of our money for her, as well as Felix's mother and Anise's parents. I didn't want Ella to worry about us even more, and if she knew that we were making plans for our potential deaths, I felt she would be even more worried.

"Then why?" asked Ella.

"The surface is dangerous. You aren't poor, the way I was when I went to the surface, and your attunement gives you completely different options." I thought about the future worlds we would go to, and hesitated. I didn't know how to explain why we were going to the surface. Sallia, however, had her own response.

"It's because of the black sun, and our home," said Sallia. For a moment, she looked into the distance, and sighed.

"Our species is dying, Ella. It's not fast, and it's not immediately obvious, but our species is dying." Ella stopped talking, and glanced at the tunnels in the distance. They were far away from the fort we were standing near, but it was still possible to see them in the distance. Unblockable. Indestructible. Ancient. And connections to a hostile world of monsters.

"Every century or so, another city falls," said Sallia.

"I checked the historical records, and while cities are occasionally reclaimed, it's much less common. We don't know how to make magic items, our spellcasters can only dream of the old days where spellcasters considered fifth-circle wizards and witches apprentices, and we can't even modify our own living spaces, because the second Orthan empire made it basically impossible for us to mess with the caves we live in. If nothing ever happens, I don't know if there's a future for our species at all.

It may not come today, or even in a century, but if nothing changes, sooner or later there won't be any Orthanoids left." Ella paused, looking at Sallia and I incredulously.

"I don't know if magic items can change things, but I think it's the best path forward our species has. If we can just rediscover how to make real magic items… maybe there's hope?" said Sallia, shrugging. Ella laughed bitterly.

"You're thinking a lot more about this than I did when I became an adventurer. I just wanted to eat, and in the back of my mind, I had thoughts about glory, and becoming someone respected and important… fine." She sighed. Then, she hugged Sallia and I.

"Go out into the wastes. But come back to my side afterwards. I've taken care of both of you for long enough that you're practically my daughters. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if you made it back okay. I'm too old to go back to the surface these days, but the two of you better not leave me alone in my old age." she cracked a grin at us, although she seemed to be forcing herself. Then, she stepped closer to Sallia and I, and hugged us both.

I hugged her back fiercely, and felt my eyes grow a little hot. Even though I knew that going into the wastes was the best option for us, leaving Ella behind felt bittersweet. Then, Ella placed a small trinket into my hand. It was a small stone carving of a creature that looked kind of like an eight-legged dog with two heads. It had a foolish grin on its face. I glanced at it quizzically, wondering what it was.

"It's a lucky charm," said Ella.

"My mother said it's a carving of a pet that used to be popular before the Dawn of the Black Sun. It watched over me during my adventures in the wastes. Now it's time for it to watch over you." I looked at the carving of an animal, and then leapt up and gave Ella another, tighter hug.

"Make sure to bring it back to me," said Ella, launching as she hugged me back. I nodded. Then, the two of us left. A few minutes of walking later, we met up with Felix and Anise.

"Are you ready?" I asked Anise, Felix, and Sallia. Anise shuffled nervously, and then tugged at her new armor, and then nodded.

"Then let's go." And so, we took our first steps back into the wastes, after over a decade and a half of training and preparing. It was hard to say whether we would come back as heroes, ushering in a new era of magic items and ideas, or if we would never return at all.