Chương 4: 004

2000"I'm sorry, Nikolas," Mrs. Faren said again, her voice trembling. Her eyes shone the same way they had since she and her husband sat me down an hour ago.

"I really wish we could keep you, but this baby-. We didn't think we could have one at all, and we just… we can't afford two children." She handed me my bag. It was light, everything I owned crammed inside. Most of it had been gifts from them when I'd first arrived. Welcome home, wrapped up in bright paper and good intentions. I set it at my feet, my practiced smile already fraying at the edges.

"It's fine," I said.

"You told me from the start you wanted biological kids. I knew this was a possibility." They had insisted it wouldn't happen, of course. Swore up and down that Mr. Faren was sterile. That a baby was impossible. But the small, nagging instinct I'd had since the beginning had been right. Again. Staying with them would've been nice… but as usual, my luck was garbage. At least something good would come of it. A baby would be born into a loving, happy family. … Was it bad that I was a little jealous? Mr.

Faren grimaced, eyes dropping to his hands.

"You're a good kid, Nikolas. You'll get adopted in no time." I barely swallowed a scoff. We all knew that wasn't true. I wasn't cute and wide-eyed anymore. I'd aged out of the stage families actually looked at. I hadn't expected anyone to take interest in me, least of all a couple as kind as them. Too good to be true. And surprise, surprise–it was. I turned away before my mask slipped completely, breathing around the knot choking my throat.

"Sure." Hell, I'd kept them at arm's length for this exact reason, hadn't I? Four long months of caution, just so it wouldn't hurt as much when the other shoe dropped. And naturally, the moment I started to believe their promises of home, something like this had to happen. It never failed. New baby. Money trouble. Something worse. Always the same ending. I should've remembered that. Should've never let myself hope.

"Goodbye," I murmured.

"Thanks for the nice four months." I kept my eyes fixed straight ahead. Silence stretched for a moment, then the car pulled away, leaving me alone in front of the group home once more. It hadn't changed. Same faded siding. Same cracked roof tiles. Same weight settling in my chest as I stepped closer. Ms. Rufes stood on the steps, wearing that familiar pity-eyed expression that slid under my skin like a knife. Her black-and-gray hair was pinned tight in a bun, hands wringing slowly at her waist.

"Nikolas…" I looked away. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

"I'm going to my bed," I muttered.

"If it's still available." She nodded quickly.

"It is." Her tone brightened a notch.

"The other children will be delighted to see you again, especially little Lucy. She's been asking about her 'big brother.'" Something loosened in my chest. My stiff smile softened into something real.

"She's still here, huh?" Unfortunate, but not surprising. Most people wanted children Lucy's age. But one look at her scars and… Heat flashed through me, sharp and furious. Idiots. Every single one of them. Lucy was sweet and eager and brave. Deserving of a family who saw more than marks on her skin. That so many couldn't… Ms. Rufes sighed, pity creeping back in.

"Yes. She had a meeting this week, but it didn't go well. She's been upset, but I think seeing you will help." I shoved the anger down and breezed past her up the stairs.

"I'll check on her after I put my things away." Wouldn't take long. It never did. The boys' dormitory door glared back at me, scratched, worn, almost smug. Back again? What'd you expect? I tamped down the irritation, shoved the door open harder than necessary, and stepped inside. Rows of beds lined the walls, empty for now, their owners scattered elsewhere. Relief loosened my shoulders. Muscle memory carried me to the last bed beneath the window.

I knelt, shoved the frame aside, and lifted the loose board hidden underneath. My alcove waited exactly as I'd left it. The wooden slate inside was smothered in chalk marks, so many white lines the brown surface barely showed. I picked up the lone stick of chalk beside it and added one more tally, not bothering to count. I didn't need to. Fifty. Counting the Farens, I'd been through fifty failed adoptions. That didn't even include fosters. Or meetings that fizzled into nothing.

And here I'd thought forty-nine was the charm. Hey, kid. Everything alright? You sound down. Karma's voice rang clearly through my head, warm and familiar. A light in the dark that I clutched onto greedily. Yeah… I answered. The Farens are having a baby and had to drop me back off. Just dealing with the usual fallout. My gaze drifted back to the slate. Fifty returns. More than triple the years I'd been alive. Not a pleasant thing to consider. A low, rumbling growl echoed through my skull. Idiots.

Every last one of them. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the day I find you, kid? You're getting adopted. On the spot. It was a nice thought. But… You're just a voice in my head, I reminded her gently. Probably some disorder with a name too long to remember. I don't think the legal system would let you adopt me. They'd probably escort me straight to a padded room if I ever mentioned Karma. Still… Even if she was just something my mind had made during the worst years of my life, she was someone to talk to.

And right now? That was enough.