Chương 43

Pete Takes on a Palace Following the yetis proved to be a rather difficult task. Their white fur was the perfect camouflage, and they moved through the blizzard with a grace that belied their size. Thankfully, the pursuit didn't last long. As we drew nearer to their destination, the blizzard weakened, the snowfall fading to little more than a light flurry. We found ourselves standing before an enormous palace. A pretty damn fancy one, with turrets and spires and everything.

Oh, and the bloody thing was carved from ice. It was surrounded by an imposing wall, the only entrance a large gate at the front. It was open, and we watched the retreating yetis stream through it. They were so traumatised from their encounter with me and Rel that they didn't even think to look back to see if they were being followed. I reached down to touch my side and winced when my fingers brushed my bruised ribs. The wince then reminded me that my jaw wasn't in great shape either. The cheap-shotting bastards.

I wouldn't have complained if it was a fair fight. But sneaking up on me in the middle of a blizzard, cracking me across the face, and then the whole gang laying into me like I was a piñata at a kid's birthday party? Nah, I don't think so. Avatar's Judgment appeared in my hand.

"Pete, if you're about to do what I think you're about to do, I just want to say one thing…" said Rel.

"I'm so proud of you." I grinned at him and raised the warhammer, bringing it around in a sweeping arc. I mentally triggered the ability.

"MEGA HOT AIR ATTACK!"

"Pete," said Rel flatly.

"Please don't ever say that again." I was about to explain why the name was actually inspired, but my words trailed off as I witnessed my ability do its thing. The results were… beautiful. A violent rush of superheated air raced towards the palace. It met the outer walls first, the structure of ice surrendering immediately to the outrageous heat. The wave of heat pressed on eagerly, crashing into the walls of the palace so enthusiastically that it almost felt a little personal.

Maybe Pyroth and the boss of this chamber were beefing? Maybe the weapon just took great satisfaction at melting shit? Either way, the results were well beyond what I'd expected. The violent clash between hot and cold caused a hissing, roiling cloud of steam to erupt, and the palace was lost from sight. I glanced down at the warhammer.

"Huh," I said.

"This thing packs a punch." Rel held out an expectant paw.

"Pass it here." I handed it over and watched in fascination as he ran his eyes over the runes carved into the head. He muttered under his breath, tracing a claw delicately along the intricate patterns. They seemed to respond to his touch, flashing a little brighter where he made contact.

"Hmm," he said.

"The quality of the inscription is excellent – whoever did this knows their stuff." He pointed out a particular rune.

"You see this? It's a strength conduit rune. It draws directly on the user's physical strength and uses it to empower the runic formation." They all just looked like squiggly lines to me, but Rel seemed pretty passionate about it, so I nodded along and went ' hmm' at what seemed like the appropriate times.

"From there the energy is routed into this thermal conversion rune," he continued, his claw moving to the next one.

"It converts the power into heat."

"Is it possible to change it so it draws on a different stat to power the weapon?"

"Yes," he said, a small grin tugging at his lips. However, he chose not to elaborate, instead indicating a third rune.

"And this is the wind propulsion rune. It takes the heat generated by the thermal conversion rune and unleashes it in a powerful blast of air." Magical jargon aside, it made sense. The warhammer drew on my strength to power the runes. One generated heat and another the powerful wind that carried it. I gestured to the other runes etched into the weapon.

"What about these?"

"Those runes regulate the flow of power. If the wielder has more strength than the formation can handle, the excess is siphoned away to prevent overload." He swung the warhammer through the air a few times, a thoughtful expression on his face. This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

"It's an impressive weapon, but it's little more than a tool designed to fulfil a specific purpose. It possesses no capacity for flexibility." His voice had taken on a distant, almost trance-like quality. Slowly, he raised a paw, and a warm breeze began pouring from his palm. It quickly grew in intensity until it was a howling gale, the heat of it causing the snow on the ground to hiss as it surrendered.

"I can see the runes in my mind – feel them, even – and that understanding allows for a certain level of creativity." The gale continued to grow in intensity, but the temperature suddenly plummeted. My earlier attack had turned much of the snow on the floor around us into steaming slush, but when Rel's spell passed over it, it froze solid once again.

"The wind propulsion rune directs the energy in a straight path, which is perfectly adequate for most situations. But what if that's not quite what's required?" The direction of the wind suddenly shifted, beginning to swirl as snow was swept from the floor and dragged into its orbit. The speed grew and grew until a howling tornado tore across the courtyard. Rel lowered his paw and the spell failed, the tornado unravelling as the energy that held it together faded away.

"Rel," I said, shaking my head softly.

"How the fuck do you know any of this? Until six months ago, you lived in a forest. Hell, you only recently learned your first spell."

"I…" he began, but then fell silent. He turned away as he worked through whatever was going on in his mind. His eyes widened. I followed the direction of his gaze and saw that the cloud of steam shrouding the palace had lifted. I swore softly under my breath. The lower sections of the palace walls had been devastated by my Mega Hot Air Attack. The only evidence they'd ever existed was a vast pool of slush spreading across the courtyard. Half-melted chunks of ice floated on the surface.

For a moment the enormous palace just stood there. It reminded me of that moment in a film when someone gets shot, but it takes them a few seconds to realise what's happened. You know what I mean – they glance down, confused, as the blood spreads across their shirt. They touch it, disbelieving, eyes widening when their fingers come away red. Then they have that ' oh shit, I've been shot' moment and collapse. The palace was currently going through something similar.

It hadn't quite realised yet that there was almost nothing left holding it up. And then reality sank in. The walls gave way, folding inwards. I watched in fascination as one of the towers, almost as if it were happening in slow motion, toppled over. It fell, gathering speed as gravity took hold, before crashing down the side of the collapsing structure and breaking apart into enormous chunks of ice.

"Well," said Rel, his eyes never leaving the unfolding destruction, "I'd say that went rather well." Holy shit. I'd expected to maybe take out the outer walls and clear a path to the gate. I didn't think the ability would bring the entire palace crashing down. As I gazed at the enormous mountain of shattered ice, I had a disturbing realisation. I was rather proud of myself. Clearly I'd been spending too much time with Rel; his slightly unhinged appetite for destruction was rubbing off on me.

"The quest hasn't completed though," he said, "which means the boss must still be in there somewhere."

"What?" I said, a little dazed.

"Oh shit, yeah. You're right. I wonder if they're going to be pissed that I destroyed their home." He looked at me. At the mountain of ice. Back at me.

"I suspect 'pissed' might be an understatement of epic proportions." As if in confirmation of his words, a figure burst out of the rubble and shot into the air, leaving a trail of mist in her wake. She hovered over what remained of the palace, staring at the ruins in disbelief. Her body was concealed within flowing robes of midnight blue, leaving only her face visible. It was framed by long hair as white as snow.

Her skin was silver and looked as if it had been carved from polished crystal, glistening as it caught the cold light of the chamber. She stared at the remnants of her palace for a few moments longer, her eyes narrowing as she began to scan the area – no doubt looking for whoever was responsible.

"You!" she snarled as her gaze fell on us.

"You animals! My babies were inside the palace – you've murdered them!" Her babies? Was she talking about the fucking yetis? The ten-foot-tall monstrosities who'd tried to rearrange my internal organs?

"Lady," I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Your babies were complete assholes. They sucker-punched me and then kicked the ever-loving shit out of me."

"They just became a little overexcited sometimes. They were playful creatures who didn't have a mean bone in their bodies! They'd have stopped before they really hurt you."

"Before they really hurt me? Tell that to my jaw and my ribs!" Just as she was about to launch into another insane rant, the words already on the tip of her tongue, she suddenly froze, her eyes locking onto the miniature warhammer in Rel's hand. She spluttered and started waving her arms erratically.

"I- I- sh- should ha- have known," she hissed, her anger apparently robbing her of the ability to form coherent speech. She took several deep breaths, then let it all out.

"You're in league with Pyroth! I should've known that wretch was behind this. He's a miserable, bitter old man who's always been jealous of my precious children!"

"What the fuck is going on?" I whispered.

"I think she's lost her mind." Rel shrugged.

"You could say that about every boss on this Floor," he said.

"They should rename it The Gauntlet of Dysfunctional Assholes." She was still ranting, explaining in great detail that Pyroth had once asked for her hand in marriage, but she'd turned him down because of his 'fiery temper', and that ever since he'd been trying to get his revenge.

"How long do you think she can keep this up for?" The answer was apparently a long time.

"Right," I said, my patience as dead as the yetis.

"Pass me the warhammer. I saw something in a film once that I've always wanted to try. There were several people back at my old company I'd have loved to do it to, but alas, I'm far too pretty for jail." I squinted as I eyed the frost queen, trying to judge the distance. It didn't help at all. I'd just have to trust in my agility-enhanced coordination and hope for the best. I leaned back, shifting my weight onto my back leg.

Then I drove forward, the ground crumbling beneath my foot as I hurled the hammer with every ounce of strength I could muster. It turns out I could muster a lot of strength. One second she was hovering in the air, her mouth working harder than an ' African prince' trying to convince a technologically-inept old lady that she'd just inherited ten million dollars. The next, there was a hole in her torso big enough to stick my head through. Her magic failed and her body began an undignified descent.

Apparently, her mouth had not received the memo that she'd been punched clean through by a warhammer, and it was still moving. Thankfully, the words were no longer audible. Her body landed amongst the mountain of ice, slipping through the cracks and vanishing from sight. I raised my hand, feeling rather smug, and willed the warhammer to return to my grip. Apparently, it didn't have a rune for that, and a moment later there was a thunderous crash as it collided with the wall at the far end of the chamber.

"Well, I hope you enjoy a good search," said Rel, "because that's two things you're going to have to find. Wake me when you're done." With that, he floated into the air and resumed his 'relaxing in an invisible hammock' pose. A few moments later, his breathing slowed and he began snoring softly. If it wasn't so damn cute, I'd have been tempted to launch him after the warhammer.