Chương 79: [Not It]

Sam leaned forward with a curious expression. They needed a way out of this and he thought he had just the thing.

"So what else did you find in the shop? You said there were a few things, what did you—""Oh that's a good point actually, we got Gladiators, which is—""That might work on Rika here," Torren said, "but don't expect it to work on all three of us." Rika looked at Torren then at Sam.

"What do you me... oh. Oh thats not very nice Sam. And what do you mean that might work on Rika?! Are you saying I'm stupid or something?" She gave the two her best angry look, which looked more cute than anything.

"Of course not, Rika dear. Just that your curious nature can sometimes get the better of you."

"Why don't I believe you?" Torren smiled and said nothing. Five UIs opened while Rika grumbled. [Leo] someone please tell me how this became my problem [Sam] Don't look at me, Parmo should have dealt with this in the charity shop [Leo] Yeah, dude wtf? [Phil] Yeah, if you handled it earlier when it was just Rika it would have been fine... [Parmo] Oh don't even, I had to explain GILFs to them the other day, I'm not explaining this as well.

I just want to go to sleep [Sam] Man, all you had to do was say its about kinky sex [Parmo] I didn't even pick it up. She grabbed a box at random and it was 50 shades. I panicked, ok? [Phil] You fucking idiot [Parmo] Yeah, cos you'd be cool explaining the plot to Rika of all people in the middle of a shop. People would have looked at me like I'm trying to take advantage or something. Fuck that [Leo] Well yeah fair enough, still though. You could have just told her to take it home and we'll lend her the DVD player.

They would have thought we're perves but at least we wouldnt have had to deal with this in person [Sam] Yeah [Phil] Yup [Luka] Idiot [Leo] So, yeah this is on you [Parmo] Nah man, if I have to do it, I'm accusing you of all loving this movie more than LOTR In the room the conversation had gone quiet. Rika looked between them, frowning. They were all sitting there looking at various points with dazed looks, occasionally shifting. Shai's ears moved.

"So," Rika tried.

"The film. What's it—""It's complicated to explain," Phil said.

"How complicated."

"Very."

"Try."

"It's just. It's one of those things that's hard to put into words." Rika looked at him. Then at Parmo.

"Brandon? What's going on?" Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

"Nothing. We're just thinking about how to explain it."

"You've been thinking for quite a while."

"It's a complicated film." [Phil] someone say something she's staring at me [Leo] then say something [Phil] I'm not explaining this [Sam] Try to change the conversation or something [Phil] Go on then [Luka] this is actually kind of funny from where I'm sitting [Parmo] if I have to go down I'm taking every single one of you with me I mean it Torren leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

"You know," he said, "if it's something you're embarrassed about having watched, we won't laugh. We promise." [Phil] TORREN NO [Leo] oh god [Sam] this is so much worse now [Luka] wait why is it worse [Sam] because now they think we've all watched it [Phil] THIS IS YOUR FAULT [Parmo] how is this my fault [Phil] YOU BROUGHT IT HOME [Parmo] We didn't even bring it home, I saw Sara and Davan and distracted her with them sneaking about. We left it at the charity shop.

I thought I'd done enough [Leo] Clearly not [Sam] you know what makes this even worse, if you hadn't pulled that shit with anime and sex being a thing, we could say oh its a sex thing and the conversation would be off limits [Phil]... [Leo] he's right actually [Parmo] Yeah, this is more youre fault than mine. You can handle it [Phil] Nah, don't even try to slither out of this Parmo"Stop using the chat to think of a way of not telling us. The longer you go on the more she's not going to take no for an answer.

You know that right?" Shai looked from the five lads to Rika, who was watching them expectantly. Leo looked at Shai, the rest of the lads looked anywhere but at the three of them.

"How did you—" Leo started.

"You were murmuring." She looked at him, then at Parmo.

"You were mouthing the words." Her eyes moved across the other three.

"And those three have been reading thin air for the last five minutes." Torren sat back slowly.

"That's what felt off," he said. Rika looked at all five of them. Then at Shai. Then back at them.

"Brandon..." she said.

"I would expect this sort of behaviour from Phil. But not you." Phil looked over.

"Excuse me? Are you saying you'd expect me to try and distract you or something? Why me?"

"Yes, and because you're the one most likely to think you could get away with it." Rika said simply.

"That's—" Phil looked at the others.

"Really?" The others laughed.

"She's not wrong mate," Sam said.

"Wow. Okay cool." Phil turned back to Rika, leaning forward, face looking aggrieved.

"I think that's a tad harsh actually, I think we should talk about this, I don't like this blatant mischarac—""That's not going to work Phil," Shai said, without looking up from her mug. Phil closed his mouth.

"Might as well accept one of you is explaining this movie, like it or not. We're not going anywhere til you do." Said Torren. [Leo] not it [Sam] not it [Luka] not it [Phil] not it [Parmo]... Fuck. You're all horrible people The others were looking at him.

"You started this," Leo said.

"It's on you to fix it, dude." Parmo looked at the ceiling. Then at the floor. Then at Rika and Torren and Shai sitting across from him. I explained what a GILF magnet was. How the fuck am I having to explain this as well. I wonder if I can fake passing out from lack of sleep...

"Right," he said with a sigh.

"So. 50 shades of gray." He explained it. He kept it as brief as he could, which wasn't brief enough. He used the most neutral language available to him, which wasn't neutral enough. He watched Rika's face go from curious to confused to a shade of pink that deepened steadily as he kept going. Shai had put her mug down at some point and wasn't looking at him anymore, her ears pressed back, the tips a colour that had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

Torren had started out leaning forward with polite interest and was now sitting very straight with a look that suggested he was revising several assumptions about the world. Parmo finished. He was met by silence. Rika broke it a moment later.

"Why do people on Earth do things like that. How weird are you all."

"Don't look at us," Leo said immediately.

"I haven't even seen it," Sam added.

"None of us have watched it," Phil said.

"It's mostly women that like it."

"Rika found it in a charity shop," Parmo said.

"It wasn't even me that picked it up."

"This is kind of on you three for forcing us to explain. Why do you think we were avoiding it?" Luka said. Shai shot Leo an accusing look. Leo found something on the table very interesting all of a sudden.

"I mean," Torren said, working through it carefully, "if the people involved are happy and nobody is being hurt then I don't really see what the issue is." Rika turned to look at him.

"Torren?!"

"What? It just seems like a reasonable—""Wow. I thought I knew you."

"I'm only saying that—""I'm surrounded by perverts..." Torren looked at her. Then at the lads, who were all carefully not making eye contact with anyone. Then back at Rika.

"Let's change the conversation." he said.

"Oh, now it's okay?" complained Phil. Luka stood up and announced he needed a drink. Sam agreed. Phil was already up. Leo took the opportunity to escape to the kitchen. Parmo stayed exactly where he was. He was done with this and was having his nap, regardless of whatever else came up. Rika sat for a moment longer, looking at nothing in particular.

"I still want a phone." She said eventually.

"I know," Parmo said. She nodded and went to find the others. Parmo closed his eyes. He was asleep five minutes later.