Chương 102: 3.27 There must have bean a better pun somewhere here

Irwyn dropped by Elizabeth's office to announce his departure, then was on his way. For all he had only been to the orphanage once before it was not too far away and Irwyn remained somewhat familiar with the streets of Ebon Respite - despite all the recent changes there were enough small landmarks for him to navigate. He hesitated to walk through the front as to not startle Kalista, though ultimately decided that he was not completely unannounced, given his promise of visiting again soon.

They would probably need to do some scheduling for the future though. He quickly went through the main entrance and past the hallway that led into the communal area. Heads turned to him but the children and the few adults seemed to recognize him.

"Irwyn!" Kalista exclaimed as soon as he entered, waving his way. She was sitting in the corner, sharing a dish with Rainer. Looking around Irwyn spotted only Waylan from their closer group who did spare him a wave but seemed otherwise occupied playing cards with a gaggle of children just about reaching early teens.

"Kalista, Rainer," Irwyn nodded a greeting as he approached the indivisible pair. Kalista was smiling radiantly even with her blindfold, though Rainer seemed a lot more sour. Irwyn could not help but notice how Kalista triumphantly received a handful of coins from him as he had been approaching.

"On when I return?"

"I expected the evening," Rainer sighed.

"Everyone else was on yesterday or tomorrow. Maxim is actually off to work and Aaron is rather… preoccupied is an accurate word. He won't be available for a few more hours unless it's something really urgent."

"Then I might use that to borrow Kalista for a moment," Irwyn nodded.

"Don't get jealous, dear," Kalista sent Rainer an exaggerated air-kiss, standing up. They went over to the side room in the entrance hallway, mostly because it was the only private spot Irwyn knew in the building. Then he summoned his penetralia.

"I did get you these," Irwyn took out the glasses.

"You think they will work?" she immediately understood.

"They might," Irwyn shrugged. The pair seemed unenchanted to him but he didn't think Alice would hand him a dud. It was probably more the material than magic.

"Alright, let me," she nodded, then turned away from Irwyn. The blindfold came off, quickly replaced by the new accessory. When that was done Kalista began to slowly turn until. She was hesitant for obvious reasons but did not flinch away and eventually, she came to face Irwyn.

"Huh," she smiled.

"It does work."

"More than expected," Irwyn nodded, making eye contact. There was one more distinct visual change he noticed.

"Your eyes look normal again, at least through the lenses."

"Really?" she paused.

"How does that make any sense? The color change is literally physical."

"Maybe it isn't?" Irwyn guessed. Their honing was not magic but it had be drawing that power from something.

"I don't actually understand how the spectacles work. I can ask."

"Please do. This is great," Kalista grinned, then rolled her eyes as hard as feasible… now that she could again.

"Especially since I was afraid the eyes might be more noticeable than the blindfold."

"Yes, the iridescent sheen was quite striking from what little I could glimpse last time," Irwyn nodded.

"Mortal words, please Irwyn."

"Iridescent is not even that abnormal."

"Sure," she said while tilting her head in a way that very much said 'not really'. And rolling her eyes, of course.

"Multicolored, changing from different angles," Irwyn grumbled.

"Unfortunately, I have already forgotten the magic word itself," she gave him an exaggerated sign.

"That makes the definition less useful."

"You know, willful ignorance is not a virtue, right?" he scoffed lightly.

"Tell that to my eyes," she immediately shot back, rolling them again clearly relishing it could be seen.

"And about the mage thing?"

"Mage thing?" Irwyn frowned. Then realised that he had been supposed to ask Elizabeth about the education system, given one of the young Tears did seem to possess a bit of magic.

"Oh, I… may have forgotten to ask."

"Huh," she grinned suppressing a chuckle.

"What?"

"You had literally two things to do," she couldn't help but laugh.

"In my defense…" Irwyn opened his mouth, then reconsidered. He had been distracted by several things but that would only give her more ammunition.

"Actually, not much defense. I forgot, sorry."

"Not like we are in too much of a hurry," Kalista said through the tail end of the giggle.

"I suppose that some things don't change. Maybe you should pay Waylan to be a full-time secretary since you can afford it now."

"I don't think the paperwork could survive his snide," Irwyn shook his head.

"And his butchery of idiom might lead to lynching in some circles."

"At least he would be the easier of you two to understand," she chuckled. So, to preserve his last bit of grace he harrumphed away to the sound of her snickers. Which was immediately made particularly awkward because the room only had one exit, subjecting Irwyn to the mocking laugher while they returned to the common room through the hallway where Kalista went off to re-entangle with Rainer. Irwyn instead chose Waylan. The sneak had seemingly finished the prior hand and seemed in the middle of dealing the next.

"So, what are we playing?" Irwyn took one of the empty seats. Besides Waylan there were 4 other people, all a lot younger.

"Rummy," one of the children - he seemed almost 12, though Irwyn did not know them - replied.

"Deal me in then," Irwyn nodded.

"Unfair! We are playing over chores which you don't have," another one pointed out.

"How about I bet a magic trick then?" Irwyn smiled.

"Really?" that seemed to make the crowd interested.

"Well, if I somehow don't win, that is," Irwyn nodded.

"I can't do a lot of things but it might be a good challenge to figure out how to do something."

"Just don't ask him to blow up the house," Waylan warned.

"I've seen Irw do that."

"I despise that accusation," Irwyn scoffed while the cards were being dealt.

"Well, as far as I saw, you can blow-up houses better than do cards," Waylan mocked – it wasn't even true! Which made Irwyn decide he was definitely going to cheat rather than let Waylan win a single round… If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Turned out that being able to magically perceive everyone's cards was not actually that useful in Rummy…

It was nice knowing when he could afford to take risks and when the other players already had a winning hand, but ultimately it was not a game about bluffing but rather about getting lucky. Irwyn also found it difficult to see the cards within the deck. Lightsight comprehension struggled with distinguishing each layer. Ironically, the reduction in precision that the spell had to involve to be usable resulted in making it hard to differentiate layers of a stack with the thin cards.

With the number of players involved he couldn't quite reliably see what his own next draw would be until halfway past his turn – not to mention the fact that people could disrupt the draw order. After a dozen hands when the scores were tallied, Irwyn found himself coming out of it second last mostly due to terrible luck. He squinted at Waylan's grin, undecided whether he had been actually unlucky or whether Waylan had learned how to stack the deck…

and if he had why did the stealth extraordinaire still end up not winning?

"I told you Irwyn was bad at this," he had the gall to grin.

"Rummy is about luck," Irwyn defended.

"Well, yep, you would have definitely been last in poker," Waylan just sagely nodded.

"Probly by a multiple."

"I am not even bad at poker."

"Sure you ain't," Waylan nodded the same way again.

"Anyway, I think you owe Shaun that favor as the winner."

"No going around that," Irwyn nodded, looking at the boy who had beaten everyone else. They seemed almost surprised to be reminded of the bet.

"So, what would you like?"

"What can I even ask for," the boy quickly recovered, then got to thinking. Old Crow had taught them better than to get starstruck in front of opportunity.

"Please, nothing that would be seen through half the city," Irwyn smiled.

"I cannot do anything long lasting. Other than that, I want to try and see if I can figure out how to do whatever you come up with."

"Can I think about it?"

"No hurry," Irwyn nodded.

"Even if I leave I should be around every few days."

"About that, how is my presumed pardon?" Waylan interjected.

"Already filed yesterday," Irwyn nodded.

"The Lieutenant seemed eager to not dally."

"Well, she seemed smart. Not much else good," Waylan muttered.

"Not a fan?"

"The penal platoon is expendable and she very much knew that. Nothing more to say than that," Waylan shook his head.

"I could seek petty or not so petty revenge on your behalf," Irwyn suggested.

"Nah, is fine," Waylan shrugged.

"I stayed out of sight so nothing bad 'ere." They chatted for a bit longer, Irwyn noting some of the 'adults' come and go through the front. No one seemed to pay that any attention and in all fairness they were mostly still all young enough to not look out of place exiting an orphanage even to outsiders. Who did cause a disturbance was Aaron finally emerging from his office. He must have been there for hours given it only had one exit. And Irwyn's friend appeared… dazed.

Barely looking around and significantly subdued.

"Aaron," Kalista was the first to greet. Their friend in question barely turned towards her though and only after a moment, replying with an ever so slightly slurred 'hey'.

"Are you alright?" Irwyn had gotten up from his seat and approached, Waylan not far behind.

"Irwyn?" Aaron asked - the reaction again delayed.

"Ah, we should speak in my office."

"Mind if we tag along?" Rainer spoke for everyone.

"Hmm?" Aaron paused, just as he was turning back to the room he had just emerged out of.

"Oh, yes. Why not?" Irwyn was obviously somewhat worried as he followed. The slight stench of blood inside did not help alleviate said misgivings. Looking around Irwyn immediately noticed the red-tinged rags stuffed inside a small water bucked - to the side but very much still in sight.

"What happened?" Irwyn asked when Aaron took his seat, still sluggish, though seemingly getting better by the moment.

"He had a bit of a breakthrough in his honing, with all the unpleasantness that involves," Rainer supplied instead.

"As I said earlier, preoccupied."

"Shouldn' that make him better thinker," Waylan asked doubtfully.

"He is obviously high as a tower," Kalista added with some humor.

"Yes, the process is quite unpleasant… sober," Aaron nodded, slowly reaching up to remove his hat and wig. The tumor-like bulb did seem slightly bigger than two days prior, but much more distinct were the fresh scars - still raw red and barely scabbed over.

"The painkillers I use have… side effects. I should be better… soon."

"The first time was actually kind of hilarious," Kalista nodded.

"He overdid it and looked drunk for half a week."

"Did you get glasses?" Aaron interrupted with a frown.

"No, you are just imagining them," Rainer shook his head immediately.

"Oh, my bad," Aaron nodded. Then paused.

"No, you are messing with me."

"He isn't," Waylan immediately jumped in.

"Kali is wearing the same blindfold."

"You do realize I approve your earnings… right?" Aaron slowly rolled his eyes.

"Waylan could definitely sneak in and adjust the paperwork," Kalista suggested.

"Which is why our real books are coded," Aaron shrugged.

"Well, it's just good practice in… general."

"Blackmail. Woeful," Rainer sighed.

"I suppose we will have to unleash Irwyn."

"I am quite content being uninvolved, thank you."

"UNLEASH!" Kalista immediately cheered.

"UNLEASH!"

"UNLEASH!" Waylan and Rainer did not hesitate for a second to join her.

"You do realize I literally cannot rewrite anything?" Irwyn fought the smile tugging at his lips"But you could just burn all the paperwork," Kalista pointed out.

"Then I would have to use all of you in the effort to redo it," Aaron nodded.

"Perhaps there is something to that. You might lose some of the… snide."

"We have reconsidered, Irwyn," Rainer paused.

"Please hold back with the arson."

"I will consider abstaining," Irwyn shrugged.

"Actually, Irwyn, I have something for you." Aaron jumped in before more banter could bloom, taking up a sheet of notes from somewhere in the piles.

"I have been thinking how we could get… things to work with the whole probable undead issue."

"Technically speaking there are not likely to be any undead," Irwyn pointed out.

"Poor Irwyn lost his paranoia," Kalista traced a fake tear going down her face.

"And worse, replaced it with optimism," Rainer added.

"I have it on solid authority," Irwyn shrugged.

"None of us here actually really know anything about Lich Wars."

"What I am thinking is…" Aron grabbed the conversation back, squinting at the duo "... it will have to be done, at least tangentially, with the Blackburg name behind it."

"Elaborate," Irwyn nodded.

"So, obviously, you don't want a bunch of false alarms bothering those soldiers all the time. But the bounty also has to be good enough that people actually want to find something, despite the danger implied. So, I have two ideas: First, very few people would actually be brazen enough to try and scam House Blackburg since the purge is still in recent memory. And second the payout for a tip is relatively small but if your soldiers do confirm it is actually undead the bounty becomes huge."

"Sounds simple enough," Irwyn nodded.

"But it would take a lot of micromanagement."

"Here is where we would come in, well, not quite yet," Aaron grinned.

"First of all, you wore a mask when you were to the Guild's bar as a Fowl, right?"

"Yes," Irwyn nodded.

"And how much of your magic did you show off?" He asked.

"Specifically, how much variety?"

"Hmm," Irwyn thought back.

"Just Light and mostly subtly since it was invisible."

"Perfect," Aaron grinned wider.

"And last, how well could you alter your voice?"

"No idea," Irwyn shrugged. Yet there was a very good chance Elizabeth had something or knew how to get it.

"But most likely pretty well. Am I going back in disguise?"

"Very much so," Aaron nodded.

"Maybe playing up the fire show… and the arrogance so that no one would even doubt you are in league with House Blackburg."

"How do I get you to manage it?" Irwyn was nodding along.

"Well, obviously some noble would not know how exactly the Guild works, so they would ask whoever is in charge…"

"And the Tears have a mage Fowl now," Kalista grasped from the side. Everyone was obviously listening in.

"We would be the obvious intermediaries to go through. Especially if we make sure to have some people there to suggest it."

"We can pretend to figure out things for a few days after that," Aaron affirmed.

"I like it," Irwyn confirmed. It was concrete and seemed solid.

"Great, then I have some notes to help you sell it to the garrison," the mastermind nodded, passing the first page.

"First off, I have the whole plan written out with some variables, redundancies, scheduling and details of the cooperation."

"Only next week?" Irwyn raised an eyebrow as he skimmed the timeline near the top.

"Later, ideally," Aaron nodded.

"It's a bit too much of a coincidence if the Fowl and the Blackburg walk into the bar within the same week."

"You could make a joke from that…" Kalista attempted to interrupt.

"I will figure out how urgent it is and let you know," Irwyn ignored her with learned determination.

"Next, here I have a complete breakdown of the costs," he handed over a second sheet, full of numbers.

"My best guesses what would work and how well."

"Good," Irwyn nodded. Concrete numbers would certainly help sell the idea. He did not want to rely on Elizabeth to just overrule their entire hierarchy for his plan if it was faulty.

"And last," Aaron passed the final sheet, it was almost filled up.

"Here is a list of suggested fake names for you."

"A what?" Irwyn paused.

"The list of fake names," Waylan nodded with utmost seriousness. Everyone mirrored him.

"Lord Pur Suierof El Iz Abeth?" Irwyn read out loud dubiously.

"I like that one," Kalista chimed in.

"You came up with it, dear," Rainer pointed out.

"And I did a really good job," she nodded.

"Everyone contributed to it," Aaron grinned.

"In fact, I think they have outdone themselves."

"Guy-ding Lite? You barely tried with that one, Waylan," Irwyn scoffed.

"That is a frame-up," Waylan retorted.

"That one was Max."

"Sure, sure," Irwyn rolled his eyes.

"A red earring!" he exclaimed. The proceeding conversation was not too far removed from verbal torture.