Chương 46: Chapter 37

"I just don't get it, why won't they trust me?" It'd been a bit less than a week since we'd figured out what was making Maushold ill, and every day since then felt like one step forwards, followed by two steps back.

"It just feels like I'm not getting through to them at all."

"Just give it more time," my conversation/sparring partner told me, before promptly throwing me over her shoulder like a ragdoll and pinning me to the mat and applying a wrist lock.

"You can't rush this sort of thing." I struggled futilely for a while, looking for the 'opening,' that Donna was supposedly leaving me, but I felt my joints complaining, and eventually, the pain grew too distracting for me to keep going. I still refused to concede for a few moments, determined to find an escape, but when I had to bite back a yelp I finally gave in, using my free hand to tap frantically at the older woman's arm. With a sigh, she relented a bit, giving me a chance to roll my aching wrist.

"You're not focusing, Fe. I showed you how to escape this hold just a couple of months ago."

"A couple of months is forever," I groused, "how am I supposed to remember anything from that long ago?" Really, it was unfair. We hadn't had a chance to do this sort of practice in so long, since the ranger station was so busy, so how could Donna expect me to remember all of this stuff? I felt something shaking, and it took me a few moments to realize what was going on. Donna was laughing, and the vibrations from it were transmitting from her to me.

I waited a couple of seconds for her to stop, and she started to trail off, but when she looked down at me, the chuckles overtook her again.

"What?!" I couldn't help myself.

"What's so funny?" I asked, trying (and maybe failing a little bit) to keep the irritation out of my tone.

"Oh, it's just–" she took a deep breath, obviously getting control of herself, "it's just– you said that like a couple of months is ten years or something, and then your expression!" I tried my absolute hardest to keep a growl out of my throat, since I was pretty sure it'd just encourage her.

"Seriously, if you're going to keep laughing, please get off of me, I don't really like being shaken up like this."

"Sure, sure," the other woman allowed, sitting up and offering a hand to pull me into a seated position.

"Sorry Fe. Rude of me to laugh at you. It's just–" the woman paused, clearly considering how to explain herself.

"Look, you're pretty mature for your age, but sometimes you say or do something that reminds me that you're like, twelve, and I guess something about that gap makes me crack up."

"Thirteen," I informed the older ranger primly, "I'm thirteen, thank you very much." To my immense consternation, my statement just caused Donna to bark out another laugh.

"Like that!" she pointed at me as she exclaimed.

"Just like that. Only a teen reacts like that." My irritation started flaring into real frustration, but before I could say anything, I felt a finger press into my forehead, between my brows. I went cross-eyes, out of reflex, staring at the offending digit. I hadn't even seen the motion.

"Ah hah, now you're starting to get mad. You used to have this expression all the time when we first met," Donna informed me with a smug grin.

"Feels like seeing an old friend." I very carefully marshalled my face into something that I hoped was neutral, as I pushed her hand away from my head.

"I'm not mad," I told the older ranger.

"Just– annoyed." Donna snorted.

"Sure. And you used to get 'annoyed' at me all the time. Now, I really had to push you to get the same reaction you used to have whenever I did something mildly irritating." I blinked a few times, caught off guard by the analytical comments.

"Well maybe you've been less annoying over the last few months," I shot back, a bit anemically. The green-haired ranger just shook her head.

"Nope, just as obnoxious as always, I promise. Rather, you've gotten used to a certain degree of my teasing. You could maybe even say it's grown on you a bit." I opened my mouth to refute her, but my protestations died in my throat as I thought about my reactions to Donna now compared to when I'd first met her. I had thought that the woman was getting less abrasive the longer I knew her, but upon review, maybe it really was just that I'd gotten used to her antics.

"Okay, maybe I've gotten more mature and more able to deal with your nonsense," I admitted.

"What's your point?"

"The point is, our relationship changed before you knew it, right? Once, I was just your annoying coworker. Now, you're coming to me for help with forging stuff, and with figuring out your issues with your partners." That… was a good point. Looking back, I don't think I ever would have imagined viewing Donna back then the way I did now. Not as a friend, it's hard to be friends with someone close to double your age, but definitely more than just as a coworker. More like– a mentor.

Someone that I sort of, maybe, if I squinted, looked up to.

"So my point is, it takes time," Donna told me, "for relationships to change, and develop. Just because they don't put their full trust in you at this exact moment doesn't mean they won't in the future. Just keep putting in the effort, and with enough time, you'll get there. I promise." I sat back, mulling over Donna's words. The advice– was good, probably. Honestly, it aligned with what I'd already sort of decide myself. It was just…

"What if I don't have enough time, though?" I asked quietly. The other woman looked at me, head tilted in confusion.

"Are you on some sort of deadline?" she asked.

"Not– exactly, it's just–" I trailed off, trying to come up with a concise way to express my concerns.

"It's just that, I'm worried. I think they were scared to tell me that something was wrong because they thought I might cut them loose like their old group did, and that's just something that was going wrong without my input." I suppressed a shudder.

"What if I'm pushing too hard, or doing something else they don't like, and they won't tell me something's wrong until it's too late?" To my gratification, Donna didn't just dismiss my concerns out of hand. She rocked back on her haunches, sitting criss-cross on the mat as she considered her response.

"At the end of the day, there's only so much you can do," she finally replied, "but if you really feel a need to do something, the number one thing I'd recommend is setting boundaries."

"Boundaries? Like, what we're okay with?" I tried to clarify.

"Exactly. Boundaries are key in any relationship, whether between people, Pokémon, or mixture thereof. In some cases, you can take your time working boundaries out, exploring them organically as you get to know one another. That's how I figure out how far I can push someone before they lose it," the woman offered me a wry grin.

"Though, that's an inexact science, and you don't always get things right. That's why, sometimes, you have to do things in a more rigid way. So, you talk. You have a discussion about what both parties are comfortable with, and what crosses the line. It's usually a bit harder with Pokémon, especially without a psychic intermediary, but it can definitely still be worth putting in the effort." I drummed my fingers on the mat as I listened to Donna's advice.

What she was saying made sense, but it did raise a question in my mind.

"Wait, so you're telling me that for all this time, the best way to get you to stop bugging me would have just been to come out and ask?" Something, maybe the disbelief in my tone or the expression on my face made Donna burst out laughing again. She pantomimed wiping a tear from her eye.

"Sure Fe, if the teasing really bothers you, then you should tell me! Arceus gave humanity words for a reason, after all," the green-haired ranger looked at me expectantly, almost tauntingly, daring me to admit such weakness. I grit my teeth, and refused to rise to the provocation.

"Good thing it doesn't bother me then," I said with as much nonchalance as I could portray. Judging by the way Donna laughed, I don't think she believed me. - The advice was all well and good, but it didn't give me a lot of insight into how to start what I was pretty sure was going to be a pretty awkward conversation. At the end of the day though, there was nothing to do but bite the Bullet Seed. I brought it up that evening, making sure to pull all of my partners into this conversation.

After all, I didn't want to make the three of them feel singled out.

"Hey everyone, can we talk?" Not the cleanest conversational opener, but it got my foot in the door, as we cleaned up after dinner. With the dishes cleared away and at least in the sink, I got everyone situated at or on the kitchen table. It was pretty crowded, with all eleven of us, but I didn't really feel comfortable asking mom and dad for a bigger table. Not to mention that our apartment wouldn't really fit one, either.

"Um, so I know that I've been asking a lot of you all recently, with battle training, ranger work, and other things, like with the helmet," I began the conversation. My ten partners stared at me, various moods on display. Most of my knights seemed a bit nonplussed. Maybe this felt sort of out of nowhere for them? Kay and Tristan, at least, were shooting surreptitious glances towards my newest partners, which made me think that maybe they at least had some idea of where I was coming from.

Mana was nodding along, earnestly taking everything I said at face-value, which I very much appreciated, and Maushold was– mostly unreadable, like usual.

"Er, what I'm trying to say is that, like, I'm worried that I might accidentally end up pushing you guys too much." That got immediate sounds of denial from all of my partners, which ended up producing quite the cacophony. After I finally got them all quieted down, I continued.

"Look, I know that maybe things are fine right now, but I don't want you guys to think that you can't speak up in the future if I ever ask for something that's too much. I'm not always going to know all of your limits, so it's really important to me that if I ask for something that's too much, or that makes you unhappy or upset, that you tell me." This time, not all of my partners immediately broke out into protestations.

Mana and a few of my knights continued their denials, but Lance looked thoughtful, as did some of his brothers, and Maushold.

"Look, I'm not perfect, and I might screw up sometimes. I'd like to think that I have your best interests in mind, but unless we communicate, we might not align on what those are. So I'm asking that you all speak up, if you ever feel like it's really necessary. Can you do that for me?" There was a bit of silence, as my partners mulled over my request, before a snorted chirrup from Lance got my knights nodding and agreeing to my request. They were the ones I was least worried about.

Lance– and by extension, his brothers– had spent months feeling out our boundaries, sort of in much the same way as Donna did, now that I thought about it. I had no doubts that if I ever did something that was out-of-line, Lance at least would call me out on it. About Mana, I was less certain. I trusted her, and I believed she was earnest when she offered me reassurance, but I also believed that she had a strong desire, or maybe a need, to grow more powerful.

I made a mental note to pay particular attention to her health, since I could easily see a situation where both her and I pushed for improvements too hard, too quickly. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. Pressured by the rest of the group, Maushold also acquiesced to my request, and while I wasn't completely sold on their sincerity, at least it was a start.

I did make sure later to corner Lance alone and get him to promise to call me out if he (or more likely one of his brothers) ever noticed my commands making Maushold uncomfortable. He agreed with gusto, which made me a bit nervous in its own way. Hopefully, my knights wouldn't abuse their newest privilege. - That was advice about one of my extant problems, but it didn't help me figure out what to do about the other. Namely, the big pile of valuable supplies and advice burning a hole in our hall closet.

And the letter that Rhea the Dragapult mailmon was scheduled to pick up tomorrow. I wasn't comfortable bringing this topic to Donna, and I didn't think my parents would really understand my conundrum, which left one other potential human confidant. One with whom I'd already shared some of the details of my quasi-mentorship already.

"So just send him a thank-you note, and an offer to stay in contact. This isn't that hard." Wait, why had I brought this to Alyssa again?

"It's not that simple," I protested.

"How is it not?" My best friend refuted mercilessly.

"It sounds like he mentored you for a while, and then sent you a bunch of stuff, and a chance to reach out to him! You should be jumping at this chance! What's with the hesitance?" The problem was, I was reluctant to share what had happened on that last day before Drake left Ferrum. It's not like he had explicitly told me to keep it a secret, but confiscating my Pokégear after I showed him the pictures I'd taken of his battle with the Serpent sent a pretty strong message.

Then again, maybe he expected that, sans the evidence, no one would believe me. That thought, more than anything, convinced me to fill my best friend in on the details.

"Something– dramatic happened, on the last day of our training. It started because I had a bet with Drake that I could convince him to keep battling instead of retiring."

"Well, considering he joined Steven Stone's Elite Four, you must have won the bet. Is that why he sent you all that stuff?" Alyssa asked, legs crossed in front of her on her bed. I shook my head, shifting a bit in the desk chair I'd claimed.

"No. Well I mean, not entirely." I found myself staring at one corner of the room, unable to look at my best friend directly as I talked.

"I, uh, I figured that just training me wasn't going to be enough to convince him. To not retire– that is." I swallowed thickly. Even just remembering what had happened was hard, let alone talking about it.

"So I figured I needed to do something else, and I ended up asking one of the wild Pokémon at the Dragon's Nest to help me find an opponent that could challenge Drake." Alyssa shifted forwards a bit, her interest towards the story growing.

"So what, did a super powerful wild dragon show up to fight him?"

"Sort of," I hedged, stuck now on the precipice of committing to explaining the insane events that had happened a couple of months ago. A few seconds passed as I tried to push past that invisible boundary, and I found myself grasping for words, trying to find some way to express to Alyssa just what I had witnessed.

"What does 'sort of' mean?" my best friend asked with furrowed brows as I failed to continue.

"Do you want to tell me or not?"

"I do!" I protested, "it's just a lot, okay?" Flashes of green, blurry streaks tumbling through the stagnant sky, a haunting dirge punctuated with attacks that levelled mountaintops.

"It's, I feel like I can't explain it right, I felt myself hunching in on my chair, and I made a conscious effort to straighten my limbs. I took a few deep breaths, trying to banish gleaming golden irises and crimson fangs from my mind. To my gratification, Alyssa gave me time to collect myself, though her expression had taken on a definite air of worry.

"Was it– something bad? Did he do something bad to you, Fe?" I tried to suppress a grimace.

"Yes," I croaked out, but when I saw my best friend's expression, I rushed to hedge.

"I mean, sort of. It's not like he hurt me or my partners, and I get why he did it."

"Fe, what happened," my best friend asked, cutting through reluctance with a knife made of concern.

"Do we need to tell someone? Are you in some sort of danger?"

"No!" I practically shouted, causing Alyssa to flinch back. I felt a reflexive gulp, and realized that I'd leaned forwards in my chair. I sat back, shaking my head.

"Uh, no, to both. I'm not in danger but–" I took a deep breath.

"Look, Alyssa, what I'm about to tell you, it can't leave this room, okay? No one else can know about it." To her credit, Alyssa didn't hesitate for even a moment.

"I promise Fe. As long as it's not hurting you to keep it quiet, I won't tell a soul." That wasn't– exactly what I'd asked of her, but I guess it was close enough in this case.

"Okay. Okay. So the thing is, apparently, the Dragon's Nest isn't just a place where Dragon-types gather. It's also– a monument, maybe? Or, like, a shrine," I licked my lips, which felt inexplicably chapped, all of a sudden.

"So, when the wild Pokémon called a challenger for Drake, it wasn't just any normal opponent. It was, well, it was a legend." My voice had gone low towards the end of my explanation, until my last few words were barely a whisper.

"Like– like the Lake Guardian?" My best friend asked, her eyes wide. I couldn't detect a hint of doubt or disbelief in her expression, which was probably the only reason I could keep going.

"No. I mean, yes, like the Lake Guardian, except, a couple of magnitudes– more." I took a fortifying gasp, inhaling in as much breath as I could, before letting it all leak out. Somehow, it felt as if the air around me had gone still, as if just thinking about discussing the deity in question was drawing on some small part of its power. I shook the illusion away, I continued to explain.

"I misspoke, actually. It wasn't just a legend. It was one of The legends." I looked my best friend in the eyes, and I wondered what she saw reflected in mine.

"It was the Serpent, Alyssa. The Emerald Beast," my throat clenched, but I forced the epithet out.

"It was Rayquaza, or some small part of it. And Drake and his team fought it." Alyssa looked at me, several different expressions warring on her face. Eventually, it settled on something I thought was… hope? Or maybe ardor.

"Did he win?" She asked me, her eyes flashing, shining.

"He– did," I acknowledged, though it felt sort of blasphemous to say.

"Or, well, he beat some small part of it. An avatar, or something, I guess. You can't fight the whole fucking sky, but there was– a representation that came down. And even that– it was so long Alyssa. Hundreds of meters. And the sound of it. Like every dragon in the world, screaming." I was trying to capture some piece of how I'd felt, when confronted with a piece of the heavens, but I must have been failing, because my best friend was leaning forwards, fervor in her gaze.

"What was it like?"

"It was– green. Greener than anything that ever was or should be," I tried to explain.

"When it came down, the wind stopped moving, and just breathing felt impossible. Each of its fangs must have been as tall as me, and when it moved, it felt like the entire mountain range was shaking." I would have continued to describe it, but my best friend was shaking her head, and she cut me off.

"No, I mean, what was the battle like? How did he win?" I blinked a couple of times.

"Oh, right. Um, he had five Pokémon with him, his Salamence, Kingdra, Flygon, Altaria, and Dragapult."

"Just one Salamence?" Alyssa asked, interrupting me again.

"Yes?" I replied, a bit nonplussed, and also a tad annoyed now, "Just the one."

"Sorry, I'd read that he's trained three, so I was surprised that it was just the one." I could see my best friend's hands twitching, as if she wanted to take notes.

"Anyway, keep going please."

"Right, well like I said, he had five Dragons with him. The battle started with both sides just hitting each other, a bunch of Draco Meteors from Drake's team, and some sort of beam from the Serpent. Drake's team blocked the beam, and the meteors didn't really seem to do anything to the Serpent, so all the combatants spread out. Then, Drake got his Altaria to use Perish Song a bunch of times." I hadn't been familiar with the move before watching it used to dethrone a deity, but I'd definitely looked it up after.

"He swapped around all of his Pokémon so they weren't affected, and when it finally started affecting the Serpent, he had his Kingdra launch a super-powered blizzard. The Serpent almost dodged it anyway, but his Flygon did something, I'm not sure what, that made the attack explode all over," I could still see it in my mind's eye, each action, blow for blow. It was just… everything had gone so fast. Each maneuver and counter had been quick, impossibly so.

I could describe the broad strokes, but there must have been so much nuance, so many details I was missing in my retelling.

"I'm not sure what happened, but from there, it was just Drake and Cruiser, uh, his Salamence against the Serpent. They flew around for a while, trading blows, and then they performed a synergy burst. After that, I couldn't really tell what was happening, everything was moving too fast. I was just watching an azure blur and an emerald streak. Eventually though, somehow the serpent slammed Drake and his Salamence into one of the mountaintops.

It rammed into them and pinned them there, and it was going to blast them again with its beam, but something happened to reflect the attack, and after that they hit it one more time, and they smashed into one of the cliff sides. I didn't catch the next part, but by the time I got out of my hiding place, the Serpent was disappearing. It turned into a bunch of green particles, and then drifted away in the wind," I finished my story, the last few words tumbling out of me in a rush.

My best friend had her hands clasped in front of her mouth, eyes intent on me. For a few moments after I completed my retelling, she said nothing, just staring me down, until, eventually, she spoke.

"Fe," she said, her voice low. I took a couple of hiccuping breaths.

"Yeah?" She shook her head, her expression warped into a rictus of disappointment.

"I can't believe you. You saw something so incredible, so mind-boggling, and you tell the story so badly!" The last few words were practically a shout, as she slammed her fist into her bed in mock frustration. Or maybe not so mock, judging by her face. I felt my face flush, protestations bubbling in my throat.

"There was a lot going on, okay? Plus, it's not easy to talk about. Do you know how crazy I feel trying to explain this?"

"Then embrace the crazy! Really sell me on it. Tell me all again from the beginning, and this time, give me some details, for the Golems' sake!" This time, the heat in my face was irritation, and not embarrassment.

"That's easy for you to say! You weren't there. It was– indescribable."

"Well you just described it, so that's not true. You just did a shit job of it." I felt my eye twitch. - To my consternation, the retelling really was easier the second time around. By the fourth, I'd actually offered something that was almost to both of our satisfactions. There was something– freeing, about sharing my experience. It took a load off of my shoulders that I hadn't even realized I'd been carrying.

Having this story, this event burning in my mind, with no one to talk to about it, had been harder than I'd realized. Talking about it was– affirming. There was no doubt in my best friend, no distrust in my words. She believed in me unconditionally, no matter how fantastic the words I was saying. There was something infectious about her eagerness, too. Her ardor made sense. In a few years, she would be challenging a legend herself.

The Lake guardian wasn't nearly on the same level as the Serpent, but Suicune was a wall for many challengers trying to promote into the Red League. When I finally got to the meat of what was bothering me, Alyssa fell silent, considering my worries in a way that made me suppress a smile. I'd been worried that she would just dismiss my concerns out of hand, but she fell silent instead, really thinking about it.

"Pictures definitely would have added some oomph to your story," Alyssa offered.

"But I also get why he doesn't want any proof out there. It's sort of a big deal." I levered a sigh.

"That's sort of my conundrum. I want to be mad. Distortion, I am mad, but I also get it. And like, I don't want to be bribed, but he did send me a lot of things. A lot of useful things."

"You had me really worried earlier when you were being all cagey about this Fe. I'd thought– well, I thought something bad."

"It is bad!" I protested.

"He took my Pokégear."

"Which you admitted was a piece-of-crap. And he replaced it."

"Yeah, but it's the principle of the thing. It made me feel– small," I admitted, my voice low again.

"Like I didn't matter. Because he could just take the damned thing, and there's nothing I could do."

"But he was contrite, wasn't he?" Alyssa alleged.

"Sure, but does that mean that I should forgive him?" I asked with a frown.

"I mean, if you're hesitating like this, instead of just turning it down out of hand, doesn't that mean you're considering it?" she asked, face resting in her hand.

"I mean, I am considering it. That's sort of the whole point of this conversation," was my perturbed reply.

"Sure, and if you're considering it, doesn't that really just mean it's a matter of time?" she continued.

"Think about it, if you couldn't ever forgive Champion Genji, you'd just dismiss it as an option. The fact that you're even on the fence means it's just a matter of time, right?" I rocked back, considering the answer. It sort of made sense, when she put it like that. I wanted to refute her outright, as a reflex, but Alyssa's serious expression made me bite back on my words. I thought about it, really thought about it, and then let out a groan.

"Is it actually that simple?" I asked my best friend as I held my head in my hands.

"It feels like it shouldn't be that simple." From the rustling of her clothes, I could tell Alyssa was shrugging.

"But sometimes, it is. He did you a bad turn, but that doesn't mean he didn't help you as well. And if you can understand where he's coming from, I think you're most of the way towards forgiving him already." I groaned again from between my fingers. I could feel my foot tapping as I ran it over in my head, but the conclusion remained the same. Alyssa was, as always, right. I leaned back, my head lulling so I could stare at the pastel ceiling of my best friend's room.

"Guess I need to start writing a letter then," I said with a sigh.

"Feel free to use my laptop. We have a printer here, it'll be quicker than writing it by hand."

"You just want to snoop on what I'm going to send him," I accused my friend, though there was no real heat to my words. Alyssa didn't even have the grace to look guilty.

"You know me almost as well as I know you."