Chương 5: Chapter 4 - Sounds Like A Headache
Escape Artist [A Final Boss Retirement LitRPG] · Unknown author · 31 chương · ~25 phút đọc · Tạo 11/09/2026
Maybe I was in hell. No, not the kind with fire-and-brimstone mind you. Been there, done that… three times in fact. But this… this was just so much worse. Much to my dismay, Dartigan seemed physically incapable of shutting up. Danwood was a week and a few days away from North's Edge when the weather was favorable. And that was simply not short enough.
By the eighth day on the road with Dartigan after taking him up on his offer, despite his loud and constant claims that we were actually a day ahead of schedule, I was practically ready to scream into the void. Which, incidentally, was actually a fantastic way to summon nightmarish minions of all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately for me, much like slamming Dartigan's head into the front of the wagon until he stopped talking, that was a quick way to put myself right in the crown's crosshairs… again.
"And that's all it actually takes to get yourself signed up for a guild," he said, finishing telling me about yet another thing I simply hadn't asked him about.
"Not much point for a guild in a place as small as Danwood," I said, hoping he'd just leave it at that. He didn't.
"Oh come on Corbin, I know you're young but even you should know that every town starts out as a whole lotta nothing. One good upstart shows up, things start shifting, and suddenly a new guild chapter is cropping up to support the growing community. Seen it a dozen times and I'm sure I'll see it a dozen more before I die."
"Sounds like a headache."
"Certainly can be. But everyone wants a good life, and the better the community, the better the life," he said, looking over at me with that same curious look that was really starting to get on my nerves.
"Well… almost everyone."
"Hey, a quiet life is a good life," I shrugged.
"See, that's the kind of talk I'd expect to hear from my grandpa, not some freshly Activated boy who's three-and-twenty at most," he laughed, shaking his head and nodding toward a few scant buildings coming into view in the distance at the base of the absolutely gigantic trees towering behind them.
"Told you we were ahead of schedule."
"Yeah, yeah, you were right. It's why I didn't take you up on the bet," I said, rolling my eyes and leaning back against the uncomfortable wooden bench. Danwood was at best a hamlet. The place was just under a third of a day's trip from the larger Gold's Lodge that sat on the Eastern Spoke Road.
Had I considered getting into mining, then I might've decided to purchase a large swath of the gold-rich Mount Auger that Gold's Lodge was nestled up next to, but if I never saw the inside of a mountain again it would still be too soon… not to mention the only bartender I'd ever interacted with there, a man named Quincy had absolutely backwards thoughts on how ale should taste. The less I had to deal with him, the better.
Becoming a business tycoon was probably not going to be the best idea if I wanted to keep to myself, but there really couldn't be that much harm that could come from a farm and a little tavern. Although… I guess I'd probably need an actual brewery too. Regardless, it would mean something good to drink, and for the handful of families that made up Danwood, I was sure they'd appreciate it too. Danwood was the last bit of civilization on this specific trail that I really thought only barely counted as a road.
It had no diverging paths, or intersections for that matter, instead winding slowly along the grasslands and past minor trees that littered the area going directly inward toward the massive Grand Oak Forest. I didn't necessarily know the place's exact history, or really anyone who lived or regularly visited it. And since it was generally out of the way of most things I normally cared about, I'd never really had a reason to visit myself.
That said, after one particularly boring year in one of my longer lives, I spent some time digging through and trying to find the dumbest town names in the kingdom just for a good laugh. Because of that long night flipping through tomes, I was aware that it'd only gotten its name because a guy named Daniel decided to set up shop cutting down the massive oak trees and was apparently the least creative man in the world.
I mean really why not something like 'Dan's Mill' instead of shoving half of his name together with the word wood. But it was still better than Hilltop, which literally just sat on top of a hill. It wasn't even the most impressive hill in the area around it either… Then again, I'd still take either of those over something like Wyrm's Rest that was desperately trying to associate itself with the capital simply through sharing a word between their names.
"Why doesn't the crown have a trade route over here, anyway? I mean, there's no way this place has a wagon big or sturdy enough to move any of that," I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me as I saw the comically large pile of cut trees coming more and more into view behind one of the closest buildings to the treeline.
"Well, you hit the nail on the head," Dartigan explained, starting to slow his wagon the closer we got.
"If you're transporting something that big by road, it requires either a really big wagon, or an Activated Trader with a wagon that has the Storage Cart feature. To the best of my knowledge, at least based on the few questions I asked when we stopped in Gold's Lodge, Daniel and his crew are working under the hopes that one of them will randomly Activate as a Woodwright or Forester, kinda like what you did. That way they can refine the cut stuff they've been gathering since they started.
I can certainly appreciate them trying to maximize their profits." Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.
"They're cutting those things down without being Activated?" I said, feeling just a bit of respect for the small community.
"Yup, crazy right? Almost as crazy as an Alchemist using their abilities to farm," he said, looking over at me again as he pulled the reins, slowing the cart to a stop just about a hundred meters out from the first building.
"Speaking of, here we are." We'd stopped basically in the middle of the road, not that there was any traffic to block, and I could see a few heads in the distance poking out of the trees and several women walking along toward the sound of water on the northern side of the road. I tried to ignore their glances as I looked at the relatively open land on either side of the overgrowing road. There were trees, large rock clusters, and uneven, but not massive, hills galore.
With it being still a good stones throw from the current homes, if there was any land that Dartigan was going to point me to, this was going to be it.
"Lot of open space," I said, looking around it as I hopped down from the wagon with Dartigan following.
"Lot of work to make it usable is more like it," he said with a shake of his head, pulling out his ledger and flipping it open.
"But if you're looking for enough space for a farm at a cheap price, then you had some good instincts picking this place if you're willing to put in the work. If not, I'm more than happy to let yah ride along to Hedgely if you'd prefer, they still have some ready made plots that would be a lot easier."
"Yeah, and they're taxed nine ways to the week's end by both the crown and every little lord that's trying to run the Crown's Farmland. No thanks," I said, shaking my own head as I took in the space. He wasn't wrong that it was going to take some work… but there was potential here, I could practically feel it.
"How much for the land here?" There were several different layers to the way land could be distributed and purchased thanks to the system and, as he'd promised, Dartigan was able to use his Royal Merchant access to not only act as witness, but also facilitator for the land purchase.
"Hmm, well depends on how much of course." Dartigan flipped a few pages in the ledger.
"Base cost of a single acre out here is twelve gold to the crown and three to Daniel as the Steward of Danwood, unless you're trying to establish the area as a separate community. I'm sure Daniel would prefer the former all things considered. Fifteen gold per acre is far cheaper than you'd find basically anywhere else, and the cost to the crown does reduce slightly at higher purchase amounts."
"One acre's not enough for a farm," I said, trying to make a visual estimate on just how much space was actually available before it reached the dense treeline. The trees grew in an almost crescent formation with Danwood itself sitting nearly at the center of the forest's edge. Which meant that I could only buy so much in one direction before reaching the thick forest. And sure, I could buy some of that and clear it over time, but why bother when there was plenty of easier space to work with.
"Very true. Depending on just how much you're planning on doing, you're gonna want quite a bit more than that," Dartigan said, tapping on his ledger as he looked out at the land. A green line started to appear, getting drawn from an area up the road close to the homes, out to and down the treeline, then back to the road way behind us.
I only briefly looked away from it to see the folks from the treeline had all gotten a bit closer, obviously curious, but my attention snapped back to Dartigan when he started to talk again.
"This area here's about fifty acres, and it looks like there's equal space on the other side of the road here. Most recent geological survey happened one-and-one-half years prior when Danwood was first settled. Expected crop yield is mild due to middling soil quality and sporadic weather cycles and the potential for hazardous monster spawns is, hmmm actually nevermind. Due to proximity to the Grand Oak Forest I assumed there'd be a larger threat in this category, but it's marked as below average.
Okay, with this information made available to you by myself, Dartigan Ward, a crown-authorized Trader for the Royal Merchants, how much land would you like to purchase?" I took a few moments to think about it, trying to consider all of it. There was no part of me that was trying to become some sort of farming magnate, but I wasn't doing this just to twiddle my thumbs and pass the time either. No sense in half-assing something when full-assing it could really only result in more crops, right?
"You said fifty on either side of the road?" I asked, eliciting a nod from him as I looked back and forth over the road, noting just a few of the onlookers were getting closer. Both sides, though not identical, were similar in just how much work they'd need to make usable.
"How much for all of that? You said the crown gives a bulk discount, right?"
"Hundred acres for a first claim? That's pretty ambitious, but not unheard of. Especially given the success you've told me you've had with your herb gathering," Dartigan said, his violet eyes piercing into me again.
"Well if I'm gonna do this, I'd rather not outgrow the place in the next five years and need to buy more land after the crown decides to up the price. Probably will only plant a third of it for the first growing cycle and that's at most," I said, and Dartigan thankfully seemed to nod in understanding.
"Can't argue with a decent plan, I guess," he said, tapping on his ledger as the green line surrounded the opposite side of the road.
"Then if you are looking at the hundred acres identified here, the total for which–including Claim Witness and a new Geological Survey–would cost you 1, 233 gold. This cost breaks down to nine hundred to the crown, three hundred to the Steward of Danwood, twenty gold to myself as the Claim Witness, and thirteen for a new Geological Survey that will be done upon purchase. Gold will be distributed automatically and your system identification will be included on your claim.
With all of this explained to you, would you like to make this purchase?"
"Sounds good to me," I said with a nod and Dartigan pressed his ledger one more time, a new window displaying all the information he'd just rattled off to me. I clicked accept, causing a flash of light to scatter across the land and the Property Management section of the system unlocking in my vision. Like it was a tic, which it actually might've been now that I thought about it, Dartigan rattled off how it was a pleasure to make the deal.
Just as I was about to start poking through the new management window to get a better feel for my new land, a man that couldn't have been more than a few years older than I looked finally stepped up to us, his hairy, barrel chest puffed out of a flannel shirt as he took us in.
"Now that might be the quickest I've ever seen land out here get scooped up other than when I made my purchase," he said with a gruff voice, reaching an equally gruff hand out my way.
"My name's Daniel, I'm the Steward here and I just wanna say welcome to Danwood. It's a pleasure to meet you Corbin… I normally would've preferred to talk with a newcomer before a purchase was made, but since it's too late for that, mind if I ask what brings you here?" I looked from Daniel out to the field that was now mine, all that potential covered by more debris than any sane person would want to deal with.
There were a lot of answers I could have given, most of which would require the obvious lumberjack to actually be a counselor in disguise, so I gave him the only answer that made any sense.
"Oh you know… Hops, wheat, and a whole lotta barley."

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