Chương 5: Bonin’ in the Boneyard

"You two can keep digging." My gladius flew into my hand from where I'd stabbed it into the turf, and I advanced on the shambling bones packed full of both juicy marrow and even juicier XP. Boney Breaker Level 4 STR 8 AGI 6 MAG 2 ARM 14 Boney Baritone Level 6 STR 5 AGI 7 MAG 12 ARM 15 Boney Bully Level 3 STR 7 AGI 4 MAG 4 ARM 12 Boney Breaker Level 7 STR 11 AGI 8 MAG 3 ARM 17 Venerable Vendor Level 9 STR 10 AGI 9 MAG 12 ARM 21 They advanced in a loose formation.

The Breakers in the front line, the Baritone in the middle of the second row, with the other two on its flanks. The Vendor was on the right, it pulled a pouch off the belt that hung loosely over its hip bones and threw dust at the two breakers that led the way. A buffer. Some long-dead merchant or alchemist whose skills from life had translated into a collection of items to enhance his undead colleagues. Not a problem, and in fact, I was happy to see it in the mix.

The Breakers were armed with crude clubs made from broken tree branches. Blunt damage… my true nemesis in this world. I unclipped my cloak and let it fall away with the wind, an impressive aesthetic that was completely wasted on the undead. Revealing my impressive new armoured plates wasn't the goal; I needed the freedom of movement that not having the material around my shoulders gave me. It fluttered away to my rear as I moved into a charge, crossing the leaf mould and uncut grass with long strides.

I ducked under the first swipe of a club and dropped my gladius. It shot past my opponent to slice at the jaw of the Baritone, Bone Control already making itself useful, as I grasped my first victim's thighs in my bony fingers. The thighbone turned to dust in my grip, and the monster collapsed as its legs detached. The main problem with the undead is that the bits kept coming. You had to destroy the bits, making fighting undead a bit like the opposite of assembling flat packed furniture.

Fortunately I had all the manuals that started with "some disassembly required" in my head, and all the tools I could need to do the job. I stepped away from the crippled skeleton and lunged towards the other Breaker. Its crude club slammed down on my shoulder, and chips of my new armour flew away. One of my hands caught the base of its spine and turned it to dust, dividing another foe in half.

I could finish them off later, and now that I'd cleared out the melee types, I could deal with the— A rumble rang out, deep and brassy. I mentally reached out for my gladius and yanked it back to my clasp even as I was blown tumbling backwards by the Baritone's attack. I'd missed my first attempt to remove his jawbone and silence the sonic caster. Whether he had been a town crier or an opera singer in life, some part of his vocal skills had been transferred when he reanimated and turned into a weapon.

Regaining my feet in time for the Bully to barrel into me, its claws locked onto my upper arms and tried to hold me as the Vendor rushed in with a fist hidden in its pouch. The hands gripping me turned to dust, and I headbutted the Bully, knocking it backwards. I used Bone Control to hurl one of the Breaker's detached yet still squirming legs at the Vendor, tripping it and causing the dust in its hand to spill and kill a foot-wide circle of grass instead of melting me. This time, my sword didn't miss the Baritone.

Bone met bone, and the thing's jaw was sent flying. I lunged and grabbed the Bully's skull, dissolving it to dust in my grip before kneeing it in the groin. That attack was considerably less effective than it would have been on a fleshier enemy, but I assumed IMPS would still approve of the choice. I did manage to turn a few chunks of hipbone into dust that made its movements awkward. The now blind and deaf skeleton stumbled away as I pivoted to finish off the Baritone.

My gladius hacked and chopped at him as I closed the distance. I slammed a fist into the skull, and there was a satisfying crack as the undead went tumbling to the ground. I proceeded to break—or use Dust to Dust on— as much of it as I could until I got the kill notification, only saving his jawbone for later. You have killed a level 6 Boney Baritone! Minor bonus XP granted for being a bit of a sneaky, mean-spirited bastard! XP gained: 12!

I used Bone Control to mentally drag the parts of the two Breakers towards me. Taking both their skulls in my hands, I ignored their claws scrabbling at my chestplates, and used Bone Throwing to fire them into each other in front of my face. My permanent smile was growing on me. Using my bone-only telekinetic ability to rip apart the rest of their bodies, I continued to involuntarily grin as the kill notifications popped up. Find this and other great novels on the author's preferred platform.

Support original creators! You have killed a level 4 Boney Breaker! Minor bonus XP granted for being a bit of a sneaky, mean-spirited bastard! XP gained: 6! You have killed a level 7 Boney Breaker! Minor bonus XP granted for being a bit of a sneaky, mean-spirited bastard! XP gained: 15!

"Dusty!" The orbs of blue fire that served as my eyes flared. Bork was fending off the Vendor with a shovel. Some of the bones that made up the right-hand side of the thing were blackened and rotting as I watched, but one set of bony fingers was reaching out for the boy, and the other was dipping into that pouch. To save or not to save? Any audit would eventually find I'd had it in my power to save the kid, whatever bullshit I spun them.

On the other hand, I'd be sipping whisky and have access to all my organs while they bickered about my punishment… The gladius landed in my palm, then I pointed it at the Vendor's skull. It shot away and cracked through, driving the monster away from the boy. Fred rose up from the hole and started attacking the unfriendly skellie with his shovel.

"Get the kill, kid. And please keep your damn voice down." The headless Bully had bumped into an obelisk and was furiously punching it with the stumps of its wrists. With the thing being blinded, I simply walked up behind it and used Dust to Dust to disassemble it. You have killed a level 3 Boney Bully! Minor bonus XP granted for being a bit of a sneaky, mean-spirited bastard! XP gained: 2!

Bone Control allowed me to gather up all the dust and parts as I passed them, building a swirling cloud behind me as I headed back to where Bork and Fred were playing whack-a-mole with the still wriggling parts of the Vendor. The larger chunks of my victims floated into my hands and turned to dust, adding them to the cloud that surrounded me. Once I was done with that, I mentally yanked my gladius free of the Vendor's broken skull, using it to snag the pouch off the caster's belt and bring it over to me.

Pouch of the Powders (intermediate) Perfect. I stuck a finger in the pouch and assessed the contents. Flash dust, consumption powder, ground silver, and an array of empowering reagents. I held the mouth open and let all the bone dust I'd gathered flow in, then shaped a spur of bone on my hip to hang the pouch from. My gladius had chipped and a section near the tip had broken off. I couldn't scowl in annoyance, but I wanted to.

"I think it's dead? You should have gotten a notification by now." Bork paused, sweat coating his face, with the shovel held over his head. He blinked several times, then fell backwards onto his ass. The shovel landed next to him.

"Hell and fury! I got three levels in one go!" he blurted out between ragged breaths.

"Nice. Put the skill points into Reanimate Corpse and the stat points into armour."

"But… why? I want more magic!"

"Your magic is already high for your level, but you're squishy, kiddo. Once your armour is at a half decent level, you can go back to increasing your magic. More armour will make my job of keeping your butt alive a lot easier. Judging from Fred, you've already put three points into that skill. You did it for the dog, didn't you?" He nodded slowly as Puggy jumped out of the hole we'd dug and moved to sniff at the Vendor's remains. Cowardly mutt.

"So three more points will get you to level six and unlock your gacha resurrection roll. All new pets will be stronger, and there's a much higher chance you'll roll something with a class… Just trust me, kid, I've nursemaided more than a couple of baby necromancers."

"You killed the rest."

"Yeah, I'm built for killing undead, especially skellies. This place—" I waved a pale white arm at the mortuary, "—is going to be my playground for a while until I outlevel it. Then I'll hunt the cannibals." Bork climbed slowly to his feet as I headed over and claimed the bone dust from the Vendor. Into the pouch it went. I tapped the Baritone's jawbone against my thigh. Replacing my own jaw with this one would be a time consuming process, and I'd need to teach Bork the mana forms.

It would need to wait till we had a free day to spend on the ritual. I'd have some crafting to do once I got the boy back home safe and sound anyway. And I would be locked in my bloody shed again. I needed to get this kid on the road to total domination as soon as possible. I was not a lawnmower to be left locked away until it was needed.

"Give me the shovel, Fred and I can dig. You keep watch, but please don't scream if you see something coming. A quiet yet urgent alert would be ideal."

"Th-Thank you, Dusty." I looked him up and down. His knees had stopped shaking as he stood and offered me the shovel. Maybe the kid had a spine after all. Speaking of, I slapped Fred on his and sent him towards our next recruit. I clicked my fingers and a cigar appeared, which I drew on happily. More earth moving ensued, and this time we managed to finish the job without being distracted by a band of roving undead. Bork did his thing and—I checked the gravestone—Sir Cyril the Shagger joined our merry band.

Poor old Cyril had copped it from the plague eighty-three years ago, according to his weirdly detailed epitaph that included a very long list of women's names for some reason. Shaggy didn't arise as any kind of elite skellie, so I tossed him a shovel then—with a mental command—put the pair of lesser minions to work. I picked up my cloak, shook it off and rebuckled it around my shoulders.

"You ok, Bork?" I asked, tapping ash from my cigar.

"I—You…You killed that man. And then you took apart those skeletons like it was nothing."

"I'm five thousand and twenty-three years old. Technically. I've been fighting, levelling, and dying for a long time, kid. I know what I'm doing."

"Technically?" He turned bright eyes on me. Had he been crying?

"I don't know if I get left in stasis between jobs." I shrugged.

"To me, I just wake up immediately back in Abarama's office after I die, so that's how long I know it's been since I was born. It could be a lot longer," I finished bitterly. We stood in silence for a while. I was lost in memories of friends and enemies long since dead; he was probably worrying about back acne. Whatever was on his mind, I appreciated the temporary peace.

A wooden thud announced that the skellies had reached another volunteer for the mighty army of Bork the Maleficent, and he scurried over to cast his spell. He dropped into the hole and then vomited loudly.

"Soggy one?"

"It's still got eyes."" She's still got eyes, kid. Lady Thelmata von Horscrotch. Are you not checking the names on the stones?" He gagged his way through his magic words, and Thelma joined the troop. He got lucky this time. She arose with the Rotten Apprentice class, giving us another caster to join the party. It was a shit class, but when the raw material was mostly mouldy flesh, you couldn't expect too much. Still, she'd be able to fling Necrotic Bolts and cast Summon Rodents. I could find a use for the latter.

Rats had bones. Small ones, no doubt, but quantity has a quality all of its own.

"What are you betting the last one is called Daphne?" I wondered aloud, earning a confused look from Bork. Borgata Daphneflim was our final recruit. Another basic skeleton.

"Well, the gang is all together now. Let's drop them off and get you home. Fair warning, if Puggy Doo doesn't stop trying to steal my shin bone, I'm going to boneweld his legs together."