Chương 279: WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

1 FEBRUARY, MONDAY, MEMORIAL SERVICE Harvey stepped out onto the stage and stood at the podium. He spoke, and his usual calm and gravelly voice broke through the speakers.

"Alphas and Lunas, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to New Leaf Academy. I am Beta Harvey of the Morning Light Pack. Tonight we remember the late Alpha Silas Kingsley of the Night Forest Pack and our own Alpha Kingsley's beloved father." It sounded so official! OMO, what should I say? Principal Charlie took to the podium next with the welcome address, which introduced Grandpa Alpha with the proper list of accolades and significant achievements.

Then he proceeded with the introduction to the eulogy speakers, the first one being my Dad. OMO. What should I say? We clapped politely as Dad got up to the podium. Dad started with a story about Grandpa Silas during the Great War, what he had done, what he had believed to be right, what he believed to be necessary.

"I can't say I agreed with everything my late father did. I don't expect my own children to agree with everything I have done either. But I understand that we make our choices, and every day we stick to the choices we have made, because there are people depending on us." It got pretty moving at the end with one single sentence: "My family, that is my children, my Luna, and certainly myself, will miss him." And then Dad ended, "Thank you for your kind attention." There was a grave silence at Dad's deep sorrow.

I had no idea Dad would miss Grandpa Silas. It was as if I wanted to ask him, "Were you close to your father?" How deep was Dad's loss? I had never thought much about it until tonight. OMO. What should I say? Next, Beta Lucas spoke. Beta Lucas' eulogy consisted of short lines of words followed by long, pregnant pauses where he simply stared into space as if seeing something we could not.

"We had planned to run away together, Alpha Kingsley and I with our mates. It was the night before leaving, and I was clearing the last of the paperwork when Alpha Silas walked past my office..." Long pause.

"You see, usually, he would walk past without a word. But that night I remembered very clearly that he stepped into my office..." Another long pause.

"And he... He said to me, 'Lucas, please take care of my son.'" Another long pause.

"I believe... I believe he had known we were leaving." Long pause again.

"We had not understood then, our Alpha's heart for us." Beta Lucas concluded, "To the world, Alpha Silas might have made his mark as a hard soldier and an even harder man, but his hardness was the armor that protected his pack. When we left his protection, we learned firsthand how hard it was..." Long pause.

"I want to take this moment of silence for everyone to reflect on this man's sacrifice for his pack and all who ran with him." Now there was a very long and poignant pause. And finally, Beta Lucas said, "Thank you," and retreated from the podium. OMO. What should I say? Harvey was up next, and according to the order in which Principal Charlie introduced the speakers, I would be the last slot after Harvey's. OMO. What should I say? My good beta stepped up to the podium with his usual calm smile.

He greeted everyone properly and began his speech by quoting the inscription he had seen on Alpha Silas' tomb: "I have no regrets." He listed some of the significant movements that changed the postwar Lycan world that Grandpa Alpha initiated, and spoke about us riding on the shoulders of giants. And then he ended back at Grandpa Silas' grave yesterday morning, and the honor it was for him to bury the late Alpha Silas Kingsley. And then he was done. That was way too short. What happened to my long-winded beta?

Well prepared, perfectly executed, and normally one would always say short and sweet was best with public speaking, BUT now that Harvey was done, it also meant that it was my turn. OMO, what should I say? My first public address, and I was about as ready for it as I was to fight a vampire. Actually, I felt a little more confident about tackling the vamp. Ben stood up from next to me. Awww... But I don't want to!!! But of course I couldn't just keep an entire auditorium, half of it being public and Alphas, waiting.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. So I stood up and managed to get onto the stage and behind the podium without getting lost or tripping over a step. I'm the Alpha! Smile. Keep it short. Don't freak out. Ben being behind me helped a lot, but heck, I'm the Alpha! I should be stronger than this! I shouldn't be relying on having someone behind me all the time! My hair flared slightly. I looked at the audience and smiled, allowing time for my hair to calm.

"We love you, Sam!" I heard a few familiar voices shout. My hair flared again. There was some laughter. Harvey looked behind him at the students, his brow raised, but he had that wry smile on his face. The "public" and Alpha side murmured a little. But now, I smiled wider and leaned casually against the podium. This was my pack.

"Yo, evening." I smiled my happiness again, suddenly forgetting that I was freaking out two seconds ago.

"Thanks for coming even though I know some of you didn't want to be here." Some laughter among the middle school section. The rest of the audience seemed to be trying to decide if my casual greeting was appropriate, but this was my pack, and I wanted them to know they were home with me.

"Yeah, it's okay to be honest about it. But the fact is you are here. So thanks." I left another pause to watch some faces start to smile, and then continued.

"Harvey talked about the words my grandpa chose for his eulogy. I saw it for the first time yesterday too, but it was not the first time Grandpa Alpha said them to me. It was a line he had lived by throughout his life. I guess the only way to die without regrets is to live without regrets."

"Grandpa Alpha is dead. But we who are gathered here are alive. It's our turn to run without regrets."

"Sometimes we have to let go of the past to move forward. Sometimes we have to remember it to move forward. But the world is changing every day, and what it is today isn't what it was yesterday. And what it will be tomorrow won't be what it is today. We need to keep running without regrets."

"Beta Lucas talked about the night before Dad and him left Night Forest. Years later, when I was visiting Grandpa Alpha as a small pup, I asked him why Dad left Night Forest. And he taught me these lines:'The ones who left the mountains, to chase what could have been. The ones who seek the changes that yet could not be seen.'" I looked directly at Dad and Beta Lucas.

"Grandpa Alpha said he let you go because if he didn't, he wouldn't be able to see what would happen. And that was the first time he told me the words, 'I have no regrets.'" And then because I felt sure that if I said another word, I would leak tears for my Grandpa Alpha, who was no longer here, I stopped. And then I gave a short bow and stepped back off the podium. OMO. What should I say? I had no idea. But it was over. I said what I said.

Ben put a hand on the small of my back, but he didn't move me back to my seat as I had expected. The hall was silent. Oh man. Awkward. And then Harvey stood up from his seat in the front row of the school side. Punching his hand into the air, he shouted, "Our loyalty to the Alpha Princess! Yo!" And half the school and most of the public stood up.

"Yo!" It felt like the whole auditorium had shouted. Although I knew it was not so. The second round, Ben joined Harvey to shout from behind me.

"Our loyalty to the Alpha Princess!"

"YO!" Now it felt like the whole auditorium had shouted. Third and final time.

"Our loyalty to the Alpha Princess!" My pack shouted in unison.

"YO!" Now I was quite sure the majority of the hall had shouted. I blinked quickly so as not to leak anything remotely like tears. Grandpa Alpha, I wished you could be here to see this.

"Go finish your speech, Alpha." Ben pushed me back to the podium.

"Sit, sit," I said to the audience. And then I laughed while they found their seats.

"I wonder what Grandpa Alpha would say if he saw this." I shook my head and tsked jokingly.

"Green Packland barbarians." The general laughter was easy now. There were smiles on the faces in the crowd, and tears too.

"I have to confess, though. I wasn't ready to let Grandpa Alpha go when he left." The crowd became silent again.

"There were these three things I really wanted to show him this summer, but now I can't." I paused and bit my lip, and managed a wobbly smile.

"The first was I wanted him to meet my gorgeous Luna. James Lorent the Fourth can't be with us now due to some stuff he has to do out of packlands right now, but yeah, I wished Grandpa could've met him."

"The second thing I wished I could have shown him was my shifted form."

"The third thing..." I paused, looking at the audience. I knew my gang was there, my family was there, my pack was there, "was you. I wished I could've shown off the wolves I run with."

"It's getting late, so I'm just going to end with this: Tonight we remember Alpha Silas Kingsley, who died with no regrets. Tomorrow when we wake up, let's remember we are the wolves who will run without regret. That's all. Thanks for listening. Night night." The school side burst into applause—yay, it's time to go home! The public stood up to leave... No, but they were standing up to clap. And finally, the Alphas stood up and clapped too. OMO. What should I say?

I still don't have the answer to that question because I don't think they were clapping for my words. They were clapping for their own support for me. I bowed shortly and stepped back off the podium for a second time. Ben immediately took me by the small of my back. Harvey walked up to the stage. He paused next to me.

"Well said, Alpha." And then he stepped up onto the podium to thank every Alpha by name, and then concluded the night. The hall stood up and waited for the Alphas to leave for a special reception in the next hall. Ben stood up and waited for me to stand too. I guess I should quickly follow my parents. Harvey was still at the podium, giving instructions for the students to wait for all the adults to leave the hall.

He reminded them to file out in an orderly manner and that their dismissal would be from the holding halls they had come from. I waited just a moment for my Dad, Uncle Louis, and Alpha James to finish taking turns to graciously invite the other party to leave first. When they were finally done and filing out, I walked over to follow behind them. Beta Lucas, who had also been following behind, stopped to let me into the line.

And just like that, I supposed I established my place in the Green Packland Hierarchy —just after Alpha James and my dad. And in front of the minor pack Alphas. We ended up in the usual refreshment hall—I think the students here would have called it the high school section's cafeteria, but because of my experience at the pack events we had here, in my mind, this was the refreshment hall. Dad patted my head but said nothing else. Mum asked if I wanted something to eat.

In a bid to avoid talking to Uncle Louis, I said yes and quickly excused myself to the buffet table. Ben followed, grabbing a plate and handing it to me. I looked at the buffet spread and mindlinked Nix. ME: Anything yet, Nix? Nix's lazy drawl returned the mindlink. NIX: Patience, princess. The night is still young. What kind of stupid cheesy line was that? I resisted the urge to send a mindlink slap, but my sentiments must have reached him because he laughed.

"Alpha Princess?" I looked up at the unfamiliar voice. Oh, it was Alpha Jude.