Chương 98: 067 – I’m A Phantom Thief

"Stealth field!" came the cry after the shooting had started, and then Loren was surrounded by Kaedekin shooting at some unseen target in the air. She sensed heat bursting into existence around her as Kaedekin plasma beams, lightning that flew eerily straight, old-fashioned explosion-launched bullets, and what took her a moment to realize were probably Kaedekin lasers were fired. And those were just the stuff that immediately generated heat she could feel.

The railguns and gauss guns were heating slowly, the sounds of the projectiles they were accelerating muffled. Equally muffled was someone's panicked screaming. Loren turned as best as she could—while the impromptu magic bunker wasn't exactly cramped, it was filled with people—towards what she thought was the direction of the screaming, which not-coincidentally was also the direction the Kaedekin were shooting at. She wasn't the only one, but fortunately she was able to get a view between two people's helmets.

Try as she might, she couldn't make out whatever it was the Kaedekin were shooting at, their cones of fire weaving back and forth in the air. Still, their shot seemed to be getting lower and lower… And then suddenly she saw it. A black, vaguely humanoid shape crossed the space between her and the tower at the center of the college, trying desperately not to get hit by projectiles Loren couldn't even track until after they'd burned an afterimage into her vision.

"Confirm target!" Namine called out.

"Is it her?"

"Receiving no response on all handshake protocols," a feminine but not Kaedekin voice coming from the vicinity of her other hip holster said.

"No identification received. Stealth field has not been dropped."

"Probably her, then," Namine said, nodding.

"It fits."

"She's heading for the air tanks!" someone cried.

"Keep her from using them as cover!" Namine ordered immediately.

"Pinks, get us telemetry! We might need to curve shots!" The black shape had been driven down to nearly ground level, and now it was easy to see as it kept getting outlined by things behind it. They seemed to realize that too, because the blackness—the stealth field—dissipated about three meters off the ground, revealing… They were Kaedekin, that much was obvious, wearing something pale while something seemed to flow around them.

The flowing thing moved like it had a life of its own, bursts of plasma slamming into it… and stopping cold as the Kaedekin landed lightly on the ground, then immediately backflipped away as more shots converged on her position. The speed she moved reminded Loren of the footage of pseudo-vampires they'd been shown recently, though the Kaedekin shooting at her seemed to have no trouble keeping her in their sights.

Many of their shots would have struck their target it if weren't for that strangely flowing barrier and the target's agile movements that allowed limbs to just barely get out of the way of shots that were surely crippling as they dashed towards the dome containing the air tanks. Loren had though that last was just them getting lucky, but as the seconds ticked away, she watched with mounting morbid fascination as they continued to get lucky, until it became clearly less a matter of luck as it was some kind of skill.

A glance sideways showed that the Kaedekin around them seem unsurprised at the degree and skill of evasion, and seemed to be focusing on using their shots to try and bracket their target into a crossfire that would allow for no such skill.

"Cease fire!" Namine ordered, just as the caped Kaedekin finally managed to dive behind the protective barrier of the air tanks. The gunfire all stopped immediately, and for a moment, there was quiet. It was, of course, broken.

"All that gunfire was uncalled for!" a recognizably Kaedekin voice yelled out, sounding slightly enhanced.

"I did not do anything to warrant getting shot at like… like… like a fairy selling friendship-ruining boardgames!"

"Well, you're too far for us to punch you in the face, so you leave us no choice but to use guns," Namine shot back, and her voice was definitely enhanced to be coming out that loudly. It also seemed to be coming from outside the bunker.

"Wait, why am I already at the face-punching stage? I have not done enough to already be at the face-punching stage!"

"You're a Phantom Thief! That automatically means face-punching!"

"Wha—? Since when? -!"

"Because you're a Phantom Thief!" Namine cried. She seemed to be getting really into it, pointing dramatically towards the pile of replacement air tanks the Kaedekin criminal was hiding behind.

"You signed your name and everything! That means you definitely sat down and decided to do this, meaning this isn't some sort of misunderstanding or you just not knowing any better! So face-punching!"

"Okay, I can understand that line of reasoning, but I still think gunfire is uncalled for! If wanted to punch me in the face, then you should have come up to me like a girl and punched me!"

"Well, we can't since we have to protect out guests," Namine said in a tone that Loren could only call 'prim'.

"But if you want to come closer, we'd be more than happy to punch you in the face instead of using guns."

"Guests? What gue—wait, do you mean aliens?" Loren saw something white glow, seeming to peek around the dome, and an eyeblink later getting shot at multiple times by various kinds of gun.

"Hey!" the still-unseen Kaedekin said, sounding unharmed.

"We couldn't take the chance it was a flashbang," Namine said.

"… all right, that's fair… then I demand a time out!"

"You're in no position to make demands," Namine said.

"I humbly request a time out? Please? Pretty please? With bloodsugar on top? Come on, let me introduce myself and say hi! I don't want them to think I'm rude!" Namine visibly considered that, one finger tapping her chin.

"All right, fine, you can have a time out. But if you try anything funny, we'll start shooting again."

"That's fair." There was a pause.

"I'm not moving until you say the time out has started." Namine let out a sigh that sounded suspiciously disappointed. Is this what Kaedekin trying to commit subterfuge looks like?

"The time out has started," she said clearly.

"Everyone, no shooting unless she does something suspicious." Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.""Got it, Medic,"" the other Kaedekin said, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

"If you're going to introduce yourself, then you'd better come out," Namine called. There was a brief pause, and the Kaedekin finally stepped into view. Loren had been getting used the variety of styles and colors that Kaedekin wore, so seeing the woman wearing some kind of pink formal suit didn't really phase her, beyond causing her to try and place the suit's style.

It wasn't based on military dress, since it had an open jacket that revealed a vest that was a paler shade of pink over a shirt or blouse that was seemed white lightly tinged with pink. It wasn't a corpo suit since it didn't have a retirement noose around its neck. Corpo suits also didn't come with color-coordinated gloves and shoes. Actually, it reminded her of something one of the old monsters wore when they had formal family gatherings. Perhaps it was some kind of historical outfit?

The flowing thing that had been blocking the weapons fire turned out to be a pure white cape that moved strangely, flaring out dramatically, billowing unnaturally, and seeming to catch every little breeze… which was not how fabric moved in real life. The whole cape moved as if it was made of gauze catching a steady wind just from the Kaedekin moving into sight, as did another fabric hanging from her waist like a second cape.

However, it was a surprise to see that they were wearing a white mask that covered the upper half of their face. Considering that by the Kaedekin's own admission and the proof of her own eyes, the Kaedekin were all clones who had identical faces. The only distinguishing marks between them were all artificial affectations, like hair colors, hair styles, and colored contact lenses to create differing eye colors. What was the point of a mask when everyone literally looked like everyone else?

Just as strange was the fact she seemed to be unarmed. There was no gun hanging from a holster on her person, no archaic weapons in evidence… that was actually bizarre, because even children went around carrying some kind of weapon. Unlike all other Kaedekin, who just seemed naturally self-assured, this one carried herself with visible confidence, possibly even arrogance." Bawipu guranah weepuh ninibong, visitors!" she called out, one hand raised in greeting.

"I apologize for initially ignoring you, but I was a little busy not getting shot!" She laughed, as if it had only been a minor inconvenience.

"Let me to introduce myself! I am the Dark Magical Girl, Phantom Thief Night Raider. It's very nice to mee you all, even if I can't really see you properly. I hope you've been enjoying your visit of the College of Flames? Sorry if I accidentally interrupted your itinerary, but in my defense there was no publicly available information telling people you'd be here!"

"Of course not!" Namine called out.

"If we did that, they'd get swarmed and that wouldn't be a fun visit for them!"

"Well, you can't blame me for scheduling my heist today," Night Raider shot back.

"If I'd known, I'd have come tomorrow to not get in the way of their visit. Really, this is all the fault of the First Contact Team."

"Our fault? -!" Namine indignantly as Loren felt slowly-rising heat on her soul.

"Yes, your fault!" Night Raider shot back.

"You knew we were on the planet and that it had been way more than a week since we last made a public appearance! What did you think was going to happen when you brought visitors somewhere with lots of historically significant cultural artifacts?" She gestured at herself for emphasis. … that… that made no sense whatsoever! Namine stared… then groaned as she let her face drop into her hand.

"Ugh… this is my fault! Why didn't I realize it?" Wait, what?

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself," Night Raider said.

"At least this didn't end up a closed circle murder mystery. All the guests are fine." She paused.

"They are all fine, right? None of them are currently dead inside their suit or anything without everyone else knowing?" A look of dawning horror came over Namine's face. Slowly, she turned towards Commander Bronze.

"Commander, I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous, but could you please ask everyone in your party to raise their right hand and wave? And for those in their power armor to raise and lower their pilot pod so they can show they're still alive in there? I know this must sound a little silly, but given we've tempted fate, it's best to make sure that no one has actually been murdered. Please? For my peace of mind?" Commander Bronze's suit was still for a moment.

"Very well. I don't see why not. Everyone, check in by raising your right hand and waving." Everyone began confirming they were still alive in alphabetical order, raising their hand and waving. Falling Stillness actually managed to raise the right front leg of her power armor, though the other pilots just raised their pods up and down. Out of morbid curiosity, Loren extended her awareness towards the armors, and confirmed for herself that there were in fact living souls there.

As none of them were Pyrotheurgists, they all felt weak—even Falling Stillness's—and faded into the background once she stopped feeling for them, but they were definitely there. Namine actually sighed in relief.

"Okay, good. That's…" She paused, then coughed.

"Uh, I'll stop talking now, fate might be listening."

"Doctor Namine, is it all right if I speak with our… intruder?" Commander Bronze said. Relief turned to confusion.

"I don't see why not?" she said, as if she didn't understand why he was asking her. Still, she pointed sternly at Night Raider and said, "Be nice!"

"Hey! I'm a Phantom Thief! We're always nice!" Night Raider actually sounded offended by the implication.

"Greetings, Earthling! May the mass multiplied by acceleration be with you! How are you today?"

"I'm fine, thank you for asking," Commander Bronze said.

"You're welcome!" Loren couldn't help but wonder how this woman was some kind of super-prolific criminal who was a one-person crimewave. She… well, acted exactly like all the other Kaedekin Loren had encountered: pleasant, cheerful, friendly, helpful, and seemingly genuinely interested in your current state and anything you were saying.

But then, a lot of criminals remembered well after their time were said to be very charming, if they weren't being remembered for a crime so horrifying it forced the creation of new laws and institutions.

"Miss… Night Raider, I've been told that you are a criminal," Commander Bronze said.

"May I ask what you've done that led to this… charge? I'd like to hear it from yourself, learn your opinion on the matter."

"Oh, it's because I stole a statue," Night Raider said immediately.

"And some knives. And now a crown."

"A statue?" Namine said indignantly.

"Some knives?" Night Raider somehow made it very clear she was rolling her eyes despite the fact her mask made it impossible to see them.

"I'm being reductive! What am I supposed to say? He doesn't have the context to know how important they are!"

"…oh, right. Sorry for interrupting," Namine said meekly.

"Apology accepted!" … Was this some kind of prank? Had all of first contact been setup for this weird comedy routine? It probably wasn't, but it felt like it!

"What is the context of the statue and knives in question?" Commander Bronze said patiently.

"Well, the statue was of eldest-sister Nikaede," Night Raider said.

"She was the first clone, so basically the first of us all, and the one Kaedekin are named after. And the statue was the first and oldest statue of her ever made, which was meant to honor her memory. Of course, given how filthy it was when I stole it, I don't think anyone's been around to do that in a while." Namine—and several of the other Kaedekin, including Sera—made a sound like a cute little animal being stepped on, guilty expressions on their faces.

"The knives were once the personal weapons of Stardancer, our creator," Night Raider continued.

"Those were in terrible shape too. No one had oiled them in a while, so the pins had seized up, the blades were getting a little rusty, and the brass had turned green instead of aging into a proper patina." There were more pained animal sounds from more Kaedekin, their expressions somewhere between shock and mortification.

"And of course there's this," Night Raider said, reaching behind her and pulling out a pure white disk-like shape from her back that reminded Loren of a fat cookie. She held up the disk, and it seemed to dissolve a way, revealing a spiky-looking ring of metal that was most definitely a crown.

"So that's three!" Loren felt a spike of heat on her soul just as a wave of fire blasted down at Night Raider, who let out a cry of surprise and rolled out of the way before one hand snapped up to create a white shield between her and the source of the flames. A moment later the source of the flames touched down on the ground, one final burst of force cancelling out their momentum so they didn't break any bones as they landed, a hand still raised and blasting a torrent of fire at the Phantom Thief.

"Give me back my crown!" Princess Megumi cried as the sky above began to fill with more and more Kaedekin Flames blasting out force from their hands and feet to fly like rockets. Behind her vennplate shield, Night Raider was clearly looking around.

"Well, poot."