Chương 89: Chapter 88 - Forgiveness

Atzi woke up and went downstairs. She ate a late breakfast as she wondered how she'd get to Mediolanum. When she had almost finished, she got an idea. She could visit the Shapeshifter's prophet again, and extort him for safe transport. She'd have to skip asking for gems, though, since she needed things to be resolved quickly and safely. She wasn't even sure if the guy would give them to her, anyway. Sorry Kurgi. Sorry Scabiel. I'll help you out some other loop.

She ran out to the street he always passed by in the form of Scabiel, and said the magic words, "Prophet of the Shapeshifter." Three red eyes with black sclera flicked towards her.

"Got your attention, huh?" As usual, they made their way into an alley, and he reverted his transformation.

"Who are you and how did you know?" he demanded.

"Kurgi's half-sister, on our mother's side," Atzi decided to try that particular lie, again.

"You thought you could mess with a demigod and there wouldn't be any consequences?" This time, it seemed to work. He snorted, "'Demigod', as if you hold any actual power and aren't just spoiled brats."

"We have our mother's ear. That enough power for you? Let's make a deal. One where you get to do what you were just about to go do." He said nothing and made no motion. He was clearly waiting for Atzi to say her piece. Atzi continued, "Safe passage to Hasen. You heard there's a stray demon attacking travellers on the road?"

"Rumors. Hasen… a ways away. Safe passage for who?"

"Just for me."

"Why?"

"Not sharing that." Atzi wagged a clawed finger.

"What I will share is how I knew who you were. Which I'll only do after I return safe and sound from Hasen. Sometime around the godscouncil, maybe a few days later."

"If it's just you, and you're letting me go off to mess with your sister anyway..." He unsheathed a serrated short sword. It looked like it would be incredibly painful to be cut with. He let it hang from his hand.

"There's some politics going on, between you children, and your mother doesn't yet know. You tell me what it is you're really playing at, and you have a deal. Otherwise, I take the risk nobody knows you're here."

"That's a pretty…" Atzi looked at the sword's teeth.

"... big risk. You miss once, and I'm out of here. I'm faster than I look. Right now the Serpent's fine with letting me extort you a little to save her the effort of arranging this herself. If you start acting like a psycho over a little blackmail she's just gonna start sharing how I found you with others." Atzi grinned.

"I bet this isn't the only other god you've messed with, huh?" The prophet of the Shapeshifter was silent. Then he sheathed his short sword.

"So it's like that. Fine." He unhooked a pouch from his belt and threw it at Atzi.

"Is that enough to cover your expenses, or does the child need everything arranged, too?"

"... Nah, this'll do." I'm not gonna push my luck.

"Good." He returned to his form of Scabiel and left the alleyway. Atzi shook the pouch. It jingled in a way that made her lizard brain happy. She took two claws and pulled on either side of the opening, the drawstring making a satisfying thwip. There was more in there than she'd expected, a good amount of gold and bronze. She set it on the ground and pulled them out one by one, counting. It was twenty gold coins and change. Hot damn.

Even knowing the loop made it mostly pointless, the feeling of seeing twenty gold still made Atzi giddy. She returned the gold to the pouch and attached it to her belt. Now all she needed to do was get to Mediolanum… somehow. She let out a small whine. Did she even know anyone who she could hire to fight a demon? She thought furiously. I could ask Fence about a method. Getting one over on Fence is trickier, though. But I bet with this money I could arrange something through them. The bank job is ruined anyway...

Atzi shrugged. She'd try Fence. What was the worst that could happen? - Atzi walked up to Fence's empty stall. She did her best to look downtrodden. Her plan was to act like she didn't have a whole lot of money. It was, after all, something she knew well. As soon as she got close enough, Fence stuck their head out from their shack.

"Is that the jingling of coins I hear?" Atzi blinked.

"You've got really good ears."

"Always need good ears for money." The short lizard walked out from their home.

"The bank job's off, Fence. I found Cory, she... isn't doing it. She's leaving the city." Fence stared at her for a second.

"And does V know?"

"You know she never told V anything, even when V wasn't in charge." Fence laughed.

"Alright, I'll keep it a secret too, then. For… one gold."

"Uh…" Atzi blinked.

"But V is gonna know the second the meeting starts and Cory isn't there." Fence pointed.

"Yeah, but I bet you don't want me to walk over and tell 'em right now." Atzi cringed.

"Not really! Fine! I needed to ask you about something else anyway." Fence held out their palm. Atzi turned around to open the sack, so Fence wouldn't see how much was in it.

"Ooh, must be a lot to be hiding it from me. At least… ten gold. Maybe more! Maybe I should double my price..."

"You're getting paid soon anyway, I need something from you." Atzi turned back around with a gold coin. Fence clasped their claws together.

"What does my best friend need?"

"I need to... get to Mediolanum. Alive and safe. Don't ask why. There's a demon on the road, though, between here and there. And it kills anyone it meets. I need, I dunno, mercenaries?"

"How quick?"

"Tomorrow, probably? I don't really wanna stick around after this stuff falls apart..."

"Alright. I know a priest who'll join ya for a church donation, five gold, a merc who'll protect you for ten gold, and my overhead for setting this up is two gold. Plus the gold you already promised me, so three."

"That's fifteen!" Atzi shouted.

"That's so much..."

"That's eighteen." This novel's true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. Atzi counted again in her head.

"Oh." She took a second gold coin out of the pouch, and handed the rest over. Fence salivated.

"Hot damn, where'd you get this payday?! Rob a landlord?!"

"I'll tell you when I get back-""Deal!"

"-so you'd better not cheap out on them! If I get killed, I'm going to get you for it."

"Don't worry! Don't worry! You're getting the best of the best." Fence stared at the money.

"So where do I meet you, the gates tomorrow afternoon?"

"That'll do it."

"Alright. See you there. Just... tell them I panicked and couldn't handle the bank job or something. I've gotta do something else."

"That'll be a hard sell..." they said, sarcastically.

"Yeah yeah." Atzi rolled her eyes.

"Later, Fence."

"Come back with twenty gold any time!" Fence waved her off, still staring at the gold. Atzi paused.

"... Hey, Fence, you have any idea how someone would rob a bunch of mages?" Fence looked up, blinking.

"You're not going to Mediolanum to rob mages, are you? They can drop rocks on people, I hear. Bad idea."

"No, no no no. I just heard they sometimes move gems in through the north gates, those are worth a fortune."

"Yeah, they are. Which is why they make sure nobody knows about them 'till they're already inside. You'd need some way to figure out when a shipment was."

"And if you knew? You think it's doable?"

"Maybe." Fence shrugged.

"Nothing's impossible. But the cost of fucking up... harder to outrun a lightning bolt than guards."

"Yeah..." Atzi shivered.

"Well, whatever. See you." She wanted to make a plan with Fence sometime to get those gems. Though she wasn't sure how to get them to agree when she planned on eating them all. She could try giving Terra her book and use that money to pay Fence. Or just start breaking into random homes through the loops to see where all the best stashes were… … or both! But before any of that, Atzi wanted to head to the Water's temple. It was her last chance to see someone important before she left the city.

And she felt like there wasn't any way she was making it back. - The temple of the Water was quiet at night, not a soul out front. Atzi lazily watched the crying statue of the Water as she waited for Jem to come out from the back. The trickling noise mixed with the tapping of Atzi's clawed foot. When Jem emerged, she was bright-eyed despite clearly just having been woken up, wearing a thick cloth sleeping gown. Alive. Atzi's heart seized up when she saw her. She knew what she'd done.

In that moment, she felt like a worm.

"H-hey. Uh... sorry to wake you up, I just..." What the hells do I even say?

"Is everything alright, Atzi?" Jem approached her, worried.

"I... I..." Excuse, I need an excuse, how do I explain this…

"I went for a nap and had a really strange dream, and you were in it, and I could have helped you, but I was too scared to, and... and..." She felt like an idiot, saying it all out loud.

"I see," Jem said. If she was judgemental, she didn't show it. She sat down on a pew, and patted the space next to her.

"Why don't you take a seat." Atzi nodded and sat. This feels so stupid, what can I say? The Jem I want to apologise to is - gone, she's gone. Then who's this? Are they the same person? Atzi thought about the Serpent's words, asking whether the Saintess was the same goddess without her memories. They act the same. She could end up in that cage if I took the same actions, but... To Atzi's silence, Jem said, "The Water gives us all challenges. Sometimes, we don't succeed. That is nothing to feel guilty over.

What is important is that you continue to want to face these challenges, to do the right thing. Life is not the steps we take, but the steps we're willing to."

"But that doesn't…" Atzi looked down.

"I mean I still chose wrong before, even if there's no consequences, I still did it, right?"

"And would you choose that again?" Jem asked. Atzi shook her head and whined, "No, never!"

"Then you have faced a challenge, and come out on the other side a better person, as the Water wishes for all." Atzi laughed pathetically.

"You know, other people might say I came out a worse person. From doing it."

"Other religions - especially the Saintess' - emphasize our histories, who we were yesterday that we must atone for. The Water emphasizes today, what challenges will we make it through to continue to grow. We cannot choose who we were. We can choose who we will be." Atzi felt like she really couldn't tell Jem who she was the prophet of, now.

"Doesn't that mean... anything bad you do doesn't matter, if you just choose differently the next time?"

"A lot of people want forgiveness. Do you want forgiveness for what you've done?"

"I don't know! I just feel bad about it and that just going away feels like... I cheated somehow, I don't know, I'm terrible at this stuff! I just live my own life, I get by, why have I gotta think about complicated stuff like this all the time now?" Jem smiled softly.

"I don't forgive you, and I will never forgive you. I may forget you let me die in a dream, but I cannot forgive it." It was clear she was teasing. Then her voice became more serious, "Nobody can. Nobody can make your past different than it is. You can only be a better person now, and face what challenges you face. And continue to make mistakes, and continue to grow. The important part is the trying." Atzi let that sink in, silently. Eventually, she asked, "Why are you so nice to me, anyway?"

"Do you want the answer that has to do with me, or the answer that has to do with you?"

"Either. I mean I'm not the most faithful, and I mostly show up to eat the free food when I can't afford any, and I'm not the best at noble suffering, or other Water stuff..." Jem nodded.

"Because I see potential in you. Sure, we need our challenges, but we also need our support. I believe you will make better and better choices."

"Fuck up over and over until I get better at it." Atzi smiled grimly. That's how it's been.

"That's the only way life goes." Atzi really felt like she had to say something, just in case.

"During the festival... I heard some people were going missing. Just... if anyone tries to lead you anywhere, don't follow them, alright?" Jem's smile drew down into a bit of a frown.

"I don't often follow people, places, but... is this what happened in your dream, Atzi? Someone led me somewhere?"

"Something like that, just be careful. There's... bad people out there, you know?"

"Like you?" Jem teased.

"I-I'm not bad like that!"

"Oh, so I should follow you when you lead me to a weird place?"

"Just not anyone else!"

"I see, I see." Jem smirked.

"Okay, yeah, you should trust me, but you don't know that, you're just guessing. I could be lying for all you know!"

"Are you lying?"

"No, but I'm gonna say no either way, aren't I?" Jem shrugged.

"I believe you when you say no."

"You're too nice..."

"And you're too hard on yourself. The Water will give you challenges, you don't need to invent your own on top of those." Atzi sighed.

"A break from the challenges would be nice..." Jem's expression turned grim.

"That's called death, Atzi." Atzi sat there silently. There is no way I can unload all of this on her. Maybe I could try telling her about it in another loop...? Would she get it? Some people are more willing to listen than others. Atzi rubbed her face, feeling a little dumb.

"Sorry to wake you up with all this."

"I understand. Sometimes we have a crisis that does not conform to regular hours. You're not the first and won't be the last to wake me up for spiritual counseling."

"You get woken up like this regularly? Must suck during the festival."

"Oh, about twice a month or so, I'd say? Definitely not every night. That's a challenge even I wouldn't want to face." She laughed. Atzi stood up.

"Um... thanks for this. It helped. I think. Stay safe during the festival."

"I will. You as well, Atzi. You can do it."

"I'll try," Atzi lied. She knew how it was gonna go in the end. Then she'd be back in Sostra, another life, another loop. She wondered what the next one would be like. She returned to the inn to sleep. As she drifted off, she thought about Jem saying she'd follow her to a weird place. Don't put it like that, people will take it the wrong way! Atzi felt good she was so smart and knew that was just how Jem talked. ==="I'm leaving the city for a bit, Hemm.

Gotta visit someone in Mediolanum, dunno when I'll be back, though, so..." Atzi pushed a gold coin across the counter.

"That's to extend my stay a little longer, in case it takes a while."

"Atzi, this isn't necessary." She pushed the gold coin back.

"It's fine! I'm paying for a room, just take it, it's good." It wasn't like she could use her money in Pangaea, anyway.

"Atzi, your room will still be here when you're back. Trust me. Unless you plan to be gone for months?"

"I might get held up." Hemm sighed.

"If you get back in less than a month, you are taking the gold coin back. No argument."

"Alright, alright. Fair." Atzi pushed the coin back. Hemm grabbed the coin and put it in her apron. Atzi wished she knew what the cause of those thugs showing up was. Or possibly what made them not show up. It, and so many other things, remained a mystery to her. She just hoped Hemm would be safe. With that, Atzi headed out to the gate, to meet Fence and the bodyguards they'd arranged for her. As she approached, she saw three figures. Fence, of course... As for the other two-"Fence!"

came the simultaneous, furious shouts of Atzi and her two 'bodyguards'. -it was Aelia and Paulina.