Chương 40: The Oathrunner And His Extremely Awkward Betrothed

"But that is true. I did kill my mother." Enel did not know what to say about that, not at all. He just stood there in the courtyard, watching Guinevere hold her book closer to her chest. Their silence, only disrupted by the boots walking through the distant halls. Guinevere looked at him for a moment, then turned slightly.

"We should not discuss this here, Lord Enel."

"Lady Guinevere, I—""It is not efficient to talk about what I want to talk about here. There are too many ears." Guinevere did not really give Enel any chance to say anything and walked away. Of course, Enel followed. Tiny, on the other hand, slowly slipped away while he still had the chance. Enel seemed to notice, but when he only glanced back at him and nodded, Tiny let out the biggest sigh of relief he could. After all, who would want to be involved in a talk like that?

And so, Tiny just watched Enel follow Guinevere, saluting him before moving on his own. Guinevere led Enel across the Guild, and anyone who passed by them bowed their heads at her, then looked at him before they whispered. Most of the young women giggled, then scampered away while trying their best not to stare at him. Guinevere noticed.

"I knew you were going to be popular in the Guild, Lord Enel."

"Hm?" Enel hastened his pace to walk beside her.

"How do you reckon?"

"Obviously, you are not that oblivious. You are a very beautiful person, Lord Enel."

"Oh..." Enel blinked.

"Yes. I knew that. But surely, there are other young lords here who are more well-kept?" Guinevere shook her head.

"I do not believe so, no. Come, we are almost near." Enel continued to follow her until she stopped before a wooden door with a small brass plate with her name on it. Her office was not like Tommen's war room, which had smelled like paint and paper. Hers smelled more of ink... and a lot of dust. Enel had to cover his mouth for a moment, but when he saw Guinevere walking straight in, he quickly lowered his arm so as not to be rude.

There were maps on the walls, maps on the tables, maps rolled into jars, maps pinned over other maps. There were... lots of maps—the only difference was that none of them were marked by territories. Most of them were completely drawn on with ink, and what seemed like random lines and scribbles.

"Come inside, my lord." Guinevere started moving a pile of books from a chair. Enel was about to help her, but she motioned for him to just stay still as she started moving one cluttered pile to another. And as soon as the chair was clean... she sat on it.

"I truly appreciate you wanting to defend me on my behalf," she said, looking at him as he was left awkwardly standing in the middle of her study.

"But you would have defended me wrongly if you were allowed to do so. You must not blindly defend people, my lord."

"I—""I am truly grateful, I am. But my lord, you must not be so impulsive." Guinevere shook her head.

"If you are to lead your barony someday, you must not become your father or his father before him. They have failed Widow's Wall."

"Why does it feel like I am always finding myself wrong lately? Is it... so bad to want to help people?"

"It is when you are helping blindly and trampling yourself by doing so." Guinevere tilted her head.

"You do not know me that well yet You asked Ulf the Three Questions before ending his life. You must do the same when trying to help people. In this case, me."

"How does... everyone seem to know about that?"

"You did it before soldiers. Soldiers speak, the land listens. Public actions become public knowledge, Lord Enel. One thing you should have learned before you took your people from the battlefield, as I assume the Lord Commander had already told you." Guinevere watched him.

"You should be careful when deciding how to protect people as well." Enel was already getting used to how Guinevere speaks, but perhaps... it was better not to understand what she said at all.

"But... can I not just decide after I have protected them?"

"You could. But by then, you have already made a choice to save one from the other. You have to be selective, my lord."

"Th—""I know that it is in your very nature to—I apologize." Guinevere blinked and suddenly paused.

"I am wrong in the way I am approaching you."

"... Huh?"

"I am saying all of this because I want you to know who I am, and I want to tell you more about me."

"Oh. Uh..." Enel blinked, not knowing what to do with the sudden shift in Guinevere's tone. He started looking around, then found a square pillow on top of a mountain of books. He pointed at it, and when Guinevere nodded, he made his way there and carefully sat down. Guinevere did not waste any time at all.

"My mother was sixteen when she married my father," she said.

"And my father was already old enough to look the same as he does now. Old enough to have been my mother's grandfather." Enel blinked.

"He... looks young."

"You do not need to compliment him in front of me, my lord. I know how much you hate him."

"I... do not."

"You can be honest with me. I am being so to you." Guinevere shook her head, then continued her story.

"My father already had sons from his older wives. Strong and useful sons. My mother was expected to give him another—but she had me." Guinevere looked toward the window, where snow slid slowly down the glass outside. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

"I was not a son, and that would have been fine. My mother was young and could give birth to another. But she was unlucky that I was also not a proper daughter, as you may have already surmised." Enel's hands curled slightly at his sides, but he forced them to relax.

"They were not subtle in making me know that I was different. But I was also not making it subtle that I was not normal. I have said a lot of right things to the right people, but not at the right time." Enel stared at her.

"But... you said truth?"

"Yes. And because of the things I said, a servant was executed for stealing, a child was sent away for being a bastard, and two villages that had been at peace for years started killing each other." Guinevere went quiet for a moment, then looked Enel in the eyes.

"I was six."

"Did... the same happen to your mother?"

"I was getting to that, my lord."

"Oh..."

"My mother loved me," Guinevere whispered.

"At the very least, I think so. But she was young, and I was difficult. That gave her... problems." She moved around her seat, then grabbed one of the books that seemed more worn out than most.

"People whispered. They said my mother was cursed, and some even claimed she was a witch and should be sent away. Some said I was proof the gods did not approve of the marriage. Then one day, my mother had enough, and she took poison." Enel's breath paused for a moment.

"Oh, she did not die," Guinevere quickly said, noticing Enel's shocked expression.

"The healers made her vomit until her throat bled. Father immediately had the servants dismissed and the court silenced. But courts... rarely become silent. If anything, the whispers became louder."

"My Lady..."

"I was older then, so I heard them." Guinevere raised her fingers, as if scratching something in the air as she gazed down.

"Not as you hear things, of course. You have god ears. But I heard them all, still. I wanted the noise to stop. I wanted it gone, their voices." Guinevere almost started mumbling to herself.

"They somewhat stopped when I learned how to look them in their eyes. But only for a moment, and then the voices started whispering again... so I jumped into the river."

"You—""Oh, I did not want to kill myself. I only wanted the noise to stop. But my mother followed. I left the water, and she did not. She drowned. That is how I killed my mother. The end." Enel stared back at her, and that was really the only thing he could do. He usually had a thing or two to say to everyone, but right now... he was completely silent. Guinevere was also not saying anything, only staring at him as well, expecting him to say something.

"Uh..." Enel swallowed.

"Before you arrived at Widow's Wall, I hurt my mother. I understand what it is to be different, but I cannot claim your problems are the same as mine. Because truthfully, my people adore me, My Lady."

"That is quite obvious."

"And they would probably also all jump to save me. One already did, even fully knowing nothing can hurt me."

"Are you trying to get back at me for being blunt with you, My Lord?"

"What I am trying to say is that it is not about the number of people who love you. It is about... the size of how they love you?" Guinevere once again stared at him for a moment, then looked away.

"I know my mother loved me. She sacrificed her life for me, my lord."

"Oh..." Guinevere stood up and slowly walked toward Enel.

"If you are trying to comfort me, thank you. But I did not tell you that to be comforted." Enel quickly stood up, only for Guinevere to wrap her arms around him.

"Uh..." Enel was now completely and utterly confused. But still, he leaned closer and carefully placed his hand on Guinevere's back. Guinevere blinked, then rested her forehead on his chest.

"Through our journey together, I believe I know enough to know what sort of person you are, Lord Enel," she whispered.

"And in truth, what I am most confused about is not whether my mother loved me, or why. What I am confused about is what love actually is. It is the one thing the voices cannot truly explain to me."

"I... am afraid I also do not know what it is."

"But you will. Not now, you are too young for it. But the seasons will continue to change, and so will you, and you will learn." Guinevere lightly shook her head.

"I probably never will. I will do my duties as a wife, but love is not something I can promise. Not because you do not deserve it, but because I simply cannot. And for that, I apologize to you, my lord."

"That... is not something you should apologize for, My Lady."

"But once we are much older, when my own hair is as gray as my father's—I am certain of it, I would forever be grateful that it was you I was betrothed to. And I could only hope that you will be, too." Enel blinked, and he looked at all the dust dancing around them. He looked at the maps and breathed in the smell of old paper and the roses from Guinevere's hair. Then, he smiled.

"My Lady," he whispered, resting his cheek on Guinevere's forehead.

"I do not need to see the seasons that will pass to know that I would be grateful that you are my betrothed... because I already am. I am glad that I am promised to you, and you to me." Guinevere quickly pulled herself away from Enel, blinking as she stared at his face.

"Perhaps I might not know you after all," she said.

"I did not think you were capable of flattery."

"Oh. My father taught me how to speak with women." Enel bowed.

"But I was not flattering you, My Lady. I merely spoke the truth."

"Hm..." Guinevere then suddenly grabbed Enel's face. Not held it. She grabbed it as if she were turning a page on one of her books.

"You truly do need to be studied more."

"Uh..." Enel quickly pulled away from her.

"Speaking of which, My Lady. When do we actually start studying here? I feel as if... I have only been receiving personal lessons. When do the classes start?"

"Classes?" Guinevere tilted her head.

"Why would there be classes here, My Lord?"

"Huh...? This... is a school, correct? You said there was a curriculum."

"No. The Crown's Guild is primarily a social hall. There are training sessions that people can attend and commit to, but it is not a school. If it were a school, then it would be called the Crown's School, would it not? And the Crown's School exists. It is in First Crown."

"Wh—but..." Enel once again looked at all the maps and books.

"What am I doing here, then?"

"That would be up to you, my lord. You could attend the lectures that are officially starting a few days from now."

"Then it is a school."

"Hm. No?"

"But my lady... you are a teacher here."

"No." Guinevere shook her head.

"I am an instructor." Enel looked into Guinevere's eyes, and it was then that he knew... that he knew absolutely nothing. And so, the days went by after that. And true enough, Enel and Tiny learned that it was, in fact, not a school. There were trainees going out into the mountains to go on quests, and there were also knight training sessions—Enel opted not to join any of them.

"M'lord... have we wasted our time coming here?"

"I... do not know how to answer that, Tiny." But finally, after a few more days, Enel had a lecture he was genuinely interested in attending—Guinevere's lecture. He quietly sat down at the back with Tiny to avoid attention, but the only thing he did was make everyone else look back at him from time to time. It stopped when Guinevere entered the hall, but when she waved at him... their whispers and stares became even more brazen.

Guinevere did not seem to care, and she started writing with her chalk— how small wells in each home would prevent diseases.

"M'lord..." Tiny whispered when he saw Guinevere writing that.

"I have a suspicion the lady likes wells."

"... You can read?"

"Wha—M'lord!"

"Please, I require silence." Tiny quickly lowered himself into his seat when Guinevere pointed at him. The lecture continued smoothly after that, and Enel couldn't help but nod several times upon hearing her ideas, thinking how Widow's Wall would improve upon applying them. But then, before Enel could nod for the hundredth time and get used to this not-school life, a sound suddenly reached his ears. At first, it was faint... but then it became familiar.

"My Lord...?" Guinevere quickly stopped the lecture when Enel stood up. This caused everyone to turn to him, but he was looking at the door. And before anyone could even wonder why—"M'looord!" A scream came from outside, and someone barged through the door after. It was Axe. The old man started looking around at first, but as soon as he caught sight of Enel, he dropped to his knees. He was completely covered in dirt, and there were hints of dried blood all over him.

"Axe?!" Enel quickly rushed to help him up, and Axe grabbed onto him.

"L... Lamb sent me," he whispered, his voice cracking.

"She... she said Widow's Wall needs your help, M'lord."

"Sent you...?" Enel squinted.

"Why? Where is she?" Axe looked up at him, and his face twisted.

"She... she told me to come and get you... and then she went into the forest alone."