Chương 314: 314

Mark stood with Glorious Goblin, AKA Goofy, in the middle of the shelter. Derek descended from the staircase, saying, "Hello!" Goofy waved, saying, "Hell—oh! You're the multi-person! I know you!" Goofy smiled a fangless grin.

"You're like BiggestBaddest!" Mark suddenly had yet another worry. The goblins had a multiman? Derek had the same experience, freezing on the stairs.

"Uhhh… There's a multi-man goblin out there? Fuuuuuuuck." There were speakers and cameras everywhere in the bunker, and so someone started to say something. Might have been Yoro speaking. Mark didn't know. But Mark was quicker with the question everyone suddenly wanted to know, "Do you mean BiggestBaddest has the capability to make copies of himself, or that BiggestBaddest is one mind in many bodies?" Goofy paused. He went, "Uhh… There's a difference?""

Big difference," Derek said, as he stepped down each step of the staircase, leaving behind a copy of himself as he moved. Soon, there were 10 Dereks on 10 steps, and one final Derek that stepped onto the floor of the main room of the bunker. Every single one of his bodies spoke in the same voice, "Because this is very different from one mind in many bodies." Just the Derek on the floor said, " This is who I am." The rest of him said stuff like, "We're all ourselves, too," and "I'm just me!" and "Oh no!

I don't want to die! Don't suck me back in!" in a smirking sort of tone. And then every single Derek but the one on the bottom dematerialized, leaving Derek at the bottom, saying, "It's all me." He added, "But the way you talked about BiggestBaddest hollowing out humans with ghosts makes him seem more like a Hive Mind putting himself into many different bodies, some of which are human, most of which are goblins." Goofy was impressed.

"BiggestBaddest can't do that." Mark was impressed, too. Derek was pulling out all the stops to make a good impression on everyone watching, including Inquisitors and settlement leaders, and otherwise, and this was the perfect opportunity to do that. Mark nodded a little at him. Derek's vector soared, just a little bit, at Mark's acknowledgment. His face remained impassive, though. He was here for a task. Mark said, "Goofy, this is Derek. Derek, this is Goofy.

Derek will be your oversight, but not your keeper, Goofy. You have to be your own keeper." Goofy bowed, and then stood, saying, "Yes, Black King!" Mark looked at Derek and said, "This responsibility was thrust upon you, but do you accept it?"" Gladly!" Derek said, walking up to Goofy and holding out a hand.

"Nice to meet you!" Goofy grabbed his hand and shook it, saying, "Nice to meet you, too!" He let go, saying, "I don't think BiggestBaddest is like you. He is all mental… But not really? I don't know how it works. I die, there's some dark, and I go to the green and am reborn. He Bites people or whatever and more of him pops out of those people. I think he likes to Bite strong monsters and have lots of monster powers at his call but he keeps those monsters hidden— but I saw one, once! It was a teleporting monster.

A spider on webs all across the world. BiggestBaddest will be the hardest to kill." He asked, "Can we talk about Goblinhome, now?" Holy shit. Teleporting BiggestBaddest, huh?" One moment," Mark said, because Aurora was talking to him. Aurora spoke in Mark's mind,' I'm reiterating, both to you and Derek, that you are not to talk about the settlement or anything regarding our capabilities. Questions will be forwarded to Quark and through Derek, and you can ask them. But first ask what he wants to tell you most.

We'll go from there.' Goofy looked on, wondering when they could start. Quark began to illuminate words on the sides of the room, only to Mark's vision, indicating the start of a messaging system. Mark looked to Goofy, and asked, "Where would you like to start talking, Goofy? Please keep in mind for all of this that I want to know known truths, rather than imagined lies."" I understand!" And then Goofy started gushing information at a breakneck speed. It was incoherent at first. Scattered and messy.

But Goofy got to what he wanted to say many times." Kev was a good human! We talked about many things! But then none of that was him at all. It was all BiggestBaddest's mental ghost! He has controls everywhere in Goblinhome, and I am sure that the newsmen on the news are BiggestBaddest's mind ghosts, too!

They all use the same words sometimes and none of the Pillars watch the shows that they put out to the smaller goblins that they say they put out to 'help them learn about what it means to be a goblin', but those shows are all lies!" I watched those shows all the time and the way they always mention legs and bellies as viable 'small lacunas' is always the same!

'Legs and bellies'. But there are no fat humans in Goblinhome. So what 'legs and bellies' are they inflating with younglings?! I declare that doesn't happen AT ALL." I asked Grax about the legs and bellies thing and he didn't want to talk about it and I thought he was busy but he's just watching superhero shows all the time and plotting the downfall of humanity through the powers and capabilities he sees on the screen!

He has entire plans to thwart you, Black King, and he especially wants Rainbow Queen for a backup lacuna for himself. He doesn't know what to do with you but he has ideas." I think BiggestBaddest is the one that wants you for a spawn." But Greeplox —Greeplox is one of the better ones. He is so done with all of their shit— Oh! I did see him help heal a human that they fed lots of food to to make them fat for birthing more goblins, but that was the only human I ever saw fat.

Greeplox healed her afterward— It was all a show, though! I was there, and a bunch of other future pillars of Goblinhome were there, too, and we watched it happen. But mostly it was broadcast to Gobkin News." BiggestBaddest was watching us back, though. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it." I think some of those goblins got killed because they were too happy to Bite legs. There was a plant guy with a big white splot on his face that went down his sides.

White instead of green. He wanted to know where to go to prove himself to be allowed to make more of himself and come back through death but then he went out and he just died on patrol! Just died!" Goblins die but I know he was killed." Goofy continued spilling. Analysts from the settlement were all watching, according to Aurora. Also according to Aurora, Walaria was even watching from Crytalis.

Aurora sent a message to Mark that he would be needed back at the settlement soon, but not yet, and not for a while, because Walaria was coming here and she wanted to talk to him. Mark wasn't sure he wanted to talk to Walaria, but he would, anyway. Quentin was the one who eventually called for a topic switch, sending a message along into Mark's vision asking about something they had heard earlier.

That prompted Aurora to request the same topic switch, which prompted Mark to listen to an annoying need that was rumbling in his abdomen. Mark said, "Pardon, Goofy. Do you want something to drink, or eat? We have food here, and I can tell you're hungry." Goofy shook his head.

"Goblins always hungry. It's nothing… Where was I? Oh yeah—" Mark said to Derek, "Well I'm hungry and Derek is too, and we're going to have some sandwiches. Can you please make them, Derek? It's just some buttons on the machine over there." Derek wasn't actually that hungry at all, but he recognized what was happening. One of him was in the command center right now, participating in all of this from a much larger perspective than Mark. The Derek in the room with Mark and Goofy got up and said, "Certainly.

What do you want?" Mark, "Soda, burger with everything, fries. How about you, Goofy?" Goofy was salivating at the mention of any specific food. He wiped his face off and then wiped his hand on his shirt… he looked away. Embarrassed. Sad.

"… I don't deserve food." Mark glanced at Derek. Derek nodded and started putting in an order for 3 foods. Mark told Goofy, "As long as you're an ally to humanity, you can have some food, Goofy—" Mark added, "And you can pick out your own name, too. I just called you 'Goofy' because of reasons. Do you have a name of your own you'd like to be called?" Goofy looked embarrassed again.

"… I like 'Goofy'.

'Goofy' isn't evil.

'Goofy' can be good." Mark nodded a little, accepting Goofy's words at face value, because Goofy certainly believed them. Mark said, "Food will be ready in a minute then, Goofy—" The food dinged, and a silver door opened up in the wall, and three plates of burgers, fries, and then three big glasses of soda, with ice, came out. The sodas even had straws in them, and the burgers smelled a lot better than what Mark thought was possible to achieve in less than a minute of cooking. Everything smelled amazing, actually.

Mark was starving, it seemed. Goofy was starving, too. Derek set the food in front of Goofy, then Mark, then himself, and Goofy started eating. Mark was hungrier than he thought he would be, and so he ate almost as fast as Goofy. Derek was surprisingly calm watching Goofy eat, as he nibbled on his own meal. There was some sort of morbid fascination happening there. Mark could relate.

Mark spoke some words that seemed like a good thing to speak, "I never imagined I would be sitting down to a meal with a goblin, but I am glad I am, Goofy." Goofy was happy for a moment, but then he was done with his meal, and now he looked almost sad. Mark pushed the rest of his meal Goofy's way. It was only fries, but there were a lot left." For me?!" Goofy asked." Yes." Goofy devoured the rest of Mark's fries, and then Derek pushed his untouched burger toward Goofy.

Goofy devoured the rest of Derek's meal, and then he sat back in his chair, with a big belly, and he sighed in contentment. Mark prepared for the rest of the session, by saying, "I'd like to talk about what you meant earlier, when you talked about Goblinhome coming after the settlement on gate day, in a few days." Goofy focused… but then he unfocused, and he said, "Uh…. Bathroom?"

Mark Unioned with Purity and Corruption, and Goofy's need to use the bathroom began to vanish, just like his own minor need, and Derek's need, too… which, now that Mark was thinking about it… How did Derek go to the bathroom? Did he copy all of his physicality with every split? Which meant… a lot of urine, or whatever? … Eh. Not important— Wait. Union of Good/Bad focused on cleanliness. It wasn't as good as a Purity Union, but it worked well enough if you worked it long enough.

Mark put Derek's bathroom habits out of his mind, because Goofy was having an experience. Goofy's eyes went wide, as gradually he didn't need to go, and more than that… something strange was happening with his skin. Goofy looked at himself, at his hands, saying softly, "Oh. This is… this is nice? Oh! This is why you're so pretty!" Mark would have laughed in any other scenario. Perhaps he should have gone for a Union of Purity/Impurity, like he used to do all the time.

He just went for Purity/Corruption because he was dealing with a goblin. But this was the first time he was using Purity/Corruption to help a goblin. Maybe that's why it did what it did. Goblins all looked one way, and so did Goofy for the most part, but that was changing. Instead of wrinkled, knobbly and injured skin, Goofy's knobbly green hands and arms were smoothing out. His face lost its wrinkles.

His ears turned from battered, clipped green triangles on a dirty face, into long and pointy swept-back ears, with pink at the very center. His eyes became green and clear. His mouth was already full of perfect white teeth to begin with, which was already an abnormality, but now he opened his mouth wide to touch his teeth, to feel them shift around, the holes closing up where his fangs had been. His nose fixed itself, turning from big-ish, to still big-ish, but nicer.

And finally, his scraggly black hair turned not-so-scraggly, and then into black flows down the sides of his face and cascading down his back, becoming something that might have been the envy of many women the Two Worlds over. Goofy touched his hair, ran his fingers through it, and then just marveled at it all.

Mark kept up the Union until it was over, and then he switched back to a normal Good/Bad for a moment before dropping that, and saying, "I'm not sure what that was, except for clearing out corruption of some sort." He glanced at the feed from the command center to see just a bunch of question marks from Quentin, and no other current messages. Mark turned back to Goofy.

"Let's continue, shall we? What is the plan for gate day?" Goofy looked at his perfect fingernails, instead of how they used to be, which was full of chips, and then he looked up at Mark and had a moment. Reverent. Awe. And then, back to the question, saying, "Yes. Uh. Gate day—" He stopped, because his voice was deeper, now. Everyone paused. Goofy listened to his own voice, saying, "Hello I am Goofy Goblin. Hello hello hello. My voice is deeper, yes?" He breathed deep.

"It's easier to breathe, too—"" There will be lots of time to go over all of that, Goofy," Mark said, "Let's focus."